I Wish I Had Had The Strength, And Faith, To Try

[DameAgnes]

You know, I think about it a lot. I'm married 25 years, and I love my family, my husband, my children; I feel completely blessed and I know that I was meant to marry this man. My life is very good.

And yet, I don't know if a day has gone by in my life where I have not wondered what it would have been like, if I had "taken the leap" and followed my inclinations to the monastic life.

Every day, nearly every day, I wonder about it. Nearly every day, I long for the habit and the veil. But when I was coming up the sisters and nuns all seemed so radical and angry; I didn't want any part of that. Now, I see young, healthy communities and I admit it. I long for it. I long for the opportunity to try the vocation of a religious.

I love my husband. I adore my children. But I urge those of you who are wondering, but unsure, those of you who feel called but are afraid -TAKE THE LEAP- as certain as I am that I was meant to marry, and I am certain of it, there is a part of me that has always continued to wonder.

The Lord will guide you; he guides us all. He will "guard your coming and your going." But I guess what I am saying is "do not be afraid." Trust. If you feel called strongly to marriage, look to marriage. If you feel strongly called to the religious life, look to it. Don't hold back. Give it all. It is only by giving all that you receive the abundance of blessings. God bless!

[InHisLove726]

This is my main motivation for encouraging young women these days to at least try the religious life for a while. If you have strong desires towards it and never go after it, you will often times spend your life wondering, "What if?" Why not at least try it and see what comes of it? The best thing about it is that you will not be forced to stay there should you discover it is not your vocation. If you are called instead to marriage, there will be nothing preventing Jesus from calling you out of the convent and into a relationship. I know people who often think, "Would I be able to handle leaving the convent if I decide to?" My answer is that God will give you all the grace you need in order to seek His will.

And continue to remember:

God does not count our successes or failures. He appreciates all the effort given.

[Piccoli Fiori JMJ]

Although [url="http://www.monkrock.com"]Monk Rock[/url] is a little more merchandise than substance, there are some things on the site that will be helpful. I like their motto: You don't have to be a monk to live like one. This may be something worth looking into if your heart still longs for the monastic life: [url="http://www.thelastmartyrdom.com/"]Transitus[/url].

[HisChild]

I think it's important to try, if you have the longing, but aren't sure of your vocation. If nothing else, you'll get a better understanding for religious life for if/when your children consider religious life. My parents both think I am a nut for considering religious life. It's difficult to understand what you've no concept of. And I don't think they're alone in their thinking. Many times, young adults don't enter religious life precisely because of the pressure they receive from their parents.

[Deus te Amat]

Thank you.



And when I consider what my parents have done to my discernment, I think about how many Vocations have been lost because of parents that simply are not open. And then I thank God that I have been able to (mostly) remain open to His will and not shut the religious life entirely.


That being said, God gave me the easy way out by desiring me to finish Uni first so that I have time to grow in my relationship with Him before showing me the path of His will.

I pray that I have the strength to take the leap at the end of my Uni career. I know that, as a math major, the pressure will be high for me to continue to Grad school or enter the job market. I hope that I am able to keep my eyes on Jesus.

[dominicansoul]

Ever since I experienced religious life, I have often wondered if the Church should make it mandatory for all young Catholics to enter and at least live in a convent or monastery for 3-6 or 9-12 months! It should be their Confirmation requirements!

I seriously second DameAgnes' appeal! To all of you young women and men who are "afraid" to take the leap...I can't emphasize enough how all your fears amount to nothing compared to the joy and 100-fold blessings God heaps on your lap when you are living that life!!!

I had to leave it. I was called to enter and make the ultimate sacrifice of leaving that beautiful life...

...at this time, I don't see me going back...(it's beyond my control...if it were up to me, I'd be there already!)

...but for those of you discerning...don't hesitate! Put your life in the hands of God and take that leap of Faith! IF it is not meant for you, HE will let you know...it doesn't hurt to try it...you may find your self there...you may find your life there...you may find it is everything you were desiring and more...

Edited October 15, 2009 by dominicansoul

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='dominicansoul' date='15 October 2009 - 01:05 PM' timestamp='1255622721' post='1985858']
I had to leave it. I was called to enter and make the ultimate sacrifice of leaving that beautiful life...
[/quote]

My gosh it is (I hate to say) wonderful to hear someone else who has experienced what (to some degree) I've experienced. I have at this point given up the idea of entering a convent -- and have just left the whole thing up to God for whatever He has planned next. And I've started moving forward to create some level of stability in my life (I'm really, really, really, really tired of moving around, and I want to have "roots" somewhere).

Somewhere within me I know that I know that I made the right decisions having tried religious life, but I have to admit I really, really,really (ad nauseum) wished that my vocation had awoken at 17 or 18. Not twenty something .... and that it didn't take 9 years to find convent #1 ... and another 3 years to find where I really *thought* was home only to (once my heart was settled) have it all twisted into what happened. Well, I think I can say that I've lived the "path to Calvary" that God had for me.

I know that if I didn't take the chance ... I would always have the "what if". Regardless of what's happened, I won't have the "what if I had tried" thought (I still have my what ifs though).

[Orans]

I'm always amazed at how many people -married women mainly- approach me to say that they thought at some point to become nuns (the habit is kind of a trigger of this kind of memories and dreams) ... and I often wonder if those were religious vocations that -for whatever reason- could not find their way.

Some years ago I heard in a conference say that there are cultures -East Asian- where there is (or there was) a stage in the life of every young person where they would have something like one or two years of monastic life, and afterwards they would come back to civil life and form their own family -I have a vague idea of Thailand as being mentioned, but I'm not sure about this.

We may be a little more familiar with the stages in Hinduism and Buddhism, I think, where after the household period -having a family- and after the birth of the first grandchild the parents were free to go into the forest and start living the life of the ascetic, preparing for their next big transition and the end of this life...

I found those accounts fascinating. What a wisdom had those cultures that allowed the sacred to be intertwined with civil life and with the life cycle of every ordinary person in such a profound way.

My (dream) sense of a contemplative community is one with a long period of formation whose initial stages could be made available not only to candidates but to everyone, to serious Christian seekers willing to take one or two years of their life to commit themselves fully to the intensity of the soul search of a simple contemplative life. It wouldn't mind that people were single or married as far as they would commit for that time, not as members but as "seekers".

In a way this practice could create some kind of a balance helping to develop the -underdeveloped- mystical aspect of personal relationship with God in our individual lives and in the larger faith community.

I think that people who have experienced some length of time living within a religious/monastic community would agree that it is a huge blessing, and often a life changing experience. I certainly encourage anyone who has this desire -or even this question mark- to give it a try. Sometimes it is not a life vocation, but for one thing, if you try it, you will find out for sure, instead of yearning for it for the rest of your life.

Thanks, DameAgnes, for starting this thread.

Peace!

[Gemma]

[quote name='DameAgnes' date='15 October 2009 - 05:52 AM' timestamp='1255596745' post='1985772']
You know, I think about it a lot. I'm married 25 years, and I love my family, my husband, my children; I feel completely blessed and I know that I was meant to marry this man. My life is very good.

And yet, I don't know if a day has gone by in my life where I have not wondered what it would have been like, if I had "taken the leap" and followed my inclinations to the monastic life.

Every day, nearly every day, I wonder about it. Nearly every day, I long for the habit and the veil. But when I was coming up the sisters and nuns all seemed so radical and angry; I didn't want any part of that. Now, I see young, healthy communities and I admit it. I long for it. I long for the opportunity to try the vocation of a religious.

I love my husband. I adore my children. But I urge those of you who are wondering, but unsure, those of you who feel called but are afraid -TAKE THE LEAP- as certain as I am that I was meant to marry, and I am certain of it, there is a part of me that has always continued to wonder.

The Lord will guide you; he guides us all. He will "guard your coming and your going." But I guess what I am saying is "do not be afraid." Trust. If you feel called strongly to marriage, look to marriage. If you feel strongly called to the religious life, look to it. Don't hold back. Give it all. It is only by giving all that you receive the abundance of blessings. God bless!
[/quote]

Been there, done that. Hence Cloister Outreach.

To those who think they've found the right place in religious life, I say, RUN! Don't look back! Keep your focus and INSIST that you have a chance to at least try. That's what was robbed from me (pardon the wording, but that's how I feel sometimes)--the chance to at least try the way of life, and find whether or not it was for me. My dad was afraid that he'd never see me again, as were my sisters. Mom was like, "Let her do what she feels called to do." She had always wanted to be a missionary, so she understood the call somewhat better than the others.

There are lay associations of the faithful, which permit the wearing of a habit at certain times. With us, the Lay Cloisterites are emerging. http://cloisters.tripod.com/lay_cloisterites/ You can wear a white tiechel with cord color corresponding to one's state in life; and a small blue scapular under one's clothes, while keeping a prayer schedule, knowing that you're praying along with our Cloisterite Hermits. If there are ever meetings, the white hooded alb would be the habit. We also offer the Lay Cloisterites to those discerning the cloistered/eremitical life, due to Third Orders not accepting religious life discerners.

Blessings,
Gemma

[HisChild]

[quote name='Gemma' date='18 October 2009 - 06:26 AM' timestamp='1255872383' post='1987284']
We also offer the Lay Cloisterites to those discerning the cloistered/eremitical life, due to Third Orders not accepting religious life discerners.

Blessings,
Gemma
[/quote]


I'm not sure what you mean about Third Orders not accepting religious life discerners. Since lay sisters (ie: active congregations) are also third orders, I'm gathering that you mean those groups which are for seculars, living in their own homes, such as Secular Carmelites, Benedictine Oblates, etc. I've spoken to two different Third Order groups near me from different orders and both said that they'd allow me to begin formation, even though they both know I'm considering religious life again. There are also some groups that specifically state on their websites and/or in their Constitutions that one can join their Third Order and still enter religious life, or enter as a religious.

Perhaps you mean Third Orders near you? A blanket statement like that, however, isn't always the truth. Those who are discerning religious life should not automatically assume, especially those who cannot enter for a while, that they cannot enter a Third Order.

[GraceUk]

Hi everyone. I have been lurking for ages. I am a married person but many many years ago I thought I had a vocation but my Mum was very against the idea. So I waited a while but nothing changed. Then my Dad got ill and she said it was all the stress with me wanting to enter the religious life. I did have an attraction to the Carmelite order but thought it might be to austere. I stayed a a few days with some nice sisters who did retreat work and my Mum even phoned me while I was there so they knew about it all and were really understanding. And I felt really attracted to their order but in the end gave up. I know it sounds feeble but I wish I had the courage to at least try my vocation. And I do urge all young people who feel drawn to the religious life to at least try.

[HisChild]

[quote name='GraceUk' date='18 October 2009 - 08:55 AM' timestamp='1255881300' post='1987312']
Hi everyone. I have been lurking for ages. I am a married person but many many years ago I thought I had a vocation but my Mum was very against the idea. So I waited a while but nothing changed. Then my Dad got ill and she said it was all the stress with me wanting to enter the religious life. I did have an attraction to the Carmelite order but thought it might be to austere. I stayed a a few days with some nice sisters who did retreat work and my Mum even phoned me while I was there so they knew about it all and were really understanding. And I felt really attracted to their order but in the end gave up. I know it sounds feeble but I wish I had the courage to at least try my vocation. And I do urge all young people who feel drawn to the religious life to at least try.
[/quote]


When I was younger, I still felt called to cloistered religious life. But my mother made noise that I'd never see her again, and as my brothers are 15 and12 yrs younger than me, it was insinuated that I'd never see them again (she'd rarely come to see me and even more rare with them). I was scared and I allowed them to use the guilt to its fullness on me. So I entered an active order even though I felt called to cloistered life, thinking that I could at least make visits to my family that way. I left because I was ill, but I always wonder if the reason I got sick was because I subconsciously was trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.

Sadly, but ironic, now that they're older, they rarely talk to me, and mainly because of my religion (they've abandoned their faith).

That's why I encourage those who feel a gentle nudge to enter religious life, but are a wee bit afraid or hesitant, to try anyway. Then you won't wonder later 'what if'. I'm probably too old (and have too much debt, meaning I'd REALLY be too old once I paid it off) to enter Carmel. So there's still this wistfulness within me as well.

I feel like those groups at a baseball game who chant 'GO, GO, GO, GO!' LOL But, 'DO IT, DO IT, DO IT, DO IT!'

[Gemma]

[quote name='HisChild' date='18 October 2009 - 12:52 PM' timestamp='1255881138' post='1987310']
I'm not sure what you mean about Third Orders not accepting religious life discerners. Since lay sisters (ie: active congregations) are also third orders, I'm gathering that you mean those groups which are for seculars, living in their own homes, such as Secular Carmelites, Benedictine Oblates, etc. I've spoken to two different Third Order groups near me from different orders and both said that they'd allow me to begin formation, even though they both know I'm considering religious life again. There are also some groups that specifically state on their websites and/or in their Constitutions that one can join their Third Order and still enter religious life, or enter as a religious.

Perhaps you mean Third Orders near you? A blanket statement like that, however, isn't always the truth. Those who are discerning religious life should not automatically assume, especially those who cannot enter for a while, that they cannot enter a Third Order.
[/quote]

Oh, let's see here. One of our affiliate founders tried to join the Third Order Dominicans 3 hours from her, and they told her that because she was founding an order, she could not join, and that went for religious life discerners as well. It was a rather rude refusal, and when she proposed to them that she become a simple associate, being taught by one of her local TOPs, they really got up in arms about it, saying she wanted to change the rules.

Lay third orders and oblatures are meant for the laity, not future religious. This has become a mantra on our yahoo groups--discerners being turned away from lay third orders, and that's why we've had to devise something for them.

Cloister Outreach was founded because of a need. We don't do anything until there is an obvious need so that we are not engaged in "vain imaginings."

Blessings,
Gemma

[HisChild]

[quote name='Gemma' date='19 October 2009 - 03:17 AM' timestamp='1255947463' post='1987770']
Oh, let's see here. One of our affiliate founders tried to join the Third Order Dominicans 3 hours from her, and they told her that because she was founding an order, she could not join, and that went for religious life discerners as well. It was a rather rude refusal, and when she proposed to them that she become a simple associate, being taught by one of her local TOPs, they really got up in arms about it, saying she wanted to change the rules.

Lay third orders and oblatures are meant for the laity, not future religious. This has become a mantra on our yahoo groups--discerners being turned away from lay third orders, and that's why we've had to devise something for them.

Cloister Outreach was founded because of a need. We don't do anything until there is an obvious need so that we are not engaged in "vain imaginings."

Blessings,
Gemma
[/quote]


Again, I'm just saying that that's not completely true everywhere. There are Third Orders out there that don't have First or Second Orders that accept people regardless of discernment/status. And like I said before, I've been told by not only a T.O. Benedictine group as well as a Secular Carmelite group that I'd be accepted, one as an affiliate and another as an applicant, even though discerning religious life. One even said that if I joined them, then later decided I was meant for religious life, they'd do all they could to help me get there.

That's the whole point of discernment. One hasn't made a decision, neither for religious life nor for the Third Order. As soon as one enters a Third Order, an obligation is not assumed, just as one is not assumed simply because one is a postulant in a monastery.

I'm not sure what you mean by 'we've had to devise something for them'. 'We' meaning who? Why do you (plural) feel obliged to devise a Yahoo group, getting involved in discernment? Unless by 'we', you mean religious, priests, and/or spiritual directors. Because that's the only thing that makes sense, those who actually have any business assisting discerners in that fashion, since we are talking about the very souls of these discerners. Or perhaps I misunderstand the meanings for these discernment yahoo groups you're talking about.

Regardless, a Yahoo group has nothing to do with Third Orders. But the way you worded it, it sounds like one stemmed from the other: discerners attempting to enter Third Order groups to assist with their discernment to religious life, and when that didn't happen, you decided to found a/several Yahoo group(s) for discerners. In that case, yes, I can see why one would be turned away. That's not the point of Third Orders. Since that sounds...inane, what am I missing?

[GraceUk]

I did recently read some websites about third orders. And one said they aren't usually for folk that are thinking about religious life in the future but decided to join a third order for the time being. I think I understood what they were getting at.

But discerning is a very difficult business I think. In the UK there was a very very long time ago in the 1970's a small religious order called the Vocation Sisters who gave out information on all religious orders. I got a pile of leaflets on all different orders from them and they also ran retreats for people who were thinking about religious life. I don't know if they are still doing that same work.

I think there is a gap for lay folk now a lot of churches have less devotions than they used to. Like Rosary Stations of the cross and Benediction. A lot of churches in the UK don't have these very often now.