Family Life

[InHisLove726]

Sometimes, I wish I were much more able to figure out my parents. My mother believes that if I cannot explain it to her, then how can I live my vocation? How do you explain the heart? If I cannot explain it to myself, then I cannot explain to anyone else. She looks at this as offensive to her because if I cannot give her an explanation then it means that I think she doesn't care. I don't think that way at all.

I wonder why my mom is so scared sometimes, and now I know why. She believes that by my acceptance of entering the monastery, I am shutting myself off and running away from the world. This didn't bother me that much because I've heard that before. Many saints had the same kind of parents. But she believes I have deceived her because my ideas have changed about cloistered life. Before, it was frightening. I didn't fully understand it. Now, I feel like it's the only thing that will make me happiest. Sure, I could do many other things (as my mom says), but God is not calling me to those things. He is calling me to Himself.

Tonight was an awakening for my soul. I am not bothered by the fact that my parents think I am running away because even Jesus was misunderstood. I am not doing this for my parents or myself. I am doing it solely for God. I am not angry with my parents either because I have no other motives than this, in spite of what they think.

Please pray for my mom, however. Now that she knows that I am discerning to be a cloistered nun, she is scared. I don't hold any offense to her, either. I'm sure that her fears are well intentioned, and I ask God to fill her heart with pure knowledge that her daughter loves her so very much. The only pain I am experiencing is that I cannot explain it to her as best as I should. I wish I could help her and my dad understand, but, just as God is mysterious, so are His beautiful gifts.