Gossip Vs Venting/personal Mental Health

[TeresaBenedicta]

Where does one draw the line between what is gossip and what is needing a friend with whom to talk? Especially when the subject matter necessarily involves other people, and even if you were to leave names out, your friend would know of whom you're speaking?

I'm having such a hard time with this right now. There are a lot of stressers going on in my life currently and I've been bottling everything up inside, which I know is not healthy.

A) I have a friend dealing with something VERY serious, and I am the go-to person. Which I'm perfectly okay with. It's emotionally draining, and I would like to be able to talk with someone else about [i]how[/i] I'm handling the situation (ie, are the things I am saying, actions I'm taking, attitude with which I am approaching this time of need, etc). Even if just to release the emotion that is drawn from the relationship. But, I haven't been able to do this, as the subject matter is very personal and very confidential, and there is no one that I can talk with without sharing information with them that I ought not share.

B) On top that situation, I'm having difficulties with other groups of friends. I have, in a sense, two "different" groups of friends. And currently one group is saying negative things about my other friends, and are just overall having a very negative attitude towards life. Almost all conversation involves negativity and complaining. Today in particular some things were said that really bothered and upset me. But again, I've kept all the specifics of this inside, not even sharing them with my best friend, as I don't want to be gossiping.

C) Other smaller things- personal disappointments & the like... These I know I can safely "talk about" with my friends... but at the same time, they are mostly trivial matters that are only getting to me [i]because[/i] I'm so drained by the aforementioned difficulties. So, when/if I try to get these off of my chest, I'm over blowing things and am really just sounding quite negative. And that's the last thing I want to be with my friends, especially when many of them can do nothing but complain.

My best friend, who is not directly involved with any of the above, is the person that I would love to turn to right now. And I know that she would keep absolute secrecy. But all I can say to her is that I'm down and dealing with things, explaining to her that I can't talk about them because either A) they're confidential or B) it would be gossip.

What exactly would constitute as gossip? Would explaining my frustration with my friend situation (B) count as gossip? I know I can't share anything about (A), though sometimes I feel like I need someone to talk to about it. But I feel like I'm going to explode if I can't at least talk to [i]someone[/i] about [i]some[/i] of these things.

Thoughts, phamily?

[Nihil Obstat]

Not sure if this is relevant....... but I'll bet talking to a confessor or spiritual director pretty much pre-empts the possibility for gossip. Does this apply to your situation at all?

[TeresaBenedicta]

[quote name='Nihil Obstat' date='09 September 2009 - 12:21 AM' timestamp='1252466489' post='1963675']
Not sure if this is relevant....... but I'll bet talking to a confessor or spiritual director pretty much pre-empts the possibility for gossip. Does this apply to your situation at all?
[/quote]

Well, yes and no. I do plan on asking my spiritual director this question in the abstract tomorrow after Mass (I'm waiting until next week when we meet to talk about any of this in depth).

Part of the difficulty is that the aforementioned friend in (A) is also a directee of his. So I don't know how much... conflict of interest?... I would be creating by talking about that situation with him. Although, I suppose that I could just ask him.

[Nihil Obstat]

Is your spiritual director also a priest? If he is, I would trust that there's no conflict of interest because I think priests are finely tuned to treat these matters properly, with their experience with the Seal of the Confessional.

[Slappo]

[quote name='Nihil Obstat' date='08 September 2009 - 09:39 PM' timestamp='1252471151' post='1963734']
Is your spiritual director also a priest? If he is, I would trust that there's no conflict of interest because I think priests are finely tuned to treat these matters properly, with their experience with the Seal of the Confessional.
[/quote]



Also, at least in my diocese, there is a policy that anything mentioned within spiritual direction is confidential and cannot be said by the priest to anyone else (I think unless in danger of someone being hurt, unlike the seal of confession). So pretty much spiritual direction is under the seal of confession except when referring to matters that can be physically harmful, and legal matters too (such as testifying in court).

[Nihil Obstat]

[quote name='Slappo' date='09 September 2009 - 04:36 PM' timestamp='1252532188' post='1963983']


Also, at least in my diocese, there is a policy that anything mentioned within spiritual direction is confidential and cannot be said by the priest to anyone else (I think unless in danger of someone being hurt, unlike the seal of confession). So pretty much spiritual direction is under the seal of confession except when referring to matters that can be physically harmful, and legal matters too (such as testifying in court).
[/quote]
That's a good policy. I'm not saying I wouldn't trust a spiritual director...... but if I had to make a scale as to how much I trust each scenario, priest would beat an s.d. Just because they have experience every day in dealing with the Seal. Practically I'm sure there's a lot about it that they really have to be sure not to slip up on. Know what I mean?

[Slappo]

[quote name='Nihil Obstat' date='09 September 2009 - 04:19 PM' timestamp='1252538342' post='1964056']
That's a good policy. I'm not saying I wouldn't trust a spiritual director...... but if I had to make a scale as to how much I trust each scenario, priest would beat an s.d. Just because they have experience every day in dealing with the Seal. Practically I'm sure there's a lot about it that they really have to be sure not to slip up on. Know what I mean?
[/quote]

yes! My last penance was to go to public morning prayer for the next three days. My alarm malfunctioned the following morning and I missed morning prayer by 20 minutes. I then e-mailed my boss/pastor/confessor about how to complete my penance saying, "If one were to... and missed ... and did ... would this be a suitable way to complete the penance?" and signed it "In all humility, *name*"

He replied, "If this situation were to arise...." because he wasn't able to express that he knew of such situation even though he leads public morning prayer and gave me the penance .

[Nihil Obstat]

Aha, that's funny!

[Resurrexi]

[quote name='Slappo' date='09 September 2009 - 07:14 PM' timestamp='1252541646' post='1964093']
yes! My last penance was to go to public morning prayer for the next three days. My alarm malfunctioned the following morning and I missed morning prayer by 20 minutes. I then e-mailed my boss/pastor/confessor about how to complete my penance saying, "If one were to... and missed ... and did ... would this be a suitable way to complete the penance?" and signed it "In all humility, *name*"

He replied, "If this situation were to arise...." because he wasn't able to express that he knew of such situation even though he leads public morning prayer and gave me the penance .
[/quote]

Can't Lauds be said at any time during the day? I know that at least in the EF the hours can be said at any time between midnight and midnight on that day, though it is recommended that they be said at the proper times.

Edited September 10, 2009 by Resurrexi

[Slappo]

[quote name='Resurrexi' date='09 September 2009 - 07:50 PM' timestamp='1252551057' post='1964216']
Can't Lauds be said at any time during the day? I know that at least in the EF the hours can be said at any time between midnight and midnight on that day, though it is recommended that they be said at the proper times.
[/quote]

Yes... but the penance was to attend public morning prayer. Like... going to the chapel at 7a.m. where they all say morning prayer publicly. Part of the penance was because I was being lazy in the mornings so the 7a.m. part was a part of it .

[Christie_M]

Slappo


Anyways, Teresa. I would have to say that gossip would be more like talking to someone else and deliberately relaying information that is usually negative/untrue. Venting is more of expressing your emotions and frustrations with out the intent of hurting anyone.
If you can't get a hold of anyone(spiritual director, priest, friend...) I highly recommend writing in a notebook your situation, and then disposing of the pages used. That way you don't keep things bottled up AND you're not letting it spread about.

Hope things work out.
prayers!

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='Christie_M' date='10 September 2009 - 04:59 AM' timestamp='1252555145' post='1964268']
If you can't get a hold of anyone(spiritual director, priest, friend...) I highly recommend writing in a notebook your situation, and then disposing of the pages used. That way you don't keep things bottled up AND you're not letting it spread about.
[/quote]
Very good advice, IMHO.