How Did You Know

[Slappo]

Can the non-married but engaged comment?

I know I'm not married and a large number of engagements are broken off, but I am 100% confident that my fiancee and I will be wed.

Umm... I first realized that I knew when one of my friends asked me 2 months into dating if I knew yet? She said, "So do you know if she's the one yet? I know sometimes you guys just get this inkling and know right away." It kind of took me aback a second that she asked that so early in our relationship but within 2 seconds or so I was like, "Yeah, I think she is." (this was last november)

She didn't know for a really long time compared to me because of a past relationship and a lot of hesitation on her part. I forget exactly how she knew, but I guess one time in February she came to the realizaton that she wanted to marry me and that if I had proposed that early she'd have said yes.

I was actually so anxious to propose that I woke up one morning the day after I picked up her ring from the jeweler and I decided that morning that I'd propose that evening. I think there was like an 8 hour gap between when I picked the time that I'd propose and when I proposed.

[pat22]

[quote name='StColette' date='03 September 2009 - 08:41 AM' timestamp='1251981664' post='1960296']
Micah's persistence really helped. It helped to show me that he was very serious about us. I had vowed not to date anyone again until I knew that it was the person I was going to marry, so of course I was being very cautious. I prayed a lot about it and Micah and I continued to talk a bunch. We often fought about my unwillingness to open up and make a decision. I don't think I've ever told the following publicly, so feel special . But around Thanksgiving break (about 2 or 3 months before I told Micah I was in love with him and before we started dating of course) I kinda kissed a really good guy friend of mine. I remember feeling such guilt the next morning. I felt like I had completely betrayed Micah and that I had cheated on him. Micah found hope in this but assured me that I shouldn't be guilty because I wasn't dating him and that I didn't owe him my faithfulness. I did not tell Micah about the kiss thing until about 1 1/2 months after it had happened. I felt so scared to tell him because I knew it would possibly mean he would stop caring for me. Looking back it's funny to see how strong my feelings were for him even then but I wasn't willing to admit it. But he didn't stop caring for me; he forgave me (even though there was nothing really to forgive) and continued to love me. Anyway... one night in February we had a huge argument about me not wanting to admit that I had feelings for him. Micah was really angry and I understood why. So that night I got offline to study for a test and found myself unable to study. I couldn't stop thinking about what all had been going on and the things that were said. I started out of nowhere imagining our wedding and our children. I just started crying because I knew then how much I did love him. So I took the leap. I got online told him how I felt. He was definitely shocked. He had told himself that he was ready to commit himself completely to me for the rest of his life without me committing in return. So yeah... that's my story. His commitment to love and willingness to forgive helped me to see him as my future spouse.
[/quote]
you vowed not to date until you knew it was the guy you were going to marry?
but how could you possible find a guy to marry unless you dated? or am i missing something?

[picchick]

I just want to thank you all again. I really appreciate it. I am sometimes afraid that I just won't be shown the path and I don't know how I will know unless God takes a frying pan and hits me with it.


[quote name='Lil Red' date='03 September 2009 - 02:30 PM' timestamp='1252002635' post='1960395']
+J.M.J.+
i flipped a coin.
[/quote]
Nice Maybe I could try that too. I mean it looks like it worked for you.


[quote name='Slappo' date='03 September 2009 - 03:11 PM' timestamp='1252005113' post='1960416']
Can the non-married but engaged comment?
[/quote]
YES! Of course! Thanks

[pat22]

i was almost engaged to piano freak. can i comment?

[CatherineM]

[quote name='pat22' date='03 September 2009 - 02:33 PM' timestamp='1252006427' post='1960430']
i was almost engaged to piano freak. can i comment?
[/quote]

Isn't she the one whose parents freaked out?

[Slappo]

I should add that during our dating relationship, another thing I noticed as I grew more and more sure of our courtship was after a fight/argument/disagreement it wasn't "Do I really want to marry this woman?" but rather more along the lines of, "I hate it when that happens, but I love her."

[Brother Adam]

She was a girl, she was my best friend, and I couldn't imagine my life without her, so I married her.

[Deeds]

Not married, but engaged. I always felt really comfortable around my fiance right from when we started going out. I can be rather shy and it takes me a long time to be able to be myself around someone, but it felt like I'd always known him. I didn't know for sure that he was the one for a while. I can't even pinpoint exactly when or how I knew, probably a year or more into the relationship, but there's no doubt about it now!

[StColette]

[quote name='pat22' date='03 September 2009 - 03:20 PM' timestamp='1252005617' post='1960420']
you vowed not to date until you knew it was the guy you were going to marry?
but how could you possible find a guy to marry unless you dated? or am i missing something?
[/quote]

I vowed that the next guy I would date would be the man I would marry. That means I would not commit to a relationship unless I knew that it was to the man I was going to marry. You can do that without dating. I got to know Micah as a friend first. I would have remained [b]only[/b] friends with him if I didn't know for sure that he was the one I was supposed to marry. But I knew after a while that he was the guy for me. Make sense now?

[Lil Red]

[quote name='picchick' date='03 September 2009 - 01:25 PM' timestamp='1252005953' post='1960424']
I just want to thank you all again. I really appreciate it. I am sometimes afraid that I just won't be shown the path and I don't know how I will know unless God takes a frying pan and hits me with it.



Nice Maybe I could try that too. I mean it looks like it worked for you.
[/quote]
+J.M.J.+
in all seriousness, i don't think there was ever a 'he's it' moment - more like a culmination of events.

[CoffeeCatholic]

Before I met Joey, I was very serious with a guy name Henry. Henry died unexpectedly, and his death prompted me to become Catholic. Joey met me about a year and a half after Henry died, and 5 months after my confirmation. Joey knew about Hen from the beginning. I still knew very little about the faith, and he was helping me to get the hang of things, like indulgences. We used to go to what we called "Grace Bomb"- confession, mass and all night adoration, at his parish- it was a great way to get me comfortable with confession and really introduced me to Adoration. One night, Joey explained to me on the phone the process of indulgences to me, and that they could be transferred to people in purgatory if you choose. I wasn't quite getting it, so he said:

"Well, I wasn't really going to tell you this, but last week, I offered my plenary indulgence up for Henry, just in case. You know, I figure we need as many people up there praying for us as possible."

tears started streaming down my face, I told him to hold on, I hung up and drove 20 miles to his house, knocked on the door, and when he answered, I told him I loved him. To this day, he still asks Henry to pray for us, even though he never met him, and even though he was my first true love, even before Joey. The fact that he could understand that, that he could let me continue to love Henry as much as I do without getting jealous, deserves my love. And he does.

[CatherineM]

My dad said that you shouldn't marry someone you can live with, marry someone you can't live without.

[missionseeker]

These are very comforting stories. I was talking to someone at work yesterday and she said that she wished marriages had a trial period like Religious Life (which I am guessing she doesn't really understand the idea behind) with the novitiate and first vows and such. She is married and she said that there are so many things that annoy her about her husband that she didn't know before she married him (we were talking about Jeff's visit and the whole online thing brought this up). It seemed like she would have "gotten out" if she could have. It was a kind of sad conversation. I'd much rather hear people say "yes, s/he's annoying the heck outta me right now, but i wouldn't change it" lol.

[rachael]

I knew someone [i]wasn't[/i] the one when I looked at particular thing he did and said to myself "Ugh, I have to live with [i]that[/i]?"

[CatherineM]

[quote name='missionseeker' date='03 September 2009 - 08:48 PM' timestamp='1252028926' post='1960585']
These are very comforting stories. I was talking to someone at work yesterday and she said that she wished marriages had a trial period like Religious Life (which I am guessing she doesn't really understand the idea behind) with the novitiate and first vows and such. She is married and she said that there are so many things that annoy her about her husband that she didn't know before she married him (we were talking about Jeff's visit and the whole online thing brought this up). It seemed like she would have "gotten out" if she could have. It was a kind of sad conversation. I'd much rather hear people say "yes, s/he's annoying the heck outta me right now, but i wouldn't change it" lol.
[/quote]

Mine snores. I mean really snores. Sometimes it really irritates me. There would have been no way for me to know he snored before we were married. He didn't know, and we didn't [i]you know[/i]. Now when he is gone, I can't sleep because it's too quiet. Besides, I'm not the easiest person to live with. I can get quite cranky, and I chase him out of bed every morning with situps.