How Did You Know

[picchick]

So I was just curious as to how you came to know that you wanted to marry your spouse. Was it a situation that happened? When did you know? Did it take you a while? Did you have reservations? If you had reservations, what was the deciding point that they didn't matter?


Meg

[picchick]

was this too personal to ask?

[Archaeology cat]

I didn't see this before, so thanks for bumping it. Hmm, well, I really knew early on in our relationship. I don't know that I can necessarily pinpoint a specific reason, though. Obviously it wasn't like on My Three Sons when the guy just started hearing wedding bells every time he looked at the girl. It's something I'd prayed about a lot (not being Catholic when we started dating, I wouldn't have called it discerning marriage, but that's essentially what it was). Because it was a long-distance relationship we resolved to communicate a lot, and it really forced us to talk about everything. So in having those conversations and such, it just became apparent, to me at least, that we were heading in the same direction and everything. We had decided to pretty much evaluate the relationship after 2 months to see if we thought it would continue and was going well, and obviously it was since we're married now.

[Theoketos]

I considered it time when I foresaw that I could provide an extremely meager but livable income to start a family, that I could spend the rest of my earthly life with her, and she would be of great help in my pursuit of Christ.

I had already decided she would be an awesome mom.

[StColette]

Micah's persistence really helped. It helped to show me that he was very serious about us. I had vowed not to date anyone again until I knew that it was the person I was going to marry, so of course I was being very cautious. I prayed a lot about it and Micah and I continued to talk a bunch. We often fought about my unwillingness to open up and make a decision. I don't think I've ever told the following publicly, so feel special . But around Thanksgiving break (about 2 or 3 months before I told Micah I was in love with him and before we started dating of course) I kinda kissed a really good guy friend of mine. I remember feeling such guilt the next morning. I felt like I had completely betrayed Micah and that I had cheated on him. Micah found hope in this but assured me that I shouldn't be guilty because I wasn't dating him and that I didn't owe him my faithfulness. I did not tell Micah about the kiss thing until about 1 1/2 months after it had happened. I felt so scared to tell him because I knew it would possibly mean he would stop caring for me. Looking back it's funny to see how strong my feelings were for him even then but I wasn't willing to admit it. But he didn't stop caring for me; he forgave me (even though there was nothing really to forgive) and continued to love me. Anyway... one night in February we had a huge argument about me not wanting to admit that I had feelings for him. Micah was really angry and I understood why. So that night I got offline to study for a test and found myself unable to study. I couldn't stop thinking about what all had been going on and the things that were said. I started out of nowhere imagining our wedding and our children. I just started crying because I knew then how much I did love him. So I took the leap. I got online told him how I felt. He was definitely shocked. He had told himself that he was ready to commit himself completely to me for the rest of his life without me committing in return. So yeah... that's my story. His commitment to love and willingness to forgive helped me to see him as my future spouse.

[CatherineM]

I knew almost immediately. I can't tell you how, I just knew. I think he had more reservations than I did because of his illness. I describe it this way. Have you ever been at home waiting for someone, and you keep thinking you hear a car, but it's not them? Finally when they do come, there is no hesitation, you know you hear their car without a doubt. It was kind of like that. I had wondered many times in my life if this man or that one was the right one. I thought I'd never know for sure, but when I met my husband, it was like hearing that car door loud and clear.

[Jaime]

For me it was a slow progression. It started out with "Wow she's cute and I'd like to get to know her" then it moved from looks to "She has got a really sweet personality".


But then when I saw her in "Hope Floats" that was it and I knew Sandra was the one.

[azaelia]

[quote name='StColette' date='03 September 2009 - 08:41 AM' timestamp='1251981664' post='1960296']
Micah's persistence really helped. It helped to show me that he was very serious about us. I had vowed not to date anyone again until I knew that it was the person I was going to marry, so of course I was being very cautious. I prayed a lot about it and Micah and I continued to talk a bunch. We often fought about my unwillingness to open up and make a decision. I don't think I've ever told the following publicly, so feel special . But around Thanksgiving break (about 2 or 3 months before I told Micah I was in love with him and before we started dating of course) I kinda kissed a really good guy friend of mine. I remember feeling such guilt the next morning. I felt like I had completely betrayed Micah and that I had cheated on him. Micah found hope in this but assured me that I shouldn't be guilty because I wasn't dating him and that I didn't owe him my faithfulness. I did not tell Micah about the kiss thing until about 1 1/2 months after it had happened. I felt so scared to tell him because I knew it would possibly mean he would stop caring for me. Looking back it's funny to see how strong my feelings were for him even then but I wasn't willing to admit it. But he didn't stop caring for me; he forgave me (even though there was nothing really to forgive) and continued to love me. Anyway... one night in February we had a huge argument about me not wanting to admit that I had feelings for him. Micah was really angry and I understood why. So that night I got offline to study for a test and found myself unable to study. I couldn't stop thinking about what all had been going on and the things that were said. I started out of nowhere imagining our wedding and our children. I just started crying because I knew then how much I did love him. So I took the leap. I got online told him how I felt. He was definitely shocked. He had told himself that he was ready to commit himself completely to me for the rest of his life without me committing in return. So yeah... that's my story. His commitment to love and willingness to forgive helped me to see him as my future spouse.
[/quote]

It's a little eerie how similar our two stories are on this point, Jen.

I mean, I didn't kiss anyone, but I definitely took a while to open up. One night Nick became angry with me because I wasn't opening up, and after we got off the internet, I cried. That was one of my first indications, but the official realization came when he was moving from his apartment to another place and he didn't have internet. I couldn't talk to him for two days, and it drove me CRAZY! Once he came back online and we were able to chat, I told him I had feelings for him, and it all went downhill from there!

It so hard to explain...but I can't pinpoint an exact moment when I "knew". It just made sense.

[Sojourner]

[quote name='CatherineM' date='03 September 2009 - 11:29 AM' timestamp='1251991749' post='1960345']
I knew almost immediately. I can't tell you how, I just knew. I think he had more reservations than I did because of his illness. I describe it this way. Have you ever been at home waiting for someone, and you keep thinking you hear a car, but it's not them? Finally when they do come, there is no hesitation, you know you hear their car without a doubt. It was kind of like that. I had wondered many times in my life if this man or that one was the right one. I thought I'd never know for sure, but when I met my husband, it was like hearing that car door loud and clear.
[/quote]
I know exactly what you mean.

We met online too, e-mailed a week or so, then exchanged phone numbers and talked a couple weeks, then met in person. I knew within the first couple months we were dating, and he did too. We got married less than a year after meeting. I was a little shocked that he moved that fast -- he is far from impulsive. But, we both knew what we wanted, and so far our decision has been confirmed many times over in big things and small.

It is hard to point to one thing that sealed the deal for me, or one moment when I "knew" he was the one. He was consistently respectful of my feelings, and clear about his own intentions and feelings. He didn't appear to be nervous at all, and acted very confidently but still tenderly. Now that I know him better I suspect he was a touch nervous but didn't show it ... that went a long way to making me less nervous. He did little things that showed he was thinking of me ... like, one day I broke my food processor, and he bought me one when he was out later that week. The man knows nothing about kitchens; it was a very sweet gesture. He also got along (gets along) very well with my parents, and was respectful of the fact that they are not Catholic. We ended up getting engaged about 8 months after we met, although we were already well on our way into planning the wedding.

[Groo the Wanderer]

Somewhere around our 10th anniversary....



















*ducks*

[Lil Red]

[quote name='picchick' date='02 September 2009 - 02:59 PM' timestamp='1251925158' post='1959979']
So I was just curious as to how you came to know that you wanted to marry your spouse. Was it a situation that happened? When did you know? Did it take you a while? Did you have reservations? If you had reservations, what was the deciding point that they didn't matter?


Meg
[/quote]
+J.M.J.+
i flipped a coin.

[IcePrincessKRS]

[quote name='Archaeology cat' date='03 September 2009 - 06:37 AM' timestamp='1251970669' post='1960277']
I didn't see this before, so thanks for bumping it. Hmm, well, I really knew early on in our relationship. I don't know that I can necessarily pinpoint a specific reason, though. Obviously it wasn't like on My Three Sons when the guy just started hearing wedding bells every time he looked at the girl. It's something I'd prayed about a lot (not being Catholic when we started dating, I wouldn't have called it discerning marriage, but that's essentially what it was). Because it was a long-distance relationship we resolved to communicate a lot, and it really forced us to talk about everything. So in having those conversations and such, it just became apparent, to me at least, that we were heading in the same direction and everything. We had decided to pretty much evaluate the relationship after 2 months to see if we thought it would continue and was going well, and obviously it was since we're married now.
[/quote]

Pretty much this. we have a rather entertaining engagement story (which I won't detail right now), but suffice it to say that when he proposed after 3 months of long distance dating I said yes. I made him wait until after I graduated but we both knew early on--he knew sooner than I did.

[Ash Wednesday]

My husband just pretty much knew all along. I wasn't as sure, myself. I lost confidence in my ability to discern that sort of thing because prior to dating him, I had a previous relationship fail -- it was with someone I thought I was going to marry.

You'll pretty much finally know for sure....when you get to the altar.

[picchick]

Thank you all so much. Let me just say that it is comforting to hear your stories

[rachael]

[quote name='hot stuff' date='03 September 2009 - 11:40 AM' timestamp='1251992444' post='1960350']
For me it was a slow progression. It started out with "Wow she's cute and I'd like to get to know her" then it moved from looks to "She has got a really sweet personality".


But then when I saw her in "Hope Floats" that was it and I knew Sandra was the one.
[/quote]
How's that working out for you?