Guardian For My Children

[kenrockthefirst]

Hello, my wife and I, as dutiful parents, need to update our wills, particularly with respect to identifying a guardian for our children. With regard to that, we have a bit of a difficultly. Apart from any other considerations, there is the issue of our children continuing to be raised as observant Catholics. My wife is Irish but we reside in the US. Her family, all of whom are Catholic, live in Ireland. I am a convert to Catholicism. My mother is Christian but not Catholic, my father is Jewish. My brother - who is "nothing" - is married to a woman who is nominally Catholic, while my sister and her fiance are atheists. Realistically speaking, I don't think it would be practical or fair to uproot and children and send them to Ireland in the event of the mutual demise of my wife and I. My preferred situation, apart from the matter of faith, is for my sister and her fiance to be the guardians of our children. However, there is no realistic expectation that they will raise our children as Catholics. One potential solution is for us to name my sister and fiance as guardians with the stipulation that our children attend Catholic school. The rub, however, is how to ensure that happens. Is there a way to also appoint an "overseer" to ensure that the terms of our will are adhered to? Any thoughts or advice are greatly appreciated.

[Sojourner]

Do your children have godparents? What about them?

[IcePrincessKRS]

In your situation I'd send my kids to Ireland. At least they'd be with grandparents/family. (This reminds me, we need to update our wills, too, we've had two kids since we had them drawn up.)

[Winchester]

If they can do manual labor and don't eat too much, you can will them to me. It's a bonus if one shows a capacity for Baseball, Football or Basketball.

[kenrockthefirst]

[quote name='Terra Firma' post='1951101' date='Aug 17 2009, 10:08 AM']Do your children have godparents? What about them?[/quote]
The godparents for my eldest and youngest live in Ireland. The godparents of my middle child are my brother and his wife (we were able to get a "dispensation" for them as a couple because she is Catholic).

[kenrockthefirst]

[quote name='Winchester' post='1951111' date='Aug 17 2009, 10:17 AM']If they can do manual labor and don't eat too much, you can will them to me. It's a bonus if one shows a capacity for Baseball, Football or Basketball.[/quote]
My eldest and middle guys swim competitively. Would that do?

We actually toyed with the idea of naming a friend as the guardian. Is that kosher if there are living and able family members?

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='IcePrincessKRS' post='1951107' date='Aug 17 2009, 04:12 PM']In your situation I'd send my kids to Ireland. At least they'd be with grandparents/family. (This reminds me, we need to update our wills, too, we've had two kids since we had them drawn up.)[/quote]
That's what I'd do. We've chosen guardians in the US, even though Kieran has never lived there. But they're family and they're devout Catholics.

[Sojourner]

[quote name='kenrockthefirst' post='1951113' date='Aug 17 2009, 11:19 AM']We actually toyed with the idea of naming a friend as the guardian. Is that kosher if there are living and able family members?[/quote]
I would think family would be preferable but if I were you I would talk to them to see if they're willing and able. I personally would only go with friends who were family friends, and who would make a concerted effort to keep your children in contact with family.

[Lil Red]

+J.M.J.+
we haven't done this yet either and we need to

[Sojourner]

[quote name='Lil Red' post='1951136' date='Aug 17 2009, 11:40 AM']+J.M.J.+
we haven't done this yet either and we need to [/quote]
Yeah I was just thinking that we will need to talk about it sooner or later. I'm paranoid enough that I would want to have a will ready very soon after the kiddo is born.

[CatherineM]

You can name anyone you want as a guardian, but you need to outline in your will the reasons that you are naming them, and rejecting the obvious other choices, so that there will be no contesting, and the judge will clearly understand your wishes. It isn't unusual to name one person as physical custodian, and someone else as the financial guardian. That happens a lot where the parents are divorced, and you know your ex will get custody if you die, but you don't want them to be in charge of the money you are leaving your kids. Every large bank has a trust department, and they have people who are paid (and bonded) to do this exact kind of thing. Sometimes naming an outside trustee for the money prevents fights in the family. It costs some money, but in the long run, it pays for itself because money doesn't get frittered away, and if malfeasance happens, insurance reimburses your estate. If your guardian relative develops a gambling problem and blows it all, you're just out of luck.

You can stipulate where you want them to go to school, and which faith you want them raised in. If your wishes aren't followed, make it clear that you would then like for your relatives in Ireland to gain custody. That will give them grounds to ask for custody.

If you haven't already done so, get Irish citizenship for your kids. That makes them EU members, and gets them instate tuition rates so to speak if they want to attend a school in Europe like Rome for example.

[homeschoolmom]

Our choice for guardian are friends of ours. They are Catholic, homeschoolers and have children around (but not exactly) the same age as ours. It would be a good fit. My brother and dh's brother are not good choices because neither is religious and our kids would probably not recognize them if they ran into each other on the street. My parents and his parents are not good either because they are not Catholic and are really too unhealthy for the task.

If you don't wish to send your kids to Ireland in the unlikely event of your deaths, you could chose a friend who would raise your children as you would. You may get grief from your family, but they are your children and you have to make this decision.

eta: I was in a hurry when I posted. I wanted to convey that you have to weigh the options. If there is not a good choice among family members in the US, you have to weigh the options:

Sending them to live with Catholic relatives in Ireland
Having them live with non-Catholic/non-religious relatives in the US
Having them live with Catholic friends in the US who may or may not have much contact with your relatives.

I think if your relatives would be willing to put in the effort to maintain contact with your children, having them live their day to day lives in the best possible environment would be best. If your relatives are not all that interested in keeping up the relationship with your children if they are not living in their home, would they have been the optimal choice in the first place?

[VeniteAdoremus]

I totally agree on the EU citizenship. $1500 tuition a year on a top-50 university = not a bad deal.

If I somehow ended up with child (I plan to be celibate, but unexpected things happen) I already know which couple I would ask to adopt the child. They live in another country, but have a wonderful marriage and are strong Catholics. That's the most important for me. The relationship between the parents defines how the family works, after all.

[OnlySunshine]

I think the best course of action is to send the children to Ireland. If you send them to your Catholic family, you have more of an assurance that your children will be raised in the Catholic faith, according to your wishes.

If that's not feasible, I would suggest appointing legal guardians that you trust who are devout Catholics in the United States.

[CatherineM]

Feel free to name me as a guardian. I'll take any extra kids and bring them up right. I'll teach them how to box, how to open locks, and how to make home-made explosives, just like my dad taught me.