Problems With Parents And Family

[InHisLove726]

I'm very upset at my parents and family. I don't know what to do. My mom and father came home today and yelled at me because I forgot to empty out the dishwasher, accidentally. Both of them started criticizing me because I haven't found a job yet and in their minds, I'm being selfish and counting on them to do everything (their words, specifically). This hurt me a great deal, and in anger, I yelled at them. Nothing terribly bad, but now I feel really guilty.

The problem is that despite my searching, I CANNOT get a job in this area. I've tried looking everywhere I can think of, even asking my friends if they know of any openings ANYWHERE. I am not being picky about anything. I'm even willing to move out of state if it will help my chances. Alicemary, I know that you PMed me, and I PMed you back, but I haven't heard back from you. Do you still know of anything??

The trouble is, I cannot afford to move unless I get financial assistance. The odds are not in my favor, I'm afraid. I can't afford more school because I don't have a job, so that's out of the question.

There is so much I want to do, but getting a job is my first priority, and I feel like I'm having to put everything on hold because of it. How do I keep my parents from being angry at me for something I cannot control? Sometimes I get so upset at God because He hasn't responded to my prayers. I do feel like a bum sometimes, but what can I do?

At this stage in my life, I feel like following Jesus' words in Scripture:

"Go sell what you have, give to the poor, then come and follow me."

But I haven't found where He is calling me yet, so that's another frustrating problem...

Any suggestions or prayers are appreciated. God, please give me strength!

Edited August 3, 2009 by InHisLove726

[Piccoli Fiori JMJ]

I will pray for you. That sounds a lot like my own situation at home, only you are more persistent in your job search.
Patience and humility are key I think. I struggle immensely with this with my mother especially. I've slowly been learning to not roll my eyes when I get yelled at for silly things, and when I am being scolded, I try to take it as its dealt out. I just know that I need to be doing more than I am and I take my mother's scolding as a reminder that I need to be doing better.
I had a job for a few months and then I was let go and now I have no money and I have $250 loan payments every month. I only have enough for one more month, and that is if I don't spend any money at all. I'm already failing at that.
Things are tough, but my mother keeps encouraging me at least with finding a source of income. She has been suggesting a lot of creative ideas and some that require a good bit of mooching from my dad that I really don't like, but I work in a creative field so it is a little easier to do things on my own.

Gosh, I feel like I haven't done anything really other than blab about me. I'm sorry if none of this helps, but know you are not alone in your situation and that you have my support in prayer. I think that is what I really wanted to say.

[InHisLove726]

Also, I forgot to mention that I have an orientation interview with the Vocational Service at the state clinic on August 13th (I wish it was sooner). Hopefully, with their assistance, I'll be able to find something, if not sooner.

[toservelove]

First of all, I will pray for you. When all this is over, and you look back, you will see how God was with you all the time.

Second, don't worry if you're angry with God. He can take it. And He knows you love Him.

Third, don't be too hard on yourself. It sounds like a stressful situation for you and your parents. It sounds like you all blew off some steam. Now you can apologize, ask forgiveness, give forgiveness, take a deep breath, and talk like adults. You're parents want the best for you. You want to live up to their expectations, not to mention simply 'getting on with your life,' but the economy is not helping.

Once you all calm down, you can explain to them what you've done so far to find a job and how the whole thing is making you feel. You can explain what obstacles you've encountered. You can ask their advice. Even if you've already said it, say it again. They might be frustrated too, because odds are, they've never seen the economy and job market this bad either. They may have some advice that works well in a growing economy, but not one like this.

In my community they have a place where you can go to get help with job placement, creating and critiquing resumes, how to interview, stuff like that. It's not expensive and some things are free. Maybe you have something like that in your community? Or maybe your parents have a friend who's good at that kind of stuff who would be willing to help you best market yourself.

I hope that helps. I know it's tough. Hang in there. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28

[InHisLove726]

[quote name='FutureNunJMJ' post='1939962' date='Aug 3 2009, 05:50 PM']I will pray for you. That sounds a lot like my own situation at home, only you are more persistent in your job search.
Patience and humility are key I think. I struggle immensely with this with my mother especially. I've slowly been learning to not roll my eyes when I get yelled at for silly things, and when I am being scolded, I try to take it as its dealt out. I just know that I need to be doing more than I am and I take my mother's scolding as a reminder that I need to be doing better.
I had a job for a few months and then I was let go and now I have no money and I have $250 loan payments every month. I only have enough for one more month, and that is if I don't spend any money at all. I'm already failing at that.
Things are tough, but my mother keeps encouraging me at least with finding a source of income. She has been suggesting a lot of creative ideas and some that require a good bit of mooching from my dad that I really don't like, but I work in a creative field so it is a little easier to do things on my own.

Gosh, I feel like I haven't done anything really other than blab about me. I'm sorry if none of this helps, but know you are not alone in your situation and that you have my support in prayer. I think that is what I really wanted to say.[/quote]

It does help me feel better to know I'm not alone. Why are parents and family so difficult to deal with sometimes? I'm not asking for an easy ride at all (otherwise I wouldn't even think about being a nun where I have to be self-sufficient), and I'm not asking them to understand everything. It's just in the last two days, my mother has been especially critical of my situation. I don't enjoy being unemployed one bit and having to take money from others, especially when I didn't earn it. It's so humiliating...

Speaking of which, I have to call my grandmother tonight to ask her again for her help for paying my bills. It's so difficult to conjure up the courage to pick up the phone. I can always sense her displeasure at my lack of finding a job, but I can't afford the bills to go without paying them, so I have to do it. It's a real pride-kicker.

[InHisLove726]

[quote name='toservelove' post='1939967' date='Aug 3 2009, 05:55 PM']First of all, I will pray for you. When all this is over, and you look back, you will see how God was with you all the time.

Second, don't worry if you're angry with God. He can take it. And He knows you love Him.

Third, don't be too hard on yourself. It sounds like a stressful situation for you and your parents. It sounds like you all blew off some steam. Now you can apologize, ask forgiveness, give forgiveness, take a deep breath, and talk like adults. You're parents want the best for you. You want to live up to their expectations, not to mention simply 'getting on with your life,' but the economy is not helping.

Once you all calm down, you can explain to them what you've done so far to find a job and how the whole thing is making you feel. You can explain what obstacles you've encountered. You can ask their advice. Even if you've already said it, say it again. They might be frustrated too, because odds are, they've never seen the economy and job market this bad either. They may have some advice that works well in a growing economy, but not one like this.

In my community they have a place where you can go to get help with job placement, creating and critiquing resumes, how to interview, stuff like that. It's not expensive and some things are free. Maybe you have something like that in your community? Or maybe your parents have a friend who's good at that kind of stuff who would be willing to help you best market yourself.

I hope that helps. I know it's tough. Hang in there. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28[/quote]

I feel like crying sometimes because I don't feel like I'm being fair to my parents or my grandmother. I appreciate them so much for helping me and giving me a roof over my head. I hate it when they feel unappreciated, especially when something like emptying the dishwasher slips my mind in the course of the day.

My mom and dad have tried to give advice to me, but it's only been along the lines of needing to fill out more applications and dressing for success, which I've done. I don't know what else I should be doing, which is why I'm thankful for the appointment I have next week with the Vocational Service at the state clinic. I know the service won't work miracles, but I know it will boost my success.

Thank you for your prayers and support.

[InHisLove726]

I just read some advice on a Career Advisor website and picked up something I hadn't thought of before! There was someone there that posted this question that is EXACTLY like my situation. In fact, I had to check to make sure I didn't post it:

[quote]I spent many years being unmotivated and burned a lot of bridges with
great jobs. I had a horrible habit of quitting jobs and calling in
sick a lot. Now I am ready to find a job and stick with it but because
of my bad history and bad references no one will hire me! I am so
motivated and driven now! Do you have any advice for me? Please help!
Thank you![/quote]

The advisor responded that the job seeker should go back to school (which I've done), seek a different career track (which I'm doing), and be honest about it in interviews (which I did in the one interview I've had).

But then he mentioned this:

[quote]Change your references: Is there another manager at your old companies that will give you a good reference? Is there a co-worker?[/quote]

I still know a few people at my old companies! There are several that I was good friends with that may be willing to give me a reference if I ask for it. One is now a customer service manager. Gosh! Why didn't I think of this before????

Edited August 3, 2009 by InHisLove726

[InHisLove726]

Good news! I went back to the place where I worked and still know some people, and saw one person I know. I filled out an application for employment (I think my old one expired) and talked to the girl, who I learned is now a customer service manager. I told her that I am currently job-hunting and that I am looking to return there. She didn't know if any jobs were open but she thought they were hiring. There is another lady (a customer service manager as well) that I used to know that I learned is coming in tomorrow around 6:30pm, and I told the CSM that I would be in tomorrow to talk to her again. I also got her name and phone number for a reference (which I asked her for). I have a good feeling about this. I am going to stay on this all week to follow it through and get a direct answer, whether it be "yes" or "no." The great thing is that I'll have their names for other places I want to apply to!

Prayers please!!!

[deusluxmea]

YAY! This sounds so positive and great for you! Having references is a big step forward!!

[Thomist-in-Training]

Good luck!!

[InHisLove726]

[quote name='deusluxmea' post='1940183' date='Aug 3 2009, 11:04 PM']YAY! This sounds so positive and great for you! Having references is a big step forward!![/quote]


[quote name='Thomist-in-Training' post='1940242' date='Aug 4 2009, 12:16 AM']Good luck!![/quote]

Thank you so much!