Country Experiencing Epidemic Of Loneliness

[Sojourner]

[quote name='Brigid' post='1939684' date='Aug 3 2009, 11:52 AM']it's also easier to tell people things online or on the phone than it is to tell them in person. I've had people tell me things in a text that I know they'd never say to my face. I refuse to go out with a guy who asks me out by a text message because he doesn't have the guts to ask me in person. if he really wants to date me, he can take the extra step.

I've also been in a situation where the person I was trying to talk to refused to meet me. he wanted to have the conversation over the phone because he knew it would be easier, which was the exact reason I didn't want to talk on the phone. some conversations are too important not to have face-to-face, and he didn't seem to understand that.[/quote]
I think that's smart. When someone can't make the transition from e-mail/phone to real in-person conversations that is a bad sign. My husband and I never have any significant conversations on the phone. Our phone calls are primarily informative -- changes in plan, making plans for evening, etc.

And I agree that it is easier to talk online or over the phone than face to face, and that's part of why some people favor those media. I think it's a form of cowardice, and disrespectful both to the person who's on the receiving end, as well as to your own confidence in the importance of what you have to say.

[picchick]

[quote name='Terra Firma' post='1939598' date='Aug 3 2009, 08:27 AM']Interesting.

I read this to my hubby last night and we were talking about how television and the internet have taken the place of real relationships. In the former situation, I think people can have a tendency to live vicariously through the relationships of the characters in shows they watch. Think about how many of our popular TV shows have a significant relational element.

In the latter situation, you get to be involved in relationship but without the risk of real relationship. I think the telephone can give a similar distancing effect, although not to the same extent as online. We talked about this a little with regard to online dating, since that's how we met. We pretty quickly moved from e-mails to phone to meeting in person, and that's because we both knew that having those safety buffers in place (in e-mail or phone) mean you don't see the fullness of the person. With e-mail and phone, you can just turn it off, and leaving is a relatively painless process. In-person communication is much more powerful.[/quote]

I agree.

[quote name='Brigid' post='1939684' date='Aug 3 2009, 11:52 AM']it's also easier to tell people things online or on the phone than it is to tell them in person. I've had people tell me things in a text that I know they'd never say to my face. I refuse to go out with a guy who asks me out by a text message because he doesn't have the guts to ask me in person. if he really wants to date me, he can take the extra step.

I've also been in a situation where the person I was trying to talk to refused to meet me. he wanted to have the conversation over the phone because he knew it would be easier, which was the exact reason I didn't want to talk on the phone. some conversations are too important not to have face-to-face, and he didn't seem to understand that.[/quote]

Good for you!
[quote name='Terra Firma' post='1939701' date='Aug 3 2009, 12:07 PM']I think that's smart. When someone can't make the transition from e-mail/phone to real in-person conversations that is a bad sign. My husband and I never have any significant conversations on the phone. Our phone calls are primarily informative -- changes in plan, making plans for evening, etc.

And I agree that it is easier to talk online or over the phone than face to face, and that's part of why some people favor those media. I think it's a form of cowardice, and disrespectful both to the person who's on the receiving end, as well as to your own confidence in the importance of what you have to say.[/quote]
I agree. What I am finding though is that distance doesn't always make that possible.

My two cents: There is something to be said about human touch. Without touch, people just do not survive. It is shown in babies and I do not doubt that it happens to adults as well. This is why I would rather talk on the phone rather than text. I would rather to see someone in person than talk on the phone. I can see the person. I can hug the person. There is nothing like human touch that is comforting, healing, etc.

Our society has fallen away from "old time" people interaction. We now use texting, aim, etc. In all these, there are barriers to communication. SOmething is missing. One of this is human touch.

[Resurrexi]

[quote name='T-Bone _' post='1939421' date='Aug 2 2009, 10:00 PM']The voices in your head don't count...[/quote]

[VeniteAdoremus]

Hugs are fantastic.

I very recently dumped a friend over e-mail He didn't like that much. My sister scolded me.

[Sojourner]

[quote name='picchick' post='1939711' date='Aug 3 2009, 12:35 PM']I agree. What I am finding though is that distance doesn't always make that possible. [/quote]
This is true. Distance can be a real limitation on relational development, particularly when we're talking romantic relationships. I know there are several PMers who have gone through this, or are going through it now. Sometimes telephone communication is a necessary evil. The problem is when it becomes the substitute for a real in-person relationship, or when someone is using it to have tough talks that could happen in person. For me, red flags are raised when someone is reluctant to meet in person when such a meeting is possible. I've met people after having talked on the phone or online and had very different experiences in person than through other media, to the point that the persona projected on the phone or online just did not match up at all with the person I met. This is not always the case, though.

[quote name='picchick' post='1939711' date='Aug 3 2009, 12:35 PM']My two cents: There is something to be said about human touch. Without touch, people just do not survive. It is shown in babies and I do not doubt that it happens to adults as well. This is why I would rather talk on the phone rather than text. I would rather to see someone in person than talk on the phone. I can see the person. I can hug the person. There is nothing like human touch that is comforting, healing, etc.

Our society has fallen away from "old time" people interaction. We now use texting, aim, etc. In all these, there are barriers to communication. Something is missing. One of this is human touch.[/quote]
I completely agree. My hubby and I have talked about this as well, in our own relationship. He comes from a family that is not very "huggy" and he was 44 when we met and had never been married or even dated much. So, he lived a long time without much in the way of physical connection. When we first started expressing physical affection things were a bit awkward, because he was not used to it. Now it is much more natural, and I'm hoping that will carry over to lots of hugs and kisses for our kids.

I think his experience is not that unusual, though. There is a growing social taboo on physical connection, largely due to people who have abused those connections through sexual harrassment, child abuse, etc., as well as to all the ways we've developed to insulate ourselves from real face-to-face communication. We are increasingly afraid of touch, even though we need (and crave) it.

[LSW]

"70% of Americans describe their lives as having many acquaintances but few close friends."

As a reader pointed out in the comments section already, this is simply reality. Everyone has only a few close friends from all the people that they know. No one is close with every single person that they know so that statistic is a little irrelevant.