Slappo Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 [quote name='tinytherese' post='1921921' date='Jul 16 2009, 03:32 PM']And even if a couple is engaged that's not a guarantee that they really will be married to each other one day. According to research half of all engaged couples break up.[/quote] I don't like that statistic... I'm engaged Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jiyoung Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 Oh. I am. So surprised. By these. Findings. I've heard that marriages that keep life before and after marriage separate tend to be more successful--things do change after marriage, and the clear delineation helps make the transition easier because you know that things have changed. I'm not feeling very eloquent right now, so though I'd like to clarify my thoughts on this some more I think I'd botch up the job royally so I'm gonna stop talking. Except one thing--ew. I would never want to live with a boy unless I had to, because boys are gross. Bachelor pads with moldy pizza and stuff everywhere, no thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archaeology cat Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 [quote name='tinytherese' post='1921921' date='Jul 16 2009, 11:32 PM']And even if a couple is engaged that's not a guarantee that they really will be married to each other one day.[/quote] No, it isn't. Both my uncle and my grandfather were engaged to different women than the ones they married. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmjtina Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 boys have cooties. but this stuff needs more media coverage. Oh wait, the media doesn't really want to blare out that kind of news. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OraProMe Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 I think this article is wrong because cohabitation allows the couple to experience married life before actually getting married. In a way it prepares them for it. (I'm not arguing for or against or that one is better than the other. Just sayin'). I'd say that cohabitation doesn't cause divorce. What I would say is that those who choose not to live together before marriage probably have very strong conservative values which would influence the way they run their marriage (for the better) and make them less willing to resort to divorce. Saying that cohabitation contributes to divorce just doesn't make sense. Looking at the type of people in de facto relationships and the type of people that wait does.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eagle_eye222001 Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 (edited) [quote name='OraProMe' post='1923318' date='Jul 18 2009, 01:04 AM']I think this article is wrong because cohabitation allows the couple to experience married life before actually getting married. In a way it prepares them for it. (I'm not arguing for or against or that one is better than the other. Just sayin'). I'd say that cohabitation doesn't cause divorce. What I would say is that those who choose not to live together before marriage probably have very strong conservative values which would influence the way they run their marriage (for the better) and make them less willing to resort to divorce. Saying that cohabitation contributes to divorce just doesn't make sense. Looking at the type of people in de facto relationships and the type of people that wait does....[/quote] There is no reason or evidence to suggest that cohabitation prevents divorce and makes stronger relationships. Many argue that cohabitation doesn't cause divorce, but how many cohabitating couples go on to marry and live full life long relationships? I haven't seen any evidence to support this. The moral background probably doesn't change the statistic much. ---------------- Now playing: [url="http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/hans+zimmer+%26+james+newton+howard/track/why+so+serious%3f+(album+version)"]Hans Zimmer & James Newton Howard - Why So Serious? (Album Version)[/url] via [url="http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/"]FoxyTunes[/url] Edited July 18, 2009 by eagle_eye222001 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OraProMe Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 (edited) 1. I didn't say that cohabitation makes marriage stronger. [i] Many argue that cohabitation doesn't cause divorce, but how many cohabitating couples go on to marry and live full life long relationships? [/i] How many couples, regardless, go on to live full life long relationships> [i]I haven't seen any evidence to support this. The moral background probably doesn't change the statistic much.[/i] Looking to the morals and beliefs of the couple on divorce seems much more logical to me. Look at why the couples choose to/not to live together before marriage and how these values may later affect the way they run their marriage. Saying "cohabitation causes divorce" is far too black and white. It doesn't even make sense. Edited July 19, 2009 by OraProMe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eagle_eye222001 Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 [quote name='OraProMe' post='1924376' date='Jul 19 2009, 01:09 AM']....Saying "cohabitation causes divorce" is far too black and white. It doesn't even make sense.[/quote] Cohabitation at least contributes to weaker relationships since there is no real commitment. You get the benefits of marriage without any commitment and can pull out at any moment with little/no repercussions. Why get married actually? Why commit when you already got the benefits?' Does that make sense? ---------------- Now playing: [url="http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/harry+gregson-williams/track/knighting+peter"]Harry Gregson-Williams - Knighting Peter[/url] via [url="http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/"]FoxyTunes[/url] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OraProMe Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 (edited) Yes. But I still think looking at the moral codes of the couples makes more sense. Because the same values that dictate how a couple views cohabitation are probably the same that dictate a couples view on divorce. Does that make sense? Edited July 19, 2009 by OraProMe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eagle_eye222001 Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 [quote name='OraProMe' post='1924607' date='Jul 19 2009, 02:34 AM']Yes. But I still think looking at the moral codes of the couples makes more sense. Because the same values that dictate how a couple views cohabitation are probably the same that dictate a couples view on divorce. Does that make sense?[/quote] Yeah. However it doesn't matter what end of the moral spectrum you come from as cohabiting is just as bad for the moral couple as it is for the immoral couple. In both scenarios, you have a "marriage" with no commitment so both get a "try before you buy" and get to use the other before the sale is made. Both couples will have a weaker relationship because of it and would therefore lead to a likelier chance of having a divorce if they get married. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OraProMe Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 But that "lack of commitment" is gone once the couple get married..... After that they're just as legally committed as a couple who wait till marriage to live together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angel*Star Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 [quote name='OraProMe' post='1924689' date='Jul 19 2009, 03:26 AM']But that "lack of commitment" is gone once the couple get married..... After that they're just as legally committed as a couple who wait till marriage to live together.[/quote] No, the lack of committment is not gone. What makes them now so committed? They have checked out the goods, sampled the milk, looked under the hood? This would make them more committed? Treating a person as if they are a car? Besides, what are their real reasons for marriage? They like what they see so they keep it? What would be their reasons. They have what they want with no committment. Or throw it aside when they get tired? And no one gets hurt? Wrong. Everyone gets hurt. They may be as "legally" committed, but what about how committed they are in their heart? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
browneyes106 Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 Sometime back I posted about my sister and she lives with the father of her son. A few weeks ago they broke up. I don't her boyfriend was ever truly committed to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinytherese Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 My second cousin is getting married this saturday to a man that got her pregnant and who she has been living with for years. Their son is four years old now. Her mom is glad that she is finally marrying this guy but I'm concerned that the two of them are not getting married for the right reasons and that they will eventually break up. It reminds me of the parable that Our Lord told where the two men build their houses. One of them builds his house on the sand while the other builds his house high on solid rock. When the storm came the one who built his house on the rock stayed firm and did not fall apart, but the one that had build his house on the sand fell apart. When you don't build your home, life, and in this case marriage on a solid foundation it makes it very difficult at best to stay together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 +J.M.J.+ i would just like to say that even though cohabitation before marriage is not the ideal, people can (and do) make those marriages work, especially those who 'revert' or convert after marriage. my husband and i are an example of that. so are my sister and her husband (25+ years of marriage). no, it is not the ideal. but to make a blanket statement that those who live together before marriage are doomed to eventually divorce is just plain wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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