cmotherofpirl Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 [url="http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/07/090713144122.htm"]http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/...90713144122.htm[/url] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eagle_eye222001 Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 Didn't see that one coming. Article is a bit scarce for words though. ---------------- Now playing: [url="http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/creed/track/what+if"]Creed - What If[/url] via [url="http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/"]FoxyTunes[/url] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angel*Star Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 (edited) I agree. And our friends who "waited to have children to get to know each other" are divorced. Frankly, if you don't know each other, maybe you shouldn't be getting married. I think we all have so much to learn. Society isn't right. I know people who have everything society says they should and they are miserable. The Catholic Church is right. We have 2000 years of great minds helping us on this path we call life. Edited July 16, 2009 by Angel*Star Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG45 Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 Interesting blow to the vast majority of people I know who say you need to live together first so you don't find out annoying habits later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angel*Star Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 (edited) Edited July 16, 2009 by Angel*Star Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angel*Star Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 My children have asked if I was certain their father was the man for me before I married him. I tell them I don't think we are ever sure. However, we need to step back and be objective before marriage. That can be difficult. Prayer is also top priority before (and after) marriage. However, I am not sure living together would have made me any more sure. It could still be too easy subjective. BTW, after 22+ years and lots of beautiful children, I am sure I made the right decision. It hasn't always been easy, but it has always been worth it. And I know not living together first is and was the right decision. I hope I didn't just hijack this thread. Sorry, if I did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eagle_eye222001 Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 [quote name='BG45' post='1921268' date='Jul 16 2009, 12:00 AM']Interesting blow to the vast majority of people I know who say you need to live together first so you don't find out annoying habits later.[/quote] Way to destroy that lie is to showcase the reasons people get divorced. Any decent poll or study will tell you people divorce because they differ on the number of children, previous divorce history, or lack of communication. When I see studies on reasons for divorces, I never see the reason "annoying habits" listed. "Annoying habits" is an excuse to justify living together. [quote name='Angel*Star' post='1921293' date='Jul 16 2009, 12:10 AM']My children have asked if I was certain their father was the man for me before I married him. I tell them I don't think we are ever sure. However, we need to step back and be objective before marriage. That can be difficult. Prayer is also top priority before (and after) marriage. However, I am not sure living together would have made me any more sure. It could still be too easy subjective. BTW, after 22+ years and lots of beautiful children, I am sure I made the right decision. It hasn't always been easy, but it has always been worth it. And I know not living together first is and was the right decision. I hope I didn't just hijack this thread. Sorry, if I did.[/quote] No you didn't. It's relevant ---------------- Now playing: [url="http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/lifehouse/track/whatever+it+takes"]Lifehouse - Whatever It Takes[/url] via [url="http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/"]FoxyTunes[/url] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinytherese Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 Everybody has "annoying habits" whether they be your spouse, child, friend, parent, sibling, etc. You just have to put up with them like in any other relationship. The only perfect person is Christ and I think that people are expecting their future spouse to be flawless. And you can totally find out about people's annoying habits without living with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmotherofpirl Posted July 16, 2009 Author Share Posted July 16, 2009 [quote name='tinytherese' post='1921574' date='Jul 16 2009, 12:02 PM']And you can totally find out about people's annoying habits without living with them.[/quote] So true, just ask their brothers and sisters Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sojourner Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 [quote name='tinytherese' post='1921574' date='Jul 16 2009, 11:02 AM']And you can totally find out about people's annoying habits without living with them.[/quote] There is no such thing as a perfect person. The question is not whether you annoy one another too much. Very early on in our relationship, my husband and I discussed "dealbreakers." We each shared things about ourselves that we thought would be dealbreakers. We did this because we wanted to get everything big out on the table early on. Then we made sure we were on the same page with things like faith, kids, parenting philosophy, where we'd live, and even politics. He's a touch more conservative than I am, but only mildly so. There are definitely things we each do that is annoying to the other. And sometimes we bicker about that stuff ... but when it comes to big stuff, we are on the same page. And we didn't have to cohabitate to find that out. We just had to know ourselves and know what we wanted in a spouse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InHisLove726 Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 (edited) I agree with the article. As the saying goes, "Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?" Not only is living together with an unwed partner immodest but it brings up a whole mess of problems to those who get engaged. In my mind, there is always a fear of actual commitment to the partner because you want to live together but most say, "Why do I need a piece of paper from the state saying I am committed to you?" If you truly love someone, you wouldn't feel the need to live with them without being married. The article also states: [quote]"Perhaps if a person is feeling a need to test the relationship, he or she already knows some important information about how a relationship may go over time."[/quote] If you are doubting a person's commitment, then it will more than likely end badly. Edited July 16, 2009 by InHisLove726 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinytherese Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 [quote name='InHisLove726' post='1921602' date='Jul 16 2009, 11:53 AM']I agree with the article. As the saying goes, "Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?" Not only is living together with an unwed partner immodest but it brings up a whole mess of problems to those who get engaged. In my mind, there is always a fear of actual commitment to the partner because you want to live together but most say, "Why do I need a piece of paper from the state saying I am committed to you?" If you truly love someone, you wouldn't feel the need to live with them without being married.[/quote] It's funny because the abstinence education group that I volunteer for in their office was discussing cohabitation at lunch today and someone brought up the "Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?" point. I've read before that if marriage really is just a piece of paper then why not just get it? According to their logic then getting a piece of paper wouldn't hurt them. Famous chastity speaker Jason Evert points out that if a couple wants to live together to see if they're compatible before getting married that they're wasting their time because men and women are different. Man and woman compliment one another. They are are equal in dignity but that does mean that they are the same. I once read somewhere that living with someone before you marry them is like buying shoes to "test them out" and then return them if you don't like them. Treating a person like this is not respecting their dignity, because you are treating them like an object. It also reminds me of the analogy that some people that have premarital sex use. "Don't you want to take a car for a test drive before buying it?" Again it's disrespecting the other person's dignity, lowering them to an object instead of a human being. You don't treat a car in the same way that you would treat a person. You certainly don't give yourself totally, completely, and unreservedly to a car as you do during the sexual act, which is why having sex outside of marriage is lie because you are saying that "I am totally yours until I am totally someone else's" (Yes more Jason Evert references. I am such a nerd when it comes to his stuff. No wonder I ended up starting a chastity club at my secular women's college. ) I remember when one of my dear suitemates told some other friends and I a story about her older sister. Her sister asked her if she had had sex before and she said no and that she was waiting until marriage. (I was relieved to hear this. I was wondering about her.) Then she said that her sister told her that she should have sex before she gets married. She was going to wait until marriage too but a week before she got married she slept with her fiance because she wanted to know what it felt like before the wedding. My suitemate told us that this conversation with her sister made her feel awkward, but she said that she could understand where she was coming from. One of our friends chimed in that you should make sure that someone is good at sex before you marry them because it would negatively affect your marriage and that besides you want to have your wedding night perfect. I mean come on if you really do love someone than you wouldn't leave them if they weren't perfect in bed. And hey you have the rest of your lives as husband and wife to practice pleasing each other. Just read St. Paul's definition of love in sacred scripture. My friends reasoning behind love just doesn't add up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InHisLove726 Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 (edited) [quote name='tinytherese' post='1921782' date='Jul 16 2009, 04:15 PM']I once read somewhere that living with someone before you marry them is like buying shoes to "test them out" and then return them if you don't like them. Treating a person like this is not respecting their dignity, because you are treating them like an object. It also reminds me of the analogy that some people that have premarital sex use. "Don't you want to take a car for a test drive before buying it?" Again it's disrespecting the other person's dignity, lowering them to an object instead of a human being. You don't treat a car in the same way that you would treat a person. You certainly don't give yourself totally, completely, and unreservedly to a car as you do during the sexual act, which is why having sex outside of marriage is lie because you are saying that "I am totally yours until I am totally someone else's"[/quote] The dignity of a human being is being totally lowered to baser human instincts. We are not animals. We are capable of respect. A future spouse is never the same as a pair of shoes or a new car. [quote]I remember when one of my dear suitemates told some other friends and I a story about her older sister. Her sister asked her if she had had sex before and she said no and that she was waiting until marriage. (I was relieved to hear this. I was wondering about her.) Then she said that her sister told her that she should have sex before she gets married. She was going to wait until marriage too but a week before she got married she slept with her fiance because she wanted to know what it felt like before the wedding. My suitemate told us that this conversation with her sister made her feel awkward, but she said that she could understand where she was coming from. One of our friends chimed in that you should make sure that someone is good at sex before you marry them because it would negatively affect your marriage and that besides you want to have your wedding night perfect. [/quote] That's horrible. I know a couple that have been married for several years who had sex 3 weeks before their wedding day. I asked the woman why, and she said they were "bored." Why completely destroy their purity when they could have waited 3 weeks? What if they got cold feet and decided to cancel the wedding? Both of them were virgins before this time, but still... It's absurd to have sex before you're married because you wanted to "try them out" or you were "bored." [quote]I mean come on if you really do love someone than you wouldn't leave them if they weren't perfect in bed. And hey you have the rest of your lives as husband and wife to practice pleasing each other. Just read St. Paul's definition of love in sacred scripture. My friends reasoning behind love just doesn't add up.[/quote] iawtc Edited July 16, 2009 by InHisLove726 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinytherese Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 [quote name='InHisLove726' post='1921865' date='Jul 16 2009, 05:51 PM']That's horrible. I know a couple that have been married for several years who had sex 3 weeks before their wedding day. I asked the woman why, and she said they were "bored." Why completely destroy their purity when they could have waited 3 weeks? What if they got cold feet and decided to cancel the wedding? Both of them were virgins before this time, but still... It's absurd to have sex before you're married because you wanted to "try them out" or you were "bored."[/quote] And even if a couple is engaged that's not a guarantee that they really will be married to each other one day. According to research half of all engaged couples break up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pauly Walnuts Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 is this because most couples who live together before marriage have sex? Why on earth would this happen? If you know statistics, A statistic can be made to say anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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