Dishonoring Parents

[FiereMargriet]

I recall reading somewhere here that every time you break a Commandment, it is considered grave matter. I know that grave matter, along with full knowledge and deliberate consent, makes a mortal sin. However, a few days ago my real family was visiting with my old host family and I felt my dad was being a little embarrassing, so I turned to my host sisters and kind of groaned and said, "My parents!" While I have been careful to obey and honor my parents ever since I found out that not doing so constitutes grave matter, I slipped and I wasn't sure whether my act added up to a mortal sin.

I know only I can find out with the help of a priest and prayer. But I received Communion yesterday because I suddenly felt like I really didn't intend to commit a mortal sin--at the time, making fun of my parents felt like a very small matter. But by-the-numbers-wise, it sounds like a mortal sin; my judgment/memory wasn't impaired at the time or anything. Any thoughts? When do small acts that go against Commandments in some way become sins?

[Thy Geekdom Come]

[quote name='FiereMargriet' post='1912764' date='Jul 6 2009, 03:44 PM']I recall reading somewhere here that every time you break a Commandment, it is considered grave matter. I know that grave matter, along with full knowledge and deliberate consent, makes a mortal sin. However, a few days ago my real family was visiting with my old host family and I felt my dad was being a little embarrassing, so I turned to my host sisters and kind of groaned and said, "My parents!" While I have been careful to obey and honor my parents ever since I found out that not doing so constitutes grave matter, I slipped and I wasn't sure whether my act added up to a mortal sin.

I know only I can find out with the help of a priest and prayer. But I received Communion yesterday because I suddenly felt like I really didn't intend to commit a mortal sin--at the time, making fun of my parents felt like a very small matter. But by-the-numbers-wise, it sounds like a mortal sin; my judgment/memory wasn't impaired at the time or anything. Any thoughts? When do small acts that go against Commandments in some way become sins?[/quote]

Generally, if you have a real doubt as to whether or not something was a mortal sin, then it couldn't possibly have been, since a real doubt means at the very least that you weren't aware the act would be a sin when you did it. Also, know that "deliberate consent" implies that you have deliberated at least a little bit over the act. It has to be somewhat premeditated, even if that amount of deliberation was very small. Knee-jerk reactions aren't deliberate (although we can look into modifying our tendencies so that the knee-jerk reaction doesn't occur in the future). Lastly, the ten commandments are generally held as a good definition of what is grave matter, but don't be too firm about it; some of the ten commandments are really too general for us to think that anything and everything that technically violates them is grave matter. For instance, the third commandment would seem to prohibit any work on the Sabbath, but Jesus Christ corrected our understanding of it; only work that keeps us from giving due honor to God on the Sabbath is not allowed, and one can see from the 3rd commandment section of the Catechism that even the Church is understanding when some people have little choice in the matter. Washing dishes is not a violation of the 3rd commandment. Neither is doing homework (although we must at least not let it dominate the day). There are venial offenses against the 3rd commandment (not paying attention during Mass), but really, the key grave offense would be not attending Mass.

When it comes to the 4th commandment, I hardly think teasing about an embarrassing parent is grave matter. I think grave matter would be more like disobeying a direct order from a parent, ruining a parent's good reputation, or leaving a parent uncared for (children who place their parents in nursing homes and never visit come to mind, not that there's anything wrong with nursing homes in general). The reason that the Church doesn't have a definitive list of what is and is not grave matter is 1) we're unfortunately far too talented in having many variations on the same old sins, such that the Church wouldn't even try to sit down and predict every sin a person could commit, 2) sometimes gravity is increased or decreased due to circumstances (stealing from the poor is much graver than stealing a small amount from a multinational corporation, although both are sins). So we have to use our own reason, together with the principles the faith sets out for us, to figure these things out.

Don't be scrupulous. Confess this at your next confession if you feel so compelled, but I strongly feel any priest would tell you not to worry about it.

God bless,

Micah

PS - When I tell a story about someone publicly or tease somebody about something, I try to ask myself first whether this person would be displeased by my telling the story or amused. I think a lot of parents get a sort of chuckle out of embarrassing their kids, so I don't think your comment probably would have seriously offended them, but that's kind of on a case-by-case basis.