Defending Myself

[tinytherese]

I can identify with some of what you're going through Rachael. My dad physically tortured me when I was a little girl and as far back as I can remember has been verbally and emotionally abusive. Last year he started sexually harassing me. He seems to be doing all of this just to push my buttons but I can't count 100% on that. The fear that he could rape me is still on my mind. I just found out yesterday that he got a visectomy years ago when I was twelve, a few months after my little brother was conceived. It's sick how when I heard this at a Fourth of July get together with other family members that part of me felt relieved that if he did in fact rape me that I wouldn't get pregnant from it.

Abuse can certainly lower one's self worth. Despite that I'm a junior black belt in tae kwon doe I still feel held back confidence wise. Even if I weren't so out of practice I still wouldn't want to try to fight him off. He's 6'3, works out a lot, and lifts weights. His strength and physical abilities are scary for me to think about.

I have somewhat of a fear of driving and my dad was literally my driver's ed. teacher. He does it for a living and I took a summer session class with him and even though he wasn't abusive during the timie that he was teaching me how to drive both in class and out I still didn't like it. Something about it annoyed me and he didn't always seem calm about it. So I usually don't drive, so I don't have a car. Just today, dad had me drive with him and my little brother to mass while my mom had already gone to mass earlier since she cantors. Then dad wanted to take me to practice driving again, but I refused. Mom knows that I don't like driving with him and that I'd rather do it with her instead but she said for that time at least that I should try it with him and that we would talk all three of us together later about it. If I felt okay with it then it would continue and if not then all of us could discuss what I didn't like about driving with him. So far this talk hasn't happened yet but I'm dreading it.

I don't want to spend any more time with him than I have to, and I especially don't want to be alone with him. Facing two fears at once is a lot to ask. Mom doesn't seem to "get it." She has stood up for me before regarding the sexual harassment but she doesn't seem to want to fight anymore. She knows about how he frustrates me and she says that she's tried to change him for years and that he just won't do it so don't even bother. I'm sick of this! I'm tired of that talk with her. The "wounds" are already there. It doesn't matter why he does it--it's still WRONG. I don't feel safe. I want him to stop and to sincerely apologize.

[rachael]

[quote name='tinytherese' post='1911852' date='Jul 5 2009, 05:10 PM']I can identify with some of what you're going through Rachael. My dad physically tortured me when I was a little girl and as far back as I can remember has been verbally and emotionally abusive. Last year he started sexually harassing me. He seems to be doing all of this just to push my buttons but I can't count 100% on that. The fear that he could rape me is still on my mind. I just found out yesterday that he got a visectomy years ago when I was twelve, a few months after my little brother was conceived. It's sick how when I heard this at a Fourth of July get together with other family members that part of me felt relieved that if he did in fact rape me that I wouldn't get pregnant from it.

Abuse can certainly lower one's self worth. Despite that I'm a junior black belt in tae kwon doe I still feel held back confidence wise. Even if I weren't so out of practice I still wouldn't want to try to fight him off. He's 6'3, works out a lot, and lifts weights. His strength and physical abilities are scary for me to think about.

I have somewhat of a fear of driving and my dad was literally my driver's ed. teacher. He does it for a living and I took a summer session class with him and even though he wasn't abusive during the timie that he was teaching me how to drive both in class and out I still didn't like it. Something about it annoyed me and he didn't always seem calm about it. So I usually don't drive, so I don't have a car. Just today, dad had me drive with him and my little brother to mass while my mom had already gone to mass earlier since she cantors. Then dad wanted to take me to practice driving again, but I refused. Mom knows that I don't like driving with him and that I'd rather do it with her instead but she said for that time at least that I should try it with him and that we would talk all three of us together later about it. If I felt okay with it then it would continue and if not then all of us could discuss what I didn't like about driving with him. So far this talk hasn't happened yet but I'm dreading it.

I don't want to spend any more time with him than I have to, and I especially don't want to be alone with him. Facing two fears at once is a lot to ask. Mom doesn't seem to "get it." She has stood up for me before regarding the sexual harassment but she doesn't seem to want to fight anymore. She knows about how he frustrates me and she says that she's tried to change him for years and that he just won't do it so don't even bother. I'm sick of this! I'm tired of that talk with her. The "wounds" are already there. It doesn't matter why he does it--it's still WRONG. I don't feel safe. I want him to stop and to sincerely apologize.[/quote]

[QuoteMan]

Seeing as most helpful tips have already been posted, I have only one tip:

And if he ever tries something like that again.... Aim for the crotch with something
heavy...

[icelandic_iceskater]

I there was something I could say... but most of it has already been said. You two are in my prayers.

edit: And remember to unite your suffering with that of the cross... the grace you will receive will more than make up for the pain you endure.

Edited July 5, 2009 by icelandic_iceskater

[tinytherese]

[quote name='icelandic_iceskater' post='1911904' date='Jul 5 2009, 06:48 PM']

I there was something I could say... but most of it has already been said. You two are in my prayers.

edit: And remember to unite your suffering with that of the cross... the grace you will receive will more than make up for the pain you endure.

[/quote]

Thank you.

[hoosieranna]

Rach, I don't have an answer other than you are perfectly in the right to defend yourself. Know that my prayers are added to the multitude already being offered.

[toebat]

Have you looked at Job Corps? I am not sure, but I believe they have a campus residency program. I do not think they have medical requirements.

Nobody should be abused, for any reason. People blame it on others, drugs or history. The truth is, they need self-control. There are people who think because they have reached a certain age, they are grown-up and nobody can tell them what to do.

All I can do from here is tell you to have faith. Pray and open your heart and your eyes for opportunities to make things better. Remember Jesus said, "Whatever you did to the least of these, you did to Me." I wouldn't want to be your Dad on that day.

[princessgianna]

[quote name='rachael' post='1910562' date='Jul 4 2009, 08:48 AM']Can everyone pray that I am able to find a job away from here? Thanks.[/quote]
Totally. Take care of yourself.

[tinytherese]

I'll be away from my dad for several days. I'll be going with other family members to visit relatives that I haven't seen since Christmas and dad is staying behind. I leave today and come back on sunday. It'll be nice to have a vacation from him.

It's funny, because at least one good thing has come from this situation--ever since last month I've been praying to Our Heavenly Father daily. I tell Him how I feel, what is going on, and even about stuff that isn't related to the abuses. Before, I didn't say much to Him apart from saying an Our Father for a prayer intention or as part of the rosary. In the past I've found it hard to relate and talk with Him but I am working on it much more now.

I liked this song before but over these past few weeks it means much more to me because of how my relationship with my Heavenly Father has been changing.

[url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZU7haNwyHc"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZU7haNwyHc[/url]

There's also Pope John Paul II who was more of a father to me than my dad has ever been even though I never met him, who I am sure is praying for me during this time and our current Holy Father Benedict--oh isn't the title HOLY FATHER a wonderful one!

Oh and St. Joseph! I almost completely forgot about him. I ask that he (as well as St. Maria Goretti and her Father) protect me from getting raped. May he come to your aid too Rachael! He is a very powerful influence on Our Lord.

Edited July 7, 2009 by tinytherese

[CatherineM]

You might also try sitting down and doing a scenario list. If he does this, I will do that, etc. Make a checklist like a pilot has for each emergency scenario, so that you don't feel so out of control of the situation.

[Jesus_lol]

im not really helpful in these conversations. my advice is always a different variation of "kick the problem in the teeth until it stops being a problem"

[Archaeology cat]

Praying, Rachael & tinytherese. If I were able to pay anything, I'd hire you. You can always apply to school in the UK.

[Selah]

I'm sorry, honey. Prayers And yes, you have every right to defend yourself. Call the police if things escillate.

I love you, Rachael!

Edited July 9, 2009 by Selah

[rachael]

THanks for everything you guys. you have no clue how much this means to me.

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='rachael' post='1917574' date='Jul 12 2009, 12:16 AM']THanks for everything you guys. you have no clue how much this means to me. [/quote]
Call your local womens shelter for information on how to get your meds so you do not have to depend on your family, and get acquainted with them so you are comfortable if you have to get there quickly.
Your relatives are a waste of human life. If he touches you start screaming your head off, kick him where it will do the most good, and call the police immediately. NOBODY has a right to touch you.
If and when you talk to your family, always tell them the truth. Abuse continues because of silence.
Talk to your priest he may have other resources available, get yourself to Catholic charities for counseling.