Parents

[TeresaBenedicta]

So, I was wondering how all of you deal with telling your parents about vocation-related things. A few questions I have:

At what point during your discernment did/should you tell your parents about your discernment?

How did/would you tell your parents?

What were their reactions and how did you handle them?

*For my own personal situation... I'm a convert to the faith and I went through quite the struggle with telling my parents (particularly my mom) that I wished to convert. It did not go over well at all and has left me very terrified of the prospect of ever telling her about my [possible] vocation. At any rate, I know it's going to have to happen eventually. But I have no idea of 'when'. Right now I'm at the stage of beginning to contact communities and I will likely be going to visit one of them this fall.

[TotusTuusMaria]

Early on, I think. Regret it.

Mom and I were just talking, as we do usually, and she brought up my being married in the future and my future kids and well... I said, "or I could be a sister."

Reaction? And she hesitated and said, "Is that something you are thinking about?" I think she is disappointed. Upset at first. She told my father. He is still in denial. They would love to see me married to some guy and having a bunch of kids (although probably not too many )

I wish I would have waited and just would have nodded my head in silence when she said that. It would have saved them both from a lot of unnecessary grief and worry. And they have told people I am discerning (which I wish they wouldn't have done). And not as many people would know... discerning a vocation is so precious. Keep it very close and personal as long as you can.

[CatherineM]

I told my mom at 14. She laughed like I had told the funniest joke in the world. When she saw I wasn't laughing, she got angry. Eventually she didn't speak to me for 3 months until I told her I had changed my mind. I kept it to myself only discussing it with my Godmother and my Dad. At 18, I broached the subject again. It got really ugly. I started contacting orders, and the ones I talked to didn't want to take a 18 year old without parental consent/approval. I decided to just go to college, and kept it in the back of my mind for many years, but eventually just got on with a regular life and am now married. My mother wasn't Catholic, and is the kind who takes her self esteem from the accomplishments of her kids. Nun wasn't on her list, and was never going to be. I'm very happy in my present vocation, but I do wish I had at least gotten the opportunity to, well, make the decision to not enter the religious life of my own accord.

[In The Arms of The Lord]

I also went through a conversion experience, which brought me to the Catholic faith. The experience was very deep and personal, and I still don't know if I could be able to describe it in words. When I first told my parents I think they thought it was another phase I was going through, that soon I would go on to something else. When I was younger I was always changing my mind about what I would do, career wise. I know though that this was not a phase I was going through, the Lord was doing something within me that I knew was going to be a lasting change. He was bringing me closer to Himself, I knew this when He had put the desire in me to give myself to Him. I was falling so deep in love with Him, I guess you could say it was consuming me. He became my everything. I don't think, even from this day, that I told my parents what the Lord was doing to me and still does to me. I never was really able to explain it. One day I told them that I was interested in attending Mass, and that I was going to contact the Director of Religious Education about the RCIA class. I must say that I was really good at putting things off, waiting to do them until last minute, but this was such a pull that I felt I had to call ASAP, it was just about the time for the classes to start and the thought that if I missed the classes that year I would have to wait to take them the next year. That didn't sit well with me.

Well, I started going to Mass and attended RCIA. Perhaps around this time my parents thought I was serious about this path. I started contacting communities. My parents never really said anything, only asked a few questions. I was new to everything so I was still learning also about those questions, and of course I still am!

It's been about 3 years now since my conversion experience, and I would say that i've been discerning a religious vocation for about 2 years. My first visit to the Monastery i'm discerning with is 6 days away. My parents have been asking a lot of questions, they seem really curious about the way of life. I have asked a few times what they think and my mom has always said that it takes a special person to live that kind of life and a lot of faith. My dad seems also supportive, he jokes around a bit about it. They have just always said they want me to be happy.

I know my happiness is to live His will, to follow these desires He has given me, to give Him all that I am and all that i'm not, and for Him to be my only possession!

Edited May 29, 2009 by In The Arms of The Lord

[laetitia crucis]

Like a few others, I too, am a convert to Catholicism. I converted about six years ago from being an evangelical/fundamentalist protestant in college. That change wasn't [i]too[/i] "strange" for my parents as they had fallen away from going to any church and knew I was going to the local Pentecostal church with one of my good friends while in high school, but when I told them I was thinking about becoming a nun... [i]that[/i] was "strange" for them. All my parents really knew about my possible future plans was "grad school". So, when I told them otherwise, my mom took it pretty hard. For a long time, she just thought I was going through a "phase" and that I'd snap back to reality after a bit. When I finally entered the convent, she had a lot of strange misconceptions about convent-life (I guess she's seen some strange movies about nuns...), but once she came to visit me and meet the sisters, she could see the religious vocation in real life and the joy of everyone there. She had finally accepted it. My dad, however, was just happy that I was happy even before I entered. ("I just want you to be happy.")

I was pretty open with people about my discernment -- in fact, I still am. However, I tend to think that I'm just [i]unusually[/i] lucky to be immediately surrounded by those who support religious vocations. In college (where I had discerned I am indeed called to religious life), I didn't really know others that were discerning a call to the religious life until my last year or two of college. I guess I was so open because I had thought "Surely, I can't be the [i]only[/i] one thinking about this! Maybe if I'm open, others will be, too.... then we can have some sort of support system for one another." And blessed be God, three of my college friends are now in religious life (a Jesuit, Capuchin, and Sister of Life).

Anyway, to be safe, I'd say keep your vocation between yourself and your spiritual director for now. Once you're absolutely certain about your vocation, then I'd ask the spiritual director when would be the best time to tell your parents and how to tell them.

You'll be in my prayers!

[NisiTe]

+M

My mother is Catholic, my father is Baptist...My mother saw signs of a vocation years before I even started discerning, possibly as far back as my early childhood (not many 6 year olds beg their parents to be baptized Catholic)...and, well, decided to keep that from me in fear that it would come to fruition...mainly because she saw religious life as a restrictive and unhappy life (not true ...anyways, the Lord found other means of revealing His beautiful plans for me and I began discerning near the end of my high school career...without parents my parents knowing...I entered college knowing that I would be able to discern more freely there (like contact communities and such), and near the end of my first year I was almost certain that I was called to religious life...I had been in contact with it and was approaching my first visit...that was when I made a novena to St. Philomena (who is absolutely amazing btw) and at the end of it, I wrote my parents of my "good news" and prayed some more...they wrote me back and told me that they saw it coming and that I had their blessing and support (I am truly blessed!!)...My father, the protestant, actually drove me down to the convent the first time, and though he does not really get "religious life" he knows that the prayers that will spring forth from it will not go unnoticed...he said something so touching when he dropped me off that I still hold upon my heart...he said, "We'll be doing this again someday, but I won't be back to pick you up"...and he was right because I will be entering this convent in only a few months...my parents are happy for me (even though I know my mother would secretly want me to be the lawyer I once aspired to be) and I know the hardest thing for them will not be being able to communicate with me as much as they would like, but like all parents...what they want most of all is their child's happiness...sometimes they just need the time to see it...in addition to the grace of God. Again, I have been truly blessed.

Edited May 30, 2009 by NisiTe

[tinytherese]

I'd say to pray for your parents that they will understand and pray for knowing when the right time will be for you to reveal your secret to them. I've heard it said that the hearts of parents soften when they observe the community for themselves and if you do enter then they'll get to see you happy there and then they'll be happy for you.

[DameAgnes]

[quote name='NisiTe' post='1878151' date='May 29 2009, 08:01 PM']+M

My mother is Catholic, my father is Baptist...My mother saw signs of a vocation years before I even started discerning, possibly as far back as my early childhood (not many 6 year olds beg their parents to be baptized Catholic)...and, well, decided to keep that from me in fear that it would come to fruition...mainly because she saw religious life as a restrictive and unhappy life (not true ...anyways, the Lord found other means of revealing His beautiful plans for me and I began discerning near the end of my high school career...without parents my parents knowing...I entered college knowing that I would be able to discern more freely there (like contact communities and such), and near the end of my first year I was almost certain that I was called to religious life...I had been in contact with it and was approaching my first visit...that was when I made a novena to St. Philomena (who is absolutely amazing btw) and at the end of it, I wrote my parents of my "good news" and prayed some more...they wrote me back and told me that they saw it coming and that I had their blessing and support (I am truly blessed!!)...My father, the protestant, actually drove me down to the convent the first time, and though he does not really get "religious life" he knows that the prayers that will spring forth from it will not go unnoticed...he said something so touching when he dropped me off that I still hold upon my heart...he said, "We'll be doing this again someday, but I won't be back to pick you up"...and he was right because I will be entering this convent in only a few months...my parents are happy for me (even though I know my mother would secretly want me to be the lawyer I once aspired to be) and I know the hardest thing for them will not be being able to communicate with me as much as they would like, but like all parents...what they want most of all is their child's happiness...sometimes they just need the time to see it...in addition to the grace of God. Again, I have been truly blessed.[/quote]

Beautiful story.

[elizabeth09]

1)Within the nest 6 month. So they will not worried about you.

2)I had told all my family at once.

3) My mom is with me all the way. I want to say one of my brother and sister is with me. But still date. This does not mean that you have to get married.

[mariaassunta]

My Father said He only wanted what God wanted for me and wanted nothing but to let me see happiness in this life, so if thats includes entering the convent again, He will let me go in a heartbeat. But it causes Sacrifice on both ends. The best thing a parent can do is give there Child back to God in His Service.

[the lords sheep]

I told them after I had submitted my application.
I told my parents at breakfast when they were here with me in Rome.
My mother ended 3+ weeks worth of 2-3 min conversations with "I don't have anything more to say to you." We've moved on to not talking about it in any way, shape or form. Two months later, I really don't think she knows any more than the name and where it's located, because she refuses to talk about it.
Dad's not happy, but he said he [i]feels[/i] like he should be happy for me, which I thought was nice. My sisters think I'm crazy. I haven't told my extended family for the sake of my mother, because I know she doesn't want to talk about it yet. However, I'm going to eventually start telling people, because I don't think she's going to come around any time soon.
Thanks be to God I have support from my friends.

[tinytherese]

Not all of the parents of the saints wanted them to become religious. St. Gerard ran away from home and the parents of St. Catherine of Sienna wanted her to marry and they were horrified when she cut her hair so that no man would want her. They were furious to say the least.

[TotusTuusMaria]

[quote name='tinytherese' post='1881260' date='Jun 2 2009, 03:13 PM']Not all of the parents of the saints wanted them to become religious. St. Gerard ran away from home and the parents of St. Catherine of Sienna wanted her to marry and they were horrified when she cut her hair so that no man would want her. They were furious to say the least.[/quote]

yeah St. Teresa of Avila, St. Clare of Montefalco, St. Clare of Assisi, St. Agnes of Assisi...

[the lords sheep]

Don't forget St. Thomas Aquinas and St. Anthony of Padua

[elizabeth09]

I still yet to tell my extended family. I might not even tell my mom side until I application.