Could You Help Me A Little?

[agnes88]

Hi, everyone! I just completed my 10 posts in order to post in here!

As the title says, I am new to discerning and don't know what I'm doing. Reading your stories has been so inspiring to me!

Some things make me nervous and concerned, and I'm hoping you can help me out a little.


1. I don't know any female religious, and sometimes I doubt that any actually exist! Of course I look on the websites and see them, but that's all. I hear a lot about former nuns who left, discerners who can't find a fitting order, people who go through postulancy and leave... Are there happy sisters and nuns out there? I know some orders have lots of new, young vocations. Are these young women staying in and taking their perpetual vows? I need some reassurance.

2. My spiritual director suggested I get in touch with a couple of orders of interest this summer. How do you go about this? What do you say when you contact them? I haven't been a practicing Catholic for two years yet (I don't come from a religious family and only started practicing in college), so I know I am not looking to enter right away.

3. Can you guys maybe give me some advice at looking at orders? I've found so many that look good, but I don't know if any of them fit me very well, if you know what I mean. I am trying to go where God leads me, but I don't know if I'm particularly good at following Him.

I like that the Dominicans say they "contemplative and share the fruits of their contemplation." That appeals to me a lot! The Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist look wonderful wonderful wonderful, but when I looked at their daily schedule, it seemed a little too packed full. I'd want more quiet and more time to pray than that!

I also love the idea of perpetual adoration. I do a daily Holy Hour now, and that and daily Mass are the center of my day. Since I love adoration and prayer, it seems that I should look at contemplative orders, but I don't really feel comfortable with the idea of a cloister. Also, I was reading the thread on unusual hygene practices... and that made me a little nervous! I want a simple and sparse lifestyle, but I don't know if I'm ready for washing out of a bucket!

I want to be mostly out of the world, but I also want to be able to get up and help people in the world directly. I would love to teach people and maybe kids about Christ and the Church, and I also want to pray a lot. Is there anything like that out there?

Do you have any advice?


Thank you all so much!!! I'm sorry this is so long!


Agnes

Edited May 24, 2009 by agnes88

[TotusTuusMaria]

Agnes,

Welcome to pm!!

Check out these two websites:
[url="http://www.religious-vocation.com/"]http://www.religious-vocation.com/[/url]
[url="http://www.religiouslife.com/"]http://www.religiouslife.com/[/url]

Consider going on a Come and See. That is a good way to make contact with a potential religious community. And write. Just a letter of inquiring for more information on their life and let it bloom or not from there.

Read the works of those that originally founded the order.

Pray. Pray. Pray.

Don't focus too much on odd hygeine practices... you might not even encounter them and the deciding factor should be "Is God calling me here?" He will equip you with everything you need and take care of it all. Don't worry.

[agnes88]

Thank you, TTM!

I figured I shouldn't worry about the hygiene practices. I just had never considered it before, so it was a big shock!

[TotusTuusMaria]

I can understand.

[laetitia crucis]

Hi Agnes!

1. I can assure you that there are definitely many young and happy religious out there, and they are professing final vows. In fact, last year the order I was with had over 30 young religious professing their perpetual vows world wide. Perhaps you're not hearing about the ones that stay because, well, for many orders there's limited computer usage (if any at all). And as for the ones that come back after entering for additional discernment to find the right community (like myself), you just can't helping coming back to the Phamily. So you hear about us.

2. As another had said, I would suggest researching a few religious orders that draw your heart. In addition to the sites TotusTuus gave, I'd also recommend [url="http://www.cmswr.org"]CMSWR[/url] -- the website for the Council of Major Superiors of Women Religious. I find it to be a wonderful, wonderful site and also very helpful!

As to how you go about getting in touch with them, my spiritual director had suggested that I:

1.) PRAY for guidance from the Holy Spirit and our Blessed Mother;
2.) Research any orders that draw your heart. Write the names of all these orders down.
3.) From that list, PRAY and pick ONLY ten.
4.) Write them all the same letter giving the following info: name, age, brief discernment and educational background (as some orders require a certain level of education and a time period of being a practicing Catholic or of serious discernment), interest in the community, and your contact info.
5.) Mail them and wait to hear back.
6.) Keep praying!

I personally didn't want to keep contact via e-mail, but chose either snail mail or phone as I find this more personal. Once I heard back from the communities, it was quite a bit easier to narrow down which ones I felt God was asking me to further discern with. From there one can schedule a "Come & See" or whatnot.

3. Advice on looking into orders... I suppose practical advice would be to ask first is what kind of life do you believe God is calling you to? Active/Apostolic, Semi-Contemplative, or Contemplative/Cloistered? Also, is God calling you to a more "traditional" order (ex. the ones from the CMSWR) or other? Is there a particular spirituality or saint you connect with? (Perhaps someone that has a great devotion for and spiritual connection with Sts. John of the Cross, Teresa of Avila, Therese of Lisieux, and Elizabeth of the Trinity should consider looking into the Carmelites...)

Ultimately, I think the best way to know if you "fit" with an order is to go and visit them. I mean, an order can "look" perfect on paper/websites and even sound perfect on the phone, but when it comes down to it... you just gotta visit! It's kind of like ordering clothes from a catalogue vs. trying on the clothes first -- using changing/dressing room is much easier in discerning if I just bought the right dress or not. And even then, once you try that dress on, and it seems the "perfect fit", sometimes you don't discover it wasn't quite right until you "live" in it for a bit. (I hope that makes sense.)

Have you ever looked into some semi-contemplative orders? They generally have a good deal more prayer time (adoration, meditation, contemplation, etc.) than completely active orders. Hmmm... ... maybe the [url="http://www.altonfranciscans.org/"]Franciscan Martyrs of St. George[/url], the [url="http://www.carmelitesistersocd.com"]Carmelite Sisters of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus[/url], the [url="http://franciscansisterscfr.com/"]Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal[/url], the [url="http://www.torsisters.org/"]T.O.R. Sisters[/url], the [url="http://www.piercedhearts.org/"]Servants of the Pierced Hearts of Jesus and Mary[/url], the [url="http://www.panhandlefranciscans.org/index2.html"]School Sisters of St. Francis[/url], the [url="http://www.capuchinsisters.com/"]Capuchin Sisters of Nazareth[/url], the [url="http://www.cksisters.org/"]School Sisters of Christ the King[/url], and the [url="http://marymediatrix.com"]Franciscan Sisters of the Immaculate[/url]. I know not all of those are semi-contemplative, but I tried finding some with a teaching emphasis, or an emphasis in their contemplative life... Hope this is helpful! (And honestly, I wasn't trying to be biased with all those Franciscans! )

Prayers!

lc

[agnes88]

Wow, thank you so much! I am familiar with the Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal and the Capuchin Sisters of Nazareth, and I like them both. I will definitely check out the other communities you listed. I agree that visiting communities is crucial, especially since I don't know any religious. It's like ordering a dress from a catalogue when I've never worn a dress before!

Have any of you done the little vocations test on this website? [url="http://www.vocationsplacement.org/NewApplicant.asp?fromWeb=true&TYC=true&Interest=Monastic"]http://www.vocationsplacement.org/NewAppli...terest=Monastic[/url]

I'm interested in doing it, but it says communities may call you or mail you things. I'm fine with emails, but I haven't talked to my parents or roommates about my discernment, so I don't really want phone calls or mail.

[Laudem Gloriae]

Hi Agnes and welcome! The last religious I new - until I started visiting orders the past few years - was the Dominican sisters that taught me (in the full beautiful habit as I am 49!), so it's not a requirement to actually know a religious. And since there so so many orders WITH no habit and just a silly pin, you could have passed a few sisters in church or shopping and not even know it!

But don't go by the stories of girls/women who enter and leave an order or two or enter and then leave a few years later as there are just as many or more who DO stay and get Solemnly Professed and stay forever in joy with their sisters and God!

Also don't focus or think of other in this respect - vocation wise - as you are finding where YOU belong, so worry about others. Also many women/girls leave because they discover either right away or even a few years down the road that they HAD no vocation to that order(s) and that their vocation was either to an active order (if they entered a cloister) or vice versa OR they just HAD no vocation to the religious life at all and find their vocation is marriage or single, etc.

I know many women/girls who have entered and so happy and some have been professed and others soon to be but you often DON'T hear of them as some may not have been PMers or were but as they nor anyone else posted on them you never hear of them again and may forget about them (especially if they were infrequent posters, etc.)

Like the others said, go on "Come and Sees", live-in retreats, etc. If you hear of or see an order on the internet write, call or email the order and spend time taking with via these ways with the Mother/Abbess/Prioress, novice mistress or vocation mistress (depends on the order/community) and discern, talk, etc. open your heart, concerns, etc. with ones you feel you can with and God will often speak to you through them for direction to them in the end or other orders.

As Mother Angelica used to say years ago, take that step of faith which is usually like one foot on the edge of the cliff and the other out in mid air - or something like that, those are NOT her exact words!, but I'm sure you get my drift.

I am not sure where you live or what country but good traditional religious orders have great vocation discernment help on their websites. I've seen many but for now I can remember off the top of my head the Poor Clare Colettines in Galway, Ireland on their Vocation Discernment page: [url="http://www.poorclares.ie/vocation.html"]http://www.poorclares.ie/vocation.html[/url] - doesn't mean you have to be a Poor Clare to read this of course!

Also don't forget there are many women/girls who enter the first order/community they contact and visit and stay forever! Others are lead on a merry trip by God to their final home. Or God may let you visit or even enter an order or to to SHOW you that you don't have a vocation and it was all YOUR belief and NOT His! I've heard of that too - a friend of mine.

So don't get caught up with other's adventures in, out or leaving orders, that is THEM and NOT YOU! You are probably younger than me )I'm 49) and I often get from some orders "We've had older women who have left," etc. but I have to say "Well THEY are NOT ME! I am a whole different person, with probably a REAL vocation while they perhaps didn't or they weren't meant for your order." So I have a different set of things to deal with.

I don't focus on what could be a paralyzing fear of the "older women don't stay, etc" and then never end up entering anywhere! Thank God there are a good many orders in the US and more in Ireland and England that DON'T have this "myth" like thinking.

So put your fears or worries aside and follow God's will for YOU and be fearless for Him and your future life as His spouse and you His. He is your Beloved so keep your eyes, heart, ears and thoughts/mind on HIM alone and don't listen to negative thoughts, people or stories you hear or read.

Wow, time to shut up now! God bless!

[agnes88]

Thank you, Laudem Gloriae! That was such great advice. I definitely need to focus on my own vocational journey and not get too distracted by the rest of the world.

By the way, I'm 20 and a college student in the US.

[she_who_is_not]

Don't get caught up too much in external things. Meaning the specific aspostalate, how attractive the habit is, etc. Focus on the charism and spirituality and after you start writing, conversing, and meeting how you connect and grow with the sisters. The community I am currently discerning with is so far from what I envisioned for myself but I'm learning to look for what God has envisioned for me.

[laetitia crucis]

[quote name='Laudem Gloriae' post='1874347' date='May 24 2009, 02:59 PM']So put your fears or worries aside and follow God's will for YOU and be fearless for Him and your future life as His spouse and you His. He is your Beloved so keep your eyes, heart, ears and thoughts/mind on HIM alone and don't listen to negative thoughts, people or stories you hear or read.[/quote]

I have to second Laudem Gloriae there -- what she said is perfect!

[agnes88]

You are all so wise and helpful!

[the lords sheep]

[quote name='agnes88' post='1874362' date='May 24 2009, 08:20 PM']You are all so wise and helpful! [/quote]

Know that we only seem that way because we've had many trials and errors!

The biggest thing for now is to determine if God is calling you to a cloistered order, an active order, or one that is somewhere in between. Then, look at websites, read literature and- once you've worked yourself up to it- make a few phone calls. If nothing else, it will get you a bit more comfortable talking with Sisters, and they may help you to discern more specifically what your looking for just by what draws you.

Above all: PRAY! Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you. And be patient with yourself! You'll find where Christ wants you in His time and through His love.

God bless you!

In Christ,
Lauren

ps- did you ask your SD if he had any recommendations? Maybe because he knows you, he may have some advice where to begin

[VeniteAdoremus]

What really helped me is keeping a spiritual diary. You can "try out" different practices and see what makes you feel at peace, and what doesn't.

And I definitely second the not focussing on externals too much, although this can be difficult if you don't have much information. I am very ashamed to say that when I first came in contact with a certain community a couple of years ago, I lost interest because I didn't like their web site... Their chaplain re-did it. I'm due to enter there in four months.

Last point: if you're insecure about something, but know you would always keep wondering what it would be like if you didn't do it, do it. (As long as it's within Church teaching, of course.) I got this advice from a sister and used it twice in the past three years. The impact on my life has been huge.

[toservelove]

I think you are getting a lot of good advice. I remember when I first decided to answer the call, I didn't tell anyone either. It may take a while, so don't be in a hurry. It took me three years, and I was seriously considering one order, but felt very unsure when it came down to the wire, so I continued searching. Discernment can be like that, so it's good to have a spiritual director or at least friends who understand your spiritual searching and can support you both with prayer and advice.

I have now been with the Cloistered Dominican Sisters at the Monastery of the Blessed Sacramant in Farmington Hills, MI for about 5 months, and I am very happy. Yes, there were a few things to get used to, but the sisters have all 'been there, done that' and they give me lots of space and time to find my way, with little nudges and encouragement here and there. It is true that I don't wash my clothes or take showers everyday like I used to, but part of that has come from an understanding that I really don't smell as bad as I think I do, so let's conserve our planets resources and save money. However, I am not limited (and even though I wear a veil, I still wash my hair everyday and if I don't take a shower, I still wash up a bit using the sink in my room.) I also have a small mirror, which helped a lot when I first got my veil, but now I can put it on without it. As one of my sister novices said, We are supposed to be the mirror for others, reflecting Christ.

Before I entered I was hearing from nearly everybody about someone they knew who joined and left either the priesthood or consecrated life. I just figured it was the devil trying to derail me and kind of ignored it...after all, a lot of those were from the 60s and 70s when people left en masse. But, there are many reasons people leave and we shouldn't judge. I know of some sisters who were very happy, but had to leave because of family issues, so not being happy is not the only reason someone leaves. The belief here and in most places is that it is God who calls everyone together, and God may call someone only for a time--for their benefit and for the benefit of the community.

You don't hear much about sisters like us, because we are enclosed contemplative. And you don't hear much about active orders, unless they happen to be very active in your community. For example, in my home town, there are regular newspaper articles about the Sisters of Humility and the Benedictine Sisters because they are always organizing fund drives, prayer times, or doing some other good work. Just keep your ears open; it may be that you were just not aware before.

Another piece of advice, which I was just reminded of yesterday, send your guardian angel ahead of you. Ask your guardian angel to find the perfect community for you, or if you are not called, to help you discern the best path for your life. When you are ready to tell people, ask your guardian angel to soften their hearts and listen willingly to what you say. Ask your guardian angel to visit the communities you are interested in and 'check them out' and if it would be a good match, that both you and the sisters will feel some sort of connection or click. I did this and it never failed me. Now I send my guardian angel out to my loved ones and on other special errands. In fact, I will ask my angel to visit you and give you a blessing of peace and wisdom in discernment. May God richly bless you, and our Holy Mother, Mary, guide you. Amen

[laetitia crucis]

[quote name='toservelove' post='1874443' date='May 24 2009, 06:42 PM']Another piece of advice, which I was just reminded of yesterday, send your guardian angel ahead of you. Ask your guardian angel to find the perfect community for you, or if you are not called, to help you discern the best path for your life. When you are ready to tell people, ask your guardian angel to soften their hearts and listen willingly to what you say. Ask your guardian angel to visit the communities you are interested in and 'check them out' and if it would be a good match, that both you and the sisters will feel some sort of connection or click. I did this and it never failed me.[/quote]

God bless you, Sister! Even though this piece of advice wasn't directly intended for me, I will definitely be using it. Thanks!!

lc