Confession...mass Etc

[bmb144]

I'm in a particular situation in which I am the carer for my mum who is ill. In the last 5 months mum has had 3 strokes and on top of already having a brain injury and joint distorting arthritis it can make thing very hard for her when it comes to relating to people other than me. Now usually I only leave the house for either doctors appointments or to buy food as there is no one who can cover for me for an extended period time.

I have a mobile phone [cell phone] and make calls home to check on her while I'm out.

After an extended break due to recovering from operations I tried to make a confession appointment in the hope I may ab able to come back to church.

The parish priest knows that my mum has special care needs and that I prefer to do things in blocks so I don't have to leave her for more time than is needed.

So I rang up and for two weeks got no response. I called back and the assistant priest set up an appointment but forget about it, so when I got there, he had already left.

So I then had to wait another 2 weeks and finally got an appointment but then got grilled for my lack of attendance at Mass...

You know what..I'm sorry but when you do midnight, 2am and 4am checks on her daily turning around and then getting up at 5am to walk to the church for 7am Mass is beyond my strength. I had an ankle reconstruction operation last year and its taking time to finishing healing and that hill between here and the church is still hard to walk. I've only done it three times since the op and needed to ice the ankle after all three times. I've also had two other operations, so 3 in 10 months and I'm on leave from my theology studies to rest and heal correctly.

So I get told there are other Masses...but seeing how ill mum is, they never fit time wise.

Now yes, I know I'm suppose to ask for a lift and guess what I rang up and asked and never heard back.

Then the suggestion was made that they should come here but when one of people met mum and I in the local shopping centre and all he could do is stare at mum's rather distorted joints, I have to admit I got very frustrated. I do understand that people who don't look as normal as everyone else get stared at but simple respect alone should ask a person not to stare.

Then i find out that the wearing of a mantilla to Mass would also be looked down on...

At that point all I could do was throw up my hands.

So, phat family I'm turning to you. Is it ok for me to feel a little frustrated here?

If I had a car I'd go to the next parish over....I don't though, so I cannot. Its too far to travel by public transport.

Yes, mum is improving but the actions/attitudes of the local parish members have left such a bad taste in mum's mouth she doesn't want anyone from the parish any where near our home.

In my position what would you do?

[loveletslive]

many parishes have a pool of parishioners who will drive people to church who are unable to. call the parish you'd like to attend and see if someone can pick you up for Mass. my church also has a bus that picks up everyone that is either homebound or in a nursing home.

is there any public transportation you can take to Mass, or a taxi?

[CatherineM]

Sometimes people just don't understand unless they have had to walk in your shoes. I was in a wheelchair for 8 years, and during that time rarely got to go to confession. The only accessible church in the area was the Cathedral. On Saturdays when they had confession, they kept the door to the only accessible entrance locked tight. Once my roommate when up the steps to ask for someone to let me in, and the Deacon inside said no. I talked to the Bishop, and he had a word with the Deacon, and I didn't have that problem again. I eventually started going to mass at the chapel at the Catholic hospital because I got tired of the pointing and staring. I had a car though, and that made a big difference.

[Slappo]

Wrong to feel frustrated? Most definitely not.

Also, extrenuating circumstances, especially care of the sick can be valid reasons to miss Sunday mass, obviously we must do everything within reason to try and get there, which would include looking up possible people to come pick you up, but the home bound and their caregivers do have more leeway then the average lay person.

As for the mantilla.... who cares if it is looked down upon? So what, so is receiving communion on the tongue in many places! I know obviously it is no fun to get looked down upon... but I'd say wear it anyway if you feel the desire to!

Hopefully you can get better luck with someone that can give rides and is reliable. Maybe an older couple that knows what it is like to have health difficulties? Or someone else who is caregiving for elderly? I'd definitely look at other parishes near by if there are them to see if you can get transportation *somewhere*. If you have no transportation and have tried within reason to get it by no means did you miss a Sunday obligation if you choose not to walk long distances up hill on an ankle that has had surgery!

[Donna]

I am [i]outraged [/i] for you.

Yes, not clergy here lol, but having been in similiar straights -
I will not give suggestions on how to get to Mass, you are so
zealous and admirable in your attempts it brings tears to one's
eyes... My lady, suggestions will come to you, they come by the
droves from your keen mind already because your heart is so generous.

OK...these stupid and incredible obstacles are just that.
[b]But since they are overwhelming, and WHO will take care
of your Mum if you are worn to nothing,[/b] please do not scruple
about missing Mass.

I do not understand the clergy who seem not to have a clue...

Caring for sick children, parents "must" miss Mass. It is the
exact same situation you are in, only much more difficult!

I am confident that you will not forever having to be rowing
against this raging river. And the least I can do is to complain
to God and Our Lady to fix this situation that He be no longer
deprived of an adorerer of His at holy Mass.

And I know...you crave His real presence and graces...
Totally legitimate - plus of course with the crosses you
need them. I am so glad you reached out with this.

Edited May 20, 2009 by Donna

[Groo the Wanderer]

Faith, Hope, Love abide these three, but the greatest of these is Love.

Acts of charity (love) always take precedence over the Sacraments. Christ instituted the Sacraments in part to bring us closer to Him, so that we can be more like Him. Christ is love and He came to serve. So it is quite excusable to miss Mass to care for your Mum.

Do your best to get there when you can. Perhaps you can arrange for a priest to visit you given your circumstances. Offer him dinner.




That said folks, if I catch anyone abusing this and missing Mass to walk their dog, give their bestest girlfriend a perm, or because they 'love' watching their sports team on the TV, I'm gonna come for a special visit ---->

[virginiancatholic]

You're situation is a frustrating and familiar one. Good heavens! That is totally ridiculous!

I'm not sure how things are in your area, but could you call up different parishes? If they are not willing at your own parish, perhaps there is another parish where the priest would be willing to come and see you. Also, you might try getting in touch with a nurse or a health care facility to see if they have any clerical contacts that they know, or names of priests who make house calls regularly. There ought to be someone available to minister to your mother as well.

The church requires her members to attend Mass when possible. She does not require super human feats of amazing proportion. If you cannot get to Mass, try doing the readings on your own, or spending an hour in prayer in your own home. Your efforts are surely pleasing to Our Blessed Lord.

I know it is hard, but if you can work yourself to the point where you don't give a hoot about other's opinions on your mass attendance, veil wearing, or condition. It isn't any of their business anyhow.

[Slappo]

Also, there are some government sponsored agencies that go around to pick up the elderly for things like grocery trips and doctor appointments, maybe one of those would be able to take you and your mom to mass?

[Lil Red]

[quote name='loveletslive' post='1871319' date='May 19 2009, 07:20 PM']many parishes have a pool of parishioners who will drive people to church who are unable to. call the parish you'd like to attend and see if someone can pick you up for Mass. my church also has a bus that picks up everyone that is either homebound or in a nursing home.

is there any public transportation you can take to Mass, or a taxi?[/quote]
+J.M.J.+
if you read her posts, she did ring the parish and ask for a ride and got no response.

InHisLight, i do believe there is an exception for missing Mass for caregivers.

[inunionwithrome]

Does your church have the capability of recording the mass for the invalids? If so, then have someone whom you trust deliver that to you and then, ask for God and the angels and the saints to deliver spiritual communion to you so that you may keep up your strength.

[bmb144]

I read the readings and recite the LOTH at home but its not enough to sustain a belief that already had profound question marks hanging over it. No man is an island.
I feel totally rejected by the local people of the church. I have nothing against the church, though. I'll be continuing my theology studies 2nd semester and I'll continue on. I'm just not sure any more if being Catholic is correct. This has left me to wonder a lot...

As to them coming here....after the way certain people reacted toward my mum, no way. My mum isn't Catholic and what desire she had to know more is gone due to their actions and the inaction of others. I rang 4 times for a lift and got no response either.

God though does provide and he has brought into my life a lovely man who lives in Arizona. We have been talking online now for over six months and I hope to meet him in person and see if the online chemistry is the same. Please pray that the distance between us can be bridged. He could very well be the love of my life

Unless holy lightening strikes me, I can safely say that my call is to live the Benedictine rule as a lay person. I still take great comfort in the rule and in my patrons St Michael the Archangel and St Benedict.

Our Lady of Fatima...please sort this out!

[jwingert72]

I am so sorry for you dear sister in Christ. It is so said when those in the Church who claim to be followers of Christ are such failures to meeting the demands of love. You are in my prayers, please continue to study, and you are in the "right" Church. I will pray for you, I have known the difficulty this past year missing daily mass due to work hours. I thought life was so dry, God did work stuff out and next month I start a new job and will be able to return to daily mass. God Bless little saint in the making. Do you have TV masses in your area, like EWTN. You could make a spiritual communion with them, even on the internet. God Bless!

[Donna]

In His Light,

Offering up a suffering of mine, for your intentions, little tho this is.

Much respect and admiration,

Donna

[julielizabet]

How frustrating for you. God bless you for taking care of your mother. Like you, my mom was sick for quite some time. She could not attend mass. You could also make sure to read the mass readings at home for any particular Sunday (or anyday, really), and make a spiritual communion. I hope things get sorted out for you. Though you're certainly validly excused, getting to mass and confession would probably be good for you!