Stay At Home Moms?

[StColette]

I think we should all be careful not to create a stigma against working moms. As many posters pointed out there has been a general view in our society against stay at home mothers. We should keep in mind to not create a similar view against working moms.

We should also keep in mind what God has called these women to do and it doesn't mean to the detriment of her children. Some of the most amazing working mothers that I know are teacher who not only want to give to their own children but to others. And not long ago many were supporting another working mom, Sarah Palin. We were all supportive of her choice to take on the possible job of VP of the US. This would have meant that she would not be home with her children, by her own choice because she felt called to do something more. I know Red is amazing at her job and is proud of the work she does. She feels called to do what she's doing. And she doesn't work at the cost of the well being of her children, but I don't think anyone doubted that.

[homeschoolmom]

[quote name='StColette' post='1871149' date='May 19 2009, 05:22 PM']I think we should all be careful not to create a stigma against working moms. As many posters pointed out there has been a general view in our society against stay at home mothers. We should keep in mind to not create a similar view against working moms.

We should also keep in mind what God has called these women to do and it doesn't mean to the detriment of her children. Some of the most amazing working mothers that I know are teacher who not only want to give to their own children but to others. And not long ago many were supporting another working mom, Sarah Palin. We were all supportive of her choice to take on the possible job of VP of the US. This would have meant that she would not be home with her children, by her own choice because she felt called to do something more. I know Red is amazing at her job and is proud of the work she does. She feels called to do what she's doing. And she doesn't work at the cost of the well being of her children, but I don't think anyone doubted that.[/quote]
This is not to belittle your point, but I think Todd Palin was a stay-at-home dad. Just saying.... I agree with you, though.

[Thy Geekdom Come]

[quote name='homeschoolmom' post='1871150' date='May 19 2009, 05:25 PM']This is not to belittle your point, but I think Todd Palin was a stay-at-home dad. Just saying.... I agree with you, though.[/quote]
Now stay-at-home dads could use some more stigma...

Mmmm...stigma...

[StColette]

[quote name='homeschoolmom' post='1871150' date='May 19 2009, 05:25 PM']This is not to belittle your point, but I think Todd Palin was a stay-at-home dad. Just saying.... I agree with you, though.[/quote]

lol My point is ideally to many the mom should be the one at home especially if the dad is capable of working and providing enough The stay at home dad thing sparked a whole other debate on PM not too long ago lol

[dominicansoul]

yes, with Mrs. Palin's income, Todd didn't have to work. Of course, staying at home and raising their kids...he had the toughest job of the two of them!

[homeschoolmom]

[quote name='StColette' post='1871155' date='May 19 2009, 05:32 PM']lol My point is ideally to many the mom should be the one at home especially if the dad is capable of working and providing enough The stay at home dad thing sparked a whole other debate on PM not too long ago lol[/quote]
I avoided that thread....

[XIX]

[quote name='StColette' post='1870999' date='May 19 2009, 03:04 PM']Personally, my problem lies more with fact that praise and admiration is given to stay at home moms (as it should be given) and working moms are given the "I understand some moms have to work of necessity" and that's the end of it. There's no praise, no admiration, no "wow, you're a great mom because you're able to do so much". Instead we get posts about the effects or working may have on our kids, turning them into anxious, abandonment issue children, which as a mom the thought that I could possibly be bring harm to my child because I have to work is absolutely painful. As I pointed out in my post, working moms need just as much encouragement and praise as the stay at home ones. Sometimes we may need a little more encouragement to just get through another day of not being able to be with our children.[/quote]
Honestly, I think people like me tend to go out of our way to praise SAHM's because they are often stimatized by secular society. It used to be that secular society looked down on working moms. Now it seems quite the opposite--you're looked down upon by society if you don't have a college degree and a career. People wonder why "you don't want to do more with your life??" And I tend to build up SAHMs almost as a way of responding to people who think that SAHMs are somehow selling themselves short.

Maybe we should give more encouragement to working moms. Because if a Catholic family requires two incomes, there is a very good chance they work for the Church. And that's obviously quite honorable work. But even if they both work at Taco Bell, it's still a very difficult situation, and moms in general should be given a lot of credit. Honestly, who doesn't love Mom?

Then again, I haven't noticed a ton of praise for fathers who have to slog through Corporate America to make enough $$ to support an entire family. And of course there's the Dads that are only making a supplemental income. If we're going to encourage working Moms, why not encourage working Dads?

I don't think the praise thrown at SAHMs is meant as a slight against people who aren't SAHMs. I mean, I'm certainly not a SAHM.

It's also worth noting that this is a debate thread, not necessarily a support thread.

I think you bring up a lot of good points. Honestly, I just wish more people could bring up these kinds of intelligent counterpoints without snarking out on a bunch of people. That's what is bugging me more than anything. Just because somebody said something or didnt say something, isn't an excuse to go on a snarking spree. Heck, realizing that a person is wrong doesn't generally give you the right to blast him in public.

You attract more flies with honey than with vinegar. Who was the saint that said that?

[MissScripture]

[quote name='StColette' post='1871149' date='May 19 2009, 05:22 PM']I think we should all be careful not to create a stigma against working moms. As many posters pointed out there has been a general view in our society against stay at home mothers. We should keep in mind to not create a similar view against working moms.[/quote]

My sister-in-law's mother occasionally worked as a temporary secretary, and when she was doing that, she caught flak from the neighborhood mothers, who were all stay at home mom's. But when she'd finish with the job, she'd catch flak from the other ladies she worked with, because she didn't have a job.

[MithLuin]

You just can't win....

[Christie_M]

Wow this thread moved fast!


[quote name='StColette' post='1870999' date='May 19 2009, 12:04 PM']Personally, my problem lies more with fact that praise and admiration is given to stay at home moms (as it should be given) and working moms are given the "I understand some moms have to work of necessity" and that's the end of it. There's no praise, no admiration, no "wow, you're a great mom because you're able to do so much". Instead we get posts about the effects or working may have on our kids, turning them into anxious, abandonment issue children, which as a mom the thought that I could possibly be bring harm to my child because I have to work is absolutely painful. As I pointed out in my post, working moms need just as much encouragement and praise as the stay at home ones. Sometimes we may need a little more encouragement to just get through another day of not being able to be with our children.[/quote]


I think I'm the only one with an abandonment issue that came out of my experience . I'm not saying that daycare will cause that at all (my siblings turned out just fine), and working mothers shouldn't worry too much about it unless you lie to you kid saying "It's ok, I'll be back at the end of the day to pick you up." and then don't show up for about 2 days.
Working moms have it rough will all the jugments that they recieve, especially with younger children and don't need more worries and stress on top of that..so maybe it wasn't the best thing from me to post about my experiences with daycare.

Edited May 20, 2009 by Christie_M

[tinytherese]

[quote name='XIX' post='1871412' date='May 19 2009, 10:48 PM']Honestly, I think people like me tend to go out of our way to praise SAHM's because they are often stimatized by secular society. It used to be that secular society looked down on working moms. Now it seems quite the opposite--you're looked down upon by society if you don't have a college degree and a career. People wonder why "you don't want to do more with your life??" And I tend to build up SAHMs almost as a way of responding to people who think that SAHMs are somehow selling themselves short.

Maybe we should give more encouragement to working moms. Because if a Catholic family requires two incomes, there is a very good chance they work for the Church. And that's obviously quite honorable work. But even if they both work at Taco Bell, it's still a very difficult situation, and moms in general should be given a lot of credit. Honestly, who doesn't love Mom?

Then again, I haven't noticed a ton of praise for fathers who have to slog through Corporate America to make enough $$ to support an entire family. And of course there's the Dads that are only making a supplemental income. If we're going to encourage working Moms, why not encourage working Dads?

I don't think the praise thrown at SAHMs is meant as a slight against people who aren't SAHMs. I mean, I'm certainly not a SAHM.

It's also worth noting that this is a debate thread, not necessarily a support thread.

I think you bring up a lot of good points. Honestly, I just wish more people could bring up these kinds of intelligent counterpoints without snarking out on a bunch of people. That's what is bugging me more than anything. Just because somebody said something or didnt say something, isn't an excuse to go on a snarking spree. Heck, realizing that a person is wrong doesn't generally give you the right to blast him in public.

You attract more flies with honey than with vinegar. Who was the saint that said that?[/quote]




iawtc

I don't see what's immoral about a father staying at home.


This thread asked what we thought of stay at home moms, not what we thought of working moms. Though, I have the feeling that if there were a thread specifically on that the the stay at home moms and those who were raised by them would be ticked and complain that they don't get enough props for what they do.

Neither staying at home as a parent nor working as a parent are bad. It depends on the temperaments of the couple, their circumstances, and what God is calling them to do.

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='MithLuin' post='1871442' date='May 20 2009, 04:33 AM']You just can't win....[/quote]
Nope. If you work you aren't caring for your child as you should. If you don't, you're wasting your education. If you breastfeed in public, you're being immodest. If you use a bottle, you aren't giving them what they need. If you follow Attachment Parenting, you're creating children who will be overly attached. If you don't follow it, you aren't giving them the support they need. If you breastfeed completely on demand, you're spoiling the child and wasting your time. If you schedule feedings, you aren't giving the child what they need. If you co-sleep, you're causing your child to be too dependent and possibly endangering them. We really can't win. It can be difficult to not perceive various statements as some kind of an attack on our parenting abilities, because we're so used to people criticising our choices. We know not everyone is criticising us, but sometimes going on the defensive becomes the first reaction. And I'm sure most of us try to ignore such statements, but it can be difficult.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Archaeology cat' post='1871594' date='May 20 2009, 01:01 AM']Nope. If you work you aren't caring for your child as you should. If you don't, you're wasting your education. If you breastfeed in public, you're being immodest. If you use a bottle, you aren't giving them what they need. If you follow Attachment Parenting, you're creating children who will be overly attached. If you don't follow it, you aren't giving them the support they need. If you breastfeed completely on demand, you're spoiling the child and wasting your time. If you schedule feedings, you aren't giving the child what they need. If you co-sleep, you're causing your child to be too dependent and possibly endangering them. We really can't win. It can be difficult to not perceive various statements as some kind of an attack on our parenting abilities, because we're so used to people criticising our choices. We know not everyone is criticising us, but sometimes going on the defensive becomes the first reaction. And I'm sure most of us try to ignore such statements, but it can be difficult.[/quote]
+J.M.J.+
amen!

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='Archaeology cat' post='1871594' date='May 20 2009, 04:01 AM']Nope. If you work you aren't caring for your child as you should. If you don't, you're wasting your education. If you breastfeed in public, you're being immodest. If you use a bottle, you aren't giving them what they need. If you follow Attachment Parenting, you're creating children who will be overly attached. If you don't follow it, you aren't giving them the support they need. If you breastfeed completely on demand, you're spoiling the child and wasting your time. If you schedule feedings, you aren't giving the child what they need. If you co-sleep, you're causing your child to be too dependent and possibly endangering them. We really can't win. It can be difficult to not perceive various statements as some kind of an attack on our parenting abilities, because we're so used to people criticising our choices. We know not everyone is criticising us, but sometimes going on the defensive becomes the first reaction. And I'm sure most of us try to ignore such statements, but it can be difficult.[/quote]
You have hit the nail on the head, but not for the reason you think This conversation would not and could not have taken place in the 50's.
The problem is we are not used to or programmed for so many choices. Most cultures have very distinct and detailed rituals for getting thru daily life, but we don't. The boundaries have been loosed or erased by technology and the free exchange of ideas to such an extent we simply don't know what to do.
Its not normal for humans, its not comfortable for the participants and the danger is far greater than simply issues of childrearing. For whenever a vacuum of standards and rituals of such vast proportions is missing - anxiety appears AND people instinctively look for a system good or bad to fill the void. Thats whole groupthink and dictatorships arise. Humans need boundaries, and at this point western culture has lost most of them.

[StColette]

[quote name='tinytherese' post='1871589' date='May 20 2009, 02:39 AM']This thread asked what we thought of stay at home moms, not what we thought of working moms. Though, I have the feeling that if there were a thread specifically on that the the stay at home moms and those who were raised by them would be ticked and complain that they don't get enough props for what they do.[/quote]

I know it didn't ask about what we thought about working mothers, but many of the posts were quite outspoken as to what they thought about the fact that both parents work either out of necessity or by choice. It may not have been the topic of the thread, but the "what we think of working moms" was sure shared

[quote]Neither staying at home as a parent nor working as a parent are bad. It depends on the temperaments of the couple, their circumstances, and [b]what God is calling them to do[/b].[/quote]

I agree completely special emphasis on the last part