Stay At Home Moms?

[princessgianna]

Having experiance babysitting for many different families- I can tell from the first time I work if the mother stays home or works(even if she works only a couple times a week).

When the children are secure, good behavior (is the norm -there are instances but those get resolved pretty quickly), not obnoxiously clingy and can handle themselves when their parents leave-it is obvious that mother stays home.

HOWEVER when the children are always pushing the limit, obnoxiously clingy (never letting you go or giving breathing room ) and when their parents leave (or their parents feel that they need to sneak off therefore when they realize), the child screams blood cry for 20 min. A tear from a younger child is expected however when it last longer than 5 min- and there is nothing that I can do to calm them down -that's a problem because the children then don't have that parental security.-It ever more apparent that the Mother works.


There are some points with different situations that in order to pay medical bills (so forth) I can see and understand that you have to do what you have to do- however with all the situations that I have seen -it's life style choices. Not having the mom work would mean not getting all the junk food and cool toys. So I don't think that those are good enough reasons!

[CatherineM]

My nephew is staying at home with his 3 pre-schoolers because he's out of work and his wife's family has a restaurant she can work in. He's a master electrician who can't find a job. He loves being with the kids, but I can tell it is hurting his feeling of being the head of the house.

[virginiancatholic]

My mother is a stay at home mom, and she hasn't worked a day since I arrived. I'm the eldest of 8, and it has been probably the best thing for myself and my siblings, especially since two have so called "special needs." Because she stayed home, she had the time to fix proper meals, keep the house clean and clean our grandparents house, take care of us, keep a garden, care for her dying mother, teach us all reading writing and arithmetic, take us to the beach, and maintain a very frugally run house without a penny wasted. Of course, she probably wouldn't be so haggard now if she hadn't done all of that.

However, I think it is the best for children to have their parents available, and at least one parent always around. Daycare is a necessary evil for some folks, and there are families who really do have to have both spouses employed. Both the couple and the kids always come out on top if somebody stays home.

It is always good that the couple be prepared for a possible switch of roles, for instance that the dad have to stay home and mom go to work. If something happens to my dad, we are in really big trouble...and I think a good part of the burden would fall on me as the eldest child and, at present, the only employable one of us. A woman ought to have a good educational background not only so that she can get a job if necessary but so that she can raise up the next generation and be a good companion to her husband. I cannot wait to be a stay at home mother if God is calling me to matrimony. Since I will be a nurse (as soon as I pass this dreaded test) I would like to work maybe one shift per week just so I can keep my skills up. Of course, this is something that will be worked out with my husband when the time comes.

Keep looking. There's a lady out there for you. I like what MithLuin said, that you may well want to get to know some of these women who want kids but say they are career minded. People can change their minds, and it a person's opinion may not always be exactly what it appears.

Edited May 18, 2009 by virginiancatholic

[Lil Red]

+J.M.J.+
this thread pisses me off. a lot of judgmental posts. ya know, some moms can't stay home because they are the primary breadwinner - they would love to but can't. but according to many of you, she's doing her children an injustice. sorry for being poor.

[StColette]

[quote name='Lil Red' post='1870315' date='May 18 2009, 03:40 PM']+J.M.J.+
this thread pisses me off. a lot of judgmental posts. ya know, some moms can't stay home because they are the primary breadwinner - they would love to but can't. but according to many of you, she's doing her children an injustice. sorry for being poor.[/quote]

I understand how you feel Red

[homeschoolmom]

[quote name='Lil Red' post='1870315' date='May 18 2009, 03:40 PM']+J.M.J.+
this thread pisses me off. a lot of judgmental posts. ya know, some moms can't stay home because they are the primary breadwinner - they would love to but can't. but according to many of you, she's doing her children an injustice. sorry for being poor.[/quote]
Oh don't worry Red, no matter what you do, it's the "wrong thing." People are judgemental of women either way-- either they don't care about their kids or they are lazy and wasting their education. (It's always one extreme or the other, right?) There are never threads about men on this.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='homeschoolmom' post='1870321' date='May 18 2009, 01:45 PM']Oh don't worry Red, no matter what you do, it's the "wrong thing." People are judgemental of women either way-- either they don't care about their kids or they are lazy and wasting their education. (It's always one extreme or the other, right?) There are never threads about men on this. [/quote]
+J.M.J.+
pretty much.

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='Lil Red' post='1870315' date='May 18 2009, 04:40 PM']+J.M.J.+
this thread pisses me off. a lot of judgmental posts. ya know, some moms can't stay home because they are the primary breadwinner - they would love to but can't. but according to many of you, she's doing her children an injustice. sorry for being poor.[/quote]
Red I don't think these posts directed to the people who have to work, but mainly to those people who have a choice in matter. Most of us don't

[dominicansoul]

i don't think it matters who stays home with the kids, what matters is that the children are being raised by their own parents and not by strangers.

Also children need a sense of the family dynamic. too many are being forced to grow up too fast, where they take care of their own needs until mom and pop come home from work...

but even more important, is their religious education, in that the parents are the primary educators.

in families where both parents are forced to work in order to keep up with the needs of the family, placing the children in the care of other family members is the best thing. at the same time, i think families should re-evaluate what is most important, and if one parent working will suffice, the other shouldn't. Remember that God is generous when we seek to do what is right above all. He will provide...

[Lil Red]

[quote name='homeschoolmom' post='1870321' date='May 18 2009, 01:45 PM']People are judgemental of women either way-- either they don't care about their kids or they are lazy and wasting their education. (It's always one extreme or the other, right?)[/quote]
+J.M.J.+
or you don't trust God.

[dominicansoul]

...another thing that comes to mind...

[i]love demands sacrifice[/i] so if both parents are working to keep the boat, or take vacations every year, perhaps that should wait until the children are a bit older and not when they are newborn/toddlers...

nothing is more valuable to a child then the care and upbringing it receives from it's own parent, the time spent together is priceless, and that time will never come back again...(it also goes way too fast...they'll be old enough to leave you alone and wishing you had spent more time with them...)

[MithLuin]

There is certainly value in a parent staying home with a child, but reality often throws trials in our path that make that scenario impossible.

In the current climate, many people are out of work, so in order to just maintain their living situation, both parents would have to find some temporary work to pay the bills. Certainly, no one considers them to be bad people for working to feed their children and keep a roof over their heads.

My brother-in-law will shortly be deployed as a US Marine in Iraq. He will leave home my sister and their one-year-old daughter for a period of 8-9 months (assuming, of course, that he survives and comes home at all). Is it ideal for a husband and father to seemingly walk away from his family for that length of time? Of course not. Is it possible for my sister to follow him to keep the family together? Also, of course not. He chose to re-up so he could support his family...and so my sister could stay home with their daughter. Doesn't mean that's really the best thing for their family - but it was the decision they made, and of course they will make the most of it, as do all military families.

[Christie_M]

[quote name='dominicansoul' post='1870344' date='May 18 2009, 02:28 PM']i don't think it matters who stays home with the kids, what matters is that the children are being raised by their own parents and not by strangers.

Also children need a sense of the family dynamic. too many are being forced to grow up too fast, where they take care of their own needs until mom and pop come home from work...

but even more important, is their religious education, in that the parents are the primary educators.

in families where both parents are forced to work in order to keep up with the needs of the family, placing the children in the care of other family members is the best thing. at the same time, i think families should re-evaluate what is most important, and if one parent working will suffice, the other shouldn't. Remember that God is generous when we seek to do what is right above all. He will provide...[/quote]
I agree with your post.
For the first few years of my life (new born to about 4 years old) I was pretty much raised by my babysitter and her family. Unfortunaly we needed both my parents' income to support our family, so my siblings and I pretty much lived with them, and on some days when my parents had to work overtime, we'd even stay at their house for more then a few days at at time, which had a *small* affect for me--meaning that I developed an anxiety/phobia of being abondoned by my parents.
So I'm one of those people who really thinks that a stay at home mom/dad should be a priority to the family.

[MithLuin]

Oh, and I forgot to add, that in pre-Industrial societies, it was often possible for women to add to the support of the family (ie, make some income) while remaining at home. Many home trades and agriculture being the obvious ways in which one would do this. So, having women work to earn their bread is nothing new - it's just that in our society, you have to do it outside the home more, creating a conflict of interests to be resolved.



Oh, and my grandmother was dumped off at an orphange (despite both of her parents being alive) from the age of 1-5, before her aunt took her in and raised her. So, um, there are always non-ideal situations, and there are levels of irresponsible parenting. Being a working mom is [i]not[/i] the dregs.

Edited May 18, 2009 by MithLuin

[MissScripture]

[quote name='homeschoolmom' post='1870321' date='May 18 2009, 03:45 PM']Oh don't worry Red, no matter what you do, it's the "wrong thing." People are judgemental of women either way-- either they don't care about their kids or they are lazy and wasting their education. (It's always one extreme or the other, right?) There are never threads about men on this. [/quote]
I think we had one once about if men could stay home with the kids, and it was pretty informative. I think it "decided" that it was sinful for a man to stay home.

[quote name='dominicansoul' post='1870344' date='May 18 2009, 04:28 PM']i don't think it matters who stays home with the kids, what matters is that the children are being raised by their own parents and not by strangers.

Also children need a sense of the family dynamic. too many are being forced to grow up too fast, where they take care of their own needs until mom and pop come home from work...

but even more important, is their religious education, in that the parents are the primary educators.

in families where both parents are forced to work in order to keep up with the needs of the family, placing the children in the care of other family members is the best thing. at the same time, i think families should re-evaluate what is most important, and if one parent working will suffice, the other shouldn't. Remember that God is generous when we seek to do what is right above all. He will provide...[/quote]
Now, I didn't have to go to daycare full time, because my mom only worked part time, so we went about 3 days a week, and only for about 4-5 hours, but the only babysitter I remember was "Grandma Marge." She was not my grandma, but she cared for her own grandkids, and the rest of us just picked up the name from them. She really was like a grandma, though, so it was something we looked forward to. So, I guess I'd say that if you have to have your kids in daycare, its important to find a good daycare.

[quote name='Christie_M' post='1870471' date='May 18 2009, 07:18 PM']I agree with your post.
For the first few years of my life (new born to about 4 years old) I was pretty much raised by my babysitter and her family. Unfortunaly we needed both my parents' income to support our family, so my siblings and I pretty much lived with them, and on some days when my parents had to work overtime, we'd even stay at their house for more then a few days at at time, which had a *small* affect for me--meaning that I developed an anxiety/phobia of being abondoned by my parents.
So I'm one of those people who really thinks that a stay at home mom/dad should be a priority to the family.[/quote]


When we were little, if we were at daycare and my dad had to work late, his boss's wife would pick us up and take us to their house until my dad was done. But that was rare.