Stay At Home Moms?

[southern california guy]

What do you guys think about mothers -- or fathers -- who stay at home to raise the kids? It seems that few people believe in this anymore.

I'd like to get married and have kids (I've never been married) but I find that most women I date wouldn't consider staying at home and raising kids. Arguably I am a bit older and dating women in their thirties. However these women say that they want to kids -- but then say that they are "career minded".

Personally I wouldn't want to have kids that I dropped off at a daycare center everyday. And while I think that it's best for a mother to stay home with the kids I also think that it's preferable for the father to stay at home with the kids -- rather than sending them to daycare.

Is it just this part of the country (Southern California)? It seems to be a very ambitious group of people down here. Or does it have to do in part with the age of the women I'm dating -- and the fact that I work as a local truckdriver (Hauling garbage to the landfill)? I actually make a little over fifty thousand a year and it looks like I'm going to get a house with about three-quarters of an acre, that I've been trying for -- but I'm still no closer at finding a like minded women here.. Maybe I live in the wrong part of the country?? Or maybe I'm not up to the times?

[Apotheoun]

My mom stayed home until my little sister turned 13, and only then did she go out and get a job.

Edited May 4, 2009 by Apotheoun

[mamalove]

I agree. I don't think it [i]has[/i] to be the mom who stays home. I just think that someone should stay home to raise the kiddos. It's unfortunate when both parents are forced to work in order to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table. But sometimes it's a fact of life. But, it is really sad when both parents work full time when in reality, they could fulfill the needs of the family on one income.

[eagle_eye222001]

I am the oldest of eight and in college. My Mom has stayed at home with all of us. When she became pregnant with me, she quit her job and has not gone back.

Basically all my aunts and uncles have worked. The difference between my siblings and I and my cousins is night and day. At Mass or in public, it is very common for strangers to come up to my Mom and/or Dad and compliment on how well-behaved we are. While my parents have been good disciplinarians, I believe they were very successful with this because my Mom stayed at home and gave us appropriate attention. If she worked, we would not be the same kids as we are today.

I have noticed that kids that tend to act out, are the ones whose parents do not give them enough attention. It is impossible to have both parents working and still give the children enough attention. Parents try to do both - have a career and give their kids attention but it is impossible and the parent ends up feeling guilty and they give the kid all the material stuff they want in an attempt to make up for the deficiency in attention.

When I get married, I am NOT going to drop my kids off to day-care! I have seen the results of both ways, and I am absolutely convinced that both parents cannot work.

Our society has become greedy and many parents want both kids and a career and we are seeing that you cannot be successful at both. Parents don't give their kids near the attention they need and we wonder why so many kids are undisciplined today? Schools today are taking over the role of the parents because the parents are busy at work. We are starting school earlier and earlier for our kids so both parents can work and have their career.

We wonder why the family life is very fragmented today? It is because parents are greedy and think that success is only in a career at work and the forgotten people are the parents who stay at home and make sure their kid actually learns their faith and grows up as a civilized member of society.

Stay at home parents will make a comeback. The results of both parents working are coming in and they are not promising.

I am very thankful for my Mom who stayed at home and withstood the constant barrage of negative comments from family, friends, and the public and made sure my siblings and I will turn into decent people. She has made a big sacrifice as society doesn't reward those who stay at home.....


.....HOWEVER! After seeing how her children are beginning to turn out ........she understands that it was definitely worth staying at home and she doesn't regret it at all and is glad she didn't succumb to society's trends.

Don't get me wrong......I am very thankful for my Dad as well working hard to support his family, however society already looks favorable on him and doesn't so on my Mom.

----------------
Now playing: [url="http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/harry+gregson-williams/track/father+christmas"]Harry Gregson-Williams - Father Christmas[/url]
via [url="http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/"]FoxyTunes[/url]

[tinytherese]

My mom stayed home with me until I was three but it wasn't planned that way. My mom didn't like her job and just quit it. Then she found a different kind of work place and decided to go work there. Since all four of my grandparents were in the same town as us 5-10 minutes away mom just dropped me off with them and I went there after school. My parents are doing the same thing for my little brother.

If I am called to marriage I'd like to have a big family and with that would come the need to spend plenty of time with them and I don't like the thought of spending just a few hours a day with them. I also don't like the thought of having kids coming home to an empty house and when kids are unsupervised they can often get into trouble and form bad friendships.

I can understand however if both parents have to work in order to make ends meet, especially in today's economy. Not to mention, a woman should definitely have an educational background to fall back on in case something happens to her husband.

[Thomist-in-Training]

Hmm, I think probably part of it is that most single women in their thirties have been living on their own and supporting themselves for quite a long time. They see a job as part of who they are, or as normal for all adult humans, rather than a means to an end.

I was going to say maybe you should look for women in grad school, who might not quite have formed that outlook, but they would probably be mostly a bit too young, mid to upper twenties, although you never know.

Women who attend the Latin Mass mostly don't have that outlook either but look forward to taking care of their family. (Obviously not all women-who-are-willing-to-stay-at-home attend Latin Masses, but nearly all women-who-attend-Latin-Mass are probably expecting-to-stay-at-home.) You could also get a lot out of attending a Latin Mass spiritually of course (There are many articles you can read online to prepare yourself for the experience.)

These are all the Latin Masses in California: [url="http://web2.iadfw.net/~carlsch/MaterDei/churches.htm#california"]http://web2.iadfw.net/~carlsch/MaterDei/ch....htm#california[/url]

[mamalove]

[quote name='Thomist-in-Training' post='1857999' date='May 4 2009, 09:15 PM']Women who attend the Latin Mass mostly don't have that outlook either but look forward to taking care of their family. (Obviously not all women-who-are-willing-to-stay-at-home attend Latin Masses, but nearly all women-who-attend-Latin-Mass are probably expecting-to-stay-at-home.) You could also get a lot out of attending a Latin Mass spiritually of course (There are many articles you can read online to prepare yourself for the experience.)

These are all the Latin Masses in California: [url="http://web2.iadfw.net/~carlsch/MaterDei/churches.htm#california"]http://web2.iadfw.net/~carlsch/MaterDei/ch....htm#california[/url][/quote]

Are you suggesting he go to Mass to pick up on women?

















JK!

[Proud2BCatholic139]

I have the uttermost respect for stay at home moms. It is a tough job and they deserve all the credit in the world. I also have the uttermost respect for working moms who also balance family life.

Being a stay at home mom and handling it with patience, love, and faith is a gift from God. Taking care of children, that is a gift. Not everyone can do it.

[Angel*Star]

[quote name='tinytherese' post='1857995' date='May 4 2009, 09:11 PM']I can understand however if both parents have to work in order to make ends meet, especially in today's economy. Not to mention, a woman should definitely have an educational background to fall back on in case something happens to her husband.[/quote]

I definitely think women should have an educational background. There is nothing wrong with a smart mom. After all, you are raising the next generation.

[CatherineM]

I was one of those who never believed that I wanted to stay home with kids. My mom had stayed home with us, but I just couldn't see myself doing it. When I became responsible for two small children, I couldn't imagine not being at home with them. I was the only stay at home mom in our apartment complex, so nurtured more than just my two. I was grateful to have the financial ability to do so. I hope that the one silver lining from the financial crisis is that the price of houses and costs of living will go down to the point that it might be financially viable for those who might not have been able to a year ago.

[Sojourner]

My mom stayed home with us, and still stays home. My youngest brother is 17. I think all of us benefited from having her at home; the downside is that now that we have all moved out (3/5 of us to different states) she's having a bit of an identity crisis.

My husband (an extremely conservative man) and I have talked about this extensively. We met while I was in my second year of law school, and he was adamant that I needed to finish and to be prepared to practice. This is not being "career-minded" for us, but practical. It gives us a safety net in the event that things go wrong with his job or health. I will probably practice part-time after we have children, and hopefully we'll be able to accommodate one anothers' schedules so that can happen.

Our situation is unique, but I know plenty of stay-at-home moms who have done something like this. Some work for my husband doing light assembly or other jobs at home to supplement income and to keep up skills and marketability. I think that's a valuable thing to do, not just for the financial benefit it can bring the family but also because it makes a family less vulnerable to shifting economic conditions. I think as more businesses become more serious about recruiting women, options for part-time work or job-sharing are more plentiful.

I think, too, that as more and more women are entering careers and marrying at a later age, they are finding fulfillment in areas outside the home. This is not a bad thing. John Paul II encourages women to contribute to their communities, and one way to do that is by exploring employment opportunities outside the traditional marriage and family setting. The two do not have to be mutually exclusive.

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='southern california guy' post='1857722' date='May 4 2009, 10:05 PM']What do you guys think about mothers -- or fathers -- who stay at home to raise the kids? It seems that few people believe in this anymore.

I'd like to get married and have kids (I've never been married) but I find that most women I date wouldn't consider staying at home and raising kids. Arguably I am a bit older and dating women in their thirties. However these women say that they want to kids -- but then say that they are "career minded".

Personally I wouldn't want to have kids that I dropped off at a daycare center everyday. And while I think that it's best for a mother to stay home with the kids I also think that it's preferable for the father to stay at home with the kids -- rather than sending them to daycare.

Is it just this part of the country (Southern California)? It seems to be a very ambitious group of people down here. Or does it have to do in part with the age of the women I'm dating -- and the fact that I work as a local truckdriver (Hauling garbage to the landfill)? I actually make a little over fifty thousand a year and it looks like I'm going to get a house with about three-quarters of an acre, that I've been trying for -- but I'm still no closer at finding a like minded women here.. Maybe I live in the wrong part of the country?? Or maybe I'm not up to the times?[/quote]
I think the ideal is that one of the parents will stay home. However, I know this isn't always possible. My mother stayed home until I was 8 (I'm the youngest). After that I went to my grandparents' house, since we lived next to them. My husband's father stayed home until their youngest was around 8, I think.

Now, if someone had told me I'd be a SAHM, and enjoy it, I'd have told them they were nuts. I had seen myself in an academic setting, since I couldn't be a field archaeologist any more (bad knees). But after I had my son, I couldn't imagine going back. I did for a little while, as long as I could take him with me, but as he got older I couldn't do that. So I stayed home, and I love it.
[quote name='Angel*Star' post='1858163' date='May 5 2009, 05:49 AM']I definitely think women should have an educational background. There is nothing wrong with a smart mom. After all, you are raising the next generation.[/quote]
Yes, I think it's a good thing. I can teach my children all about archaeology now.

[mcts]

My mom was a stay at home mom from the day before i was born (her water broke while she was getting ready for work. I came early.) until my youngest brother was in full time school. I can't imagine it being any other way. If possible, i would like to be a stay at home mom, but I'm going to try to get the best education as possible so if that isn't possible (or if i'm not called to marriage) I can support my family or myself.

[RezaMikhaeil]

I believe in it %100. Right now, I'm a stay at home father, because I'd lost my job. I'm trying to make money through music on the side, my wife is the primary breadwinner but we're trying to reverse that... not because I don't like being at home with the children, but because I don't necessarily believe in it. I feel better about coming home to my wife, and she believed in it even more then I do.

plus I have little girls that will one day be teen girls that need their mother to teach them how to be a woman...so go and buy Static Identification [which is pro-life, pro-family, etc] at CD Baby!

Reza

Edited May 16, 2009 by RezaLemmyng

[MithLuin]

Many women (and men!) have an idea of how things will be before marriage that then changes once they actually have kids. While many young moms I know want to get back to work (at least part time) after they adjust to the baby, many of them miss the child intensely and want to stay home and see them grow if they can.

A single woman who is currently working certainly has plans for her career - this is a good thing, as it means she has a direction and a goal; she is not floundering aimlessly through life. I am not sure if you are carrying around a checklist with you on dates, but I would recommend getting to know these women as people, not cross them off the list if they say they don't [i]imagine[/i] themselves as the stay-at-home mom type. All relationships are about developing trust, and making decisions together. It helps if you're on the same page on some things to start with, but people change over time. Expressing your own view, that it is important for a parent to stay home with the children and raise them, is certainly a good idea.

My mother was going to have her one or two kids, and then go back to work. Then I was born, and she looked into my eyes and said, "No one can take care of you like I can." She had 5 children [I am the oldest], and never did go back to work (though she is quite the hard worker!) We were very fortunate in that my father had a good job, and the sublemental income from the farm made it work.

When my Mom was in college, one of her profs asked her what she was doing there. After all, wasn't she just going to get married afterwards anyway? She replied that if anything happened to her husband, she didn't want to have to support herself or her family waiting tables. He respected that answer. [She was studying architecture, so there were few women in that field at that time.]