The Right Community

[AbsconditaInDeo]

For those of you who are entering a convent or monastery, how did you know your community was the right one for you? How did you know that you've found 'the one?'

[the lords sheep]

I went on my first visit, and I just wasn't sure: there were a lot of things that I was battling and I was very restless in my soul. But I continued to take things to prayer and just tried to sit with it for awhile.
When I finally sat and talked with my SD, he asked me to just go through the weekend: what I thought, felt, what I thought about the charism. As I was talking, I just kind of blurted out: I feel like I could have written this charism! I was a bit surprised hearing myself say it. My SD just looked at me and said, "That is something significant. You need to take it to prayer."
About a year later, after visiting with the Sisters often, I was frustrated with the Lord for not revealing His will to me. I asked Him, "Why can't I figure out what you want from me?" And in my heart, the Lord replied, "Because you've only said maybe." So, I said Yes, to whatever He would have planned for me, and I wrote a letter 1 month later requesting entrance for this next fall.

I can only tell you my story. I can't tell you why it's right, or how exactly I know, or how I'm certain (because I'm not) or how God will speak to you. Only you will know when it's right. It's a movement of your heart, a tugging, a gentle whisper.

Some people know instantly. Others need more time to come to terms with it all. Both ways are okay, because God knows our hearts, and He knows what we need to answer Him.

When God's timing is right, when it's the right place, you'll know. Trust what your heart is telling you: listen to your heart, because God is speaking through those desires.

God bless you!
Lauren

[laetitia crucis]

[quote name='AbsconditaInDeo' post='1854408' date='May 1 2009, 03:45 PM']For those of you who are entering a convent or monastery, how did you know your community was the right one for you? How did you know that you've found 'the one?'[/quote]

A good sister once told me, "You know when you're professing your Final Vows." She said this in regards to discernment, but I find it applicable here, too.

A few years ago I had entered a community that I had thought without a doubt to be "the one" -- the charism, the Marian vow, the formation, etc. It's everything I thought I had wanted, and I knew God had put these desires in my heart for a reason...so, I thought "This has to be It!" and I said "Yes!" immediately.

Everything happened really quickly: I entered a little over a month after having first visited, and within two years I had already professed temporary vows. However, it seems our Good Father has other plans for me in regards to which community He wants me in. I know I still have the desire for a completely Marian life, but I also know now that I desire a more austere form of poverty and penance. So, my past experience in religious life has taught me something I didn't know before! (As well as many other things, of course.) I give these desires to Christ and Our Blessed Mother and am letting [b]them[/b] choose where they want me to be... instead of the other way around! I wanted so much to be His Spouse and as soon as possible that I just jumped in as soon as the opportunity came that matched [i]my[/i] "list" of what [i]I[i/] wanted in a community.

And how will I know the next community I enter will be "the One"? I trust Our Lady will let me know. However, I am trying to be more cautious and prudent. And of course, when I make Final Vows....then I'll know!

[AbsconditaInDeo]

[quote name='the lords sheep' post='1854633' date='May 1 2009, 08:30 PM']Only you will know when it's right. It's a movement of your heart, a tugging, a gentle whisper.[/quote]

Thank you for sharing your story and your wonderful advice. I've been wondering how the Lord will let me know when I've come across the community that is meant for me and your advice really makes sense. Thank you so much, Lauren!

[AbsconditaInDeo]

[quote name='laetitia crucis' post='1855441' date='May 2 2009, 01:13 PM']A good sister once told me, "You know when you're professing your Final Vows." She said this in regards to discernment, but I find it applicable here, too.

A few years ago I had entered a community that I had thought without a doubt to be "the one" -- the charism, the Marian vow, the formation, etc. It's everything I thought I had wanted, and I knew God had put these desires in my heart for a reason...so, I thought "This has to be It!" and I said "Yes!" immediately.

Everything happened really quickly: I entered a little over a month after having first visited, and within two years I had already professed temporary vows. However, it seems our Good Father has other plans for me in regards to which community He wants me in. I know I still have the desire for a completely Marian life, but I also know now that I desire a more austere form of poverty and penance. So, my past experience in religious life has taught me something I didn't know before! (As well as many other things, of course.) I give these desires to Christ and Our Blessed Mother and am letting [b]them[/b] choose where they want me to be... instead of the other way around! I wanted so much to be His Spouse and as soon as possible that I just jumped in as soon as the opportunity came that matched [i]my[/i] "list" of what [i]I[i/] wanted in a community.

And how will I know the next community I enter will be "the One"? I trust Our Lady will let me know. However, I am trying to be more cautious and prudent. And of course, when I make Final Vows....then I'll know! [/quote]

Laetitia crucis, I admire your docility to the Lord's calling during your discernment. I hope you don't mind me asking, but how/what made you realize that you weren't in the right community when before you thought you had found "the one?" I hope that's not too personal of a question. Thank you so much for your input

[johnnydigit]

[quote name='AbsconditaInDeo' post='1854408' date='May 1 2009, 12:45 PM']For those of you who are entering a convent or monastery, how did you know your community was the right one for you? How did you know that you've found 'the one?'[/quote]

read a lot online, and learned about the different charisms. visited a very contemplative community, then a very active one, then others in between. also met with the diocese. remained active in Church activities, ministries, young adult groups, retreats, Sacraments, etc. i started to see myself clearer, including what fit me better.

when i decided that i was ready to enter religious life, i made a list of the top 5 communities i liked. listed pros and cons for each one. now i could see that it came down to 2-3. made more contact and longer visits with them. spiritual director helped me to eliminate one, which left 2. i chose one and went with it. turns out it wasn't for me. that left one. the more i learn about myself and the more i learn about them, the more i see they fit me hands down over the others. i didn't see this at first, but God knew it all along. i guess He wanted me to really explore and compare first because He knew my personality.

so for me, the process of elimination helped to close a lot of doors one by one, and each one felt like a huge weight was lifted and gave me much joy. as uncertain as the journey was when i started, God was always directing, so long as i remained open to whatever He brought my way.

[tinytherese]

Now so far I've only visited one community and I'll be visiting another towards the end of this month, but the first prioress at the first community gave me helpful tips.

When deciding if one should enter a community one should be able to pray well there, eat well there (meaning be able to handle to food and function from consuming it,) sleep well, and that one has a balance of heart and head. Someone who is all heart and very little if any head has a very romantic view of the life and community to the point where they are not being realistic, are just stuck with their head on cloud nine not paying attention to what truly is important apart from that. These people last a very short time in the community because then reality kicks in. Those who are all head and very little if any heart analyze and analyze and analyze to a point where they are too careful about entering the right community but don't miss out on the big picture on what would truly satisfy them. So there needs to be a balance of both heart and head for we have both a heart and a head and need both a heart and a head. They need to be in harmony. Both compliment each other and are very important in the discernment process.

When I visited that first community (The Benedictines of Mary Queen of the Apostles) I was told to wait at least two weeks after my visit was completed to contact the prioress. It was to give me time to take in everything from the visit and to adjust to the world again. In this way I could think more clearly on the matter. I decided not to enter after all but I don't for one moment regret visiting them.

[srmarymichael]

[quote name='AbsconditaInDeo' post='1854408' date='May 1 2009, 02:45 PM']For those of you who are entering a convent or monastery, how did you know your community was the right one for you? How did you know that you've found 'the one?'[/quote]

This article might help you!

[url="http://vocation-network.org/blog/vocationcitings_blog/2009/05/wild_horses_could_not_keep_me_away"]http://vocation-network.org/blog/vocationc...ot_keep_me_away[/url]

I believe the most important thing is to say yes to God for whatever He wants (like someone said above). If you are having trouble trusting God or saying yes, then pray for the grace to do that! Be open to whatever God leads you to, and He WILL lead you!

Jesus, I Trust in You!

[littlesister]

Keeping the heart and head in harmony is very good advice.

Put simply, the community for you is the one where everything f-i-t-s, the one where you are at home.

[AbsconditaInDeo]

[quote name='srmarymichael' post='1857505' date='May 4 2009, 01:00 PM']This article might help you!

[url="http://vocation-network.org/blog/vocationcitings_blog/2009/05/wild_horses_could_not_keep_me_away"]http://vocation-network.org/blog/vocationc...ot_keep_me_away[/url]

I believe the most important thing is to say yes to God for whatever He wants (like someone said above). If you are having trouble trusting God or saying yes, then pray for the grace to do that! Be open to whatever God leads you to, and He WILL lead you!

Jesus, I Trust in You![/quote]

Beautiful article, Sister! Thank you so much!

[VeniteAdoremus]

Tinytherese, that's very good advice!

I went to several communities and just knew that it wasn't them. I liked them well enough, but could never see myself there. Then I met the Servants of the Lord and the Virgin of Matara - I loved the sisters, liked the apostolate, and also their formation process etc. There were a couple of things I didn't like as much (for example, in the mission houses they don't have a very strict daily schedule, they often have to adjust the time for Vespers, to name one thing, if the apostolate requires it), but I thought "well, you can't have everything".

Then my friends forced me to go on a visit that had already been planned for months, I walked into the chapel there, and the rest, as they say, was history There are still some things I don't like (with the SSVM at least I knew that *some* sisters were in my country, even if I was sent elsewhere, here I am likely to be stuck in England indefinitely), but somehow they're just not relevant anymore. Everything *fit*. As Tinytherese said, I ate, I slept, I prayed, I bantered, talked the ears off the novice mistress (fortunately the veil kept them in place), cleaned every window within reach, asked for papers, and everything was peachy.

Unfortunately I had to go back to the Netherlands to graduate

These sisters also told me to wait two weeks. So I wrote my letter in chapel, put it in my bag, went home, talked to my parents and best friend, and then sent it off.

[srmarymichael]

[quote name='AbsconditaInDeo' post='1857976' date='May 4 2009, 08:58 PM']Beautiful article, Sister! Thank you so much![/quote]

You're welcome!

God is so good and so full of surprises!

[AccountDeleted]

Actually - I now know what Mother Teresa meant by "She knows. She knows."

I know now. Praise God.

[laetitia crucis]

[quote name='AbsconditaInDeo' post='1856479' date='May 3 2009, 02:10 PM']Laetitia crucis, I admire your docility to the Lord's calling during your discernment. I hope you don't mind me asking, but how/what made you realize that you weren't in the right community when before you thought you had found "the one?" I hope that's not too personal of a question. Thank you so much for your input [/quote]

No worries, it's not too personal, and well, I'd probably want to know the same thing.

To answer your question, I would have to say I think my superiors knew before I did. Or if I did know it beforehand, I really didn't [i]want[/i] to know it -- I hope that makes sense.

Throughout my experience with that order, I kept telling myself like VeniteAdoremus said, "Well, you can't have everything". So I "settled" and would push these things aside telling myself they were just "temptations against my vocation here," but now that I'm able to see more objectively, I don't think those were temptations at all.... I so longed for a life of more austere poverty and penance. Also, I desired a stricter schedule (one, like VeniteAdoremus mentioned, that wouldn't change to fit the apostolate), to sing all the liturgy, more contemplation, etc. So, now I have the chance to further investigate these "temptations". I mean, God wouldn't put these desires in one's heart without a reason, would He? Perhaps I'm in for a big surprise.

Please pray for my discernment.

[laetitia crucis]

[quote name='nunsense' post='1860586' date='May 7 2009, 08:43 AM']Actually - I now know what Mother Teresa meant by "She knows. She knows."

I know now. Praise God.[/quote]

Blessed be God! I'm so happy for you, nunsense!! You've been in my prayers.