Gay & Catholic

[Piccoli Fiori JMJ]

[quote name='AdAltareDei' post='1845876' date='Apr 24 2009, 09:07 AM']Why cant you enter the religious life? What impediment is medication :s
especially if you enter a contemplative order?[/quote]
I think its more along the lines that religious life can be very demanding and if it seems you are not able to bear it, you may not be able to persevere. Also, most religious communities live on donations and it would be very difficult for the community as a whole to continually have to use most of their funds for the medications and procedures. Contemplative orders can sometimes even more demanding than active ones!

[CatherineM]

Ad-I have worked with I suppose 100+ gay clients over the years. I know how heavy a cross this is. I'm not the preaching to type when it comes to this. I will suggest a few things. First, the thing about gays turning straight being a evangelical thing. Human sexuality isn't like a North/South compass. It is more like a bell curve, and there is some give as to where we end up on that bell curve. It can be influenced by the things we do, and by the people and community we are around. You are quite young yet, and your brain is still developing. There are choices you can make that can change where you sexuality settles. My second suggestion would be Courage. Being around people dealing with the same issues can always be helpful. I have known people in Courage who chose a different course in their lives. They began a process of turning towards one direction, and eventually reached a point where they were able to make a sacramental commitment to a spouse of the opposite sex.

Mostly, you have my prayers. In the end, that's about all I can offer.

[Maggyie]

[quote name='AdAltareDei' post='1845876' date='Apr 24 2009, 12:07 PM']Thats a beautiful story.
I'm sorry to hear about the marriage thing.
Why cant you enter the religious life? What impediment is medication :s
especially if you enter a contemplative order?[/quote]

I am lilla's sister. She was in religious life in a very contemplative (although non-cloistered) order but unfortunately their insurance company considered her illness a pre-existing condition and refused to cover it. You know how that goes, once you've got something they'll say it's "pre-existing" for the rest of your life. I don't know how things are in Australia but here in the US there is no universal healthcare and her condition is basically uninsurable. Her symptoms are very well controlled on medication, but the medication is very expensive, and when she does get sick, she gets very sick. For instance she was recently in remission for six months but that ended about a month ago and she has been suffering a lot ever since Most of the time she is AOK, nothing wrong, but usually about once a year people with her disease have to endure a "flare." That's why she's feeling a little discouraged right now but personally I think if she finds the order God is calling her to it's very possible she could persevere

W/ regard to the topic at hand I imagine you probably feel a lot of the way she felt when she first came home. I would guess you are feeling called to marriage, correct? You feel called to a deep relationship with someone. But God says through the Church that you can't have that, at least not the way you feel inclined, with someone of the same sex. When dealing with that "no" whether it comes from the Catechism or one's religious superiors it can be easy to feel rejected by God or by the Church, but that just isn't the case. It means that you are being called in a different direction than what you first expected or desired... This can be scary and painful because a lot of what God is asking you to do may be contrary to what you want to do or feel capable of doing. But God doesn't call without providing the grace neccesary to respond. If we are just open and willing to respond, God makes it possible to bear crosses of whatever kind!

[Lilllabettt]

yeah, what she said. Religious life is physically demanding. Even in cloistered communities, the schedule can be relentless.

Moosey, I heart Zelie Martin. Her name was actually one of the three I submitted for my religious name. I like Leonie Martin, too.

Back on topic ...

Do I want to be single for the rest of my life? No. I cannot describe how fundamentally opposed the very fabric of my being is to that idea. But I have to be willing to go with what God wants, even if it seems obvious to me that He's "made me" for something else.

It does seem mean to me. How nasty can God be, that He would make someone with a strong desire that they could not fulfill? But God isn't nasty, so there must be a good reason. Don't know what it is.

I am grateful though for the opportunity to sacrifice. I figure, if I make this sacrifice well, it will be way easier for me to become a Saint, simply because of the magnitude of it.

You want to be married, but if you're true to your faith, you can't. That's a big sacrifice. Some people go their whole lives without having the opportunity to offer a sacrifice like that.

[CatherineM]

[quote name='Lilllabettt' post='1846052' date='Apr 24 2009, 12:22 PM']Do I want to be single for the rest of my life? No. I cannot describe how fundamentally opposed the very fabric of my being is to that idea. But I have to be willing to go with what God wants, even if it seems obvious to me that He's "made me" for something else.[/quote]

Just remember it is never too late to share your life. I didn't marry until I was 43. I did foster kids before that. I do wish that I had met my husband when I was 20, so we could have had more years together, but I will cherish the ones we have. When you have passed the time of child bearing, or if they develop new meds that are less fetal toxic, you can still have time to share your life. I had to change my blood pressure meds when we got married because ACE inhibitors are fetal toxic. I'll probably change back when I hit 50.

[MissyP89]

The one thing I can say is that if following the Church is what you really desire most in your heart, then [i]go to Him![/i] We all have our crosses, as you said, but the important thing is that we're never alone in our struggle. We have Christ, we have the saints, and of course, each other.

One of my best friends in high school was gay. He did not want to be gay and Catholic and hated the Church. Because of this, when I reverted, he pushed me away. I'm glad that you are different, and are willing to try. My friend was not.

Stick to the Sacraments--especially Confession and the Eucharist--as much as you can and as often as you can. I have a lot of skeletons in my closet, too, and sometimes it feels like I'm living from Mass to Mass trying to get by. The thing is that when I'm there with Him, none of that matters anymore. It doesn't matter how bad things are outside for that moment, and when I leave, I find the strength to keep carrying my burdens, if only for a little while. Doesn't change the fact that it s[i][/i]ucks, but with that help it's no longer as crippling.

And maybe you [i]should[/i] check out Courage, even if you're not interested in finding a "nice Catholic girl." It might put you in contact with other guys who are facing your struggle. You'll have people to talk with that really get it, and that works wonders.

I'll be praying for you, Jake. You can do this.

[picchick]

I do not have much to say that no one else has already eloquently said on the subject of homosexuality. But I can tell you about carrying crosses.

Sometimes it is really really stinkin' hard and I want to do away with it. I don't understand why I have to carry this cross. It isn't a cross that gets laid on me and taken away after a few weeks or months. It is there for the rest of my life. Some days it feels like it is heavier than others.

There were times where I struggled with this cross and trying to figure why God wasn't relieving it because I could bear it anymore. Yet I was stuck with it. And I was trying to figure it out. And I prayed. It hurt to pray even.

I came to realize that this was MY cross. No one else could carry it. So if I didn't carry it, there would be no Simon coming a long to help me. I

Here is a blog I found that kinda summed up how I felt:

[quote]Lately I have been addicted to the cross. I was complaining to God the other day about all the suffering that I was going through. Suddeny admist all this whining on my part, a little voice said, "It is your cross."

It is my cross. For some reason I took comfort in this phrase. My cross. At this moment, I realized how beautiful my suffering became. Jesus picked this cross for me. He knew what I could handle and knew what I could not do. He tested my strength of will and love. He tailored this cross perfectly for me. No one else has the same cross as me.

Everyone suffers but everyone's suffering is not the same. Some seem to be greater than others. It is not the size of the cross that Jesus gives us that matters. It is how we use our suffering that does matter.

Suffering can be done selfishly or selflessly. It is our choice as to how we carry the cross. Often times, I find myself throwing pity parties with my suffering. I suffer selfishly, using my suffering in a "woe is me" sort of way. I do not believe that this is how God intends for us to suffer. He wants us to suffer as He did in the carrying of the Cross. If we reflect on His Cross, we find that He carried it without reservations, without an expectation of help from anyone. He embraced it willingly and in full knowledge of what lie ahead. Although we do not know what lies ahead of our suffering, we must come to realize that suffering is not always about us.

During my meditation on the Cross, I picture the Passion of the Christ where Jesus was presented His cross. He fell to His knees nd wrapped His arm around the Cross. Exhausted and beaten, Jesus picked up the cross and started His way to Calvary. Jesus definitely did not need to suffer and carry the Cross for Himself. He was God. If He wanted to, He could say, "Forget this, I am not doing this. You are all going to sin anyway. What is the point?" Instead, He knew that this was the only way that WE could be saved. He suffered totally, completely for US.

We too can embrace our cross willingly and selflessly. By combining our suffering to Christ's Cross, we help each other. We offer our suffering up for to the Lord for our brother's and sisters. In this way, we are not alone in our suffering. Instead, we have a sort of suffering party with Christ and our brothers and sisters.

The power of our suffering when done willingly and selflessly is so immense. We could offer it up for so many things: a friend in need, our family, our spouse, our boyfriend, our girlfriend, our friends, to end world hunger, to end abortion, in thanksgiving for a great joy in our lives...the list can go on and on.

So after I came out of my thoughts of the cross I felt motivated to suffer. I felt like my suffering was not in vain but it useful. Christ is using my suffering, as He uses everyone's suffering, for some greater good here on earth. And in that, I find joy in suffering.

Next time, when you feel alone in your suffering, think of Christ and what He went through. Not as a way to say, "Here I am complaining about my cross and Christ's Cross was so much heavier" but in a way that you can combine yours to His. No one is alone in their suffering for Christ is there with you.[/quote]
meg

[Sojourner]

[quote name='CatherineM' post='1845930' date='Apr 24 2009, 09:55 AM']Ad-I have worked with I suppose 100+ gay clients over the years. I know how heavy a cross this is. I'm not the preaching to type when it comes to this. I will suggest a few things. First, the thing about gays turning straight being a evangelical thing. Human sexuality isn't like a North/South compass. It is more like a bell curve, and there is some give as to where we end up on that bell curve. It can be influenced by the things we do, and by the people and community we are around. You are quite young yet, and your brain is still developing. There are choices you can make that can change where you sexuality settles. My second suggestion would be Courage. Being around people dealing with the same issues can always be helpful. I have known people in Courage who chose a different course in their lives. They began a process of turning towards one direction, and eventually reached a point where they were able to make a sacramental commitment to a spouse of the opposite sex.

Mostly, you have my prayers. In the end, that's about all I can offer.[/quote]
I agree with Catherine's comments here. One thought I had in addition to her comments here is that marriage is not between you and the entire population of other-gendered people. There is no requirement that I find every man sexually attractive (thank God) but I do find my husband to be so. I was thinking about this earlier today, and one thing I realized is that physical attraction really has only a fleeting significance in our relationship, at least the initial "wham" of it. I find him attractive not because of his movie-star good looks but because of the love we share. I think he would say the reverse is true about me.

I guess what I'm saying is that even though I had the initial inclination to be attracted to the opposite gender, I still see that I make choices about attraction and love based less on initial physical appeal and more on the reality of the person I choose to love on a daily basis and on the relationship we are building together. While we can't do much about our initial reactions and attractions, attraction over the long haul is a choice, because it flows out of love which is a choice.

I think we get so hung up on surface-level attraction that we lose sight of the fact that marriage is a union of persons. While that union can only happen between a man and a woman, it is still important to remember it is one man and one woman, two individual persons, who come together and choose to love one another.

[dauntingknight]

To me it sounds like the devil is after you.
Which must mean that if you can overcome this same sex thing your going through God has something special in store just for you in the future.