I Am So Frustrated And Angry

[prose]

I had a course I was taking last night, so I said to my hubby before I left:

PLEASE clean up the downstairs. I have someone coming over tomorrow and I don't want to come home and have to clean until midnight."

So, I come home, and NOTHING has been done. And he says to me "You know I don't do it, so I don't know why you bother asking me or expecting things done"

Then he helped me clean (under duress).

Then I asked him "If you are going to be up late playing video games..." (which he does until 2-3 in the morning) "Could you please straighten up the front hall?"

I come down this morning to nothing done.

Are my expectations too high?

I am finding it very hard to be married to such a lazy man.

[homeschoolmom]

[quote name='prose' post='1828711' date='Apr 8 2009, 09:41 AM']Are my expectations too high?[/quote]



Sorry, but his, "you know I don't do it, why ask me" response would have really ticked me off if I were you. Unless it means something different in Canadian.

[ardillacid]

[quote name='prose' post='1828711' date='Apr 8 2009, 09:41 AM']Are my expectations too high?[/quote]
Depends on the video game, naturally.

[prose]

Nope, it means exactly the same thing.

I am so angry, I feel like there is nothing I can do about it.

[unloud]

[quote name='prose' post='1828711' date='Apr 8 2009, 08:41 AM']I had a course I was taking last night, so I said to my hubby before I left:

<snip>

I come down this morning to nothing done.

Are my expectations too high?

I am finding it very hard to be married to such a lazy man.[/quote]

*hug* sorry you had to go through that.


No, your expectations are not too high, but having reasonable expectations that are not being met is not necessarily solvable by being upset and making the same choices over and over again.

Look, your husband loves you and you love him; it's important that you sit him down to tell him this is important to you and that it causes you to feel ignored when he doesn't do these things. My guess (as a guy who has been there) is that he allows things (such as his video games) to distract him from taking care of what needs to be done, and has resigned himself to the mentality that he will do these things after he's done with what he's doing.

I could easily be wrong about this, but I've been the guy at the other end of the situation and I only realized there was a problem when the woman I loved sat me down and told me it was truly important to her. There is no genetic predisposition for laziness so take time to let him know how you feel and that you wish to see efforts for change. This is the sort of thing that can grow into a much much bigger issue if not addressed.


*hug* If you ever need anything, let me know.



God bless,
Jake

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='prose' post='1828732' date='Apr 8 2009, 11:00 AM']Nope, it means exactly the same thing.

I am so angry, I feel like there is nothing I can do about it.[/quote]
The video games would suddenly stop working or take a hike. Sometimes it takes action not discussion to get a point across. Males understand action, but their hearing stops after 1 minute.

[homeschoolmom]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' post='1828742' date='Apr 8 2009, 10:14 AM']The video games would suddenly stop working or take a hike. Sometimes it takes action not discussion to get a point across. Males understand action, but their hearing stops after 1 minute.[/quote]
Yeah, next time I was cleaning, I would do a thorough cleaning of the video games. I wouldn't chuck them, but they would definately find a new temporary home-- probably behind the vacuum cleaner.

[Lil Red]

+J.M.J.+
i just can't believe your hubby has time to play video games with little kids! we got rid of our gaming system after little girl was born - neither of us had the time or energy to play.

[Jaime]

I would send all the video games and the system to me.

Anything I can do to help the sanctity of your marriage

[homeschoolmom]

You could get a nightie that says this on it:

[quote]"You know I don't do it, so I don't know why you bother asking me or expecting things done"[/quote]


But that probably won't help things...

[prose]

[quote name='unloud' post='1828733' date='Apr 8 2009, 09:04 AM']*hug* sorry you had to go through that.


No, your expectations are not too high, but having reasonable expectations that are not being met is not necessarily solvable by being upset and making the same choices over and over again.

Look, your husband loves you and you love him; it's important that you sit him down to tell him this is important to you and that it causes you to feel ignored when he doesn't do these things. My guess (as a guy who has been there) is that he allows things (such as his video games) to distract him from taking care of what needs to be done, and has resigned himself to the mentality that he will do these things after he's done with what he's doing.

I could easily be wrong about this, but I've been the guy at the other end of the situation and I only realized there was a problem when the woman I loved sat me down and told me it was truly important to her. There is no genetic predisposition for laziness so take time to let him know how you feel and that you wish to see efforts for change. This is the sort of thing that can grow into a much much bigger issue if not addressed.


*hug* If you ever need anything, let me know.



God bless,
Jake[/quote]

I have had countless "talks" with him about this. I think it is a cycle. He sometimes gets really great, but almost always slips back to laziness. It is like his default. The weird thing is that he is not a lazy person whatsoever! He is a vollunteer Firefighter, he always volunteers to help people first. He is great to OTHER people...


[quote name='cmotherofpirl' post='1828742' date='Apr 8 2009, 09:14 AM']The video games would suddenly stop working or take a hike. Sometimes it takes action not discussion to get a point across. Males understand action, but their hearing stops after 1 minute.[/quote]

Yeah, except I need the laptop...


[quote name='Lil Red' post='1828760' date='Apr 8 2009, 09:35 AM']+J.M.J.+
i just can't believe your hubby has time to play video games with little kids! we got rid of our gaming system after little girl was born - neither of us had the time or energy to play.[/quote]



[quote name='hot stuff' post='1828762' date='Apr 8 2009, 09:39 AM']I would send all the video games and the system to me.

Anything I can do to help the sanctity of your marriage[/quote]

Address???

[quote name='homeschoolmom' post='1828763' date='Apr 8 2009, 09:41 AM']You could get a nightie that says this on it:

But that probably won't help things...[/quote]

Funniest thing I have heard all day!!

[rachael]

and to think, i was getting irritated with my boyfriend because he's doing TOO much.




send me the video games, and i'll give them to my boyfriend, so they will occupy his time.

[Brother Adam]

[quote]I have had countless "talks" with him about this. I think it is a cycle. He sometimes gets really great, but almost always slips back to laziness. It is like his default. The weird thing is that he is not a lazy person whatsoever! He is a vollunteer Firefighter, he always volunteers to help people first. He is great to OTHER people...[/quote]

Maybe that is part of the problem then. Is he exhausted and needs to veg out and that is why he is not helping? I do my darndest to help out around the house but some days I come home, and even though it is only 6 or 7 PM I just have to sit down and not do anything (we don't have any video games anymore so usually its the computer or tv) even though DW comes in with a long list of things she wants me to do.

[Thy Geekdom Come]

[quote name='homeschoolmom' post='1828763' date='Apr 8 2009, 10:41 AM']You could get a nightie that says this on it:




But that probably won't help things...[/quote]


Not sure what to say to help, I just hope Jennie doesn't think I'm that lazy...our apartment's a mess!

[Thy Geekdom Come]

[quote name='Brother Adam' post='1828790' date='Apr 8 2009, 11:08 AM']Maybe that is part of the problem then. Is he exhausted and needs to veg out and that is why he is not helping? I do my darndest to help out around the house but some days I come home, and even though it is only 6 or 7 PM I just have to sit down and not do anything (we don't have any video games anymore so usually its the computer or tv) even though DW comes in with a long list of things she wants me to do.[/quote]
You're married to Dark Wing Duck?