Lil Red Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 +J.M.J.+ [url="http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20090331.wlconsensual31art1835/BNStory/lifeFamily/home"]Article here[/url] [quote]In the consensual living model, father doesn't know best. Neither does mom. Instead, parents and children are equal partners in family life, according to the principles laid out at consensual-living.com. Founded in 2006 by a group of families in North Carolina, consensual living is gaining ground in alternative parenting communities and online, including a Yahoo group with about 900 members. Devotees study books such as Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn and Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication, and they consider parenting based on punishment and reward structures to be "coercive." In contrast, "consensual" parenting is non-hierarchical. "When parents put themselves in the role as authorities, they may believe they are doing it 'for the child's good,' " writes one of the movement's co-founders, Anna Brown, "but they could be missing an opportunity to have more connected relationships with their children."[/quote] [quote]Consensual living 101 CORE PRINCIPLES [list] [*]Everyone's wants and needs are equally valid, regardless of age. [*]Children can be trusted to know their own minds and bodies. [*]Punishments and rewards are tools of manipulation, unneeded when family members work as a team. [*]There is a creative solution that works for everyone. [*]Each family member has a positive intent and desires harmony. [*]When all are secure that their needs will be met, they will branch out and help others meet their needs. [/list] TECHNIQUES [list] [*]In a conflict, identify the underlying needs - usually there are several ways they can be met. [*]Pay attention to the underlying needs in someone who is hungry, angry, lonely or tired (HALT). Sometimes addressing biological needs helps get everyone back on track. [*]Otherwise, explore underlying needs through validation ("You're feeling sad that we're about to leave the toy store, aren't you?") and clarification ("What I hear you saying is that you want more time to look at the marbles, right?"). [*]Once others feel heard, revert to "I" statements to express your own needs ("I want to head home so there's enough time to make dinner before everyone gets really hungry"). [*]Think outside the box with other family members, including children, to come up with a solution for each situation. [/list][/quote] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
txdinghysailor Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 i wish my parents had done this.... but i don't think it would've worked for anyone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisChildForever Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 How ridiculous. Children need discipline, first of all. And second of all, parents serve as the primary example of authority - the first authority the children are introduced to. How can you expect children to respect their teachers, elders, older family members, and the law if they are first not taught to respect their parents? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StColette Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 I wonder what Super Nanny would think of this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 When something works, why do we have to mess with it? Studies show how much better kids do when in a two parent traditional family. All this tinkering does is produced kids who still live at home when they are 40 years old. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eagle_eye222001 Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 Pipe dream. This is something that has been tried before. It's called a utopia......and they all have failed. [quote]Instead, parents and children are equal partners in family life,[/quote] That is the biggest load of junk....... [quote]* Everyone's wants and needs are equally valid, regardless of age.[/quote] So what happens when there is a conflict? Your stuck. [quote]* Children can be trusted to know their own minds and bodies.[/quote] Right. [quote]* Punishments and rewards are tools of manipulation, unneeded when family members work as a team.[/quote] Ideally. How often does ideal play out? Like rarely. [quote]* There is a creative solution that works for everyone.[/quote] What a nice statement. I feel so loved. [quote]* Each family member has a positive intent and desires harmony.[/quote] Nuh-uh [quote]* When all are secure that their needs will be met, they will branch out and help others meet their needs.[/quote] Okay. Sounds great. What happens when there is a conflict? [quote]* In a conflict, identify the underlying needs - usually there are several ways they can be met. * Pay attention to the underlying needs in someone who is hungry, angry, lonely or tired (HALT). Sometimes addressing biological needs helps get everyone back on track. * Otherwise, explore underlying needs through validation ("You're feeling sad that we're about to leave the toy store, aren't you?") and clarification ("What I hear you saying is that you want more time to look at the marbles, right?"). * Once others feel heard, revert to "I" statements to express your own needs ("I want to head home so there's enough time to make dinner before everyone gets really hungry"). * Think outside the box with other family members, including children, to come up with a solution for each situation.[/quote] This whole program is a program to let children grow up without being disciplined and this will turn out more messed up adults than ever. This is unbelievable. Such a load of pig waste. How could anyone defend this program? This prgram is essentially already being practiced by many Americans where parents do not parent their children and let them run rampant with few rules and no discipline. ---------------- Now playing: [url="http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/trapt/track/contagious"]Trapt - Contagious[/url] via [url="http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/"]FoxyTunes[/url] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaime Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 Personally I think this is ridiculous. Children need discipline, first of all. And second of all, parents serve as the primary example of authority. They are the first authority the children are introduced to. How can you expect children to respect their teachers, elders, older family members, and the law if they are first not taught to respect their parents? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prose Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IcePrincessKRS Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 [quote name='hot stuff' post='1826411' date='Apr 6 2009, 05:04 PM']Personally I think this is ridiculous. Children need discipline, first of all. And second of all, parents serve as the primary example of authority. They are the first authority the children are introduced to. How can you expect children to respect their teachers, elders, older family members, and the law if they are first not taught to respect their parents?[/quote] For serious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmotherofpirl Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 More hippy garbage from my generation - my apologies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Adam Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 This is totally against the patriarchal model of revelation and the family that our Lord gave us. It doesn't work and leads to its intended goal - anarchy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rose wrought of iron Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 ..."no daddy, I know my body, wants, and needs better than you and I want to shoot myself up with heroin so I'm going to do it." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scardella Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 Mine! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StColette Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 [quote name='scardella' post='1826466' date='Apr 6 2009, 04:56 PM']Mine![/quote] *gets image of sea gulls in her head going "mine, mine, mine, mine!"* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 [quote name='StColette' post='1826471' date='Apr 6 2009, 03:59 PM']*gets image of sea gulls in her head going "mine, mine, mine, mine!"*[/quote] we were just talking about that movie earlier!! lots of good lessons for young and old alike in there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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