Lightening Up The Mood

[Brother Adam]

A man was driving alone a wooded roadway when from nowhere a pig ran out in front of his car and he hit it killing it dead.
He looked every way,no one was to be seen,so concidered it must be a wild pig and drug it to the side and sped away.
The next day while driving along the same road,about the same time and place,he looked in his rear view mirror only to see Blue lights close behind.He stopped over,rolled down his window and said what's wrong officer ??? I wasn't speeding or doing anything wrong why did you pull me over ??
Then with a red face he said i know whats going on, THE PIG SQUEALED !!






Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.

Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me.....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name!

I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?





An old rope and a young rope went into a restaurant for a bite to eat.

The waitress said, "Sorry, we don't serve ropes."

So the two ropes leave. The old rope tied himself up, then went back in.

The waitress said, "Hey, aren't you a rope?"

The old rope answered, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

[Brother Adam]

A man was walking home alone late one night
when he hears a.......
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BUMP...
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BUMP...
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BUMP... behind him.
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Walking faster he looks back,
and makes out the image of an upright
coffin banging its way down
the middle of the street towards him
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... BUMP...
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...BUMP...
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...BUMP...
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Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home,
the coffin bouncing
quickly behind him ...
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faster...
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faster...
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BUMP...
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BUMP....
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BUMP.
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He runs up to his door,
fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in,
slams and locks the door behind him.
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However, the coffin crashes through his door,
with the lid of the coffin
clapping ...
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clappity-BUMP...
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clappity-BUMP...
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clappity-BUMP...
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clappity-BUMP...
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on the heels of the terrified man....
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Rushing upstairs to the bathroom,
the man locks himself in. His heart is
pounding; his head is reeling;
his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
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With a loud CRASH the coffin breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping towards him.
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The man screams and reaches for something, anything ...
but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
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Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the coffin ...
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... the coffin stops

[Brother Adam]

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo.

Knowing that he could hop pretty high, the zoo officials put up a
ten-foot fence. However, the next morning the kangaroo was out again,
just roaming around the zoo.

The zoo officials raised the height of the fence to twenty feet. Again,
however, the next morning the kangaroo was again roaming around the zoo.

This kept on, night after night, until the fence was sixty feet high.
Finally, the camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high
do you think they'll go?"

The kangaroo replied, "Probably a hundred feet, unless somebody starts
locking the gate at night!!"

[phatcatholic]

haha, thanks bro!