Discernment Question

[kavalamyself]

Have any of you stayed in touch with a Vocation Director even after you decided her (or his) community wasn't for you? I have but I sometimes feel like I have disappointed her and I often feel guilty.

[CatherineM]

I stay in touch with the nun who was in charge of training my lay missionary group. I ended up getting married instead of going overseas with them. I have never felt that she was disappointed in me. She was happy that I had finally found my true path. The difference though is that I found a different vocation. Perhaps there would be a difference if you just chose a different order.

[Saint Therese]

I don't see anything wrong with keeping in touch. If it were me I wouldn't feel guilty because I would just be trying to do God's will.

[AccountDeleted]

[quote name='kavalamyself' post='1792198' date='Feb 26 2009, 08:48 PM']Have any of you stayed in touch with a Vocation Director even after you decided her (or his) community wasn't for you? I have but I sometimes feel like I have disappointed her and I often feel guilty.[/quote]

I have stayed in touch with several communities even after deciding that these were not the right places for me. The truly spiritual ones are very supportive of my discernment process because they want God's will for me, and not my own, or even theirs! Sure, it is a disappointment for them when they lose a vocation (all communities are eager to have more vocations) but since a vocation is God's gift, He is the one in ultimate charge of where we end up! Don't worry about their reaction unless it really upsets you - then perhaps you should limit your contact with them to the occasional card and promise to pray for vocations for them?

[DiscerningSoul]

I keep in touch with the community I once discerned with.
It's like they are part of my family now, you spend so much time writting, discerning and being with them.

[Digitaldame]

A nun's view: We're always happy to keep in touch with people who've discerned with us, even if they go elsewhere. They become friends and we continue to be interested in their welfare (hope that doesn't sound pompous!) and want them to find their place in the Church; so please never worry about "being a disappointment". The only caution I'd add is, maybe don't expect quite so much in the way of correspondence, etc. Communities do try to be as helpful as possible, which takes time; and there's only so much available in the monastic day.

[InHisLove726]

[quote name='kavalamyself' post='1792198' date='Feb 26 2009, 10:48 PM']Have any of you stayed in touch with a Vocation Director even after you decided her (or his) community wasn't for you? I have but I sometimes feel like I have disappointed her and I often feel guilty.[/quote]


I don't think it's a problem to stay in touch with a Vocation Director. I've often learned much about my vocation from them, and they have provided some wonderful advice. The only time it was a problem was when I told a Prioress (who was acting as VD too) that I wasn't called to her community, and she kept trying to get me to promise to visit them. That was uncomfortable to me, one, because I didn't have the money to do it, and two, because I felt that she wanted me to join even though I wasn't called there. I have no quarrel with them, though, and I want them to have more vocations, but I recently discovered where I am called and I am starting to apply. I actually gave her address to a fellow discerner who was looking for her vocation. I think the Prioress just got off track and started saying what she wanted and was forgetful of God's will. It was not God's will that I go there. I still pray and think about that community, but in a friendly sense is all.

If you've not had a problem like this, then I don't see why you should cease communication with the director. You might learn a lot from her. Just don't feel pushed into doing anything.

[puellapaschalis]

Personally I haven't, but that's mainly because I'm really bad at keeping in touch as it is.

[InHisLove726]

[quote name='puellapaschalis' post='1792456' date='Feb 27 2009, 12:52 PM']Personally I haven't, but that's mainly because I'm really bad at keeping in touch as it is.[/quote]

[shortnun]

I've kept in touch with a few communities I discerned with if I run into them a lot. If it's meaningful to keep in touch, I do. If not, I don't. One community I kept in touch with for a while and when they transitioned Vocation Directors, I just emailed the new one to let her know where I was. I didn't have the same relationship with her that I did the previous director, so naturally the relationship didn't continue. But I'm still very grateful for how much I learned about myself after visiting their community.

[Mari Therese]

I've kept in touch with a community that I am no longer discerning with, the sisters are still good friends of mine. The vocation directress and I mutually agreed that God didn't seem to want me in their community. She was so helpful in my discernment, and only ever wanted to help me find God's will, no matter what. It is still very bittersweet, because I did become very close to the members of that community, and now it's different, I no longer visit them in the same capacity as before.

[elizabeth09]

What God have in stores for you.