Large Families

[dairygirl4u2c]

yeah it seems like 'ghost children', ie middle child ones who are there but aren't involved as much, would be harder to have exist, in small families, just cause of the set up- per logistial reasons alone, not counting family values which might lack in the smaller ones, even in otherwise loving large families.
the only 'ghost children' i can think of are from large large families. i know a decent number of small familes but can't think of any ghost children. (but can think of plenty of apathy due to that culture, though

[cmotherofpirl]

One of the problems in families today is that there are not enough kids per family so that the ones you do have live under a microscope. Their parents hover like helicopters watching every breath they take, and keep interfering way too much for healthy development. Kids are not allowed to be kids, and parents mold their entire existance around the children, instead of having the children revolve around a strong married unit.

[CatherineM]

[quote name='rose wrought of iron' post='1781794' date='Feb 15 2009, 05:26 PM']I don't know any with fifty including inlaws; just ten (with inlaws it's about 20).[/quote]

My husband has 50 first cousins. He doesn't even attempt to know or remember all their names, let alone their spouses or children. One of the questions that Immigration asks is for you to name your spouse's siblings and cousins. It's a way of proving the relationship is real, and not just so you can immigrate. I told the officer that my husband didn't know all of them, so there was no way I was even going to try.

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='CatherineM' post='1781979' date='Feb 15 2009, 09:12 PM']My husband has 50 first cousins. He doesn't even attempt to know or remember all their names, let alone their spouses or children. One of the questions that Immigration asks is for you to name your spouse's siblings and cousins. It's a way of proving the relationship is real, and not just so you can immigrate. I told the officer that my husband didn't know all of them, so there was no way I was even going to try.[/quote]
My husband has 59 first cousins, so reunions are rather large noisy affairs held every two years.

[CatherineM]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' post='1782054' date='Feb 15 2009, 09:02 PM']My husband has 59 first cousins, so reunions are rather large noisy affairs held every two years.[/quote]

One of the advantages of both being black sheeps (we are still practicing Catholics, poor, and content to be so) is that we are excused from attending cattle calls.

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='CatherineM' post='1782148' date='Feb 15 2009, 11:49 PM']One of the advantages of both being black sheeps (we are still practicing Catholics, poor, and content to be so) is that we are excused from attending cattle calls.[/quote]
We are not, the whole lot of them is irish catholic

[Socrates]

I've got nothing against large families, but that woman with the octuplets disgusts me. It's really the flip-side of the contraceptive mentality. With the God-given roles of sex and procreation divorced, people want sex without procreation, and procreation without sex.

While I'd say clan-type families are probably a more "natural" form of human society, I'm not sure how if they could really be cohesively recreated in modern society, especially given the the geographical and social-religious division in modern families. (For example, my nuclear family are the only Catholics in our extended family, and some of our relatives are liberal Democrats).

Having grown up knowing a quite a few large families (10+ children), I'd have to say that the idea that they are not close-knit is simply false. Some of the most close-knit families I've known are also some of the largest.
It's not about size; it's about the family doing things together as a family. While there may not be as much individual parental one-on-one, older siblings help raise the younger, and there seems to be a lot of connection between family members.
A lot of these families seem closer than a lot of families with 1.5 kids.

[MithLuin]

What makes a good family is love. Leave that out, and the kids will be miserable, regardless of how many or how few you have.

Parents should be aware of their own limitations, and not have more children than they can care for (whatever number that might be).

Also, while it might be tempting to think that people used to always have large families, it's not entirely true. In Medieval times, infant mortality was pretty high, so families weren't all 12 kids. In fact, it was unusual to have a very large family, I think. (I remember they had census data for one 10th century town, and the largest family by far was 9 kids - that was the exception.)

Some people who grow up in small families felt lonely, so want to have large families themselves. Some people who grew up in large families felt limited/neglected so choose to have fewer children. And others loved their own experience, and would like to duplicate it in their own families. I mean, there is an incredible variety among families, and I don't think there is a 'right' number of kids to have.

[missionseeker]

yes there is! As many as God gives you!

[Azriel]

Ponder the flip side for those of us who only have one child, or are an only child and wonder why you as a good Catholic mom only have one child. People will ALWAYS find ways to judge other people without being in their particular position. I should not have to explain to anyone why I have only one child. Its between myself, my husband and God.

[picchick]

[quote name='Azriel' post='1784344' date='Feb 18 2009, 09:39 AM']Ponder the flip side for those of us who only have one child, or are an only child and wonder why you as a good Catholic mom only have one child. People will ALWAYS find ways to judge other people without being in their particular position. I should not have to explain to anyone why I have only one child. Its between myself, my husband and God.[/quote]

I agree with you.

I think the decision to have a large family or a small family is up to the parents and to God. I have seen some of the larger families look down on the smaller ones (even though they were Catholic) like they were not pullng their weight. I love seeing large families and I am in a large family. Will I have a large family myself? Probably not but I don't know. I have to decide that later.

Also as far as the close knit thing goes. I agree with Socs on this one. It is not the size that matters. It is what you do together that does. Furthermore, sibilings will be closer to some rather than others. That is just how it goes. But a family that prays and plays together stays together. You could have one or two kids and take them to the park, take them places, play games, watch videos and be very tight knit and close. You could have a large family that does the same thing. And then you could have the complete opposite.

Meg

[Era Might]

[quote name='Azriel' post='1784344' date='Feb 18 2009, 09:39 AM']Ponder the flip side for those of us who only have one child, or are an only child and wonder why you as a good Catholic mom only have one child. People will ALWAYS find ways to judge other people without being in their particular position. I should not have to explain to anyone why I have only one child. Its between myself, my husband and God.[/quote]
The intent of this thread is not meant to be about any specific family, but rather, about large families in general, and how the parent-child relationship functions in those families. I didn't want to get into a discussion on any specific family situation, because every family situation is different. But I do think there is a certain attitude held by some people in our society, that large families are weird and/or unhealthy for the parents and the children, and that's what I wanted to discuss.

[Azriel]

My apologies, it was not my intent to hijack your thread. I think it is valid that many people hold an attitude about large families. It just brought to mind my particular situation and so, I commented, I thought it was a value added comment or I wouldn't have made it.

Funny, I don't post much anymore, thought for once I may have something of value to say. Oh well.

[Era Might]

[quote name='Azriel' post='1784974' date='Feb 18 2009, 09:05 PM']My apologies, it was not my intent to hijack your thread. I think it is valid that many people hold an attitude about large families. It just brought to mind my particular situation and so, I commented, I thought it was a value added comment or I wouldn't have made it.

Funny, I don't post much anymore, thought for once I may have something of value to say. Oh well.[/quote]
You didn't hijack the thread. I just wanted to make clear that I was not trying to judge anyone's personal family situation, just trying to have a general sociological/psychological discussion on large families. It's fine if someone wants to post about their personal experience, I just don't want them to feel like this thread is meant to be a judgment on their specific family. I just meant the thread as a general discussion.

[Saint Therese]

I think large families are such a witness today. Even Catholics often dont' have many children.
I knew a lady who had 13 children. She was awesome.
In southern Lousiana its not uncommon for the Cajun families to have 18 or 19 children.
I think its beautiful. Children are a gift from God but society today only sees them in terms of dollar signs.