Impatience

[InHisLove726]

How do you deal with impatience in your vocation? I have experienced this quite a bit myself, especially when I know in my heart that God wants me to be a Sister. I surrender myself daily to His will and I say, "Lord, I will not take a single step until I feel you leading me." The waiting gets easier when I realize that God has a plan for me, and He will call me to the convent when it is the appropriate time. Even my spiritual director has said that the reason I am still nervous is that it is not time yet. I still have debts to pay off and I think I have to be off my routine medication for at least a year (unless the Carmelites say I can enter sooner; I've been off for 3 months now). And I am still unsure whether Jesus wants me to finish nursing school before I go, or after. That's something I need to discuss when I go up there next week to Milwaukee.

I read in the Foundress' autobiography that she often heard the phrase, "Until later..." This rings true in my vocation as well. Often times I have prayed about my vocation and I've heard, "Wait." I'm glad that I listened. Being impulsive comes naturally to me, so I am trying to counteract that with prayer and contemplation. So far, it is working.

And so I say again, "Lord, I will not take a single step until I feel you leading me."

How have you dealt with impatience?

[shadowedseraph]

Its really hard i tell the Lord every day that i'm ready for whatever he wants from me, however when what he wants is for me to crawl before i walk and walk before i run i get impatient. However patience is a virtue one i intend to work on!

[alicemary]

Possibly you are concentrating so much on future things that you forget you are living today. It is not 'your' time, but the Lords, utilize it well. Become educated, help those around you who might need your help, volunteer your time at a local charity. BE in the now and let tommorrow handle itself. Develop your spiritual life. Work overtime and pay off the debts. You will then find time will fly by, and indeed, patience is a virtue.

[Mari Therese]

I used to be so desperately impatient to discover my vocation. I wanted to just go jump in, but God needed me to wait. My spiritual director told me that I can't spend my entire time looking to what's next, because I'll miss what God has for me right now. I would pray everyday for patience and God would always give me more and more of an opportunity to practice patience.

[In The Arms of The Lord]

Oh yes, I felt that often. Many times I have let it it really get to me, in a negative way. I know the longing and desire is from Him and pleases Him, but to let it get to me in a negative way is not from Him. I know that I must live for the day that the Lord gives me, and accomplish what He has planned for me that day. I don't know what will happen tommorow, or even one second from now. I know the Lord does, and as long as He has me in His arms and I keep my hand in His then I know that nothing can take me away from Him, and I will have Him leading and guiding me to where I need to go and what I need to do for Him.

I have such a strong belief on what may happen in the future for me based on the promises, longings, and desires He has placed in my heart. But I need to think of this day and what I can do for Him at this moment. If I think about what He may have planned for me tommorow, I may not be able to hear what He needs from me now.

Every second is so precious. It is in that one second that we can become closer to Him, please Him, and fall more in love with Him. I would never want to lose those beautiful chances.

[shortnun]

[quote name='Mari Therese' post='1780660' date='Feb 14 2009, 02:18 PM']I used to be so desperately impatient to discover my vocation. I wanted to just go jump in, but God needed me to wait. My spiritual director told me that I can't spend my entire time looking to what's next, because I'll miss what God has for me right now. I would pray everyday for patience and God would always give me more and more of an opportunity to practice patience.[/quote]
My journey has been similar to yours. At points, I was fed up with God. I yelled at him in prayer! But ultimately, the only way I lived through my impatience was [i]by living through it[/i]. To help me along the way I had a very patient spiritual director and I tried to frequent the sacraments. Ultimately, when we're quiet and ready to listen, God reveals is presence in abundance.

EDIT: spelling

Edited February 15, 2009 by shortnun

[InHisLove726]

One night, I was so caught up in my future vocation and thinking and dreaming about it, that I almost lost the chance to grow closer to Jesus. I had been reading about a horrible-acting person and I realized that God was calling me to pray for these people when I became a Sister. I lost sight of the fact that I was supposed to pray for them, here and now, in the present, as well. When I was doing laundry, God spoke to my conscience and said, "I want you to pray for this person." I asked, "Right now? I can't possibly pray for them! I am having trouble looking at them the way you asked me to--as my brother in Christ." He responded, "Exactly. You must pray for them." I asked, "How? What prayer should I say?" He responded, "You must pray the Way of the Cross. I need my mercy to rain down on them, and I desire my Father to look at them through my wounds." It bothered me very much, not that Jesus was asking me, but I didn't know if I could do it, but I really wanted to trust what He said and follow His order. So I found some online Stations of the Cross (it was late at night), and began the prayers. Much to my amazement, I found myself [i][b]wanting[/b][/i] to pray for this person even though they upset me. I got through them and I was crying because I really desired Jesus to save them. I wanted them in heaven with Jesus. It made me so happy to know that I could make a difference in prayer. Jesus answered my plea to become more contemplative. I firmly believe that I became closer to the Sacred Heart (whom I adore) that evening.

My point in this story is, don't ever miss the opportunity in the present to be closer to Jesus. You must not wait until the future to start living what He wants you to. Even though you may not be in a convent, you can still pray for others and do good works to move closer to the Beloved.

[the lords sheep]

Beautiful story. Thanks for sharing!

[walburga]

Someone just sent this to me... it seems applicable here:

SURRENDER

Accept things as they are
try to accept the NOW as it is, in reality,
continue to try to accept,
without concern for what you may feel,
with the stubborn perseverance
of the truly desperate
until the Spirit of your God
takes pity on your misery
on your utter poverty,
on your littleness,
and breaks open the hardness of your heart,
possessing your soul and body,
granting you this grace
of loving acceptance,
of courage to face with unveiled eyes
all that is
in all its reality;
until THAT moment of his invading Presence
continue to try
continue to weep
continue to sigh
with his own inexpressible cries.

CONTINUE!
Believe in his coming,
In his overwhelming presence
Trust in Love
Love with total trust
Persevere:
untiringly unendingly

He is near He IS and you are His;
accept and receive
that you are
- believe it with stubbornness, even the obstinacy of pure love -
accepted received
chosen loved
totally
overwhelmingly unreservedly ineffably,
from all eternity
and for all eternity

NOW!

Edited February 17, 2009 by walburga

[InHisLove726]

[quote name='walburga' post='1782950' date='Feb 16 2009, 08:16 PM']Someone just sent this to me... it seems applicable here:

SURRENDER

Accept things as they are
try to accept the NOW as it is, in reality,
continue to try to accept,
without concern for what you may feel,
with the stubborn perseverance
of the truly desperate
until the Spirit of your God
takes pity on your misery
on your utter poverty,
on your littleness,
and breaks open the hardness of your heart,
possessing your soul and body,
granting you this grace
of loving acceptance,
of courage to face with unveiled eyes
all that is
in all its reality;
until THAT moment of his invading Presence
continue to try
continue to weep
continue to sigh
with his own inexpressible cries.

CONTINUE!
Believe in his coming,
In his overwhelming presence
Trust in Love
Love with total trust
Persevere:
untiringly unendingly

He is near He IS and you are His;
accept and receive
that you are
- believe it with stubbornness, even the obstinacy of pure love -
accepted received
chosen loved
totally
overwhelmingly unreservedly ineffably,
from all eternity
and for all eternity

NOW![/quote]


Beautiful!

[InHisLove726]

This poem has helped me a lot:


[b]Wait
by Russell Kelfer[/b]

[i]Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."[/i]