Impure/mean Feelings

[FiereMargriet]

How much of a sin are impure and mean feelings (thoughts as well as your physical response)? What about if you don't do anything to stop them right away, even if there's no intent?

[Thy Geekdom Come]

We can only be guilty of impure or mean feelings to the degree that we assent to those feelings by an act of the will. If there is no intention to be having those thoughts or feelings, or the physical reactions they may produce (such as arousal in the case of impure feelings, not that those reactions are wrong in themselves, just that they are not appropriate to the circumstances), then there can be no sin. However, bear in mind that if those thoughts/feelings are there and you let them control you by not standing in their way, then that is a willful choice to omit an action. That assumes, though, that you recognize the feelings or thoughts as a threat to your soul and then choose not to do anything about them; we shouldn't get scrupulous when it takes us some time to come to our senses...we are temporal creatures, things take time. I mean that we shouldn't say to ourselves, "I had an impure thought and some arousal and when I realized it, I tried to stop it, but before I realized it, I was 'going along' with it." That would be scrupulous. You obviously didn't have the ability to do anything about it before you realized it, so there can be no sin there.

About mean feelings, if they are justified (i.e. just anger), then we can have the feelings, but we must respond with an appropriate and equally just act of the will...if we must rant to another, make sure to leave out details that give away specifics and might harm a person's reputation, if we must seek reparation, make sure to follow a just procedure (speak to the person first and try to resolve it, only then go to those with greater authority, never try to get a third party involved that doesn't have any way of fixing the problem, that would be uselessly spreading bad talk about another person with no intention to improve things). Lastly, out of love for God's great mercy, seek first and foremost to be reconciled.

Also, about arousal, and this may vary from person to person, but I find that at times, if I try to put a mental block on a certain type of thought, it's only going to make me more conscious and more bothered by that thought. The time you spend trying to swat temptation away like flies may be in vain, making you focus more on the problem itself, whereas many times a fly may be on us and we might not even be aware of it unless it is making itself well-known to us. What I mean is that if you're going to be focusing on the thought even more by trying to eliminate it, it's best to ignore the thought all together (through distraction or even simply by not caring what temptations Satan places in front of you).

Lastly, as a good priest on this phorum once consoled me, some physical reactions (especially when love is involved) are natural for good thoughts as well as for bad ones. Slight to even low-moderate arousal can result from nothing more than holding hands or sitting next to one another on a couch. We shouldn't give up those chaste activities simply because of a reaction that is beyond our control. In such situations, there is no sin at all involved; the arousal is not an act of the will and the act of the will that did produce the arousal is not sinful. If, however, heavy arousal is setting in, it's more likely that you're doing something wrong, because in most people (and there are medical/psychological exceptions) those reactions would only come from more intimate activities. Don't always judge the morality of the act by the physical reaction, unless the physical reaction is so sharp that it demands evaluation. Finally, if you are unmarried, be consoled that arousal is generally more acute for virgins; eventually, your psychological and physical sensitivity will likely wear off a bit once you're married (if you're getting married).

Many of us have asked ourselves these questions. Thanks for having the guts to ask out loud. Now if only all of us took advantage of the grace to follow Christ in these things.

God bless,

Micah