Do You Get Bothered By Any Of Your Relatives Who Are Unmarried But Liv

[browneyes106]

[quote name='Lil Red' post='1769916' date='Feb 2 2009, 04:09 PM']+J.M.J.+
that's a blanket and not fair statement. my husband and i lived together before marriage (before my reversion to the faith). we didn't do it because we didn't want responsibilities - we saw it as being responsible before marriage - i.e. do i really want to spend the rest of my life with this person. believe me, there were plenty of 'hard times' before we were married, but we never considered that the other person was 'slowing the other down' and we didn't consider walking out and finding someone else - because we loved each other then and love each other now.

was our thinking misguided? sure. but you paint with too broad of brush strokes.[/quote]


[quote name='Lil Red' post='1769922' date='Feb 2 2009, 04:13 PM']+J.M.J.+
thanks.

i think a lot of people do see living together as being responsible before marriage (according to society): it's a test drive, so to speak, in a sexual, spiritual, monetary, and otherwise sense. also, if people are already engaged, then they see living together as being responsible in an economic sense (saving money for wedding/marriage).[/quote]

I know other couples that were in your situation Lil Red. It wasn't that they didn't want responsbilites before marriage they wanted to test the waters. One of my friends said he sort of regrets living with his wife before marriage. He didn't tell me the reason but I think a lot had to with the fact that she had children from a previous marriage and a lot of his money was going to support the children's hobbies. I agree engaged couples living together for econimic reasons is pretty common today. My friend and her fiance are planning to be married in early 2010 and they just moved in so they could save money only focus paying rent and utlities for one home.

[Luthien]

[quote name='tinytherese' post='1770800' date='Feb 3 2009, 04:44 AM']I remember towards the beginning of my senior year of high school one of my friends who graduated a few months before got engaged to a guy that she hadn't known for very long. He proposed less than two weeks after they met and she had only turned eighteen two months before- hand. She was just starting college and this guy wasn't going there, but just worked at Burgerking. She moved in with him and some of his guy friends in an apartment. I had heard all of this from another friend of mine and I called her to make sure that this story was right. It turned out that it all was.

I didn't give off any impression that I disapproved. I didn't even ask her about her situation initially, just a hi I haven't talked to you in a while and she told me about getting engaged. I talked to her in a normal tone of voice. "Oh, what's his name?...What's he like...How did you meet him." I didn't tell her how I felt about the issue, but was just her friend. I also prayed for her and eventually they broke up. They were apparentally fighting a lot and he kept threatening to kill himself if she were to leave him. He also got physical with her. Thankfully, they are no longer together.

I was given the advice that I shouldn't tell her how ridiculous she was for being in the situation that she was in, or else it might look like I was jealous of her. Perhaps the same concept that was used in the movie [i]bella[/i] applies in some of these situations. Not judging, just being there for them, loving them, treating them like the valued human being that they are, and that through this unconditional love that their heart will be softened. Nothing evangelizes better than love. I don't always live up to it though.[/quote]

Thats a wonderful point tinytherese, its a good testament to using charity in these kinds of difficult situations.

[quote name='browneyes106' post='1770888' date='Feb 3 2009, 11:31 AM']I agree it isn't. A few years ago things he seemed more ok but for the past two years he acts like a jerk most of time. I'm starting to have less sympathy for him. His mother left him and his siblings when they were teenagers. I do feel sorry for any child who is left by their parents but I believe they have to take personal responsbility for themselves and not treat people like croutons for whatever reasons. My sister's bf and his siblings lived with his grandparents but it seems his grandparents were neglectful. His grandmother is a gambling addict who plays bingo at the casino nightly. Only of his siblings seems ok the rest are like my sister's my bf. My sister's bf is always qutting jobs for stupid reasons. A couple of years one of my uncles who works for UPS got him an interview but he blew it off to work at a pizza place. I think my sister's bf is a sort of freeloader. Whenever they need money or car repairs they call my parents and my parents are starting to get tired of it. I think maybe my sister allowed him to move in with her years ago thinking that it would lead to marriage but that was nine years ago and I honestly don't see him proposing or marrying her. Thanks for posting that link it gave some good insights.[/quote]

Im glad the link helped. That website saved me from so much heartache in my own life. I knew I had found the right man when he sent me a link to this website before he knew I had read most of the articles on it.

[browneyes106]

[quote name='Luthien' post='1770938' date='Feb 3 2009, 11:12 AM']Thats a wonderful point tinytherese, its a good testament to using charity in these kinds of difficult situations.



Im glad the link helped. That website saved me from so much heartache in my own life. I knew I had found the right man when he sent me a link to this website before he knew I had read most of the articles on it. [/quote]

It helped me out. I'm thinking about doing some print outs and showing them to my sister.

[mcts]

[quote name='socalscout' post='1770891' date='Feb 3 2009, 09:37 AM']Isn't there some study that married couples who have lived together beforehand had a higher rate of divorce? I thought I had read that somewhere.[/quote]

yeah, i saw that too. i can't remember where.