Do You Get Bothered By Any Of Your Relatives Who Are Unmarried But Liv

[browneyes106]

My older sister has been living with her boyfriend for nine years and they have son who will be five in March. The situation with my sister really bothers me. Her boyfriend is a manipulator and takes advantage of my family a lot. My sister wants to be married but she keeps hoping that her boyfriend will propose to her with a ring and stuff. Her boyfriend comes from a very bad family life and I do sympathize with him. But he seems not to care enough to marry my sister and it seems he doesn't believe in marriage. He and my sister take advantage of my parents a lot. My family life has become more complicated over the past year because my brother is about to enter marriage with a complicated woman too. What are your views on nonmarried couples living together?

[Luthien]

Well its obvious this is not a healthy relationship. Its very sad to me that he feels like his hard life is an excuse to treat people around him like poo. My husband had a hard life and he doesn't carry a chip on his shoulder, so I have little sympathy for that kind of behavior. As for them living together, it should not be done. Contrary to popular belief, it does not prepare you for marriage, just like sitting in a car doesnt prepare you for driving. When you live with someone in a non-commited relationship, there is always the possiblity of leaving without any legal and/or Church hassle. Whereas when you are married, there are a lot more steps involved with leaving someone.

There is a great website called[url="http://www.pureloveclub.com"]Pure Love Club.com[/url] I found an article that pretty much nails my pov on the head. Heres the link : [url="http://www.chastity.com/chastity/index.php?id=7&entryid=114"]Shacking Up[/url]

I hope your sister finds peace, if not for herself but for the little one

Edited February 2, 2009 by Luthien

[CatherineM]

I understand exactly what you are going through. I have 5 older brothers, and they have gone through 12 wives. One brother is on #4, and another just married #3 who is over 20 years younger than he is. Only one of those 12 marriages (13 if you count one wife that he divorced and remarried) was in church. None of my 19 nieces and nephews are Catholics. One was baptized but they left the church before her first communion. One is an Evangelical, and two are in the World Wide Church of God. You can only beat your head against the wall so much, before you turn the whole thing over to the Lord.

[johnnydigit]

[quote name='Luthien' post='1769712' date='Feb 2 2009, 09:20 AM']Well its obvious this is not a healthy relationship. Its very sad to me that he feels like his hard life is an excuse to treat people around him like poo. My husband had a hard life and he doesn't carry a chip on his shoulder, so I have little sympathy for that kind of behavior. As for them living together, it should not be done. Contrary to popular belief, it does not prepare you for marriage, just like sitting in a car doesnt prepare you for driving. When you live with someone in a non-commited relationship, there is always the possiblity of leaving without any legal and/or Church hassle. Whereas when you are married, there are a lot more steps involved with leaving someone.

There is a great website called[url="http://www.pureloveclub.com"]Pure Love Club.com[/url] I found an article that pretty much nails my pov on the head. Heres the link : [url="http://www.chastity.com/chastity/index.php?id=7&entryid=114"]Shacking Up[/url]

I hope your sister finds peace, if not for herself but for the little one [/quote]

definitely check out those links and learn about chastity and purity. when you know it so well that you can speak the truth from your heart, you may be that voice that can change their hearts.

study it, learn about John Paul II's "Theology of the Body", read from the Bible the parts about the holiness of marriage, the value and dignity of each and every person, forgiveness for past sins and letting go, loving oneself.. the studies (with facts and figures) and practical examples on the dangers of living together, premarital sex, on divorce, on the future of their family if they don't follow God's examples.. and hopefully someday they'll be able to see the bigger picture. prayers!

[Mari Therese]

I have a somewhat similar experience with my younger sister. She isn't married but has a very serious relationship with her BF, and they will probably move in with eachother soon. As much as I would rather that she wait till marriage, I know that I can't do anything to stop her. I love my sister very much, but if I didn't detach, and allow her to live the life that she pleases, then we wouldn't have the open communication that we have. I am only in control of my own life, not hers, and I can't do or say anything that would change her mind. I try to pray for her to come to know God again some day, and I try to remember how long St Monica prayed for her son to be converted.

[eagle_eye222001]

[quote name='browneyes106' post='1769684' date='Feb 2 2009, 10:42 AM']What are your views on nonmarried couples living together?[/quote]

There is a solid reason why they should not. You can walk anytime. There is no commitment. People rail against rings and marriage as purely symbolic and wasteful time, however, we are seeing now as a society why marriage should be taken seriously and why living together before you are married DOES NOT help because their is still no real commitment.

I am sorry to hear of your sad situation. I can relate to that a little bit, as I have had cousins go on overnight trips with their respected boyfriend or girlfriend and all my aunts and uncles and Grandparents seem to ignore it and only my parents are saying stuff about it.

I am not sure what to really tell you besides that. You kinda sum it up when you state that

[quote]But he seems not to care enough to marry my sister[/quote]

...



[quote name='CatherineM' post='1769737' date='Feb 2 2009, 12:06 PM']I understand exactly what you are going through. I have 5 older brothers, and they have gone through 12 wives. One brother is on #4, and another just married #3 who is over 20 years younger than he is. Only one of those 12 marriages (13 if you count one wife that he divorced and remarried) was in church. None of my 19 nieces and nephews are Catholics. One was baptized but they left the church before her first communion. One is an Evangelical, and two are in the World Wide Church of God. You can only beat your head against the wall so much, before you turn the whole thing over to the Lord.[/quote]



My Dad is one of five. My mom is one of four. My parents are the last in both families to have and raise their children, attend mass regularly, and actually raise their children Catholic. It is probably very safe to say that none of my 27 or so total cousins, aunts, and uncles go to mass regularly or take their Catholic faith with any seriousness at all. I would bet money on it.

So even though all my aunts and uncles have pretty much finished raising their children, I or one of my siblings will be the FIRST in BOTH families to have a Catholic wedding.





----------------
Now playing: [url="http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/red+hot+chili+peppers/track/californication"]Red Hot Chili Peppers - Californication[/url]
via [url="http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/"]FoxyTunes[/url]


----------------

Now playing: [url="http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/switchfoot/track/this+is+your+life"]Switchfoot - This Is Your Life[/url]
via [url="http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/"]FoxyTunes[/url]

Edited February 2, 2009 by eagle_eye222001

[Lil Red]

[quote name='eagle_eye222001' post='1769914' date='Feb 2 2009, 01:04 PM']as that is why people live together before marriage. Because they really do not care enough to marry and do not want the real legal relationship status. They just want the short-term benefits with no responsibilities. So when the hard times in life come and they feel the other person is just slowing them down, they can just walk out and find someone else.[/quote]
+J.M.J.+
that's a blanket and not fair statement. my husband and i lived together before marriage (before my reversion to the faith). we didn't do it because we didn't want responsibilities - we saw it as being responsible before marriage - i.e. do i really want to spend the rest of my life with this person. believe me, there were plenty of 'hard times' before we were married, but we never considered that the other person was 'slowing the other down' and we didn't consider walking out and finding someone else - because we loved each other then and love each other now.

was our thinking misguided? sure. but you paint with too broad of brush strokes.

[eagle_eye222001]

Sorry. Your right.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Mari Therese' post='1769780' date='Feb 2 2009, 10:36 AM']I have a somewhat similar experience with my younger sister. She isn't married but has a very serious relationship with her BF, and they will probably move in with eachother soon. As much as I would rather that she wait till marriage, I know that I can't do anything to stop her. I love my sister very much, but if I didn't detach, and allow her to live the life that she pleases, then we wouldn't have the open communication that we have. I am only in control of my own life, not hers, and I can't do or say anything that would change her mind. I try to pray for her to come to know God again some day, and I try to remember how long St Monica prayed for her son to be converted.[/quote]
+J.M.J.+
i would also say (speaking of someone on the other side of the coin), that if someone in my family (my parents or a priest) would have told me real, logical and spiritual reasons not to live with my husband before marriage (and not have told me in a blunt, smack you around kind of way), that i might have re-considered doing what we did.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='eagle_eye222001' post='1769918' date='Feb 2 2009, 01:11 PM']Sorry. Your right.[/quote]
+J.M.J.+
thanks.

i think a lot of people do see living together as being responsible before marriage (according to society): it's a test drive, so to speak, in a sexual, spiritual, monetary, and otherwise sense. also, if people are already engaged, then they see living together as being responsible in an economic sense (saving money for wedding/marriage).

[tinytherese]

I remember towards the beginning of my senior year of high school one of my friends who graduated a few months before got engaged to a guy that she hadn't known for very long. He proposed less than two weeks after they met and she had only turned eighteen two months before- hand. She was just starting college and this guy wasn't going there, but just worked at Burgerking. She moved in with him and some of his guy friends in an apartment. I had heard all of this from another friend of mine and I called her to make sure that this story was right. It turned out that it all was.

I didn't give off any impression that I disapproved. I didn't even ask her about her situation initially, just a hi I haven't talked to you in a while and she told me about getting engaged. I talked to her in a normal tone of voice. "Oh, what's his name?...What's he like...How did you meet him." I didn't tell her how I felt about the issue, but was just her friend. I also prayed for her and eventually they broke up. They were apparentally fighting a lot and he kept threatening to kill himself if she were to leave him. He also got physical with her. Thankfully, they are no longer together.

I was given the advice that I shouldn't tell her how ridiculous she was for being in the situation that she was in, or else it might look like I was jealous of her. Perhaps the same concept that was used in the movie [i]bella[/i] applies in some of these situations. Not judging, just being there for them, loving them, treating them like the valued human being that they are, and that through this unconditional love that their heart will be softened. Nothing evangelizes better than love. I don't always live up to it though.

[browneyes106]

[quote name='Luthien' post='1769712' date='Feb 2 2009, 12:20 PM']Well its obvious this is not a healthy relationship. Its very sad to me that he feels like his hard life is an excuse to treat people around him like poo. My husband had a hard life and he doesn't carry a chip on his shoulder, so I have little sympathy for that kind of behavior. As for them living together, it should not be done. Contrary to popular belief, it does not prepare you for marriage, just like sitting in a car doesnt prepare you for driving. When you live with someone in a non-commited relationship, there is always the possiblity of leaving without any legal and/or Church hassle. Whereas when you are married, there are a lot more steps involved with leaving someone.

There is a great website called[url="http://www.pureloveclub.com"]Pure Love Club.com[/url] I found an article that pretty much nails my pov on the head. Heres the link : [url="http://www.chastity.com/chastity/index.php?id=7&entryid=114"]Shacking Up[/url]

I hope your sister finds peace, if not for herself but for the little one [/quote]

I agree it isn't. A few years ago things he seemed more ok but for the past two years he acts like a jerk most of time. I'm starting to have less sympathy for him. His mother left him and his siblings when they were teenagers. I do feel sorry for any child who is left by their parents but I believe they have to take personal responsbility for themselves and not treat people like croutons for whatever reasons. My sister's bf and his siblings lived with his grandparents but it seems his grandparents were neglectful. His grandmother is a gambling addict who plays bingo at the casino nightly. Only of his siblings seems ok the rest are like my sister's my bf. My sister's bf is always qutting jobs for stupid reasons. A couple of years one of my uncles who works for UPS got him an interview but he blew it off to work at a pizza place. I think my sister's bf is a sort of freeloader. Whenever they need money or car repairs they call my parents and my parents are starting to get tired of it. I think maybe my sister allowed him to move in with her years ago thinking that it would lead to marriage but that was nine years ago and I honestly don't see him proposing or marrying her. Thanks for posting that link it gave some good insights.

Edited February 3, 2009 by browneyes106

[socalscout]

Isn't there some study that married couples who have lived together beforehand had a higher rate of divorce? I thought I had read that somewhere.

[RandomProddy]

[quote name='Lil Red' post='1769922' date='Feb 2 2009, 09:13 PM']i think a lot of people do see living together as being responsible before marriage (according to society): it's a test drive, so to speak, in a sexual, spiritual, monetary, and otherwise sense.[/quote]

There is a good analogy to answer that. I don't need to test-drive a Jaguar or a Ferrari. You know already it would be a spectacular car.

It really depends how high an opinion you have of you potential spouse.

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='RandomProddy' post='1770894' date='Feb 3 2009, 09:51 AM']There is a good analogy to answer that. I don't need to test-drive a Jaguar or a Ferrari. You know already it would be a spectacular car.

It really depends how high an opinion you have of you potential spouse.[/quote]
or if you are a christian or not.