How To Be Tactful While Telling People They Are Rude?

[IcePrincessKRS]

[quote name='Lil Red' post='1755850' date='Jan 19 2009, 07:26 PM']+J.M.J.+
i know i should do that, i guess for some reason, i just feel like i'm the one being rude. sometimes i'm just too nice. it doesn't help when usually that person will look at me like i am rude.

lol, that's a good one.

exactly! that's why i don't understand. and most of them will say stuff like, "oh, i hated when people touched me" - then proceed to touch me!!




amen![/quote]

I learned early on when I was pregnant with Adrienne that I didn't like when people touched me; if they manage to get in a rub before I can move away I look at them like I am appalled. This comes more from actual shock than it does from any calculated effort to make them feel like they are the ones being rude. If they actually said something I'd make a point of telling them that what they are rubbing is my body and it's not public property. The baby is inside and they aren't feeling anything more than ME when they do that. (They don't even rub where the baby KICKS for crying out loud... which would be awkward since I get all my kicks really low, but still...) I have never, ever understood the purpose of rubbing another person's belly. If it were a friend or relative and I was SUPER excited I might ask if I could feel if the baby was kicking, but I'd never just reach out and rub. And I'm thinking REALLY hard right now and I don't think I've ever felt another woman's pregnant belly except as a child when it was my own mother.

I think if someone said "Oh, I hated when people tried to touch me" and then tried to touch my belly I'd give them a dirty look and say "Yeah, so do I!"

[CatherineM]

I have always found a carefully timed barf to work in a number of situations. Touch my stomach, and you get a Heimlich reaction.

Some one asked me if I was carrying twins, and I said no, just a mutant. I was only 4 months at the time.

[Innocent]

If you have a pet dog, perhaps you can take him with you when you're outdoors. It's better if it's a huge and ferocious-looking. (I've heard that those types are actually better at interacting with infants and little children.) Then you can tell anyone who looks like (s)he's going to touch you, "My rottweiler is very protective of me and doesn't like strangers touching me. Be ready to run fast."

(Incidentally, have you heard of [url="http://www.takimag.com/blogs/article/nearer_my_dogs_to_thee/"]this guy[/url] who named one of his dogs Ratzinger?)

[Lil Red]

+J.M.J.+
no dogs, just lazy cats.

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='Lil Red' post='1755678' date='Jan 19 2009, 09:56 PM']+J.M.J.+
okay, i know some preggos go through this. In the past week, I have had at least 5 people tell me how big I'm getting (I know!), how I must be carrying twins (I'm not), and geez, isn't that baby coming out yet (not for 13 more weeks!)?

i am measuring 3 weeks ahead as of my last appointment, but my doctor and i discussed the fact that I could just have big babies. I'm not overweight (I'm right on track for weight gain). I do carry all baby weight 'up front' - like a basketball basically.

not only have I had total strangers tell me how big I am (like the grocery store clerk yesterday) but friends as well! (like my very good priest friend AND his mom!!) plus coworkers too.

how do i tactfully handle these situations when all i really wanna do is either: break down and cry or punch them in the face ? and without explaining to them a situation that is basically none of their business?

oh, and what do i do when people touch my belly (without asking)? because then i just wanna punch them? [/quote]
Yeah, I give the death stare when people touch me (I don't like being touched some times anyway, let alone when I'm pregnant). Two people, both guys, took the hint. One guy was really funny. He started to put his hand out toward my bump, then quickly withdrew and put his hand on his own stomach and then asked if the baby was kicking. Kieran was kicking, so he may have been able to see the movement.

[quote name='Lil Red' post='1755700' date='Jan 19 2009, 10:04 PM']+J.M.J.+
too true. problem with crying is that i'm not a public crier. i'd rather cry in private. so that leaves assault. which is most likely gonna get me arrested (preggo or not). [/quote]
Same here.

[quote name='littleflower+JMJ' post='1755753' date='Jan 19 2009, 10:26 PM']Or we can start creating "Touch my belly and die" and "Stay 10 feet away!" teeshirts! [/quote]
Note to self: get a shirt that says this for the next pregnancy.

[quote name='Lil Red' post='1756114' date='Jan 20 2009, 04:29 AM']+J.M.J.+
no dogs, just lazy cats. [/quote]
I've joked about dressing up one of our cats and pushing him in the pram and introducing him as my ugly child. This is because he wanted to sleep in the pram all the time at first. Lately he's wanted to sleep in the car seat.

[puellapaschalis]

One of my colleagues is pregnant - but I don't know her well enough to actually say we're friends. We don't bump (pardon the pun) into each other often, but when we do I usually ask how she's doing, and then how her baby's doing (because they are two separate people!). Then if we're not both busy at work, the conversation usually turns to the preps she and her husband are doing at home - the nursery and so on. I'd never [i]dream[/i] of touching her - except maybe to shake hands (which would be inappropriate because we already know each other), or to touch her arm perhaps during conversation (but that's something that happens quite often anyway). I got shirty when my Godson - a man a full year older than me, and bigger too - patted me on the head and fiddled with my mantilla. Someone touching my belly would get a thump. I'd burst into tears afterwards.

Lil Red, I'd fully approve of you punching someone. You're not public property!!

[Lil Red]

+J.M.J.+
thanks everyone for the suggestions and the prayers and the laughs.

[StColette]

Aww, I'm sorry Red!

I had kinda the opposite problem. I didn't look very big at all so I had people telling me that I need to eat more or that I'm starving my child because I wasn't that big. I've recently had people look at Aaron and then look me dead in the face and go "He's too small, you aren't feeding him enough" I've also had total strangers at Mass turn around to me with their arms wide open and say "Let me see him", wanting to hold Aaron.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='StColette' post='1756568' date='Jan 20 2009, 11:49 AM']Aww, I'm sorry Red!

I had kinda the opposite problem. I didn't look very big at all so I had people telling me that I need to eat more or that I'm starving my child because I wasn't that big. I've recently had people look at Aaron and then look me dead in the face and go "He's too small, you aren't feeding him enough" I've also had total strangers at Mass turn around to me with their arms wide open and say "Let me see him", wanting to hold Aaron.[/quote]
+J.M.J.+
you know how i avoided that problem? i would simply ask if their hands were clean (washed recently). if they wanted to hold DD, then they had to go wash their hands. people got fed up with it, but you know, she rarely was sick as an infant. (i'm kinda a germophobe).

[cmotherofpirl]

Unless we have been "educated" out of it, as humans I think we instinctively value and honor life. So I think there is an instinctive reaction to want to touch a pregnant woman in some way. A new member of the human family is arriving, a son of Adam or daughter of Eve.
I know its rude and in extreme cases result in bodily harm to the person trying it, but I do understand. Touching new human life is awesome [overwhelming feeling of wonder or admiration, a feeling of profound respect for someone or something].

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='StColette' post='1756568' date='Jan 20 2009, 06:49 PM']Aww, I'm sorry Red!

I had kinda the opposite problem. I didn't look very big at all so I had people telling me that I need to eat more or that I'm starving my child because I wasn't that big. I've recently had people look at Aaron and then look me dead in the face and go "He's too small, you aren't feeding him enough" I've also had total strangers at Mass turn around to me with their arms wide open and say "Let me see him", wanting to hold Aaron.[/quote]
I've gotten that, too. Even though Kieran gained weight really quickly, my grandmother insisted I wasn't feeding him enough (though she said that about everyone). Then my friend's father had been in Pakistan when Kieran was born. When he got back (when Kieran was a couple of months old), he just took Kieran out of my arms, no asking or anything. Kieran screamed and Peter continued holding him for a little while. I mean, it was kinda funny, but at the same time exasperating.

[quote name='Lil Red' post='1756572' date='Jan 20 2009, 06:52 PM']+J.M.J.+
you know how i avoided that problem? i would simply ask if their hands were clean (washed recently). if they wanted to hold DD, then they had to go wash their hands. people got fed up with it, but you know, she rarely was sick as an infant. (i'm kinda a germophobe).[/quote]
I'll have to remember that. I'm a germaphobe as well.

[IcePrincessKRS]

I tend to have more of an issue with people touching me than I do with them wanting to peer at a new baby. I get wanting to look at a baby. lol Most people didn't ask or try to hold my kids, I think I must give off a "protective mother" vibe or something. And with Charlotte I had her strapped in the mei tai most of the time so no one really had an opportunity to take her from me. Oh, and Genevieve had a Pavlik harness for a few months and I think people were too scared to try holding her because they didn't know what was wrong (and didn't want to hurt her).