How To Be Tactful While Telling People They Are Rude?

[rachael]

whatever

[Saint Therese]

Tact is over rated.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='littleflower+JMJ' post='1755753' date='Jan 19 2009, 03:26 PM']I would probably go the "kill them with kindness" route by saying, "You know I am having a [b]really[/b] hard time with this pregnancy already and things like commenting on how big I am or touching my belly really just makes everything [i]that[/i] much more difficult to deal with. I would really appreciate you not doing that because things like that really upsets me, even if I don't show it, and in the end I think its [u]very[/u] inconsiderate."

Or we can start creating "Touch my belly and die" and "Stay 10 feet away!" teeshirts!

No, really, in the end, I really don't know but I do have lots of prayers! I know it must be difficult and I hope it gets better for you. It smells of elderberries to have people rain on anyone's parade. Prayers, prayers, prayers! That each time you come across rude people that there is a better way to counter answer each and every one of them...and to each their own! [/quote]
+J.M.J.+
thanks flowery it means a lot. i think your response will work really well for friends and family.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='rachael' post='1755754' date='Jan 19 2009, 03:26 PM']whatever [/quote]
+J.M.J.+

love ya chickie.

[rachael]

[quote name='Lil Red' post='1755759' date='Jan 19 2009, 06:30 PM']+J.M.J.+

love ya chickie. [/quote]
I knew it!

[cmotherofpirl]

I think you should really try just once to break into bIg tears...
a little guilt trip can go along way to teaching manners.

[homeschoolmom]

Your priest friend wouldn't happen to be bald, would he? Maybe a little rub on the head with a "Gee, you're bald" would get the message through.

[Saint Therese]

Next time he does just scream and grab your stomach. That should take care of any future touching.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='homeschoolmom' post='1755800' date='Jan 19 2009, 03:56 PM']Your priest friend wouldn't happen to be bald, would he? Maybe a little rub on the head with a "Gee, you're bald" would get the message through.[/quote]
+J.M.J.+
lol. i did tell him to shut up when he told me i was getting big. lol.

[Innocent]

I suppose it's just because they just don't know what's the right thing to ask about your pregnancy that will show they care for you.

So just tell them, "Don't ask such questions to ladies who are pregnant, because it annoys them, though you might think it expresses concern."

Incidentally, what kind of questions/comments of concern [i][b]are[/b][/i] appreciated by a pregnant lady?

I wouldn't ask such questions, but I still wouldn't know what to say that wouldn't be annoying, so I think I'd probably say nothing about the baby at all.



[quote name='CatherineM' post='1755722' date='Jan 20 2009, 04:44 AM']When people ask rude personal questions, I usually answer with, "Wow, times have sure changed. When I was a kid, people never asked personal questions like that." Or, "Why would you want to know something so personal about me?" As to touching your stomach without permission, I find a well timed scream the best way to handle that. When they recoil and look at you in shock, just tell them that you were startled because you couldn't image anyone touching your stomach without permission.[/quote]

I'd like to see their faces when this happens.

[MithLuin]

For some reason, people think being pregnant means you are open to their comments/unsolicited advice/rude questions. Stern looks and dead silence tend to shut up most chatter.

(Can you tell I'm a teacher?)

[Lil Red]

+J.M.J.+
[quote name='Innocent' post='1755829' date='Jan 19 2009, 04:11 PM']Incidentally, what kind of questions/comments of concern [i][b]are[/b][/i] appreciated by a pregnant lady?[/quote]
stuff like:
-"you look wonderful/glowing/amazing, etc." are always appreciated!
-"how are you feeling" is also appreciated.
-and food is always welcome

[quote name='MithLuin' post='1755832' date='Jan 19 2009, 04:11 PM']For some reason, people think being pregnant means you are open to their comments/unsolicited advice/rude questions. Stern looks and dead silence tend to shut up most chatter.

(Can you tell I'm a teacher?)[/quote]
yesterday with the clerk, when she asked if i was carrying twins, i just looked at her in the eye and said "no" very calmly and without inflection. she didn't take the hint.

[IcePrincessKRS]

[quote name='Lil Red' post='1755678' date='Jan 19 2009, 05:56 PM']+J.M.J.+
okay, i know some preggos go through this. In the past week, I have had at least 5 people tell me how big I'm getting (I know!), how I must be carrying twins (I'm not), and geez, isn't that baby coming out yet (not for 13 more weeks!)?

i am measuring 3 weeks ahead as of my last appointment, but my doctor and i discussed the fact that I could just have big babies. I'm not overweight (I'm right on track for weight gain). I do carry all baby weight 'up front' - like a basketball basically.

not only have I had total strangers tell me how big I am (like the grocery store clerk yesterday) but friends as well! (like my very good priest friend AND his mom!!) plus coworkers too.

how do i tactfully handle these situations when all i really wanna do is either: break down and cry or punch them in the face ? and without explaining to them a situation that is basically none of their business?

oh, and what do i do when people touch my belly (without asking)? because then i just wanna punch them? [/quote]

I physically move my body out of their reach and tell them "I don't let people touch my belly, sorry."

I combated "are you pregnant?" remarks BEFORE I got pregnant with "no, I'm just fat" and if people start commenting on how big I am I'll probably use the same tactic. "Yes, I'm hugely fat." It will make them feel uncomfortable.


[quote name='Innocent' post='1755829' date='Jan 19 2009, 07:11 PM']I suppose it's just because they just don't know what's the right thing to ask about your pregnancy that will show they care for you.

So just tell them, "Don't ask such questions to ladies who are pregnant, because it annoys them, though you might think it expresses concern."

Incidentally, what kind of questions/comments of concern [i][b]are[/b][/i] appreciated by a pregnant lady?

I wouldn't ask such questions, but I still wouldn't know what to say that wouldn't be annoying, so I think I'd probably say nothing about the baby at all.

I'd like to see their faces when this happens. [/quote]


The problem is A LOT of people who do these things should know better. They are mothers themselves. Or grandmothers. Most guys (who I'm not related to), in my experience, won't say anything or try touching (with a few exceptions, I was asked by one guy and I turned him down, another one tried touching me and I pulled the evasive maneuver I described above... he thought it would be ok because he has sisters... well WTH bub, I'm not your sister, I'm another man's WIFE, keep your dadgum hands off me!).

Questions like "when are you due" and "do you know if it's a boy or a girl" are fine. Commentary on our absolute hugeness is not.

And note "when are you due" is vastly different from "gee, isn't that baby out yet"

[Lil Red]

+J.M.J.+
[quote name='IcePrincessKRS' post='1755843' date='Jan 19 2009, 04:21 PM']I physically move my body out of their reach and tell them "I don't let people touch my belly, sorry."[/quote]i know i should do that, i guess for some reason, i just feel like i'm the one being rude. sometimes i'm just too nice. it doesn't help when usually that person will look at me like i am rude.

[quote name='IcePrincessKRS' post='1755843' date='Jan 19 2009, 04:21 PM']I combated "are you pregnant?" remarks BEFORE I got pregnant with "no, I'm just fat" and if people start commenting on how big I am I'll probably use the same tactic. "Yes, I'm hugely fat." It will make them feel uncomfortable.[/quote]lol, that's a good one.

[quote name='IcePrincessKRS' post='1755843' date='Jan 19 2009, 04:21 PM']The problem is A LOT of people who do these things should know better. They are mothers themselves. Or grandmothers.[/quote]exactly! that's why i don't understand. and most of them will say stuff like, "oh, i hated when people touched me" - then proceed to touch me!!

[quote name='IcePrincessKRS' post='1755843' date='Jan 19 2009, 04:21 PM']Questions like "when are you due" and "do you know if it's a boy or a girl" are fine. Commentary on our absolute hugeness is not.[/quote]

[quote name='IcePrincessKRS' post='1755843' date='Jan 19 2009, 04:21 PM']And note "when are you due" is vastly different from "gee, isn't that baby out yet"[/quote]
amen!

[Saint Therese]

I couldn't imagine a situation when it eould be ok to touch someone's stomach randomly.