Reactions That You're Discerning...

[Saint Therese]

What has been really wierd for me is reactins among my co-workers. I've had reactions from both ends of the spectrum. When I returned from my aspirancy I had one coworker act like he hated me for no reason and say things to me that were basically harrassment. I've had another co-worker basically stop talking to me because he's afraid of offending me. Most people just have no boundaries and ask very prying questions, and I've become very aware that everyone wathes everything that I do in a critical way. I'm most concsiouc of what I eat in public, because people stare.
As far as my family goes it was mixed-from supportive to no reaction at all to thinking that my vocation is a funny joke.
I think mostly people can't reconcile me with the idea of being a nun: I'm not young enough, pretty enough, thin enough, or from the right social class.

Edited December 23, 2008 by Saint Therese

[the lords sheep]

I've been telling my friends one by one, and thanks be to God they've been really supportive. My parents and family are next, and I must admit, I'm quite terrified. I hope to tell them while I'm home here on Christmas break.
The only thing with me is that I'm telling them I plan on entering next fall, and that I've already begun the process to do so. Unfortunately, I knew that I wouldn't get any support from them (my cousin is also a religious Sister, and she didn't get a lot of support either)....
Praise God, I am really happy with my decision, and I hope that someday they will be too!

[VeniteAdoremus]

I've got Catholic friends and Other Friends. My Catholic friends were mostly excited, but with a hint of "we'll see", I think (I am a human cyclone and not really nun-material, so I get what they mean).

I didn't tell my secular friends until I was pretty sure, and only on a need-to-know basis. Word did get around fairly quickly, though. They're mostly curious, and sometimes excited.

My nuclear family wants to see me happy, but my brother and mum aren't Catholic and don't like the idea at all. My dad is enthusiastic, and my sister should finish her degree and enter somewhere contemplatiffy and pray for my apostolic work all day or I'll never amount to anything.

Acquaintances can be [i]very strange[/i]. And rude. (If a "friend" is rude about it they immediately drop to "acquaintance", by the way.) But they can also be curious and/or excited. They very often ask for how long I'll be going. And whether I don't want to be a priest, really (that came up in another topic ).

The nicest ever was my mother's eldest surviving brother. He quietly said he would be proud to have a religious in his family again.

I'm very glad I didn't tell everyone that I was discerning until it was all pretty much finalised. It's such a tender process - sometimes what God wants you to see is like dawn on a spider-web. Beautiful in the sunlight, but if someone even walks past it too rudely you'll have to wait a day to see it again.

[A Yearning Heart]

I've pretty much had an assortment of reactions.

From my parents: one was half ok with it, and the other was, well, there was yelling and disbelief and alot of shock. In the months that followed, it has settled down a bit, but there are those little comments every now and then that dig and are a hurtful, that I'm sure are not intentionally meant to be so. From my brother there was stunned disbelief at first, but then interested discussion. All in all though, I don't think anyone in my family thinks it will happen and that they deep down believe that it is just a phase.

I've specifically told catholic friends who I think will understand the concept of discerning-i.e those discerning as well, or those who are practising catholics and who don't think the concept is weird.

My best friend has been totally supportive in whatever happens, and others have been "oh" about it all and tend to move away, some are happy to talk about it, and others, who I would've thought would have been supportive, have been the most tentative of all saying things like "don't be dissappointed if it doesn't work out". I totally understand the tentative response-they know that nothing is certain or figured out yet and it is entirely possible that I could end up with a husband and kids. Who knows! Wait and see! But I'd be selling myself short if I ignored the possibilities of married or religious life.

I know some of my friends would truely belief that I'm nuts for even considering discerning, so I've been careful not to tell them.

The oddest thing is that there are people who I've only just met once or twice, usually seminarians or priests, who I'm totally comfortable telling them if they ask something that will lead into it. I got cornered by one guy a few weeks ago (who I didn't know was about to join the seminary) and in about 5 min he'd managed to get to my discernment and loads of details of where etc-(discernment is kind of on his rader I guess), but boy was it creepy-he asked such direct questions that there was no possible way of not talking about it. He'll be a great priest one day.

Discernment is a delicate process and the reactions to discernment can sometimes create turmoil, but which I think can also be helpful in the long run of figuring out what desire God's placed in my heart. I've tried not to tell many people and only those who I need to be fair with and need to know (i.e my family), and those who I know would understand it. It has helped knowing that there are others out there discerning (go phatmass!) and it has helped being able to talk about it and all the struggles and thoughts along the way.

I think it is important to not go it alone, but try to be prudent in just who knows. The most helpful person I've spoken with has been a sister-no pushing either way, most often just listens to whatever is on my mind and who then gives the best advice I've ever gotten.

sorry I tend to ramble on a bit...

[Fr. Antony Maria OSB]

I've had a range of reactions from different people, from antagonistic (You want to be a priest? You must be gay) to supportive, to indifferent. I however made the decision to not hide it at all, but let everyone know, and I think that was a big mistake, because now that I'm no longer actively discerning (still letting God lead, though) and have a girlfriend I'm kind of worried about what the reactions of people when they find out that I have a girlfriend: kind of the opposite of what this thread is for, I know, but I think perhaps similar.

[Saint Therese]

My boss told me yesterday that I just needed to lose more weight, fix my hair,etc and find a man. She also told me I couldn't be a nun because I have no heart. She said I was trying to run away by becoming a nun.

It made me really sad.

[Lilllabettt]

[quote name='Saint Therese' post='1735465' date='Dec 25 2008, 10:11 PM']My boss told me yesterday that I just needed to lose more weight, fix my hair,etc and find a man. She also told me I couldn't be a nun because I have no heart. She said I was trying to run away by becoming a nun.

It made me really sad.[/quote]

Excuse me, your boss is dumb as a box or rocks. Sorry.

Edited December 26, 2008 by Lilllabettt

[Saint Therese]

I guess.

A co-worker, who is a preacher, told me that it was a lie from the devil. He said that the devil would use the people closest to me to try to take me down. He said that since I'm now fighting on God's side, that the devil would really try to take me out, and that he doesn't just want me sidetracked, but dead. He said that people would try to drag me down because they see how happy I am now and they know how miserable they are.

[Lilllabettt]

That sounds about right.

[Saint Therese]

I hope so. The same day someone else at work was talking to me about-about not having contact with family,etc.

Srsly-I couldn't imagine myself just giving unsolicitated life advice like that. But anyways.

[A Yearning Heart]

Argh, St. Therese, that's aweful. I hope that it settles down with time.

No one at my work knows; they just would not get it.

[Saint Therese]

I had to tell people at work because I took a leave of absence.
I've had a hundred people ask me about it. At first it annoyed me but now I'm trying to respond graciously when possible.

The monastic life is so much more rigorous than the life I lead now; only someone who had no knowledge of the life could think that I'm running away. How can you run away to a more difficult life?

[the lords sheep]

There's a play by TS Elliot, I believe it is called "family reunion," and anyway, there is a young man who is planning to enter a monastery (I believe the Trappists) and his uncle got really mad at him, and yelled "You're just running away!" and the young man responded, "When the whole world is running in one direction, anyone going the opposite direction seems to be running away."

[Saint Therese]

That's excellent!!

[DameAgnes]

Along the lines of that TS Eliot excerpt, I read something the other day that would also be an apropos response to some of these rude reactions:

'A dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it. '
-- G. K. Chesterton.

Look someone in the eye and tell them that. They'll likely never bother you again.

You gotta have some gumption to be a successful religious, at least from what I've learned from my cousins and friends who are living vowed lives. A little flippancy goes a long way!