Reactions That You're Discerning...

[LivingStone]

Hey Pham,

I was curious as to what reactions people have had to your discerning, that is, if you are or have discerned the priesthood or religious life. Personally, my family is very supportive (although they were very shocked the day I told them) of my discernment for the priesthood and joining a pretheologate program, but it has become a rarity among friends for any positive, let alone supportive feedback. Growing up in a publich HS, my share of friends were mostly God-hating intellectual athiests (oxymoronic I suppose to hate a God and not believe in Him as well) and flaming progressive Christians at best. It was routine for people to ask what one is studying, and I would hesitantly respond "philosophy". They'd ask why, I would tell them I'm discerning. Their reaction is usually one of the following:

1. The intimidated: "Hmm, well, I got to leave now, um, maybe I'll see you in a few years or something..."
2. The annoyed: "Really? Does that mean you're not allowed to have sex?"
3. The 'offended':"%$#@...I had higher expectations for you than that, but I guess God doesn't hold as high of expectations for you as I do ... becoming another pedophile.
4. Or simply the uninterested: "...wow, I guess that's interesting"

I understood that discerning the priesthood would require sacrifices, sometimes even good buddies from high school. I suppose I'm just curious as to your personal story of how others have reacted to the news that you are discerning, whether they be family or friends. Hope that your preparation for the Incarnation is both blessed and fruitful. Thanks guys.

Miles Christi Sum,

[frenchfry]

I've gotten a lot of different reactions. My mom was really surprised, but thankfully very supportive. She is mostly worried about my doing anything too quickly. My sister felt like I was abandoning her and that she wasn't good enough or something. Some of my friends said they weren't surprised at all - I was sort of 'the religious one.' Hardly any friends have been unsupportive, although you can tell some of them think it's pretty weird, or even stupid. The most common reaction I get from people I don't know well is, "I didn't know people did that anymore!"

I'll be interested to know what reactions other people have gotten!

[DominicanPhilosophy]

The mains reactions I've gotten, though I learned quite quickly it isn't something you "just tell" people, even those who appear to be your friends [especially in school, word spreads like wildfire. To me what seemed natural appears to be an interesting topic for others ]..

1. "you're crazy!" - mainly friends
2. worried, disappointed, implied "let's avoid the subject" - most of my family that knows
3. "how cute!" - because there are those enthusiasts that think the sisters are cute, ignoring the necessary prayer and true seriousness that comes along with trying to discern His call and the reality of what consecrated religious have said "yes" to
4. "we're in this together" - the suffocation where some people don't realize how personal the vocational journey is and how difficult [and, well, wrong] it is to discern "in groups"

Then, there are those who genuinely are interested, wish me the best, pray for me, and have to make some "Sr. Mary Christmas" jokes on the side.

God bless, and four days until He arrives - let us joyfully welcome Him into our hearts and lives! +JMJD

[MithLuin]

I think that, as a professed religious (particularly if you wear the habit/ Roman collar), you will draw natural attention to your life choice. Random strangers will want to walk up to you on the street and tell you their opinions on God or religion or the Church. This can be a wonderful opportunity to share....or really annoying, depending.

Dealing with how people react to the announcement that you are discerning ([i]not[/i] always as you would wish them to!) may be good preparation for that. I'm not saying its fun to have people immediately make all sorts of assumptions about you, your attitutudes, your sex life, etc. - no fun at all. But...this isn't going to go away later.

Some people are going to see you as a challenge to their own choices, and treat you differently on account of this. Best of luck in learning how to deal with it!

[TotusTuusMaria]

I receive the disappointment and uninterested reactions a lot from family and close friends. I’ve had probably two positive experiences.

Most surprising of all I have had a number of people (all Protestant) try to find me a husband (non-Catholic husbands, at that). Very awkward. They have taken this very seriously. My father even supports many of the guys (honestly, all of them) they present.

One friend gave me a book which was suppose to help convince me that this wasn't what I was called too.

I don't think the rest of my family (besides my parents) really believe that I am serious. They make jokes sometimes about it, but they are not taking me seriously. This is apparently just a phase I am going through.

[DominicanPhilosophy]

[quote name='TotusTuusMaria' post='1733574' date='Dec 21 2008, 11:12 PM']I don't think the rest of my family (besides my parents) really believe that I am serious. They make jokes sometimes about it, but they are not taking me seriously. This is apparently just a phase I am going through.[/quote]

Yes.

[CatherineM]

My mom laughed at first. Then she got mad, really mad. Then she refused to speak to me for 3 months.

[InHisLove726]

My mom has been up and down before, sometimes very supportive (she even helped fund my trip to see some Sisters this past August), other times, she casually tried to talk me into getting married and having kids (she wants to be a grandmother, and her reaction is, "You wanted to have kids before!). One day, I just said that I am not considering marriage anymore and that I would like to hear her stop talking to me about marriage and having a family. I came to the realization that marriage really isn't an option for me because I have an ovarian problem that would most likely require medication to get pregnant, that is against Catholic belief (IVF or artificial insemination). She said she was sorry and that sometimes she wasn't even thinking about my choice. She, since then, has been one of the most supportive. She has been interested in my discernment, and I've asked her if she has questions, and she does approach me sometimes. She even encouraged me to go to Daily Mass! I go to Confession every 2 weeks (sooner if needed), and Adoration in the Chapel to pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet and Rosary with the community. I walk the Stations of the Cross and I tell her all this because I want to be open, and she sees me making an active interest in Church and prayer. She even said, seriously, when she couldn't go to Mass on Thanksgiving with me, for me to pray for her!

My dad has been supportive too. At first, I thought he was being apathetic, because he showed very little interest, giving the, "really? well, I guess if it makes you happy...", thing. But he's even started asking me questions and showing his support! (GOD BE PRAISED!)

My sister, who is no longer a practicing Catholic, but still an active Christian, has prayed for me and we are very close. I always pray that she comes back to the Church, and I hope my example shows her that the Catholic Church is NOT boring (we both thought this for a while). When I had some unsettling news from a community that they would not accept me because of my history of depression, she was there for me, and said that she honestly didn't understand that because I am so much better now. After seeing what happened in my depression and how the doctors and nurses tried to help, but I didn't get better until getting healed by Jesus in the Eucharist at a retreat, she is even planning a depression and suicide Christian support group!!! My example, thankfully, has become a great one! PRAISED BE JESUS CHRIST!

I've told a selected few family members outside of my immediate family. I told my grandmother and aunt on my dad's side and they are Baptists, but supportive. I know they only want me to be happy, and since the beginning of my discernment, I've been so happy, so they want me to continue on. One day, I let it slip to my aunt who attends Church with my family, and thinking she would try to talk me out of it, I was surprised when she didn't say much of anything.

My godparents/aunt & uncle have been the most supportive of all. My aunt even helped, with my mom, to fund my trip to St. Louis to see the Sisters there. Both understand that this is a very serious decision, and they are behind me 110%!! My uncle was even disappointed when I stopped discerning for a while, and told me that he thought I should start again because he believed I was called. This ultimately led me to continue.

I can't imagine a greater gift that God has given me! He has even given me a supportive family.

[tnavarro61]

geesh i don't know how to tell my family that i have this call..!

i attended once a vocation promotion by the OCD friars. (i am with my twin bro). We told our parents that we are just invited to come.

[InHisLove726]

[quote name='tnavarro61' post='1733695' date='Dec 22 2008, 03:05 AM']geesh i don't know how to tell my family that i have this call..!

i attended once a vocation promotion by the OCD friars. (i am with my twin bro). We told our parents that we are just invited to come.[/quote]

It is difficult! I didn't know how my parents would react, but it's been what I hoped for. Just pray for guidance from the Holy Spirit--maybe ask the advice of a priest--and go for it. Parents always want the best for their children. I've realized that if they love you, they'll see how happy you are. All the best! God bless you!

[tnavarro61]

[quote name='InHisLove726' post='1733718' date='Dec 22 2008, 10:10 PM']It is difficult! I didn't know how my parents would react, but it's been what I hoped for. Just pray for guidance from the Holy Spirit--maybe ask the advice of a priest--and go for it. Parents always want the best for their children. I've realized that if they love you, they'll see how happy you are. All the best! God bless you![/quote]


i know that they will be very happy, especially my mom who supports and believes in me. My spiritual director told me to enter after college, while I feel interested in entering a college seminary.

I wnt to be a monk someday.

[Mari Therese]

My father is very supportive. I think that he is secretly excited (he used to say that he would drop us off at the convent when we turned 16). He's told me that he had a discussion with God and told Him that He can have me if it is His will.

My mother totally flipped when I brought home an application. She has had a very difficult couple of years with my discernment. I've changed alot. She is trying very hard to be accepting and I really appreciate her effort. She is much calmer now, but once in awhile she says that she thinks that it won't work out (which annoys me and sends doubts flying to my mind sometimes).

My sister said that she saw it coming along time ago. She's cool with it. She's got a really great BF, so I told her that she'll have to have 17 kids to make up for the loss.

I know that the next few years are going to be rather diffucult but my family loves me (and I love them too), and they'll always back me up no matter what. We practice alot of live and let live in our house. I won't have a crazy mother trying to kid nap me from the convent, or slipping me bus tickets home.

[toservelove]

I'd been "secretly" discerning for about a year and a half. Looking at communities on the internet, mostly, and just thinking about it. It was a week before my birthday and I started getting all these e-mails at work from Match.com. I couldn't figure it out. Finally, I asked my mom if she knew anything. Yes, she was thinking of getting me a 6 month subscription for my birthday! Well, that forced the issue and I told her maybe that wouldn't be so good, since I had begun discerning a call to religious life.

My dad was ecstatic, my mom was a bit more sceptical--but in a good way, simply questioning me and helping me to clarify. Most of my family was "if it makes you happy..." but they have been very supportive. My best friend has been extremely supportive and excited for me. My other friends have also been very happy for me, because they see me so happy and at peace. They ask lots of fun and interesting questions.

What I found awkward was telling people I hadn't seen in years, but would run in to at the grocery store, etc.

[VoTeckam]

I once told a professor that I really respected that I was discerning and he told me I would be a terrible nun (Within earshot of other students). I was a little hurt and very schocked so I spent the whole class wondering why he would say such a thing... and if he was right. I stayed after the lecture to ask what he meant by his statement (fearing that he thought I lacked the faith- or even worse- some magical nun quality) to which he relied, "You are too smart to be a nun."

That was the moment that I realized that discerning your vocation is something even the people who know you the best can not assist you in. Vocations are a deeply personal matter. Something for you to sort out with your creator. So even when people you love do not respond the way you wish, remember it is not their support that you need.

[Maria Faustina]

Well, let's start out with the first people I ever told: January 2007

During recess one day at school in January 2007 I believe, I told my two best friends, Krystal and Ashlen, that I seriously was discerning becoming a sister. They both laughed histerically, thinking this was sarcasm being the result of "Vocations Week" in religion class. I explained to them my whole vocational story from when I was in 4th grade to the present, and by the end of the discussion, they discovered it wasn't a phase, an obsession, or a joke, but a deep desire of my heart. My friend Ashlen finally spoke, saying, "Well, out of all of the people in the class, you'd probably be the most likely to become a nun!". They gave my decision all the respect in the world, and even encouraged me to speak with the religious sister who taught our 7th grade class religion.

Which brings me to the second reaction: April 2007

When I told the religious sister, I had never seen anyone so happy before. Sister pratically jumped up and gave me a huge bear hug. I don't think I will ever have a hug quite like that again! She started to look after me as her own, and even protected me in her own special way.

Third reaction: April 2008

Due to a very large gossip conflict, I was advised by the same religious sister to tell my parents. My best friend, Krystal, had told most of the girls in my class about my secret. Sister did not want my parents to find out from anyone else but me, because that same exact scenario had happened to the sister. So, I decided to tell my parents at an Italian restaurant, so they couldn't yell at me in public.
Well, when the words my finally escaped my mouth, my dad was frozen while drinking his iced tea, and my mother's pizza was left suspended in the air between her mouth and the plate. When they regained their composure, they were happy and much to my surprise, even supportive. Ever since that time, I have begun to discuss my high school and college education with them, in order to prepare myself for the convent.

But, when I have told my peers about my discernment, they are completely mezmerized, because becoming a nun isn't really an accepted choice in society today. But, I have found that my story of discernment have inspired many, which is another positive thing about religious life.