Questions

[Carmeliteheart726]

I have some questions. As most of you know, I have been discerning a call to religious life for a year now. I have visited one community and was able to rule them out because I didn't feel like they were the right fit. That was the Carmelite Sisters of the Divine Heart of Jesus in St. Louis, MO. As much as I like them, I know God isn't calling me there.

I have been trying to look at various community websites because I don't want to lock myself down to just one order yet. I've met the Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal, the Sisters of Life, and the Servant Sisters of the Home of the Mother. All of them are beautiful orders. The Servant Sisters have a convent in my area, so I would be able to visit them, no problem. But the CFRs and Sisters of Life are in NYC and it is a slim chance that I could get out there very soon. But I am trying to get a job right now, so hopefully it will happen.

Does anyone know of a sure fire way to obtain a spiritual director? I have tried my hardest to find one and no one has accepted yet. Why is it so hard to find a necessary component of my discernment? I have asked 3 priests and 2 sisters and none have been able to help. I am going nuts because I know I need one. I've been praying for one, but one hasn't come along yet.

Also, does anyone know anything about any orders that would be willing to accept someone with a history of mental illness that has been resolved? I had depression that stemmed from a friend passing away, but I have gone through therapy and been on medication and now I'm working with my nurse practitioner to come off it That is something I am really happy about! It means there is hope! YAY! I have asked a few various communities. All the active ones (Sisters of Life, Carmelite DCJ, and CFRs) tell me I must be off my medication for at least a year. That shouldn't be hard since I still have some debts I am clearing up. One Carmelite community I am no longer discerning with said that I could enter their order while on the medication, but I opted out of that order for reasons concerning their practices (not in medication stuff; other stuff). Any one know if the Visitation Nuns at Mont Deux Coeur in Tyringham would consider someone with my history? It's becoming increasingly worrysome when I read qualifications and find "sound mental history" on there.

Also, I don't know if this matters, but I have inherited mild asthma. I don't have much problems but sometimes (especially during allergy season) I need my inhaler. Is this a canonical impediment? It doesn't prevent me from functioning normally.

I would appreciate the help. I am kind of laying low while searching for a job, but I can always use a spiritual director. If anyone knows of a service where I could locate one, THANK YOU! God bless!

Edited December 5, 2008 by Carmeliteheart726

[DominicanPhilosophy]

I can't really be of much help or answer any questions, but I feel ya! I'm in the exact same position with spiritual direction, though in my case, there are very few people in the area who offer spiritual direction, and my parents would definitely not go for it. I'll pray for you, though, because it is difficult searching.

I can relate to your medical history a bit, too; I developed a breathing problem after a brief illness about four years ago, and after seeing thirteen different doctors, one finally realized it was a major muscular, and I'm fine now. One of the quick-to-jump doctors put me on anxiety medicine for almost a year, thinking it was "all in my head," and had me attend counseling sessions - at which we never had anything to discuss, since I was fine! I really hope this will not impede on my [if willed by God] entrance somewhere someday.

God bless! +

[Mari Therese]

+JMJ+
A spiritual director is a necessary component for discernment because they can help you focus and discern where God is truly calling you. They may be able to see better where God is calling you, because sometimes our decisions are blinded by our own motivations. It is good to have someone to be accountable to, an outside person with whom to share our thoughts and feelings (they may see something that you don't ). A good and holy person to seek counsel from is needed to help guide your steps down the right path. Most importantly of all, they try to help you to have a better and closer relationship with God.

I took me a couple of years to find an SD aswell. I prayed all the time for an SD and I visited so many priests to no avail. I felt very discouraged, but I guess God was partially teaching me patience. God finally put a good and holy priest in my path who really helped during the point when I was discerning between specific order.

Hang in there, God will deliver in [u]His[/u] own time. In the mean time, enjoy visiting all those communities, God has put a bunch of good ones in your path. Prayers dude.

[Lilllabettt]

Two ways I've found helpful in finding a spiritual director:

1. Call your diocese. Whoever is in charge of vocations should be able to recommend someone to you.
2. Is there a college nearby where you live? Newman centers are a great place to get leads for spiritual direction.

Whenever I approached someone for spiritual direction, I never asked them directly, I said: "do you know of anyone who could do it" ... hoping of course, that they'll offer to do it themselves, (which has happened,) but giving them another way to help me if they can't.

Using this strategy I've never wanted a spiritual director and not gotten one pretty quickly, although I'm not exceptionally picky about who does it (priest, sister, etc.)

About your other question ...Man oh man do I feel you.

Your asthma should not be a problem for most communities. When I was a sister, I knew sisters with asthma and allergies.

Mental health is trickier. Maybe because it's still so misunderstood .. and I guess there's also the feeling that it can effect a person's spiritual life in a way that physical illness doesn't usually. There are communities out there who have very advanced understandings of depression/anxiety, and how very real healing can come from treatment. I'm thinking in particular of the Religious Sisters of Mercy in Alma, Michigan. Higher education is part of their charism, so they have Sisters who are therapists/psychiatrists, and they know first hand how a person who has been through a lot, mentally, can recover and lead a healthy life. They are a great community ... 100% orthodox.

A lot of communities will want you, as you said, to be off medication and doing well without it for awhile. If you do that and then pass the psychological testing that a lot of communities ask for, then cool beans. Your chances of being accepted will improve greatly if you can get off the medicine, but I'd say there's hope either way.

I'm not sure what the Visitation in Tyringham's policy is. I know where physical health is concerned, they are very welcoming. They were going to accept a girl in a wheel chair with cystic fibrosis .. but she decided she did not want to be cloistered.

[Carmeliteheart726]

[quote name='Lilllabettt' post='1720490' date='Dec 5 2008, 08:37 PM']Two ways I've found helpful in finding a spiritual director:

1. Call your diocese. Whoever is in charge of vocations should be able to recommend someone to you.
2. Is there a college nearby where you live? Newman centers are a great place to get leads for spiritual direction.

Whenever I approached someone for spiritual direction, I never asked them directly, I said: "do you know of anyone who could do it" ... hoping of course, that they'll offer to do it themselves, (which has happened,) but giving them another way to help me if they can't.

Using this strategy I've never wanted a spiritual director and not gotten one pretty quickly, although I'm not exceptionally picky about who does it (priest, sister, etc.)

About your other question ...Man oh man do I feel you.

Your asthma should not be a problem for most communities. When I was a sister, I knew sisters with asthma and allergies.

Mental health is trickier. Maybe because it's still so misunderstood .. and I guess there's also the feeling that it can effect a person's spiritual life in a way that physical illness doesn't usually. There are communities out there who have very advanced understandings of depression/anxiety, and how very real healing can come from treatment. I'm thinking in particular of the Religious Sisters of Mercy in Alma, Michigan. Higher education is part of their charism, so they have Sisters who are therapists/psychiatrists, and they know first hand how a person who has been through a lot, mentally, can recover and lead a healthy life. They are a great community ... 100% orthodox.

A lot of communities will want you, as you said, to be off medication and doing well without it for awhile. If you do that and then pass the psychological testing that a lot of communities ask for, then cool beans. Your chances of being accepted will improve greatly if you can get off the medicine, but I'd say there's hope either way.

I'm not sure what the Visitation in Tyringham's policy is. I know where physical health is concerned, they are very welcoming. They were going to accept a girl in a wheel chair with cystic fibrosis .. but she decided she did not want to be cloistered.[/quote]

Thank you all for your help! It is so nice to have a support system BTW, while waiting for answers, I went online to my diocese's Vocation Director's website. When I first emailed and phone them, there was only 1 director listed. Now there is one main director and two associates. I emailed the main director and I'm calling him on Monday, too. (Hopefully, the Virgin Mother will help me since it is her feast day!) I came right out and asked him if he could faciliate spiritual direction and that I've already asked 3 priests and 2 sisters and haven't gotten anywhere. Even if he refers me to someone (hopefully not one of the people I've already tried), I can at least try someone else.

There is a university nearby, but no Catholic universities in my neighborhood, I'm afraid! I don't know if this matters. I know that the University nearby has FOCUS, so if that helps... I am wondering if I could ask one of the Sister Servants of the Home of the Mother to do it? It couldn't hurt to ask!

I am glad my asthma shouldn't be a major problem. That's a load off my mind. But, I remember someone referring me to the Religious Sisters of Mercy once before. Perhaps I should check them out? I know that Fr. Benedict Groeschel, CFR, is a psychologist, and I met a sister in the CFRs who is a Registered Nurse, so hopefully, if I go there, they will understand. I fully intend to try life without the medicine. I pray that if it's God's will, I will be fine. One of my friends told me about the psychological testing that her community gave her before she was accepted. A lot of weird questions, but she passed, so I pray there's hope for me where that's concerned.

Thanks a lot guys (or gals)!!! I appreciate the help!!! God bless you!

[Lilllabettt]

A lot of non-Catholic schools have Newman Centers ... mine did! They are a great place to hang out, even if you're just around college age but not in college. Small word of warning though, some of them are very good, and some of them can be quite questionable.

Like I said, the Sisters of Mercy are a great community. A lot of vocations. Their apostolate is in healthcare and teaching ... A lot of their Sisters are very smart. St. Thomas Aquinas is one of their patrons I think. One of their Sisters was going to the med school of the University I attended.

[Carmeliteheart726]

[quote name='Lilllabettt' post='1720555' date='Dec 5 2008, 10:03 PM']A lot of non-Catholic schools have Newman Centers ... mine did! They are a great place to hang out, even if you're just around college age but not in college. Small word of warning though, some of them are very good, and some of them can be quite questionable.

Like I said, the Sisters of Mercy are a great community. A lot of vocations. Their apostolate is in healthcare and teaching ... A lot of their Sisters are very smart. St. Thomas Aquinas is one of their patrons I think. One of their Sisters was going to the med school of the University I attended.[/quote]

Thank you again, Lillibett!! I looked up the university nearby to see if they have a Newman center, and could not find one under that title. Would "Student Union" be the same thing?

I just recently got my Certificate of Completion in Nursing Assistant studies and I am waiting to take the state board exam allowing me to get my practicing certificate. I would like to be able to use this in religious life, and I am even considering Little Sisters of the Poor. My mom, my former teacher, and others have all said that I should consider the Licensed Practical Nursing program because they all think I would do well in it. I am unsure though whether doing it would be practical because I don't know if I would use it in religious life unless I went to a specific order. It's funny. One of the orders with older nuns told me that one of their sisters fell ill and they could use a Nursing Assistant there. I thought about it and I think it's admirable if God calls me to a specific vocation like this.

[Carmeliteheart726]

For some reason, up until now, I hadn't thought about a priest in our diocese who I know personally. I'm going to call him this weekend. He's a good friend of the family and he baptized me. I can't think of anyone better to ask.

Edited December 6, 2008 by Carmeliteheart726

[Laudem Gloriae]

As a nurse and having done psych nursing for many years, there is a BIG difference between a short time of depression over a death of a loved one and people who suffer from it most of their life and is chronic or acute and the only way to live is thru psychotropic meds and constant therapy. Many orders would just need your story/relating the story to them and a doctor's note clearing you of needing meds, or needing therapy and being of sound mind. Having a depressive episode due to such traumatic experience like a death is totally different than being depressed over life, the inability to handle stress, if the littlest thing upsets you or depresses you etc. If you were fine before this death and then now, that is a good sign and a good loving order should have no problem. Sure some will surprise and hurt you and say "no" but many will be the totally opposite and surprise you joyfully.

Many psych doctors would think you HAD a problem if you weren't upset or depressed over a loved one's death! I worked in a prison as a nurse for 3 years and the psych doctors were MORE concerned when the inmates were NOT depressed! It was natural for them to be depressed being in prison and NOT being depressed was not a good sign!

God will open the doors to where He wants you and He will help you persevere. Sr. Francoise-Therese (Leonie Martin, St. There's sister who was a Visitation nun) is a good one to pray to and ask to be your "helper or mentor" as she too had mental/emotional problems and had abuse done to her by a family maid that she overcome with God's mercy and grace and love and then had multiple entrances and leavings of a few times before she stayed permanently in the Caen Visitation.

This may be a way God is leading you to find the "home" He wants you in! By "shaking the dust from your sandals" of the monasteries/orders that give you a negative or unpleasant answer to your past problem, you will find the one for you who embraces you lovingly and understands and accepts you.

[Carmeliteheart726]

[quote name='Laudem Gloriae' post='1720728' date='Dec 6 2008, 01:42 AM']God will open the doors to where He wants you and He will help you persevere. Sr. Francoise-Therese (Leonie Martin, St. There's sister who was a Visitation nun) is a good one to pray to and ask to be your "helper or mentor" as she too had mental/emotional problems and had abuse done to her by a family maid that she overcome with God's mercy and grace and love and then had multiple entrances and leavings of a few times before she stayed permanently in the Caen Visitation.

This may be a way God is leading you to find the "home" He wants you in! By "shaking the dust from your sandals" of the monasteries/orders that give you a negative or unpleasant answer to your past problem, you will find the one for you who embraces you lovingly and understands and accepts you.[/quote]

Leonie Martin was abused? How?!?!? I know a little about her story through reading "Story of a Soul" and I know she had emotional problems, but I had no idea of what stemmed it. Poor girl! I will definitely ask for her prayers.

I do believe that God likes me "shaken, not stirred", LOL. Just kidding! I think this has been a wonderful journey, granted a little slow and difficult, but nothing terrible. I don't think I could do this if I didn't honestly think there was a reason I am called, or that I wasn't called altogether. And I couldn't do it without the graces so lovingly bestowed upon me by Jesus and His Blessed Mother.

God bless you, Laudem Gloriae!

Edited December 6, 2008 by Carmeliteheart726

[the lords sheep]

If your priest friend doesn't work out, I know that all FOCUS missionaries are required to have SDs, so they may be able to recommend one. Also, Servants of the home of the Mother may be able to recommend some priests which they use for spiritual direction.

As far as the other health problems, just try to trust that God's will will be done. As someone who has never had serious health problems (beyond allergies), I can only emphasize. I do know, however, how hard it is to trust and surrender. I'm really struggling with it right now.

I can also tell that you seem a bit restless. I know that you want to figure out everything, and the sooner the better, but sometimes it just doesn't work that way. You only just began to suspect that God might be calling you to the Franciscan lifestyle. Since you can't visit now, do what you can do: try to schedule a phone call with the vocation directress every couple of months just to keep in contact. Read about all the Franciscan saints and their lives and their struggles. Try to go to adoration if you can; if not, maybe try to start praying the liturgy of the hours.

From personal experience, if you have an attraction to one order over another, try to focus on that one for awhile. See what God does in your heart. He'll open and close doors as necessary, and you will know when that happens.

God bless you for your openness. You're in my prayers! I'll pray also that you can find an SD.

In Christ,
Lauren

Edited December 6, 2008 by the lords sheep

[Lilllabettt]

[quote name='Carmeliteheart726' post='1720733' date='Dec 6 2008, 03:08 AM']Leonie Martin was abused? How?!?!?[/quote]


When Leonie was a little girl, she was difficult to handle. All the other girls were supposedly little angels, but Leonie was extremely moody, physically rough, and slow to develop intellectually. Her parents could not figure out what was wrong with her, but assumed it was a result of her sickness as an infant. She was embarassing for the family, and they did not esteem her well ... they didn't hide her in the attic or anything, but they didn't talk about her much ...

Later Mrs. Martin discovered that the maid had been beating and terrorizing Leonie in secret, behind their backs. The maid commanded that Leonie only obey her, nobody else .. so that's why she never listened to her parents. You can find this story in Mrs. Martin's letters, which have been published.

After the maid was fired, Leonie improved a great deal. Still, she had a hard time later in life. She entered the convent 4 times, once as a Poor Clare and three times in the Visitation.

[Laudem Gloriae]

For great books on Leonie, try "Leonie Martin: A Difficult Life" available at [url="https://id210.chi.us.securedata.net/desalesresource.org/merchantmanager/product_info.php?cPath=5&products_id=63"]https://id210.chi.us.securedata.net/desales...;products_id=63[/url] and another book with a title something like, "God Makes Violets Too".

In the book "A Difficult Life", it has many of St. Therese's letters to Leonie and her's to the saint. It's a very good book.

[moon_child_anne]

[quote name='Lilllabettt' post='1720555' date='Dec 5 2008, 11:03 PM']A lot of non-Catholic schools have Newman Centers ... mine did! They are a great place to hang out, even if you're just around college age but not in college. Small word of warning though, some of them are very good, and some of them can be quite questionable.

Like I said, the Sisters of Mercy are a great community. A lot of vocations. Their apostolate is in healthcare and teaching ... A lot of their Sisters are very smart. St. Thomas Aquinas is one of their patrons I think. One of their Sisters was going to the med school of the University I attended.[/quote]

I second the opinion about the Sisters of Mercy, my SD is a Religious Sister of Mercy named Virginia Froehle. She's written several books on spirituality.

Peace,
Anne, PND

[Carmeliteheart726]

Good news all! I have decided after reading the Religious Sisters of Mercy's website for the 5th time in 3 months to write them a letter asking for more information. Their website is tremendous! I know that I would prosper in a community where healthcare is an apostolate. I love working as a Nursing Assistant. When I was in clinicals during school, I bonded with the patients. I know that I found my calling in healthcare, so I desire to incorporate it into religious life. 2 callings together! I made sure to include that in my letter. Also, I thought to send it in a Christmas card Hope to get information soon! I'll let you gals know what happens! God bless!