Giving Testimony

[tinytherese]

So I'm a second year college student at a secular college who is helping the priest at the parish with RCIA. Weeks from tonight we'll be talking about vocations. Fr. is going to give his testimony to the class on his calling, a catholic married couple is going to come talk, and then I'm supposed to talk about living the single life. I'm not totally sure how to go about this because the "single life" can go multiple directions.

It can be about being single at the moment but be preparing oneself to be married by giving oneself completely to God just like in that "Be Satisfied" prayer from "The Pure Life" on EWTN.

Or about being a time where one is still discerning one's vocation. Grant it, I am discerning myself.

I thought that it would be good to talk about if one is called to be permanently single, say a consecrated virgin for example. I'd just like the catechumens to know that it is okay to remain single.

How do I go about this in an RCIA context?

[alicemary]

There are plenty of single people out there who are not consecrated virgins, you are talking about a very small minority. Many people do not marry, that does not mean their life is any less rich. I chose not to marry, though have had my share of relationships. I have a very successful career and successful personal life. There are many of us out there, though the church generally does not seem to include singles in the life of the church. It is good that this priest has mentioned them.
I feel that people might be interested in hearing about consecrated virgins, but that is not what the single life is all about. It is not always a waiting zone until a vocation or spouse comes along, it is a choice.

[littlesister]

Try getting in touch with the Community of Christ the Redeemer in St. Paul, MN. They will know how to find you a series on "Single for the Lord," which is about singlehood as a lifelong vocation . They may have developed it themselves. It was in use around the Archdiocese as a discernment tool a few years back, and still may be. It is in modules, and probably has a workbook format with it.

[Gemma]

[quote name='tinytherese' post='1699933' date='Nov 12 2008, 01:19 AM']So I'm a second year college student at a secular college who is helping the priest at the parish with RCIA. Weeks from tonight we'll be talking about vocations. Fr. is going to give his testimony to the class on his calling, a catholic married couple is going to come talk, and then I'm supposed to talk about living the single life. I'm not totally sure how to go about this because the "single life" can go multiple directions.

It can be about being single at the moment but be preparing oneself to be married by giving oneself completely to God just like in that "Be Satisfied" prayer from "The Pure Life" on EWTN.

Or about being a time where one is still discerning one's vocation. Grant it, I am discerning myself.

I thought that it would be good to talk about if one is called to be permanently single, say a consecrated virgin for example. I'd just like the catechumens to know that it is okay to remain single.

How do I go about this in an RCIA context?[/quote]

Seems to me like you could build on St. Paul's passage about the single person being able to pay more attention to the matters of the Lord. Looking back at my own single experience, purity of heart and actions is paramount in the virtues, modesty included.

Our Lord once showed a saint the crowning achievement of St. Gertrude the Great--no matter where she went or what she did, her eyes (of her soul, I would think) were constantly on Jesus.

HTH.

Blessings,
Gemma

[tinytherese]

Thank you everybody.

[MC IMaGiNaZUN]

Even a person who has committed themselves to the consecrated life, must carry that commitment each and every moment, so they do live it in the moment, just as a married person ought to.

I actually believe that we need some time to be single, in order to define ourselves, and understand ourselves, in relation to God and ourselves (as well as perhaps our family and culture of origin etc.). This could also be a time to really learn more about the faith, traditions of the Church etc.

Anyways, point being, i do believe you have to be a full person before you give yourself to another in service, in religious life, in marriage, etc.

shalom
bro mark

[HisChildForever]

I am pretty sure the single life is mentioned in the Catechism, and there is a passage in the Bible (New Testament) that says that while marriage is beautiful, being single allows you to focus more time on Christ - since, when married, you focus your love and attention on not just God but your spouse and children. Certainly a single person has more time for prayer and daily Mass, for example.

[puellapaschalis]

[quote name='MC IMaGiNaZUN' post='1702257' date='Nov 16 2008, 12:44 AM']I actually believe that we need some time to be single, in order to define ourselves, and understand ourselves, in relation to God and ourselves (as well as perhaps our family and culture of origin etc.). This could also be a time to really learn more about the faith, traditions of the Church etc.[/quote]

Agreed, Br.!

[Norseman82]

Tinytherese,

I want to use this as a starting off point for what the CATECHISM states:

[quote name='HisChildForever' post='1702287' date='Nov 15 2008, 08:12 PM']I am pretty sure the single life is mentioned in the Catechism,[/quote]

First of all, it is important to note that in the Catechism, single in and of itself is never mentioned as a vocation.

Second, all vocational study needs to start with CCC 1603, which states that marriage is the vocation written into our nature. From there, we contract the various states of life and vocations.

Third, marriage is always contrasted/complimented with "virginity for the sake of the kingdom".

Fourth, since vocation comes from the Latin root "to call", the only other time that the CCC refers to a state of life as a "calling" is when it talks about the call to "virginity for the sake of the kingdom", which is further defined as "priestly ministry" and "consecrated life" (CCC 2233).

If a person really has a calling to single life, is he or she willing to take permanent vows? If not, then single life is the temporary state you talk about in your first post.

SIngle life is only talked about in the catechism as either something a person has to endure due to circumstances beyond their control (CCC 1658) or something people forego for various reasons such as care for parents or professional reasons (CCC 2231), but with the expectation that they contribute to the "good of humanity". So, if one is forgoing marriage, how are they using their singlehood? Are they becoming medical missionaries in Africa? Providing legal aid to the poor or to the Church when the Church faces government harassment like the Catholic Charities case in California?

Also, state that single life, like the religious life, means one has to be celibate under pain of mortal sin.

Although the bible does state that the unmarried person can give themselves more completely to God, the very chapter that states (1 Cor. 7) this ALSO acknowledges that a person may not be able to be celibate for their entire lifetime, and that if that is the case one should get married (maybe not in those exact words, but words to that effect). That is why the ability to handle lifelong celibacy (whether it be the physical or emotional aspect) is something seminarians must incorporate into their discernment and why some leave the seminary and get married. This leads to why choosing the single non-clerical/non-religious/non-consecrated life may not be a good idea after all and could actually be selfish in the "big picture": the people who have discerned that they cannot handle lifelong celibacy need to have a pool of potential spouses to choose from.

And ditch the "Be Satisfied" prayer. I have detailed the errors of it in the other thread in Open Mic. At best it is a private revelation not binding on the general public and so should not be pushed on people; at worst it is putting words in God's mouth.

Edited November 25, 2008 by Norseman82

[VeniteAdoremus]

I would stress that celibacy, both in the single life and in religious life, is not so much about, y'know, not doing certain things, although that's certainly part of it. It is also [i]not having a family[/i] - not having that deepest emotional bond that married people have with their spouse and children, and "freeing that up" for God and the world. It's both a huge sacrifice and a huge source of energy, time-wise and emotion-wise.


Edit: grammar

Edited November 25, 2008 by VeniteAdoremus

[Norseman82]

[quote name='VeniteAdoremus' post='1710583' date='Nov 25 2008, 08:04 AM']I would stress that celibacy, both in the single life and in religious life, is not so much about, y'know, not doing certain things, although that's certainly part of it. It is also [i]not having a family[/i] - not having that deepest emotional bond that married people have with their spouse and children, and "freeing that up" for God and the world. It's both a huge sacrifice and a huge source of energy, time-wise and emotion-wise.[/quote]

That is a point that was made by a seminarian when he gave the "Seminarian Sunday" talk years ago - the hard part about celibacy is not so much the physical part, it's being able to imagine one's self in your 40s and 50s and seeing people in your own age group with children and grandchildren. That is why I mentioned the emotional aspect in my previous post.

Edited November 25, 2008 by Norseman82

[alicemary]

I chose to be single, it is not a waiting station until someone on a white horse comes and rescues me. I do not wish to marry.
I have a wonderful career which I spend alot of time on. Continue my education which I also adore. I am a musician. I teach, I nurse.
I have relationships from time to time, when I choose to.
I have no more time or less time to pray or attend daily Mass as the next person. I do not have the time to attend daily Mass.
What the catachism says is of little import to me, this is my life.
People have such wrong views of single life. Maybe some people are single because they have never had someone ask them to marry them, or are socially inept. I have been engaged ,and I chose that this was not the path for me. I chose not to have children.
I assure you my life is full.

[Lilllabettt]

[quote name='alicemary' post='1710674' date='Nov 25 2008, 12:17 PM']I do not wish to marry. [...]
I have relationships from time to time, when I choose to. [...]

What the catachism says is of little import to me, this is my life.[/quote]


Can you clarify what you mean by having "relationships" from time to time? By relationship, I assume you mean with men, and I assume you don't mean hanging out guys who are your friends.

Can you clarify what you mean when you say what the catechism says is of little import to you? If it isn't, shouldn't it be?

[BarbTherese]

I have lived in the single lay state (divorced with annulment) for 25yrs for more now under private vows to the evangelical counsels and living a specific way of life. I am under direction to a priest who is also my confessor.
Since I suffer Bipolar although completely latent for years now which presents to religious orders I have contacted an impediment to their way of life,I decided to live under private vows. A way of life unfolded in my path rather than my setting up anything. I call this way of life "Bethany" which is also the name of my residence here. I live in an extremely poor area beset by every kind of serious social problem. My way of life was identified for me by my first confessor and director (now dec'd) an Order priest and theologian. He realized I had begun to live a distinct way of life and at that time I was separated from my then husband and working. It was then news to me!
My hope had been that once I was divorced if an annulment was granted and my sons were old enough and totally independant that I would enter religious life. God had other plans!

I do however have experiences in contemplative monastic life in my teens and then again in my forties. I left both Orders completely at my own decision (without being 'nudged' by leadership in any way) knowing I did have a call to religious life but not being able to identify what it was.
My marriage was annuled over 25yrs ago and I have two adult sons. Both are totally independant, single and have their own careers. We have a great relationship as I do with my 'ex husband' and his family, and his wife and her family. I will be 64yrs in January 09.

While I live alone - I never desired nor felt a clear call to do so. The Lord however does supply all Graces necessary to live in accord with His Call in life.

Barb

[Norseman82]

[quote name='BarbaraTherese' post='1711137' date='Nov 25 2008, 10:15 PM']I have lived in the single lay state (divorced with annulment) for 25yrs for more now under private vows to the evangelical counsels and living a specific way of life. I am under direction to a priest who is also my confessor.
Since I suffer Bipolar although completely latent for years now which presents to religious orders I have contacted an impediment to their way of life,I decided to live under private vows. A way of life unfolded in my path rather than my setting up anything. I call this way of life "Bethany" which is also the name of my residence here. I live in an extremely poor area beset by every kind of serious social problem. My way of life was identified for me by my first confessor and director (now dec'd) an Order priest and theologian. He realized I had begun to live a distinct way of life and at that time I was separated from my then husband and working. It was then news to me!
My hope had been that once I was divorced if an annulment was granted and my sons were old enough and totally independant that I would enter religious life. God had other plans!

I do however have experiences in contemplative monastic life in my teens and then again in my forties. I left both Orders completely at my own decision (without being 'nudged' by leadership in any way) knowing I did have a call to religious life but not being able to identify what it was.
My marriage was annuled over 25yrs ago and I have two adult sons. Both are totally independant, single and have their own careers. We have a great relationship as I do with my 'ex husband' and his family, and his wife and her family. I will be 64yrs in January 09.

While I live alone - I never desired nor felt a clear call to do so. The Lord however does supply all Graces necessary to live in accord with His Call in life.

Barb [/quote]

Your "private vows" would most likely be considered a subset of consecrated life (See CCC 933).

Also, I must have missed in our sparring on CAF the fact that you yourself were once married, so your form of "singleness" at your age (no insult intended) and with your medical conditions is [b]not[/b] the same as healthy young (or middle-aged, for that matter) people who have never been married.