"open" Marriages

[tinytherese]

This morning in my interpersonal communication class we were talking about stages in relationships when my professor mentioned some of the couples that she knew hat had long and strong marriages, but were not conventional ones.

One of the couples that have been together for thirty years have an open marriage because they didn't think that they could fully satisfy each other. Both were divorced and their previous marriage partners didn't treat them right. Then after those failed they found each other. They've come up with ground rules for having these affairs and one of them is that they do not want to know about who the affairs are with or any other details. It's just their partner's business.

Then my professor said that she would never feel "confident" enough to be in that kind of marriage. I thought, "Eh 'confident?' That's not a reason that I'm thinking of."

Both of them wanted this and somehow they are still happily together but apparentally not satisfied with just each other. Sounds like a defense mechanism from getting hurt that they have adopted since their first disasterous marriages.

[Hassan]

[quote name='tinytherese' post='1699206' date='Nov 10 2008, 10:53 PM']This morning in my interpersonal communication class we were talking about stages in relationships when my professor mentioned some of the couples that she knew hat had long and strong marriages, but were not conventional ones.

One of the couples that have been together for thirty years have an open marriage because they didn't think that they could fully satisfy each other. Both were divorced and their previous marriage partners didn't treat them right. Then after those failed they found each other. They've come up with ground rules for having these affairs and one of them is that they do not want to know about who the affairs are with or any other details. It's just their partner's business.

Then my professor said that she would never feel "confident" enough to be in that kind of marriage. I thought, "Eh 'confident?' That's not a reason that I'm thinking of."

Both of them wanted this and somehow they are still happily together but apparentally not satisfied with just each other. Sounds like a defense mechanism from getting hurt that they have adopted since their first disasterous marriages.[/quote]


I don't get it. Why be married if it's "open"?

My boss is a unitarian who has friends in an "open" marriage, it does not work so well for them. The husband spends to much time hooking up with younger women.


Just seems odd.

[CatherineM]

That's the kind of marriage that keeps divorce attorneys in business.

[Madame Vengier]

In addition to these, there are also "swingers" which are married couples who attend swinging parties together and hook up with other partners in a one-night stand, at the party. I find it all extremely dysfunctional and debauched.

[Hassan]

[quote name='CatherineM' post='1699225' date='Nov 10 2008, 11:16 PM']That's the kind of marriage that keeps divorce attorneys in business.[/quote]

[princessgianna]

[quote name='Madame Vengier' post='1699234' date='Nov 10 2008, 10:25 PM']In addition to these, there are also "swingers" which are married couples who attend swinging parties together and hook up with other partners in a one-night stand, at the party. I find it all extremely dysfunctional and debauched.[/quote]
yea really! i don't get some people

[tinytherese]

[quote name='Madame Vengier' post='1699234' date='Nov 10 2008, 10:25 PM']In addition to these, there are also "swingers" which are married couples who attend swinging parties together and hook up with other partners in a one-night stand, at the party. I find it all extremely dysfunctional and debauched.[/quote]

Talk about twisted! How can anybody be okay with that?


Our professor told us though that this couple wasn't a "swinger" one, in fact she referred to them as "old fuddy duddies." It's still surprising how their marriage is still together.

[Innocent]

Sometimes even people in high positions do this. I've read that Lord Mountbatten and Lady Edwina Mountbatten had an "open marriage."

[prose]

A couple that I know had an "open" relationship that was supposed to "close" when they got married. They both talked about how they were fine with it until one day I was alone with the wife scrapbooking and she broke down in tears telling me how she felt used and somewhat like a rape victim. He has no idea.

That is what is so sad. One may think everything is fine, while the other is being torn apart.

[philothea]

I know quite a few people in open marriages and polyamorous relationships.

Now that I think about it, the people involved are all variously screwed-up, though they put a good front on, most of the time. I have no idea which came first, the effect of the strange relationships or the strangeness of the individuals who think that kind of thing is okay.

(They all think they're normal, with both the variety of semi-committed relationships and the ongoing need for therapy and psychiatric drugs.)

Huh.

[Justin86]

I've heard these types of things were the most popular in the 70's and the 80's. Not so much now.

Confidence? How about my confidence that I've found the one for me?

[Hassan]

Martin Heideggar and his wife had an open marriage

[img]http://www.nndb.com/people/071/000059891/heidegger2.gif[/img]

[Hassan]

[quote name='Innocent' post='1699318' date='Nov 11 2008, 01:03 AM']Sometimes even people in high positions do this. I've read that Lord Mountbatten and Lady Edwina Mountbatten had an "open marriage."[/quote]

I have an open marriage. In that I can date anyone I want, mainly because I'm not actually married though

Actually I am engadged

If me an a friend are both single in 50 years we're getting married

[Didacus]

That is not a marriage, they simply have a living arrangement like roomates or whatever.

Marriage implies each person involved to receive COMPLETELY the other; as soon as you say something like "Don't want to know what you do or what you think" to your spouse, you have been unfaithful to your marriage.

[Didacus]

[quote name='Justin86' post='1699367' date='Nov 11 2008, 03:25 AM']I've heard these types of things were the most popular in the 70's and the 80's. Not so much now.

Confidence? How about my confidence that I've found the one for me?[/quote]

Confidence with pre-conditions. Like making a premarital contract - I never even considered it, and when pushed to me by other family members I completely rejected it forthright! I was either in it 100% or not in it at all when getting married.



What is growing in popularity in Canada these days is the term 'polymory', which is a mix of polygamy and 'open-marriage' concept. The results are less than favorable for anyone (especially children), but in this free and self-loving societty that Canadiens are making for themselves this 'choice' of living is growingly been touted as 'normal'.