Carmeliteheart726 Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 (edited) Hi all! I wanted to thank you for your past advice and support. I need to get your advice on how to sever ties with a Carmel Superior. I was discerning with them for a while and prayed that God would please help me discern. I discovered that they are not where I am called. They are modified habits, not traditional, which is what I am most attracted to. Plus, their monastery is an old house, which doesn't really appear to be a monastery at all. I know what you are probably thinking... You are probably thinking that I am being superficial, but this is not all that I have a problem with. I know the differences between the 1990s and 1991s and told her that I did. I know that the 1990s are more traditional (kind of what St. Teresa wanted for her nuns) and they have more strict enclosure. I know of one 1991 Carmel that is a little stricter than most 1991s, and that is the Arlington, TX Carmel. But when I told the Superior this, she told me that the differences I listed were not correct. I read MargaretClare's listing on the differences several times, and read other articles around the internet. In several of her other emails, she tells me I should check out only orders in her association To me, that's very discriminatory. It's like she's trying to recruit me or something. I did not tell her I was going to join her order, I only expressed an early interest. My question to you is: How do I break ties with her? I don't know how to let her know that I don't want to email her any longer. The material I have received is not helpful in my discernment. Please help! Thank you! Edited November 9, 2008 by Carmeliteheart726 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
puellapaschalis Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 First off: I would [b]seriously[/b] consider removing the identifying information from your post. Second: I would simply send her an email thanking her for her time and concern, and say that I will consider her information in my discernment. I'd ask for her prayers and promise mine. And I'd mean it. I don't think you need to say much else than that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maggyie Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 Just tell her you are taking a break from communicating about religious life to really focus on prayer, thank her for her advice and tell her you will contact her again if your discernment goes in that direction. Although nothing the Sister said sounds bad or anything, in fact it sounds like good advice. Maybe she just mentions communities within her own association b/c that is what she is most familiar with. Also I would be more careful about publishing people's private e-mail to you. If Sister knew her words were going to be made public she would perhaps have spoken with more discretion about, for instance, the Georgetown Carmel. This is especially the case because you went ahead and identified her community and her role in that community. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carmeliteheart726 Posted November 9, 2008 Author Share Posted November 9, 2008 [quote name='puellapaschalis' post='1698415' date='Nov 9 2008, 06:16 PM']First off: I would [b]seriously[/b] consider removing the identifying information from your post. Second: I would simply send her an email thanking her for her time and concern, and say that I will consider her information in my discernment. I'd ask for her prayers and promise mine. And I'd mean it. I don't think you need to say much else than that.[/quote] I didn't put any names or anything, so I don't know what you mean about "Identifying information." But I appreciate the advice. To everyone else, I would appreciate your input as well. Thanks, and God bless! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilllabettt Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 Um, just so you know, I don't think this Superior thought you'd be publishing her words on the world wide web for everyone to read. If she knew you were going to do that she probably wouldn't have been so frank with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maggyie Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 [quote name='Carmeliteheart726' post='1698424' date='Nov 9 2008, 06:19 PM']I didn't put any names or anything, so I don't know what you mean about "Identifying information." But I appreciate the advice. To everyone else, I would appreciate your input as well. Thanks, and God bless![/quote] I think she was referring to your referencing which Carmel this Superior was from, but I see you removed that from your post which is good! God bless you and guide you on your journey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carmeliteheart726 Posted November 9, 2008 Author Share Posted November 9, 2008 It was a mistake. I have a erased them. I did not know we weren't allowed to post emails. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RosaMystica Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 I wouldn't beat around the bush, just tell her exactly what you need to. Thank her for her help and tell her that you don't think you are called to her community and ask for her prayers. Done and done. I'm sure she knows that not every woman who contacts her will end up joining her monastery. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carmeliteheart726 Posted November 9, 2008 Author Share Posted November 9, 2008 [quote name='MandyKhatoon' post='1698435' date='Nov 9 2008, 06:28 PM']I wouldn't beat around the bush, just tell her exactly what you need to. Thank her for her help and tell her that you don't think you are called to her community and ask for her prayers. Done and done. I'm sure she knows that not every woman who contacts her will end up joining her monastery.[/quote] Thanks MandyKhatoon! Thanks to everyone for replying so quickly! (I swore my head spun when I saw how fast I had answers, LOL.) I just emailed her and told her that I thought it was best that I talk to a spiritual director before asking for more information. I also said that if I need more information, I will email her again (which I probably won't, but just in case). I wished her Happy Holidays, too. Hope that does it. I didn't want to be ugly and just block her email address or anything, and I didn't want to word it wrong since she has been so kind in helping me. It's just that, I felt like it was time to let go. I appreciate the support! God bless! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinytherese Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 [quote name='Carmeliteheart726' post='1698437' date='Nov 9 2008, 05:32 PM']Thanks MandyKhatoon! Thanks to everyone for replying so quickly! (I swore my head spun when I saw how fast I had answers, LOL.) I just emailed her and told her that I thought it was best that I talk to a spiritual director before asking for more information. I also said that if I need more information, I will email her again (which I probably won't, but just in case). I wished her Happy Holidays, too. Hope that does it. I didn't want to be ugly and just block her email address or anything, and I didn't want to word it wrong since she has been so kind in helping me. It's just that, I felt like it was time to let go. I appreciate the support! God bless![/quote] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnnydigit Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 personally i try to keep my opinions to myself when it comes to talking to a community. even the smallest critiques can be taken as offensive (no matter how humble we want to be), and really, what is to gain from me voicing what i don't like about them or disagree with. i pray God will make any corrections. i am there on visits to observe and see whether or not we are compatible. i guess voicing is more appropriate between you and your spiritual director, and hopefully there won't be much tension in regard to their order/spirituality. momma said, "if you can't say anything nice.." "Lord set a guard before my lips, a barrier to fence in my tongue." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carmeliteheart726 Posted November 11, 2008 Author Share Posted November 11, 2008 [quote name='johnnydigit' post='1699163' date='Nov 10 2008, 09:48 PM']personally i try to keep my opinions to myself when it comes to talking to a community. even the smallest critiques can be taken as offensive (no matter how humble we want to be), and really, what is to gain from me voicing what i don't like about them or disagree with. i pray God will make any corrections. i am there on visits to observe and see whether or not we are compatible. i guess voicing is more appropriate between you and your spiritual director, and hopefully there won't be much tension in regard to their order/spirituality. momma said, "if you can't say anything nice.." "Lord set a guard before my lips, a barrier to fence in my tongue."[/quote] It was never my intent to say anything critical to her. I just know I am not called to her community and I am not benefiting from her help. In fact, I am being left confused because so much of what I have read about the Carmelite communities is being negated. LOL, it's hard enough trying to figure out which order I am called to without getting confused by the information! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnnydigit Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 [quote name='Carmeliteheart726' post='1699192' date='Nov 10 2008, 07:33 PM']It was never my intent to say anything critical to her. I just know I am not called to her community and I am not benefiting from her help. In fact, I am being left confused because so much of what I have read about the Carmelite communities is being negated. LOL, it's hard enough trying to figure out which order I am called to without getting confused by the information![/quote] thanks! (^my way of ending briefly) also ok! God bless! cool! gotta go! no thanks! all time favorite: I'll pray about it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sister_Laurel Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 How do I break ties with her? I don't know how to let her know that I don't want to email her any longer. The material I have received is not helpful in my discernment. Please help! Thank you! [/quote] Ask her to please stop emailing and if you wish to say a bit more than that (like why) do so. If she has tried to assist you, you probably owe that to her. In any case, I can't even begin to imagine she would not do so if you requested it. Sister Laurel M O'Neal, erem dio Stillsong Hermitage Diocese of Oakland Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sister_Laurel Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 [quote name='Carmeliteheart726' post='1698433' date='Nov 9 2008, 03:23 PM']It was a mistake. I have a erased them. I did not know we weren't allowed to post emails.[/quote] It is not primarily a matter of being allowed or not allowed; it is a mostly a matter of simple prudence and discretion, something you will need to practice if you really plan to enter religious life. Sister Laurel M O'Neal, erem dio Stillsong Hermitage Diocese of Oakland Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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