Funny/touching Confession Stories

[Lil Red]

+J.M.J.+
if i don't go to confession at least once a month, even my venial sins cast a shadow on my life. and i don't like it.

funny story a priest told me. he was in the confessional and it was at the end and he asked the penitent to say an act of contrition.

the penitent said: "O God, I am [b]hardly[/b] sorry for my sins"

[Jevitt]

So the story about "Its been a minute since my last confession." made me think of a story that I read in a book over the summer! Its called [i]Angela's Ashes[/i] by Frank McCourt, its his memoir, and he grew up in a Catholic family in Ireland.

So the day before his First Communion, Frank goes and makes his first Confession. So then the boy was late for his First Communion, and when he got home he threw up in his grandma's backyard. So his grandmom (worried that she has Jesus in her back yard because he just recieved the Eucharist), brings him to Confession and makes him go again. So he says "Bless me Father for I have sinned. It's a day since my last confession." And the priest replies with "A day? And what sins could you have committed in a day, my child?" So the boy goes through everything, and finally the priest says, "Tell your grandmother to wash God away with a little water." But when Frank leaves his grandma wants to know whether to wash God away with regular water or holy water, so she sends him back in, and this poor boy goes "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned, it's a minute since my last confession!" "A minute! Are you the boy that was just here?" "I am, Father." "What is it now?" "My grandma says, Holy water or ordinary water?" "Ordinary water, and tell your grandmother not to be bothering me again."

I was cracking up when I read that part. Sadly I doubt whether any of my public school counterparts understood any of it.

[Old_Joe]

[quote name='misereremi' post='1689215' date='Oct 30 2008, 10:39 AM']I once went to confession with a priest who was an exorcist and after confessing my sins, he reminded me of other unconfessed sins and people whom I had hurt as well as a person who had cursed me. He prayed deliverance prayers over me. I would have loved to have gone to confession with San Padre Pio. [/quote]

Where can I find this priest?

[StColette]

[quote name='Darky' post='1689168' date='Oct 30 2008, 05:52 AM'][color="blue"]My stories are more frustrating than funny.

The local parish priest offers confession only on Saturday morning at 10am. I turned up about 10:30 and he was just sitting in his office. The confession took place in his office (The confessional at the church turned into a small storage room) I tried confessing my sins just mentioning what they are, and with every single sin he made up an excuse for them saying they are not sins but 'curiosity' or something else... I was like "Wha? " I gave up in the end and he was just getting frustrated with me, then he absolved me and told me it's childish to mention and list my sins. Apparantly what I should do is only say"I've not been living to Christian standards" and that's it. *sigh* He also told me that our sins are forgiven at mass so there is no need to go to confession unless it is a mortal sin, and a mortal sin is very, very hard sin to commit so I barely have to worry about it.

On another occasion at WYD I saw a priest before a catechesis. It was VERY noisy in the church because there was music, song and dance so we had trouble hearing each other lol. Again the priest said along the same lines of don't go to confession unless its a mortal sin. I'm incredibly lost... can someone help me here on WHEN and HOW I should go to confession and with what sins???

Thanks
Darky [/color][/quote]

We must go to Confession when we commit mortal sin. The CCC (Catechism of the Catholic Church) teaches us also that [quote]1458 Without being strictly necessary, confession of everyday faults ([b]venial sins[/b]) is nevertheless strongly recommended by the Church.59 Indeed the regular confession of our venial sins helps us form our conscience, fight against evil tendencies, let ourselves be healed by Christ and progress in the life of the Spirit. By receiving more frequently through this sacrament the gift of the Father's mercy, we are spurred to be merciful as he is merciful:60[/quote]

[the lords sheep]

Once on a retreat, there were so many confessors (and retreatants) that confessions had to be held both inside and outside the seminary chapel- some in the chapel itself, others around the courtyard.
So, as I was waiting in line to go to confession, one of my friends came back from his confessor looking particularily troubled. I asked him what was wrong, and he replied... "So... I got finished giving a really difficult confession... I was pretty embarassed about some of the things I had done. At the end, Father was really quiet and just staring out in the distance. Suddenly, he looked back at me and said, "Sorry, I was distracted by the mother and baby ducks walking through the courtyard behind you." And then the priest gave him absolution.
My friend just looked at me and said, "Do I have to do that again?"

[prose]

I remember confessing once that I took communion in a state of mortal sin (because I had not gone to confession before Mass, and I KNEW that I had mortal sins to confess ie. Missing Mass for no good reason). The priest looked at me like I had gone insane. He couldn't figure out why I considered myself in mortal sin, and why I was confessing taking communion.

It was a weird experience.

[CoffeeCatholic]

At our old church, which was shaped like a cross, there were 2 confessionals, one on either end of the T of the Cross. One priest usually was in on confessional, which had both a screen and face to face, and the other priest only used the other confessional, which was just screened. I came in on a Friday night, my usual Confessing day, and I had just seen the one priest (who used the face to face/screen confessional) go into the church, so I headed that way. There were no other people in the church at all, but the light was on and the door was open for that confessional. I was so glad there was no line, because I had been rehearsing my confession for awhile, since I was still new at it, and a big sinner to boot, so I went right in and knelt behind the screen. I went through my entire confession, as rehersed as ever, and probably was there for about 5 minutes. I got to the end, and the priest was silent. I was thinking "Oh no! I've been so bad, he doesn't know what to say!" So i quietly said "Father, what's your advice...?" Still no answer. I slowly got up, and peeked around the screen to the face to face side... and yup, no priest.

He had gone to the confessional, then realized he forgot something in the back of the church, so he left the confessional open. I went and sat in prayer for a little while, contemplating whether I really had to go back to confession again, and the priest came back. Of course, the second time was a million times easier.

[doe-jo]

I have another one but it's not funny though. More frustrating than anything.
I confessed to this one priest about lying to my dad about school and all. I told my dad that class was canceled but I actually skipped classes. I also confessed venial sins which you are allowed to. Well, the priest explained this thing about something that really had nothing to do with what I confessed. I think it was an analogy about being scrupulous. After he explained that, he said I was being too scrupulous and that if I was thinking about being scrupulous again to hit my head against the wall or hit it with a bat. He then absolved me and after he did that, he tapped/hit me on the head (quite hard too) once. Instead of getting mad about it, I just laughed it off. I just thought to myself, well he has a Hawaiian shirt on and a rainbow stole. What did I expect?

[Darky]

[quote]A general guideline for a normal, devout Catholic, IMO, would be monthly confession, and you confess anything that a reasonable Examination of Conscience would ask about. (There should be pamphlets and lists around that you can find.) If your priest can't sympathize with your goal of trying to be perfect, go somewhere else until you find someone who can... or at least a priest who can keep quiet and play along.[/quote]

[color="blue"]That makes more sense. I get confused reading about all these Catholics making regular confessions yet when I go I get told off.

Darky [/color]

[MissyP89]

I always say the Act of Contrition that begins, "My God, I am sorry for my sins with all my heart." Lately, I've been wanting to pray the older one that begins, "Oh my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended thee..."

Two things about this, one silly and one serious:

1) I have practiced the second one a lot at home to get it memorized. Four times out of five I've said, "...because I dread the [i]pains of heaven[/i] and the [i]loss of hell[/i]."

2) The other day, I had a very powerful experience in confession, and wanted to make a solid Act of Contrition, so I said the old one from memory for the first time. I forgot the words halfway through, and ended the act just speaking from the heart. It was one of the most sincere moments of repentance I've ever had in confession.

[Slappo]

There used to be a really old Franciscan priest at Franciscan University who would regularly put students in headlocks and give them noogies just for fun. Really old and really short, but a good grip.

I went to confession to him one time face to face and he looked at me with his big blue (pretty freaking SCARY eyes) as I confessed something about lying, and then he says "well stop doing that!" shortly after that he punched me in the nose, still in confession...

That's the same priest that gave a penance to one of my friends to pray a rosary every day for the rest of the month (starting November 2nd).

[the lords sheep]

I guess this falls under touching...

Once I spent a while kind of avoiding confession. I just really felt I didn't deserve God's mercy, and I told the priest that. The priest just looked at me and, a little choked up, he said, "None of us deserve it. Not one. But God loves you so much that He wants you to know His mercy so that may really experience his love."

I'll never forget it.

[jeffpugh]

[quote name='Slappo' post='1689951' date='Oct 31 2008, 02:22 PM']There used to be a really old Franciscan priest at Franciscan University who would regularly put students in headlocks and give them noogies just for fun. Really old and really short, but a good grip.

I went to confession to him one time face to face and he looked at me with his big blue (pretty freaking SCARY eyes) as I confessed something about lying, and then he says "well stop doing that!" shortly after that he punched me in the nose, still in confession...

That's the same priest that gave a penance to one of my friends to pray a rosary every day for the rest of the month (starting November 2nd).[/quote]
Wow. Hardcore.

[Old_Joe]

[quote name='Slappo' post='1689951' date='Oct 31 2008, 02:22 PM']There used to be a really old Franciscan priest at Franciscan University who would regularly put students in headlocks and give them noogies just for fun. Really old and really short, but a good grip.

I went to confession to him one time face to face and he looked at me with his big blue (pretty freaking SCARY eyes) as I confessed something about lying, and then he says "well stop doing that!" shortly after that he punched me in the nose, still in confession...

That's the same priest that gave a penance to one of my friends to pray a rosary every day for the rest of the month (starting November 2nd).[/quote]

I'd hate to see what he'd do with more serious sins.

[doe-jo]

[quote name='Old_Joe' post='1690235' date='Oct 31 2008, 07:03 PM']I'd hate to see what he'd do with more serious sins. [/quote]
I know. If I confessed to him, he'd probably chop my head off.