Marriage Question

[Dust's Sister]

According to the Catholic Church, once married, who is the "head of the household?"

Someone I know claims that once married, the husband is in control of the household. She thinks that is what the Church teaches. Is this true? Please give me some quotes from the Catechism.

[Galloglasses' Alt]

Oh noes.

This question again! D=

i fear this will cause yet more heated debate.

*popcorn get*

Edited October 13, 2008 by Galloglasses' Alt

[MissyP89]

Well, Scripture time and time again tells us that wives are supposed to be subordinate to their husbands. The Church's teaching wouldn't contradict Scripture.

Generally, I think it's fine, even necessary, for couples to share in responsibilities, decision making, and raising children. But I've also heard of many women who are happily in charge of the family finances, etc.

As long as both parties treat one another with respect and appreciation, I think each couple will be different as far as the dynamics go.

[CatherineM]

My husband is the head of our household. I let him make all decisions, as long as I don't disagree with him, and make all financial decisions as long as I pay the bills and keep the checkbook. Every now and then, I let him tell me no, on something that I'm not terribly invested in so that he can feel good in his role as man of the house, and that I "obey" him. It works really well for us.

[HisChildForever]

I would like to believe that we are no longer living in a patriarchal society.

[IrishSalesian]

St. Paul's Letter to the Collasians 3: 19-20
When St. Paul talks of the woman being subordinate to their husband, he is not talking of subordinate in the way that we see subordinate today he uses this in the context that a woman is to love her husband they way Christ loved the Church, and the same goes for the man. Men and women who are married are called to love each other unconditionally, and unselfishly. Everything that the man does, should be for the love of his wife and family. Everything that the woman does, should be for the love of her husband, and her family. Everything that one does should be out of love, not selfishness.

[princessgianna]

Ephesians 5:21-33

[i]Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives should be subject to their husbands as to the Lord,
since, as Christ is head of the Church and saves the whole body, so is a husband the head of his wife; and as the Church is subject to Christ, so should wives be to their husbands, in
everything.Husbands should love their wives, just as Christ loved the Church and sacrificed himself for herto make her holy by washing her in cleansing water with a form of words,
so that when he took the Church to himself she would be glorious, with no speck or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and faultless.
In the same way, husbands must love their wives as they love their own bodies; for a man to love his wife is for him to love himself. A man never hates his own body, but he feeds it and looks after it; and that is the way Christ treats the Church,
because we are parts of his Body.
This is why a man leaves his father and mother and becomes attached to his wife, and the two become one flesh.
This mystery has great significance, but I am applying it to Christ and the Church.
To sum up: you also, each one of you, must love his wife as he loves himself; and let every wife respect her husband.[/i]

Edited October 13, 2008 by princessgianna

[Saint Therese]

The man is supposed to be the head of the household.
That or the family cat.

[Maggyie]

This doesn't have much to do with patriarchal society - it's about the ordering of Christian families, not about equal pay for equal work or anything like that.

Scripture and the Church's teaching is crystal clear in that there is an obvious family hierarchy as implied by the word [i]subordinate [/i]in scripture. This is not carte blanche for the husband to walk all over his wife or engage in abusive behavior or even exercise his authority without consulting his wife. Great encyclicals to read on the subject are [url="http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_ii/apost_letters/documents/hf_jp-ii_apl_15081988_mulieris-dignitatem_en.html"]Mulieris Dignitatem[/url] and the best of all, [url="http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/pius_xi/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-xi_enc_31121930_casti-connubii_en.html"]Casti Connubii[/url].

I just finished a great book by C.S. Lewis, [url="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/That_Hideous_Strength"]That Hideous Strength[/url], which is one of his fictional sci-fi works but which of course is laced with theological wisdom. He deals with this subject quite a bit:

[quote]"I will tell you if you really want to know," said the Director.

"Please," said Jane reluctantly.

"They would say,' he answered, "that you do not fail in obedience through lack of love, but have lost love because you never attempted obedience."

..."I thought love meant equality," she said, "and free companionship."

"Ah, equality!" said the Director. "We must talk of that some other time. Yes, we must all be guarded by equal rights from one another's greed, because we are fallen. Just as we must all wear clothes for the same reason. But the naked body should be there underneath the clothes, ripening for the day when we shall need them no longer. Equality is not the deepest thing, you know."

"I always thought that was just what it was. I thought it was in their souls that people were equal."

"You were mistaken," he said gravely. "That is the last place where they are equal. Equality before the law, equality of incomes - that is very well. Equality guards life; it doesn't make it. It is medicine, not food. You might as well try to warm yourself with a blue-book."

"But surely in marriage...?"

"Worse and worse," said the Director. "Courtship knows nothing of it, nor does fruition. What has free companionship to do with that? Those who are enjoying something, or suffering something together, are not companions. Those who enjoy or suffer one another, are not. Do you not know how bashful friendship is? Friends - comrades - do not look [i][b]AT [/b][/i]each other. Friendship would be ashamed..."

"I thought," said Jane and stopped.

"I see," said the Director. "It is not your fault. They never warned you. No one has ever told you that obedience - humility - is an erotic necessity. You are putting equality just where it ought not to be."[/quote]

"Erotic necessity." Spot on! I highly recommend the book, it's great stuff and besides being an excellent story it's very to the point. If you ever read a review by a secular feminist you will see it drives them crazy. It's too bad, because if you ask an old married couple they'll be able to tell you the don has it about right.

Edited October 14, 2008 by Maggie

[CatherineM]

The head of my household ate too much pumpkin pie today, and is presently sleeping it off. In his absence, I'm in charge of everything, including, the REMOTE!!

[MissyP89]

[quote name='CatherineM' post='1676554' date='Oct 13 2008, 08:24 PM']The head of my household ate too much pumpkin pie today, and is presently sleeping it off. In his absence, I'm in charge of everything, including, the REMOTE!![/quote]

ALLELUIA!!!!!!!!!!

[tinytherese]

www.catholic.com (Sorry, the computers that I'm on won't let me hyperlink.) Has an article on this subject called "Wives do what?" or something like that, saying wives are to submit to their husbands but that spouses are still partners. Secular feminists when reading the bible get angry when they read that Eve was to be Adam's "helpmate" but that's not referring to be his servant but his partner.

In all actuality, if you're afraid that your husband is going to abuse the "head of the household" teaching then why on earth did you marry him?

Edited October 14, 2008 by tinytherese

[tinytherese]

[quote name='CatherineM' post='1676554' date='Oct 13 2008, 08:24 PM']The head of my household ate too much pumpkin pie today, and is presently sleeping it off. In his absence, I'm in charge of everything, including, the REMOTE!![/quote]

[Majella]

The best reply I've heard: the man is the HEAD of the family;
The wife is the HEART of the family!

Try to live to that standard: hard , but not Impossible!!!!

[CrossCuT]

[size=1]"The man may be the head of the family, but the woman is the neck and she can turn the head anyway she wants!"
- My Big Fat Greek Wedding
[/size]