How Do We Make God A Part Of Our Relationship?

[LouisvilleFan]

[quote name='sdenko' post='1626332' date='Aug 13 2008, 07:43 PM']Thanks all for your replies...

I've grown up Baptist and my parents aren't totally onboard still with me dating a Catholic which has been hard for me because it has caused me to doubt whether or not I should be in this relationship. When I wrote up reasons why I should date her, I found 32 reasons and only 6 reasons not to date her (which were all fears).

I may be starting RCIA this fall so some of these I'm not sure I can do quite yet until I understand things more.

I see that prayer is a pretty important one. We pray for each other when we're not aorund each other...but we have also prayed for each other's safety before one of us leaves from visiting us on a weekend.

It is hard for me to know when "too far" is "too far" in terms of emotional intimacy. Both of us have committed to purity. But emotional intimacy...knowing what is okay...has been though for me to figure out because both of us felt the need to share our stories with each other before we started dating.

Thanks again for your help...I continue to look forward to hearing more...It helps! I've never done this before![/quote]

Well, dating relationships are by nature non-commital. Even if you're dating exclusively, that only means you're commited until you or she decides the relationship isn't working. Then you break up, figure out what you've learned, and move on... in the process growing closer to God and becoming a good husband.

Therefore, it is very easy to become too intimate in dating. God created Marriage for intimacy. Now, I'm no "kiss dating good-bye" advocate, but dating is a man-made convention that Christians must adapt to serve the godly purpose of discerning marriage with a particular individual, which is best done within the context of all your other relatoinships with friends and family (when the time is right). Those relationships are far more permanent than any girl who isn't your wife.

When it comes to dating, I focus on building a genuine friendship and let the romantic side of things occur naturally from there. By all means [i]make sure you still hang out with each others' friends[/i] because nothing is worse (and more selfish and unhealthy) than the couple that suddenly forgets the rest of the world exists.

[J.P.]

This is a great topic!!! I think that this is something that isn't discussed nearly enough.

If you have any material that resembles any sort of a puritan approach to dating, throw it out the window. Then step on it. Then jump on it with both feet. Step two: pick up [b]anything[/b] by [b]Christopher West[/b]. The man is a stellar (I'm still looking for a Chris West poster where he is flexing his enormous bicepts like a WWE star )

When regarding emotional intamacy, I think that it's important to not dive into the deepend right after the first date and shar everything about yourself (ie: your hopes, dreams, aspirations....smaller drops of those at a time might be better). Gradually sharing more as you deepen your relationship is common sense. Puritans of different sorts may insist that you don't give any of that information until you are engaged/ married. I ask, if you don't know any of that information, [b]how are you supposed to know what that person is really like?[/b]

Still, prayer cannot be showered in enough. I've been reading a lot of dating books in recent year, and about a month ago my parents told me, "Less reading. More praying, boy!"

It's payed dividends.

[LouisvilleFan]

I kissed dating books good-bye a loooong time ago.

Seriously, nothing is more lame that reading a book about dating when you could be, ahh, actually talking to a girl.

Any girl.

Well, maybe not any girl since some charge by the hour.

[J.P.]

[quote name='LouisvilleFan' post='1627971' date='Aug 15 2008, 09:39 AM']Well, maybe not any girl since some charge by the hour.[/quote]



Touche my friend. TOUCHE!

[sdenko]

[quote name='LouisvilleFan' post='1627971' date='Aug 15 2008, 10:39 AM']I kissed dating books good-bye a loooong time ago.

Seriously, nothing is more lame that reading a book about dating when you could be, ahh, actually talking to a girl.

Any girl.

Well, maybe not any girl since some charge by the hour.[/quote]

Yeah, I know what you mean about saying au revoir to dating books. Sure there's some good advice out there...but you're right, why the heck should I be spending time with a book by a person who doesn't even know me and this girl who doesn't know our life story, who doesn't know how we met, who doesn't know our feelings, our thoughts, our fears, our doubts, our excitement, our hope...the author doesn't know the elements that make this relationship unique.

I'll take talking to a girl anyday over a book.

Before I started dating and I was just friends with this girl I poured over advice stuff but that made me more confused and more worried that I would mess up. I'm trying to take this one step at a time...one day at a time.

[sdenko]

[quote name='J.P.' post='1626811' date='Aug 14 2008, 11:38 AM']This is a great topic!!! I think that this is something that isn't discussed nearly enough.

If you have any material that resembles any sort of a puritan approach to dating, throw it out the window. Then step on it. Then jump on it with both feet. Step two: pick up [b]anything[/b] by [b]Christopher West[/b]. The man is a stellar (I'm still looking for a Chris West poster where he is flexing his enormous bicepts like a WWE star )

When regarding emotional intamacy, I think that it's important to not dive into the deepend right after the first date and shar everything about yourself (ie: your hopes, dreams, aspirations....smaller drops of those at a time might be better). Gradually sharing more as you deepen your relationship is common sense. Puritans of different sorts may insist that you don't give any of that information until you are engaged/ married. I ask, if you don't know any of that information, [b]how are you supposed to know what that person is really like?[/b]

Still, prayer cannot be showered in enough. I've been reading a lot of dating books in recent year, and about a month ago my parents told me, "Less reading. More praying, boy!"

It's payed dividends.[/quote]

I've heard about Chris West. Does he have some material that is appropriate for dating relationships? He's kind of like the Catholic Sex guy, right? But that seems like his material would be more appropriate for married couples rather than dating couples. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Well, we were good good friends for about 8 months leading up to our first date...so at our first date which was just a couple of days ago we knew so much about each other.

We've been praying a lot. Both of us have experienced "dry" times in the past year before we met and now that is changing which to me is a great confirmation that in this relationship with each other, we're learning more about God and learning to trust him!

[sdenko]

[quote name='CatherineM' post='1626320' date='Aug 13 2008, 06:29 PM']In addition to much that was written above, we also watched the "Road to Cana" DVD series that we go through the Ave Maria Singles website. Another good resource by the same people is 6stonejars.com. They have a thing where you can ask relationship questions. They have chaplains, and are very Catholic.[/quote]


Thanks for pointing me to that website. I've been looking for a website that had dating advice from a Catholic perspective. Most of the other Christian sites were all evangelical.

[J.P.]

[quote name='sdenko' post='1627994' date='Aug 15 2008, 10:42 AM']I've heard about Chris West. Does he have some material that is appropriate for dating relationships? He's kind of like the Catholic Sex guy, right? But that seems like his material would be more appropriate for married couples rather than dating couples. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Well, we were good good friends for about 8 months leading up to our first date...so at our first date which was just a couple of days ago we knew so much about each other.

We've been praying a lot. Both of us have experienced "dry" times in the past year before we met and now that is changing which to me is a great confirmation that in this relationship with each other, we're learning more about God and learning to trust him![/quote]

Yea he is like the sex guy. How appropriate it is for dating couples, I don't know.

Myself, not married, I stick with my prayer strategy.

I draw it on a chalkboard....with lots of x's and o's. GET IT?! BAHH!

Oh mercy!

[HisChildForever]

[quote]Well, we were good good friends for about 8 months leading up to our first date...so at our first date which was just a couple of days ago we knew so much about each other.[/quote]

[b]This is huge.[/b] Nowadays, too many couples jump into their relationship within a month of knowing each other. Or, they may know each other for a month and then start to date (a bit different than boyfriend/girlfriend). Being friends for so long like that is excellent, and it really lets [b]you[/b] know whether this person is right for you, or if you're right as just staying great friends. Sometimes people get their emotions mixed up - they may be excited that someone likes them, they may be entertaining a crush - which is why they jump too soon into a relationship. And these relationships never really last.

[J.P.]

....still, each to his/her own. So long as it's within God's boundaries.

There are no real "rules".

God's creativity is limitless.

I should mention that I know a couple who recently got married who were set up on a blind date. When was the last time one of those worked!? Quoting the groom, "I've just married the girl of my dreams."

Myself, I would never blind date. Yet, still......

Edited August 15, 2008 by J.P.

[HisChildForever]

Blind date? Not so much.

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='HisChildForever' post='1628006' date='Aug 15 2008, 05:06 PM'][b]This is huge.[/b] Nowadays, too many couples jump into their relationship within a month of knowing each other. Or, they may know each other for a month and then start to date (a bit different than boyfriend/girlfriend). Being friends for so long like that is excellent, and it really lets [b]you[/b] know whether this person is right for you, or if you're right as just staying great friends. Sometimes people get their emotions mixed up - they may be excited that someone likes them, they may be entertaining a crush - which is why they jump too soon into a relationship. And these relationships never really last.[/quote]
I couldn't agree with you more. I knew my husband and was friends for quite a while (a couple of years I think) before we started dating. Part of it was that I'd been praying a long time that if it was just a crush, it would go away quickly, but if it was more, that we'd become closer.

[LouisvilleFan]

I always thought a blind date would be fun... seems no matter what, you should have a good story to tell afterwards.