How Do We Make God A Part Of Our Relationship?

[sdenko]

So I just started dating on Saturday night with a friend of mine who I've known since the beginning of the year. I am so excited and while I wrestled with the decision like none other, I finally decided I needed to take the risk and ask her despite any fears I have. We both want God to be a part of this relationship...she wrote me once about how the Trinity is a model for human relationships and I then found a verse in Ecclesiastes about how two is better than one, but three is a code that cannot be quickly broken.

We want God to be here with us.

I was just wondering if anyone has had any experiences that they could share about that might give us some additional direction on how we can make God a part of this relationship as we begin to discern marriage and discover what love is.

She is Catholic and I'm somewhere between protestant and Catholic...more like Tradition no-man's land.

Thank you!

[tinytherese]

Have you checked out anything about Theology of the Body? Have you prayed together? These are helpful.

[Brother Adam]

An invitation to be a part of your relationship is usually a good starting point. There is also:

Attend Mass together.
Attend various Bible studies and church functions together.
Pray together.
Read the Bible together.
Pray together.
Start a spiritual classic together like the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius.
Pray together.
Do Lectio Divino.
Pray the Breviary together.
Stay up until 3am talking on the phone about doctrine.
Follow God's will for your relationship by obeying his commands about chastity.
Keep both of your families involved.
Pray together.
Say a novena together.
Consencrate your relationship to Jesus and Mary.
As you get more serious talk to your priest about offering his direction.

[Archaeology cat]

When I was dating my husband, it was long-distance, and he was Catholic & I was nominally Methodist, though in the process of joining the Catholic Church. We found some Bible studies to do together, and we would go through our thoughts/answers on a set day of the week. I think we got them from CBD.com. It helped us a lot to keep our relationship centred on God. And of course praying together and going to church together are both good.

[StColette]

[quote name='Brother Adam' post='1626258' date='Aug 13 2008, 04:39 PM']An invitation to be a part of your relationship is usually a good starting point. There is also:

Attend Mass together.
Attend various Bible studies and church functions together.
Pray together.
Read the Bible together.
Pray together.
Start a spiritual classic together like the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius.
Pray together.
Do Lectio Divino.
Pray the Breviary together.
Stay up until 3am talking on the phone about doctrine.
Follow God's will for your relationship by obeying his commands about chastity.
Keep both of your families involved.
Pray together.
Say a novena together.
Consencrate your relationship to Jesus and Mary.
As you get more serious talk to your priest about offering his direction.[/quote]

[prose]

I was a lapsed Catholic before I met my husband. He basically started gently

We went to see Jesus each time we were in a Church.
We bought a Living Version, Catholic Bible in a year and read it together.
We prayed a LOT together - Which is very hard in the beginning, because there is nothing more intimate than praying with someone. It is like opening your soul with another person in a way that is deeper than any other.
We struggled a lot.
We went to things like lectures or Theology on Tap together to grow in faith.
We read the same books, and actually discussed them
We listened to CDs like Janet Smith and Christopher West on road trips.

Just remember not to pass up opportunities to grow in faith together.



Hope that helps

(by the way, we had "Funiculus Triplex" engraved on my husband's wedding band (a threefold cord )

[LouisvilleFan]

[quote name='prose' post='1626271' date='Aug 13 2008, 06:07 PM']We prayed a LOT together - Which is very hard in the beginning, because there is nothing more intimate than praying with someone. It is like opening your soul with another person in a way that is deeper than any other.[/quote]

Glad you raised this point. A dating couple should be cautious about how much they pray together and what they're praying for/about. We need to be responsible in handling emotional intimacy just as much as physical intimacy. Praying before meals, before and after spending time together, praying at Mass or in Adoration, are all good ideas and don't require too much more intimacy than what you're already used to and those environments provide some structure and purpose for praying. But meeting outside of church just to share time in prayer would probably be crossing a line. Gotta use your best judgment depending on how good of friends you are already, but just wanted to put that out there.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Brother Adam' post='1626258' date='Aug 13 2008, 02:39 PM']Pray together.
Pray together.
Pray together.
Pray the Breviary together.
Pray together.[/quote]
+J.M.J.+
so are you saying to pray together? and he said he wasn't Catholic, so umm yea.

but seconded on the praying together.

[CatherineM]

In addition to much that was written above, we also watched the "Road to Cana" DVD series that we go through the Ave Maria Singles website. Another good resource by the same people is 6stonejars.com. They have a thing where you can ask relationship questions. They have chaplains, and are very Catholic.

[Nihil Obstat]

Join Phatmass together.

[sdenko]

Thanks all for your replies...

I've grown up Baptist and my parents aren't totally onboard still with me dating a Catholic which has been hard for me because it has caused me to doubt whether or not I should be in this relationship. When I wrote up reasons why I should date her, I found 32 reasons and only 6 reasons not to date her (which were all fears).

I may be starting RCIA this fall so some of these I'm not sure I can do quite yet until I understand things more.

I see that prayer is a pretty important one. We pray for each other when we're not aorund each other...but we have also prayed for each other's safety before one of us leaves from visiting us on a weekend.

It is hard for me to know when "too far" is "too far" in terms of emotional intimacy. Both of us have committed to purity. But emotional intimacy...knowing what is okay...has been though for me to figure out because both of us felt the need to share our stories with each other before we started dating.

Thanks again for your help...I continue to look forward to hearing more...It helps! I've never done this before!

[sdenko]

[quote name='Brother Adam' post='1626258' date='Aug 13 2008, 04:39 PM']An invitation to be a part of your relationship is usually a good starting point. There is also:

Attend Mass together.[/quote]

Yep...we've done this...even before we met!

[quote]Stay up until 3am talking on the phone about doctrine.[/quote]

And this one too :-) Helps that we're both taking religious studies courses in school.

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='sdenko' post='1626332' date='Aug 13 2008, 11:43 PM']Thanks all for your replies...

I've grown up Baptist and my parents aren't totally onboard still with me dating a Catholic which has been hard for me because it has caused me to doubt whether or not I should be in this relationship. When I wrote up reasons why I should date her, I found 32 reasons and only 6 reasons not to date her (which were all fears).

I may be starting RCIA this fall so some of these I'm not sure I can do quite yet until I understand things more.

I see that prayer is a pretty important one. We pray for each other when we're not aorund each other...but we have also prayed for each other's safety before one of us leaves from visiting us on a weekend.

It is hard for me to know when "too far" is "too far" in terms of emotional intimacy. Both of us have committed to purity. But emotional intimacy...knowing what is okay...has been though for me to figure out because both of us felt the need to share our stories with each other before we started dating.

Thanks again for your help...I continue to look forward to hearing more...It helps! I've never done this before![/quote]
I actually grew up Southern Baptist as well. Though not a very good one, seeing as I learnt things like the Hail Mary at a fairly young age from my Catholic cousins.

And I'm not sure I can help in regards to emotional intimacy, as we both shared our stories with each other almost from the beginning. I guess we were officially dating by that point, though.

[Barbarus]

This is an area I've been thinking about quite a bit as of late. My fiance and I are both Catholic, and while we agree on all sorts of doctrinal things, our individual experience of faith is not one we have talked about much. I think that if he were a different sort of man, that would concern me, but in getting to know him I have come to different conclusions than I might have otherwise.

I'm a far more verbal person than he is when it comes to just about anything, including faith. But, I have been learning to appreciate and interpret his non-verbal cues when it comes to all of these things. He may not write me love poems, but he takes care of me in so many ways. His love for me is written in the things he does. The same is true of his love for God. I think he is hampered somewhat in expressing that verbally by the shoddy catechesis he received growing up; he's had to re-learn quite a bit as an adult. On top of this, I'm studying theology now and so my reading and ability to express myself verbally is more advanced than his because he hasn't had the same training. This affects, to a certain extent, how we talk about our personal experiences. I've had to verbalize mine far more often, and am more comfortable with the vernacular of faith.

I suppose the long and short of it is that there is no one right way for God to become the center of your relationship. It will vary from couple to couple as to how faith is expressed between the two of you, and non-verbal means of communicating it are as important as verbal communication.

[Brother Adam]

[quote name='sdenko' post='1626335' date='Aug 13 2008, 09:47 PM']Yep...we've done this...even before we met!
And this one too :-) Helps that we're both taking religious studies courses in school.[/quote]

That's great. I was saying the rosary well before I became Catholic, so you are certainly welcome to use any Catholic spirituality that you are comfortable with. Teresa and I were both baptist when we were dating and when we got married so we didn't do a whole lot - we prayed together on rare occasion and did our premarital prep course with the senior pastor. I wish we would have done a lot more.