Got A Question About Sex Inside Of Marriage? Would Like Your Opinions

[havok579257]

Ok, I got a question for people here and I wanted to get people's opinions about this and see what everyone says. Inside of marriage, when having sex we are called to

1. Glorify God
2. Open to life
3. Unnative

NOw my question is what happens in instances when one spouse is either not in the mood or time constraints but want to be with thier spouse because they love them?

Here are two examples I am thinking of.

1. The wife is not in the mood for sex but wants to have sex with her husband because he is in the mood and because she loves him. Or the roles are reversed and because the husband is not in the mood he does not ejaculate at all.

2. Lets say the husband and wife wake up together and have each to be at work shortly. They are both in the mood, but the husband knows that there is not enough time for him to finish but more than enough time for his wife to finish. The couple have sex and the women orgasms but the man has to stop due to time issues.


So just wondering, what everyone thinks about these situations. Ok, not ok, unknown?

[HisChildForever]

[quote name='havok579257' post='1624660' date='Aug 11 2008, 08:21 PM']1. The wife is not in the mood for sex but wants to have sex with her husband because he is in the mood and because she loves him. Or the roles are reversed and because the husband is not in the mood he does not ejaculate at all.[/quote]

First of all, if one spouse was not "in the mood" then I doubt the other spouse would be so selfish as to beg and pester their wife/husband to "get in the mood." Secondly, I do not think it would be possible for the man (for example) to [b]not[/b] ejaculate, because I am under the impression that once the sex act begins, you are "in the mood" and [b]will[/b] finish. The man must be physically ready to have sex, otherwise sex is impossible to begin with. Ejaculation is the normal, expected outcome from this physical readiness. Thus, what I am trying to say is that if the spouse (in this instance, the man) was not interested in sex, if they agreed to have sex anyway, and they were in the process of sex, clearly he would now be "in the mood" and thus he would ejaculate - there is no way, biologically, that he would not, unless he had a medical problem.

[quote]2. Lets say the husband and wife wake up together and have each to be at work shortly. They are both in the mood, but the husband knows that there is not enough time for him to finish but more than enough time for his wife to finish. The couple have sex and the women orgasms but the man has to stop due to time issues.
So just wondering, what everyone thinks about these situations. Ok, not ok, unknown?[/quote]

The man would, technically, not be able to just stop without orgasming - in fact, due to his biology, I believe that if the man does not ejaculate and maintains his "physical readiness" he will eventually be in discomfort, even pain. And this scenario is also unrealistic because every time a man has sex, he is "guaranteed" an orgasm. Not every woman has this experience when she has sex, because (in terms of biology) it it not necessary for procreation.

But if both the husband and wife need to be at work within the hour, for instance, I would like to think that they are both mature enough and have the self-control to wait until later that evening. Even if they are not "in the mood" then, they can enjoy each other's company and get "in the mood" together.

[Selah]

[quote]1. The wife is not in the mood for sex but wants to have sex with her husband because he is in the mood and because she loves him. Or the roles are reversed and because the husband is not in the mood he does not ejaculate at all.[/quote]

I do not see why this instance would be wrong, as either the wife or husband is acting out of love for the other, despite the fact that he/she may not be in the mood for being so close to each other.
[quote]2. Lets say the husband and wife wake up together and have each to be at work shortly. They are both in the mood, but the husband knows that there is not enough time for him to finish but more than enough time for his wife to finish. The couple have sex and the women orgasms but the man has to stop due to time issues.[/quote]


Again, I do not think this would be wrong. The man is acting out of lova and consideration for the needs of the wife. He knows that although he does not have enough time, she will.

[havok579257]

[quote name='HisChildForever' post='1624706' date='Aug 11 2008, 08:53 PM']First of all, if one spouse was not "in the mood" then I doubt the other spouse would be so selfish as to beg and pester their wife/husband to "get in the mood." Secondly, I do not think it would be possible for the man (for example) to [b]not[/b] ejaculate, because I am under the impression that once the sex act begins, you are "in the mood" and [b]will[/b] finish. The man must be physically ready to have sex, otherwise sex is impossible to begin with. Ejaculation is the normal, expected outcome from this physical readiness. Thus, what I am trying to say is that if the spouse (in this instance, the man) was not interested in sex, if they agreed to have sex anyway, and they were in the process of sex, clearly he would now be "in the mood" and thus he would ejaculate - there is no way, biologically, that he would not, unless he had a medical problem.The man would, technically, not be able to just stop without orgasming - in fact, due to his biology, I believe that if the man does not ejaculate and maintains his "physical readiness" he will eventually be in discomfort, even pain. And this scenario is also unrealistic because every time a man has sex, he is "guaranteed" an orgasm. Not every woman has this experience when she has sex, because (in terms of biology) it it not necessary for procreation.But if both the husband and wife need to be at work within the hour, for instance, I would like to think that they are both mature enough and have the self-control to wait until later that evening. Even if they are not "in the mood" then, they can enjoy each other's company and get "in the mood" together.[/quote]Well thats great to lump guys into that catagory of, once its started your always in the mood.  Actually there is many reasons a man will not ejaculate.  Here's the thing, they are the same reasons women don't orgasm.  Ok, are you a man or a woman because your making broad statements that are not true saying a man once started will not be able to not orgasm.  Not trying to be mean, but how old are you?  Cause it seems your taking something society says and think it is true.I never said one person forces themselfs upon their spouse.  Obviously you are not even getting what I am saying here.  I shall await and see what others say.

[HisChildForever]

[quote name='havok579257' post='1624717' date='Aug 11 2008, 09:01 PM']Well thats great to lump guys into that catagory of, once its started your always in the mood.[/quote]

Um, the same can be applied to women. I did not mean to give this impression.

[quote]Actually there is many reasons a man will not ejaculate. Here's the thing, they are the same reasons women don't orgasm.[/quote]

Can you explain a bit more?

[quote]Ok, are you a man or a woman because your making broad statements that are not true saying a man once started will not be able to not orgasm.[/quote]

Is my avatar that confusing that you think I could be a man or a woman? Talk about being offensive.

[quote]Not trying to be mean, but how old are you? Cause it seems your taking something society says and think it is true.I never said one person forces themselfs upon their spouse.[/quote]

What does my age have anything to do with this? Are you implying that only young people or only older people are easily under the influence of society? And I never said that you said a spouse forces him/herself upon their spouse! I said that it's doubtable that Spouse A would pester Spouse B into sex, if Spouse B is clearly tired from a long day of work. Spouse A wouldn't be selfish like that, putting their own physical wants over Spouse B's needs (i.e., for sleep).

[quote]Obviously you are not even getting what I am saying here. I shall await and see what others say.[/quote]

Obviously, all you are interested in is misreading what I said and jumping to inane conclusions. I really do not appreciate the fact that I took the time to honestly answer your questions, and you are being so rude about my opinion. But I should have expected nothing else, seeing as you have the tendency to do that.

Edited August 12, 2008 by HisChildForever

[CatherineM]

Example #1 - I haven't actually experienced my husband not being in the mood, but then we've only been married 2 1/2 years. If he wasn't in the mood, I guess I would appreciate the rest.

Example #2 - I am having trouble visualizing this as well. At least among the women I know, college roommates, friends, etc., that I am close enough to actually discuss such personal matters with, women are much more likely to deal with their husbands being "done" before they are warmed up, than the other way around. That's kind of a physiological thing. A female's orgasm actually helps the little fish along to their target, so our bodies are kind of wired for the man to get done quicker.

There are some physical problems that can cause a man to not ejaculate, or to have a delayed one. Some anti-depressants can certainly cause it, and after some types of prostate surgeries men have dry orgasms. That doesn't mean that he doesn't give everything of himself to his spouse, it just means he has less than normal to give. When it comes to marital sex, I just don't see the need to look for obscure loop holes. If some of these issues come up between you and your wife, you can always discuss them with your priest. If you're not married, you should really find something else to worry about until that time comes.

[havok579257]

[quote name='CatherineM' post='1624785' date='Aug 11 2008, 09:44 PM']Example #1 - I haven't actually experienced my husband not being in the mood, but then we've only been married 2 1/2 years. If he wasn't in the mood, I guess I would appreciate the rest.

Example #2 - I am having trouble visualizing this as well. At least among the women I know, college roommates, friends, etc., that I am close enough to actually discuss such personal matters with, women are much more likely to deal with their husbands being "done" before they are warmed up, than the other way around. That's kind of a physiological thing. A female's orgasm actually helps the little fish along to their target, so our bodies are kind of wired for the man to get done quicker.

There are some physical problems that can cause a man to not ejaculate, or to have a delayed one. Some anti-depressants can certainly cause it, and after some types of prostate surgeries men have dry orgasms. That doesn't mean that he doesn't give everything of himself to his spouse, it just means he has less than normal to give. When it comes to marital sex, I just don't see the need to look for obscure loop holes. If some of these issues come up between you and your wife, you can always discuss them with your priest. If you're not married, you should really find something else to worry about until that time comes.[/quote]

Well I am married and what loophole would I be looking for here? Just a question that poped into my mind and thought I would ask. Didn't think it was such a big deal to ask questions on these boards.

[rachael]

[quote name='havok579257' post='1624878' date='Aug 11 2008, 10:51 PM']Well I am married and what loophole would I be looking for here? Just a question that poped into my mind and thought I would ask. Didn't think it was such a big deal to ask questions on these boards.[/quote]
I think you're the only one that is getting worked up here.

[CatherineM]

You're always free to ask questions, and we try very hard to answer them with truth and with charity. You just don't seem to ever like our answers.

[N/A Gone]

These debates always get messy. Let us be clear that the church has not officially spoken in this matter. We are using what we know the church has said and trying to apply it to this issue. So there is a matter of subjective and of what our conscience says.

[Madame Vengier]

[quote name='havok579257' post='1624660' date='Aug 11 2008, 07:21 PM']Ok, I got a question for people here and I wanted to get people's opinions about this and see what everyone says. Inside of marriage, when having sex we are called to

1. Glorify God
2. Open to life
3. Unnative[/quote]

I think you meant "unitive".

[thessalonian]

My suggestion is that you get Christopher West's Theology of the Body series at www.christopherwest.com. As for your quesetions. If one is not in the mood it is better for the other to forgo. But at times my wife or I have not been in the mood and we have still wanted to please our partner and so that can give glory to God as well. Should I not go to work because I am not in the mood? In the case of sex, yes we are to consider the other. But both when we are in the mood and when we are not. As far as the man being last, don't ever recall that happening. Usually the man has to continue on to please the woman. In Mr. West's videos he speaks of the virtue of that.

[Luthien]

I never understood this fascination with figuring out how to have sex without actually having it.
If your wife or husband is too tired, wait until another day. Or, don't make him/her do anything, just take care of him/her, he/she will most likely warm up. In the case of not having enough time, wait until you get home, or just wake up earlier the next day if you are focused on making love in the mornings.
Either way, it takes some sort of compromise in order to live our sexual sphere of our lives to the fullest.

BTW, Ive been married over a year.

[thessalonian]

It should be noted in this thread as well that lust inside of marriage (even with ones wife) is considered sinful in the Catholic teaching on sexuality.

[StColette]

[quote name='havok579257' post='1624660' date='Aug 11 2008, 08:21 PM']1. The wife is not in the mood for sex but wants to have sex with her husband because he is in the mood and because she loves him. Or the roles are reversed and because the husband is not in the mood he does not ejaculate at all.[/quote]

I believe it would be determined by the individual circumstances. There are moments for pregnant women which really mean she isn't in the mood. Either she's just too exhausted, uncomfortable (very common in later pregnancy), or just plain not in the mood. Hormones are a craving thing. The husband can try to pursue his wife to help her get in the mood and the same goes for the wife, she can help her husband get in the mood. But if in either circumstance the spouse can not get into the mood a spouse should not feel obligated to "go there" and the other should not make the spouse feel guilty. The marital embrace is about mutual love and not just "going there" because one spouse feels like it and the other cannot get in the mood. As for the last part of your sentence "the husband is not in the mood he does not ejaculate at all", the Church teaches that the minimum for the sex act to be seen as complete is the man ejaculating inside the woman. Of course this doesn't happen all the time because of one reason or another, but it should be strived for.

[quote]2. Lets say the husband and wife wake up together and have each to be at work shortly. They are both in the mood, but the husband knows that there is not enough time for him to finish but more than enough time for his wife to finish. The couple have sex and the women orgasms but the man has to stop due to time issues.[/quote]

Again, like I said above, the minimum for the sex act to be complete is the man finishing inside of his wife. No matter how much we may feel in the mood and want to go there. It's generally my belief that if there's barely enough time for either spouse to finish, then there's really not enough time for a complete act of marital embrace. The marital embrace just isn't about being in the mood and going there and finishing as quickly as possible. I don't know of a single married woman who doesn't like being held by their spouse after the marital embrace. And I haven't met a single married man who doesn't love showing his wife affection and cuddling even after the act is finished. The marital act isn't just about orgasm, it encompasses everything that goes on around that result. As a wife, I would feel very cheated if my husband got up and left right after sharing in the marital embrace with me.