Delaying Your Entrance

[FSM Sister]

I'm wondering if any of the people responding to this post are actually sisters speaking from experience. (?)

I agree with the person who said it depends on the maturity of the person. Some are ready to enter right out of high school, and some are not. I entered at 17 and never looked back. No "green grass" syndrome here! But that was 30 years ago, and I came from a family where I was allowed to face responsibility. No sheltering or babying at our house! We were immigrants. My father earned little more than minimum wage - mom babysat and took in laundry so she could stay home with us. As each of us became old enough to earn a little money, we contributed to the family expenses. So, by the time I was 17, I did have the experience of working and paying bills - albeit small bills...

I thank God that I went through the novitiate first, and then went to college.

Now a word about religious communities. Some are absolutely archaic in the way they govern the community, with only the superiors making decisions and the rest of the sisters treated like children. It seems to be a result of being isolated from other experiences and only knowing how things are done in one's own community. Others are completely on the other end of the spectrum, and begin forming responsibility and maturity right from the beginning. I've been blessed with the opportunity of spending time living with other communities during the course of my studies, so I've been able to witness this first hand. Now that communities are collaborating more and are not so isolated (partly because of the Internet and other forms of communication) they are learning from each other.

A vocation is a committment, and a serious one - just like marriage. And no one can predict at what age another person can, will, or should fall in love. As for me, I felt called at a very young age - probably about 7. As I grew up, the call was always there - although I was open to dating and marriage, and prayed about it. I had my little crushes on this boy or that one, but my real love was already there - already deeply planted - and eventually, even though a few showed some real interest in persuing a relationship, the vocation won out. I finished high school in June and was in the convent by August. Looking back, I can see that I wasn't as mature at 17 as I thought I was, but I'm glad that I finished growing up where I did - surrounded by holy women completely in love with Jesus, and thoroughly dedicated to serving His church. The oldest sisters were the greatest examples, and I'm sure that some of them were true saints. Those who were the most obedient and lived the rule were the happiest, and those who struggled with obedience and cut corners on observing the rule settled into a mediocrity that is nothing short of heartbreaking.

I think it would be great if every Catholic young lady spent a year or two in a religious community and experienced first hand what they were giving up in order to get married, but all we seem to hear about is the reverse - that it is not possible to give your life to God unless you've experienced romance. When I was in the novitiate, we young sisters would often say that if our friends "on the outside" knew what they were missing, they would be lined up at the door!

[phivan]

[quote name='FSM Sister' post='1614859' date='Aug 1 2008, 02:18 AM']I agree with the person who said it depends on the maturity of the person.

Now a word about religious communities. Some are absolutely archaic in the way they govern the community, with only the superiors making decisions and the rest of the sisters treated like children. It seems to be a result of being isolated from other experiences and only knowing how things are done in one's own community. Others are completely on the other end of the spectrum, and begin forming responsibility and maturity right from the beginning. I've been blessed with the opportunity of spending time living with other communities during the course of my studies, so I've been able to witness this first hand. Now that communities are collaborating more and are not so isolated (partly because of the Internet and other forms of communication) they are learning from each other.

A vocation is a committment, and a serious one - just like marriage. And no one can predict at what age another person can, will, or should fall in love.

I think it would be great if every Catholic young lady spent a year or two in a religious community and experienced first hand what they were giving up in order to get married, but all we seem to hear about is the reverse - that it is not possible to give your life to God unless you've experienced romance. When I was in the novitiate, we young sisters would often say that if our friends "on the outside" knew what they were missing, they would be lined up at the door![/quote]


YES! Well said--I'm with you on all of these above. Thanks for sharing your experiences with us.

As for myself (I will try for a brief version), I was blessed to spend a good number of years in a religious community. My life in this particular community was abruptly end. Of course, my heart was broken into pieces. I went through what St John of the Cross would say "Darknight of the soul" for a couple year. I couldn't find God in my life. I lived like an atheist. Until the wildfires hit Southern California last October--where I'm currently resident, I was on my way home one evening from the Wildfire shelter where I was a volunteer for more than 10 hours shift. As my tire body was longing for a nice hot shower and a bed to lie down, my eyes catched the tittle "On My Way Home" production by Paula D'arcy on sidewalk at the traffic light. It felt like someone pulling me toward that direction. So, I went to see it and attended "An Invitation to Dance" weekend retreat the following morning. For the first time since what happened, I was able to open and to listen to God's calling my name. Lots were going spiritually for me at the retreat. All I can say now was/is His grace and my life is a beautiful continues magnificat to "God who loves and died for me".
So, I would say that it is worthy to give your young or mature life to God in a religious life. God just want your "yes" and he'll do the rest whether it's just a thought, one year, two years, three years, or forever. Just remember even though your heart may be broken or crush to the ground by your not so Godly-motives or others, His love is still there and He is much bigger than all. My broken heart has taught me how to love more like Him and I came to know where my heart is and what I trully desire. If I have an other chance, 'yes' I would do it all over again in a slipt second; my answer also would be 'yes' to the community where I was before.
Have the courage to taste His sweetness in the religious community and you'll be hungry for more
United in Jesus, the HOST!

[TeresaBenedicta]

[quote name='FSM Sister' post='1614859' date='Aug 1 2008, 03:18 AM']I'm wondering if any of the people responding to this post are actually sisters speaking from experience. (?)

I agree with the person who said it depends on the maturity of the person. Some are ready to enter right out of high school, and some are not. I entered at 17 and never looked back. No "green grass" syndrome here! But that was 30 years ago, and I came from a family where I was allowed to face responsibility. No sheltering or babying at our house! We were immigrants. My father earned little more than minimum wage - mom babysat and took in laundry so she could stay home with us. As each of us became old enough to earn a little money, we contributed to the family expenses. So, by the time I was 17, I did have the experience of working and paying bills - albeit small bills...

I thank God that I went through the novitiate first, and then went to college.

Now a word about religious communities. Some are absolutely archaic in the way they govern the community, with only the superiors making decisions and the rest of the sisters treated like children. It seems to be a result of being isolated from other experiences and only knowing how things are done in one's own community. Others are completely on the other end of the spectrum, and begin forming responsibility and maturity right from the beginning. I've been blessed with the opportunity of spending time living with other communities during the course of my studies, so I've been able to witness this first hand. Now that communities are collaborating more and are not so isolated (partly because of the Internet and other forms of communication) they are learning from each other.

A vocation is a committment, and a serious one - just like marriage. And no one can predict at what age another person can, will, or should fall in love. As for me, I felt called at a very young age - probably about 7. As I grew up, the call was always there - although I was open to dating and marriage, and prayed about it. I had my little crushes on this boy or that one, but my real love was already there - already deeply planted - and eventually, even though a few showed some real interest in persuing a relationship, the vocation won out. I finished high school in June and was in the convent by August. Looking back, I can see that I wasn't as mature at 17 as I thought I was, but I'm glad that I finished growing up where I did - surrounded by holy women completely in love with Jesus, and thoroughly dedicated to serving His church. The oldest sisters were the greatest examples, and I'm sure that some of them were true saints. Those who were the most obedient and lived the rule were the happiest, and those who struggled with obedience and cut corners on observing the rule settled into a mediocrity that is nothing short of heartbreaking.

I think it would be great if every Catholic young lady spent a year or two in a religious community and experienced first hand what they were giving up in order to get married, but all we seem to hear about is the reverse - that it is not possible to give your life to God unless you've experienced romance. When I was in the novitiate, we young sisters would often say that if our friends "on the outside" knew what they were missing, they would be lined up at the door![/quote]

AMEN!!!

I was listening to my parish priest speak to the young boys at a vocations talk and he said, "Why not give God the first chance? There's no harm, nothing to loose, by going into the seminary. If that's not where God wants you, he'll let you know! And if that's not your call, you'll certainly come out of the seminary better prepared to be a husband and an evangelist in the world. So why not give God the first chance? Surely he deserves at least that much?"

[philosophette]

I just read the original post and alicemary's... so forgive me if I repeat what anyone else has said. I can tell you what has happened in my community.

There are some who entered right after high school. Some does not regret the decision and feels that it was right for them. The others sometimes wonder if it was the right decision. Both feel like not having the college experience of classes, the exposure to the wider world of thought, and the social scene (the Catholic one... not the frat one) has left them behind those who have entered after college, or at least some college. I can attest that from my own working experience and learning how to deal with professors, bosses, and coworkers in a secular environment GREATLY helps me NOW in the convent. Greatly. I do not think I would have made it without that experience. Everything which Alicemary said is very true... it is better, if you can, in this day and age with the way that emotional/psychological maturity is happening later in our culture, to get some life experience before entering religious life. Unless the call is really pushing you to go NOW (and I would seriously discern that, because it appears to be pretty rare nowadays), you have nothing to lose.

I agree with most of RisingSun's post, but I would point out that entering religious life does not fully severe you from "the world, the flesh, and the devil". If anything it makes it all more immediate and you realize more fully how touched you are by it all... it is a humbling experience. You can "flee" the world, but the world will always be with you because you are a part of it. You will have the flesh until the day you die... and the devil.... well, he has a job he is trying to do, so do not think wearing a polyester outfit will give you immunity. If anything, it intensifies.

I do not think that anyone can give a simple answer to your question It totally depends upon a person's temperament, family situation, whether or not they can afford college off the bat and not end up delaying their entrance some 5+ years because of student loans. Everyone is different, every call is unique. Listening to the way the Spirit speaks to us through our family, friends, and guides... as well as in the depths of our hearts is important. It is not an easy decision. Dialoguing with the prospective Order about it is also a good idea because they have a lot of experience with discernment and what would fit in their Congregation... so that can help, as well. Discernment is not easy.... but the gift of the Spirit is beautiful to reflect upon.

Edited August 2, 2008 by philosobrat

[littlesister]

[quote name='FSM Sister' post='1614859' date='Aug 1 2008, 02:18 AM']I'm wondering if any of the people responding to this post are actually sisters speaking from experience. (?)
...
I think it would be great if every Catholic young lady spent a year or two in a religious community and experienced first hand what they were giving up in order to get married, but all we seem to hear about is the reverse - that it is not possible to give your life to God unless you've experienced romance. When I was in the novitiate, we young sisters would often say that if our friends "on the outside" knew what they were missing, they would be lined up at the door![/quote]

At least this one poster is a sister speaking from experience - and one very similar to FSM's : immigrant family, vocation early on, working at 17, graduated in June and paid my own way to enter in August. Without the job, the bills, and the boyfriend or two along the way, looking back could have had lots of room for illusions. As it was, I knew that "back there" was not where I belonged. Age might not have a lot to do with it, but life experience does.
And experience, generally, comes from a year or two of living.

Three cheers for suggesting that every Catholic young lady experience religious life before opting for something else. The current shortage of consecrated vocations could well reverse itself in very short order!

[Saint Therese]

As a very wise priest recently told me, to delay doing the Lord's will for our own reasons is simply disobedience.

[the lords sheep]

I think primarily there must be a distinction made between delaying entrance and taking the time that you need to discern and grow up. Like everything else in discernment, when you enter is not a one size fits all situation. For a few, and I really believe a rare few, they may be called to enter right out of high school. My cousin, and one of my best friends, is one such situation. She knew where she was called, and she entered the October after she graduated high school. I think for many, however, the zeal and the desire to serve God with everything is there, but the maturity is lacking.
Other people just aren't ready to enter, even when they "know" where they want to go. This often manifests itself in a "I have to/want to do such-and-such first" attitude. For me, it was a "I want to go to college first and see a bit of the world, and then I'll enter" (of course, I also didn't know where I would enter at...) Sometimes, I feared that I had disobeyed God in making this choice. However, as I've grown, I've realized that while I thought I was just doing what I wanted, I was also doing God's will too. I needed more time to grow up, to experience the world, to begin to understand others more, so that I could also understand myself. I am a COMPLETELY different person than I was four years ago. I think differently, interact with others differently, pray differently, relate to God differently, see myself differently. My zeal is not manifested in the same way, my love- and my ability to love- has grown and transformed as well. Sure, I've had difficult times and have made mistakes; that would happen anywhere.
I've heard people say "We must give God the first-fruits" "we must give God our first choice" and I've heard people imply that waiting- giving yourself time to grow up- is refusing to offer your full self to God. For me, entering earlier would have not been offering my full self to God, my full life to God, because I still needed time to grow, time to become a more developed person. Because of my experiences, I have more to give God.
In short, each soul, each situation is different. But, in my own opinion, I think that it's not fair of some to make a blanket statement that to not enter a convent the second you suspect you may be called is disobedient to the will of God. Discernment takes time, for some, its more time than others. A good spiritual director will help discern this.