Church Blessing For Divorced Remarried Couples

[Fr. Bruno]

This is about people who had a valid sacramental marriage, divorced and later on want to get married in the Church again. Of course, that won't work... normally. But :
More and more priests over here accept to organize different kind of celebrations, blessing the couple, sometimes even the rings... but leaving out the consent, so nobody can say "they had a second (or third, ...) Church wedding". However, many people do, despite all the well intended explanations from the pastor. The reason is quite simple : most (even practicing) Catholics don't know that it's the consent that makes marriage (can. 1057). So when assisting these kind of celebrations, most people, just conclude : they married again, but without the Eucharist.
On one occasion I celebrated a marriage of a non-practicing couple ; they did not want a eucharistic celebration for their wedding (for good reasons). For the rest, I followed the liturgical prescriptions. After the celebration, the sacristan was shocked : "What did you do there... this is not a wedding, this is what you normally do for divorced people"...
Has the situation become that strange in the area where you live ?


Thanks for your reactions and God bless,


Fr. Bruno

Edited July 26, 2008 by Fr. Bruno

[Noel's angel]

I'm sure it happens in some parishes, but certainly not in ours.
It's a horrible situation for good priests because they get a lot of bad press for doing what's right. A couple will always be able to find a priest who will do things like this, and when they can't get their parish priest to do it, they slag him off to other people who are just as ignorant as they are, causing bad feeling among many.

[puellapaschalis]

I wouldn't be surprised if that happened in some dioceses here.

[Madame Vengier]

I'm shocked, Fr. Bruno. I didn't even know such a thing happens anywhere, or was allowed. I have never even heard of such a thing.

I'm kind of embarassed to say, but I don't really know much about parish life proper. I don't attend a parish and haven't for several years. I live near a popular Basilica in my city and I've been attending there for some years. You can't really properly "belong" to it, as it's not a parish. But I tithe like I would in a parish. The reason I go there is because the Masses are good and generally the priests are solid. They may not always be very exciting or theologically deep but there's no dissent in their homilies. The place is beautiful and the Masses are solemn, so that's why I attend it instead of a regular parish. And I can even attend a Novus Ordo that is part in Latin when I want to.

[CatherineM]

When I worked in the tribunal, one of the priests that assisted with the paperwork for the defender of the bond told me there were certain priests that were known to "work things out" for those we were turning down. I was a very young, idealistic attorney at the time, and quite scandalized. The older you get, sometimes the more compassion you find for those who made bad decisions when young.

[Mercy me]

No, this is the first I have heard of it. Until the proper paperwork is complete and approved then they cannot receive communion much less any kind of blessing here. No disrespect but if a blessing is given, and rings bless, is it not undercutting the sacrament of marriage? What kind of message is being sent?

[EAnn246]

All I know is that when my mother married her 2nd husband (both were/are divorced Catholics), our Priest wouldn't preform the marriage. (They also wanted to get married at the court house, which they did but that's beside the point). Anyway, the priest who is a good friend of the family blessed the rings and marriage but that's the extent of anything he would do.

[let_go_let_God]

I can say that I have never seen it done here. The ceremony that you have explained I have seen done when one of the two, usually the groom is not Catholic and his family is extremely anti-Catholic.

I have a question though based on the service that Fr. Bruno explained, my cousin got married to a nice Catholic boy and she wasn't Catholic yet. She was going through RCIA but hadn't completed it yet. When it came time for Communion the priest either blessed her with the Blessed Host or allowed her to kiss it. I couldn't quite see from where I was. Has anyone seen this or was I just seeing things?

God bless-
LGLG

[friendofJPII]

[quote name='EAnn246' post='1609691' date='Jul 26 2008, 10:06 PM']All I know is that when my mother married her 2nd husband (both were/are divorced Catholics), our Priest wouldn't preform the marriage. (They also wanted to get married at the court house, which they did but that's beside the point). Anyway, the priest who is a good friend of the family blessed the rings and marriage but that's the extent of anything he would do.[/quote]

That's horrible. How can you "bless" something that is not there? If they were validly married before there is no marriage.

[puellapaschalis]

[quote name='Mercy me' post='1609547' date='Jul 27 2008, 04:08 AM']No, this is the first I have heard of it. Until the proper paperwork is complete and approved then they cannot receive communion much less any kind of blessing here. No disrespect but if a blessing is given, and rings bless, is it not undercutting the sacrament of marriage?[/quote]

Pretty much.

[quote name='Mercy me' post='1609547' date='Jul 27 2008, 04:08 AM']What kind of message is being sent?[/quote]

Catholics are "compassionate" just like the Protestant congregations. They're a "living" community which appreciates its history but in no way feels slavishly bound to all the rules. It's important not to put up barriers between people, you see (unless it's a barrier method, in which case anything goes).

Rules are, when it comes to Dutch people (overgeneralising horribly because it's all too often horribly true), completely optional. In fact if "evil" really existed then rules would surely be evil too.

It's not pretty but it's how many Christians/Catholics see it here, and it's what many non-Christians expect from the Church.

[Deb]

[i]I have never heard of such a thing but, I haven't been back into the church for that long of a time. I can't imagine it though.

[/i]

[Apotheoun]

A Catholic parish in Pleasanton CA had same-sex "friendship" blessings throughout the 1990s under its previous pastor.

[url="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/1999/01/13/MN52623.DTL"][u]Priest Taken to Task Over Gay Marriage[/u][/url]

[picchick]

[quote name='Fr. Bruno' post='1609319' date='Jul 26 2008, 04:35 PM']This is about people who had a valid sacramental marriage, divorced and later on want to get married in the Church again. Of course, that won't work... normally. But :
More and more priests over here accept to organize different kind of celebrations, blessing the couple, sometimes even the rings... but leaving out the consent, so nobody can say "they had a second (or third, ...) Church wedding". However, many people do, despite all the well intended explanations from the pastor. The reason is quite simple : most (even practicing) Catholics don't know that it's the consent that makes marriage (can. 1057). So when assisting these kind of celebrations, most people, just conclude : they married again, but without the Eucharist.
On one occasion I celebrated a marriage of a non-practicing couple ; they did not want a eucharistic celebration for their wedding (for good reasons). For the rest, I followed the liturgical prescriptions. After the celebration, the sacristan was shocked : "What did you do there... this is not a wedding, this is what you normally do for divorced people"...
Has the situation become that strange in the area where you live ?


Thanks for your reactions and God bless,


Fr. Bruno[/quote]

I am confused...they want to get married to each other again? Or married in general.

[picchick]

[quote name='Fr. Bruno' post='1609319' date='Jul 26 2008, 04:35 PM']This is about people who had a valid sacramental marriage, divorced and later on want to get married in the Church again. Of course, that won't work... normally. But :
More and more priests over here accept to organize different kind of celebrations, blessing the couple, sometimes even the rings... but leaving out the consent, so nobody can say "they had a second (or third, ...) Church wedding". However, many people do, despite all the well intended explanations from the pastor. The reason is quite simple : most (even practicing) Catholics don't know that it's the consent that makes marriage (can. 1057). So when assisting these kind of celebrations, most people, just conclude : they married again, but without the Eucharist.
On one occasion I celebrated a marriage of a non-practicing couple ; they did not want a eucharistic celebration for their wedding (for good reasons). For the rest, I followed the liturgical prescriptions. After the celebration, the sacristan was shocked : "What did you do there... this is not a wedding, this is what you normally do for divorced people"...
Has the situation become that strange in the area where you live ?


Thanks for your reactions and God bless,


Fr. Bruno[/quote]

Are you saying for people who divorced each other and want to get married back to each other? Or are you saying marrying someone else?

[friendofJPII]

[quote name='picchick' post='1609923' date='Jul 27 2008, 12:13 PM']Are you saying for people who divorced each other and want to get married back to each other? Or are you saying marrying someone else?[/quote]

He's talking about people who are divorced w/o an annullment and want to marry other people. If a divorced couple wants to marry each other again they don't need to get remarried in the Church because the Church never recognized the divorce. Although on a happy note, my parish priest blessed a couple recently who was divorced for 10 years, had a conversion, and reconciled. It was so beautiful.

Edited July 27, 2008 by friendofJPII