He Ventured Forth To Bring Light To The World, Obama, That Is...

[Gal. 5:22,23]

HE VENTURED FORTH TO BRING LIGHT TO THE WORLD

The anointed one's pilgrimage to the Holy Land is a miracle in action - and a blessing to all his faithful followers.

by Gerard Baker

And it came to pass, in the eighth year of the reign of the evil Bush the Younger (The Ignorant), when the whole land from the Arabian desert to the shores of the Great Lakes had been laid barren, that a Child appeared in the wilderness.

The Child was blessed in looks and intellect. Scion of a simple family, offspring of a miraculous union, grandson of a typical white person and an African peasant. And yea, as he grew, the Child walked in the path of righteousness, with only the occasional detour into the odd weed and a little blow.

When he was twelve years old, they found him in the temple in the City of Chicago, arguing the finer points of community organisation with the Prophet Jeremiah and the Elders. And the Elders were astonished at what they heard and said among themselves: “Verily, who is this Child that he opens our hearts and minds to the audacity of hope?”

In the great Battles of Caucus and Primary he smote the conniving Hillary, wife of the deposed King Bill the Priapic and their barbarian hordes of Working Class Whites.

And so it was, in the fullness of time, before the harvest month of the appointed year, the Child ventured forth - for the first time - to bring the light unto all the world.

He travelled fleet of foot and light of camel, with a small retinue that consisted only of his loyal disciples from the tribe of the Media. He ventured first to the land of the Hindu Kush, where the

Taleban had harboured the viper of al-Qaeda in their bosom, raining terror on all the world.

And the Child spake and the tribes of Nato immediately loosed the Caveats that had previously bound them. And in the great battle that ensued the forces of the light were triumphant. For as long as the

Child stood with his arms raised aloft, the enemy suffered great blows and the threat of terror was no more.

From there he went forth to Mesopotamia where he was received by the great ruler al-Maliki, and al-Maliki spake unto him and blessed his Sixteen Month Troop Withdrawal Plan even as the imperial warrior Petraeus tried to destroy it.

And lo, in Mesopotamia, a miracle occurred. Even though the Great Surge of Armour that the evil Bush had ordered had been a terrible mistake, a waste of vital military resources and doomed to end in disaster, the Child's very presence suddenly brought forth a great victory for the forces of the light.

And the Persians, who saw all this and were greatly fearful, longed to speak with the Child and saw that the Child was the bringer of peace. At the mention of his name they quickly laid aside their intrigues and beat their uranium swords into civil nuclear energy ploughshares.

From there the Child went up to the city of Jerusalem, and entered through the gate seated on an ass. The crowds of network anchors who had followed him from afar cheered “Hosanna” and waved great palm fronds and strewed them at his feet.

In Jerusalem and in surrounding Palestine, the Child spake to the Hebrews and the Arabs, as the Scripture had foretold. And in an instant, the lion lay down with the lamb, and the Israelites and Ishmaelites ended their long enmity and lived for ever after in peace.

As word spread throughout the land about the Child's wondrous works, peoples from all over flocked to hear him; Hittites and Abbasids; Obamacons and McCainiacs; Cameroonians and Blairites.

And they told of strange and wondrous things that greeted the news of the Child's journey. Around the world, global temperatures began to decline, and the ocean levels fell and the great warming was over.

The Great Prophet Algore of Nobel and Oscar, who many had believed was the anointed one, smiled and told his followers that the Child was the one generations had been waiting for.

And there were other wonderful signs. In the city of the Street at the Wall, spreads on interbank interest rates dropped like manna from Heaven and rates on credit default swaps fell to the ground as dead birds from the almond tree, and the people who had lived in foreclosure were able to borrow again.

Black gold gushed from the ground at prices well below $140 per barrel. In hospitals across the land the sick were cured even though they were uninsured. And all because the Child had pronounced it.

And this is the testimony of one who speaks the truth and bears witness to the truth so that you might believe. And he knows it is the truth for he saw it all on CNN and the BBC and in the pages of The New York Times.

Then the Child ventured forth from Israel and Palestine and stepped onto the shores of the Old Continent. In the land of Queen Angela of Merkel, vast multitudes gathered to hear his voice, and he preached to them at length.

But when he had finished speaking his disciples told him the crowd was hungry, for they had had nothing to eat all the hours they had waited for him.

And so the Child told his disciples to fetch some food but all they had was five loaves and a couple of frankfurters. So he took the bread and the frankfurters and blessed them and told his disciples to feed the multitudes. And when all had eaten their fill, the scraps filled twelve baskets.

Thence he travelled west to Mount Sarkozy. Even the beauteous Princess Carla of the tribe of the Bruni was struck by awe and she was great in love with the Child, but he was tempted not.

On the Seventh Day he walked across the Channel of the Angles to the ancient land of the hooligans. There he was welcomed with open arms by the once great prophet Blair and his successor, Gordon the Leper, and his successor, David the Golden One.

And suddenly, with the men appeared the archangel Gabriel and the whole host of the heavenly choir, ranks of cherubim and seraphim, all praising God and singing: “Yes, We Can.”

[url="http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/gerard_baker/article4392846.ece"]http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/c...icle4392846.ece[/url]

[KnightofChrist]

Seriously people what is all this talk, about Obama being a savior? Even if in a joking manner such as the article above. Has any other Presidential Candidate every been described in such a way?

[Madame Vengier]

Sick and sad.

[Justin86]

Liberals have never been better represented in the White House than with Clinton. They were immensely disappointed when Bush won, even more so in 2004. They view Obama as their Savior because they have another chance at a liberal in the White House and they're believe without doubt that McCain's lack of charisma, combined with Bush's unpopularity, will give them a clear victory come this November.

While Bush may be unpopular, he has been consistently more popular than the Democratically Congress, which is at a record low in single digits. If the American people hate the Democrats more than Bush right now, what makes the chances of them voting for Obama any better? As for McCain being boring, that may fall on the way side as Obama continues make elitist, snobbish comments about Ameircans, such as that we should all learn a forigen language, and the bitter poor whites comment.

Obama is nothing more than a Chicago politician that says whatever he has to to get elected. When he speaks to groups he reflects their opinions perfectly, telling them what they want to hear. Eventually he makes contradictory statements elsewhere, and this confuses his voters. This may also hurt him in the election and wind up helping McCain.

That Obama recently fell from a 15 point lead to a statistical tie with McCain in the polls is not a good sign for him either. He will have to work very hard, if it's even possible at all by now, to regain his former popularity. It appears Americans are already starting to wake up to Obama and it's only late July. If his popularity changes from here it will likely only go down further.

[Lisieux Flower]

edit

Edited July 26, 2008 by Lisieux Flower

[Didymus]

[quote name='Justin86' post='1608999' date='Jul 26 2008, 03:08 AM']As for McCain being boring, that may fall on the way side as Obama continues make elitist, snobbish comments about Ameircans, such as that we should all learn a forigen language, and the bitter poor whites comment.

Obama is nothing more than a Chicago politician that says whatever he has to to get elected. When he speaks to groups he reflects their opinions perfectly, telling them what they want to hear. Eventually he makes contradictory statements elsewhere, and this confuses his voters. This may also hurt him in the election and wind up helping McCain.[/quote]

You say that as if McCain isn't every bit of the elitist Obama is..

Are you even from Chicago? He's being a POLITICIAN[b].[/b] Just like McCain, just like Bush, just like Clinton, just like Hilary, just like everybody's boy, Brownback..

[Justin86]

[quote name='Didymus' post='1609067' date='Jul 26 2008, 10:12 PM']You say that as if McCain isn't every bit of the elitist Obama is..

Are you even from Chicago? He's being a POLITICIAN[b].[/b] Just like McCain, just like Bush, just like Clinton, just like Hilary, just like everybody's boy, Brownback..[/quote]
When is McCain ever said anything elitist? And it's common knowledge that Chicago politicans are like that. Really, do a little research before making useless posts.

[Madame Vengier]

[quote name='Justin86' post='1608999' date='Jul 26 2008, 02:08 AM']Liberals have never been better represented in the White House than with Clinton. They were immensely disappointed when Bush won, even more so in 2004. They view Obama as their Savior because they have another chance at a liberal in the White House and they're believe without doubt that McCain's lack of charisma, combined with Bush's unpopularity, will give them a clear victory come this November.

While Bush may be unpopular, he has been consistently more popular than the Democratically Congress, which is at a record low in single digits. If the American people hate the Democrats more than Bush right now, what makes the chances of them voting for Obama any better? As for McCain being boring, that may fall on the way side as Obama continues make elitist, snobbish comments about Ameircans, such as that we should all learn a forigen language, and the bitter poor whites comment.

Obama is nothing more than a Chicago politician that says whatever he has to to get elected. When he speaks to groups he reflects their opinions perfectly, telling them what they want to hear. Eventually he makes contradictory statements elsewhere, and this confuses his voters. This may also hurt him in the election and wind up helping McCain.

That Obama recently fell from a 15 point lead to a statistical tie with McCain in the polls is not a good sign for him either. He will have to work very hard, if it's even possible at all by now, to regain his former popularity. It appears Americans are already starting to wake up to Obama and it's only late July. If his popularity changes from here it will likely only go down further.[/quote]

"I approve this message."

[Mercy me]

Let's not forget he is from Chicago and now he is overseas holding campaign rallies. Have they figured out a way to count the European vote?

[Madame Vengier]

[quote name='Mercy me' post='1609122' date='Jul 26 2008, 10:00 AM']Let's not forget he is from Chicago and now he is overseas holding campaign rallies. Have they figured out a way to count the European vote?[/quote]


Or the Middle Eastern vote? Don't forget the ME's.

Maybe they will make special chads just for Obama.

[Justin86]

[quote name='Madame Vengier' post='1609174' date='Jul 27 2008, 12:42 AM']Or the Middle Eastern vote? Don't forget the ME's.

Maybe they will make special chads just for Obama.[/quote]
Hopefully they won't be hanging. How about "partially separated"?

[Mercy me]

[dairygirl4u2c]

so is obama gonna get something analogous to a crucifixion?

[Didymus]

[quote name='Justin86' post='1609068' date='Jul 26 2008, 09:15 AM']When is McCain ever said anything elitist? And it's common knowledge that Chicago politicans are like that. Really, do a little research before making useless posts.[/quote]

Since when does one have to [i]say[/i] anything elitist to be an elitist?? McCain didn't even pay all of his taxes on his seven homes for the past four years.. Maybe he couldn't scrape together some funds from his wife's beer inheritance enough to join the rest of us Americans in paying our taxes..

[url="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/06/28/mccains-failed-to-pay-tax_n_109785.html"]http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/06/28/m...x_n_109785.html[/url]

You had said:

[quote name='Justin86' post='1608999' date='Jul 26 2008, 03:08 AM']Obama is nothing more than a Chicago politician that says whatever he has to to get elected. When he speaks to groups he reflects their opinions perfectly, telling them what they want to hear. Eventually he makes contradictory statements elsewhere, and this confuses his voters.[/quote]

My point was that this is not common among only Chicago politicians.. I don't need to "do a little research." I'm from the area and I know about dirty Chicago/Cook County politics. If anything, Obama is the same old political game we see in any typical politicians, not just those in Chicago..

Don't try to belittle my posts, Justin..

[Selah]

*gags*