Franciscan University Households

[friendofJPII]

I[i] never had a bad experience with any of the people in households. I lived on wing with two households. They were really awesome girls and made everyone feel very welcome. Of course their commitments take up a lot of time, they usually have a designated holy hour, rosary, etc. These commitments are like any other club. They take up time. You are expected to be in order to fulfill your commitment. I mean, I would not join the works of mercy team and then not be expected to fulfill certain obligations. Households are definitely not for everyone. They do take up a lot of time. If you are taking 18 credit hours a week, don't join a household because you'll never find time to do everything you need to do. [/i]

If you can't take 18 credits (the normal credit load) AND be in HH, and find time for another ministry (like works of mercy) then there are too many commitments. As someone once said in the university concourse, "HH was made for students, not students made for HH." When I was there (97-2000) if you weren't in HH you felt really left out because a large part of campus life surrounded around HH, maybe things are diferent now.

It is absolutely wrong to tell someone they can't sit next to you at mass. Those seats aren't ours to reserve.

Edited July 8, 2008 by friendofJPII

[melporcristo]

[quote name='friendofJPII' post='1595033' date='Jul 8 2008, 08:44 AM']Most HHs have many commitments, and some members are (were) chastised for missing commitments, even if they had a good reason (although should students have to "answer" to other students in regards to how they spend their free time?).[/quote]




You mentioned that some people felt chastised for missing commitments. IF anyone ever felt this way in any household or frat/sorority, the school holds a policy against this form of harrassment. So it's important to let school officials of any college or university know about any situation where one feels uncomfortable.

As for me, I loved and still love my Household.
As a Steubie alumni, I found households extremely important in my faith life and just with my college life. I transferred from 2 universities, and one was even a Catholic school. It taught me how to get along with other people , how to hold strong friendships and sisterhood with women that I'm still to this day very close to. It also taught me about the importance of prayer and intersession. To this day, I feel those "commitments" helped me 10X more getting through my struggles because all of our commitments where prayer focused and building the Body of Christ through communio.


So there's my $.02

[melporcristo]

[quote name='friendofJPII' post='1595378' date='Jul 8 2008, 03:34 PM']It is absolutely wrong to tell someone they can't sit next to you at mass. Those seats aren't ours to reserve.[/quote]

I see it as if you save seats for your family at Mass, thats fine.
Sure I understand if a person just comes into Mass and he needs a place to sit, you offer him/her a seat, its totally ok too. I agree with StCollette, I don't think there's anything wrong with saving seats in Mass.

[friendofJPII]

[quote name='melporcristo' post='1595523' date='Jul 8 2008, 07:42 PM']You mentioned that some people felt chastised for missing commitments. IF anyone ever felt this way in any household or frat/sorority, the school holds a policy against this form of harrassment. So it's important to let school officials of any college or university know about any situation where one feels uncomfortable.

As for me, I loved and still love my Household.
As a Steubie alumni, I found households extremely important in my faith life and just with my college life. I transferred from 2 universities, and one was even a Catholic school. It taught me how to get along with other people , how to hold strong friendships and sisterhood with women that I'm still to this day very close to. It also taught me about the importance of prayer and intersession. To this day, I feel those "commitments" helped me 10X more getting through my struggles because all of our commitments where prayer focused and building the Body of Christ through communio.
So there's my $.02[/quote]


I think it would be a good idea for HH to have no more than 3 commitments weekly. And I think the prayer requirements could be loosened up a little, I remember we had a laundry list of scripted prayers from the Blue Pieta book that we had to pray, in addition to daily Rosary, concecration to the cross, Litany of Humility (which I thought was sounded rather harsh at the time) etc. It was just too much at times, I tried it , but prayer felt more like a chore or obligation. My prayer style is more spontaneous (although devotion to the Rosary is important). And what if a Protestant girl wanted to join HH, I think she should be allowed in, even if she didn't feel comfortable saying all the prayers immediately. Even now, 8 yeas later, I still feel obligated to travel to weddings all around the country, for "sisters" I was never very close to. I really want a dispensation form HH, but my friend (sister) said I can't because I made a vow before God.

Edited July 9, 2008 by friendofJPII

[friendofJPII]

[quote name='melporcristo' post='1595531' date='Jul 8 2008, 07:46 PM']I see it as if you save seats for your family at Mass, thats fine.
Sure I understand if a person just comes into Mass and he needs a place to sit, you offer him/her a seat, its totally ok too. I agree with StCollette, I don't think there's anything wrong with saving seats in Mass.[/quote]

Unless you are saving a seat for a young child who went to use the bathroom, I don't think you should "save" (meaning you would tell someone flat out that they can't sit there) even for your husband or wife. So your husband sits a few pews back. What's the big deal? It might give you both a chance to minister to new people.

[Veritas]

[quote name='friendofJPII' post='1595537' date='Jul 8 2008, 07:52 PM']I think it would be a good idea for HH to have no more than 3 commitments weekly. And I think the prayer requirements could be loosened up a little, I remember we had a laundry list of scripted prayers from the Blue Pieta book that we had to pray, in addition to daily Rosary, concecration to the cross, Litany of Humility (which I thought was sounded rather harsh at the time) etc. It was just too much at times, I tried it , but prayer felt more like a chore or obligation. My prayer style is more spontaneous (although devotion to the Rosary is important). And what if a Protestant girl wanted to join HH, I think she should be allowed in, even if she didn't feel comfortable saying all the prayers immediately. Even now, 8 yeas later, I still feel obligated to travel to weddings all around the country, for "sisters" I was never very close to. I really want a dispensation form HH, but my friend (sister) said I can't because I made a vow before God.[/quote]

+

Sounds like God is trying to teach you something through these committments -even though it isn't easy!

[friendofJPII]

[quote name='Veritas' post='1595551' date='Jul 8 2008, 08:05 PM']+

Sounds like God is trying to teach you something through these committments -even though it isn't easy![/quote]


No, I feel like I'm in a quasi-cult I can't get out of.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='friendofJPII' post='1595541' date='Jul 8 2008, 06:57 PM']Unless you are saving a seat for a young child who went to use the bathroom, I don't think you should "save" (meaning you would tell someone flat out that they can't sit there) even for your husband or wife. So your husband sits a few pews back. What's the big deal? It might give you both a chance to minister to new people.[/quote]
+J.M.J.+
i think that's awful! families should sit together

[friendofJPII]

[quote name='Lil Red' post='1595609' date='Jul 8 2008, 08:52 PM']+J.M.J.+
i think that's awful! families should sit together [/quote]

But if we are all untited in the Eucharist as a communal celebration then why would should it matter where you sit? You are with your family 24/7.

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='Lil Red' post='1595609' date='Jul 9 2008, 02:52 AM']+J.M.J.+
i think that's awful! families should sit together [/quote]
I agree. It's difficult for me sometimes because my husband plays flute at our parish, so I rarely get to sit with him. I like to take advantage of getting to sit with him when I can.

[StColette]

[quote name='friendofJPII' post='1595541' date='Jul 8 2008, 08:57 PM']So your husband sits a few pews back. What's the big deal? It might give you both a chance to minister to new people.[/quote]

My husband is joined to me in the Sacrament of Marriage! He has every right to sit next to me at Mass. He's my family, and I can't imagine anyone coming to Mass who would be offended by the fact that I'm saving a seat for my husband, or be so rude to say that I can't save a seat for my husband, who works for the Church and must greet the parishioners at the door. You go to Mass as a family, you don't split up once you get there.

[quote]But if we are all untited in the Eucharist as a communal celebration then why would should it matter where you sit? You are with your family 24/7.[/quote]

Because the most important time that a family can be together is at the Mass!

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='StColette' post='1595888' date='Jul 9 2008, 02:42 PM']You go to Mass as a family, you don't split up once you get there.
Because the most important time that a family can be together is at the Mass![/quote]
An emphatic

[friendofJPII]

[quote name='StColette' post='1595888' date='Jul 9 2008, 08:42 AM']My husband is joined to me in the Sacrament of Marriage! He has every right to sit next to me at Mass. He's my family, and I can't imagine anyone coming to Mass who would be offended by the fact that I'm saving a seat for my husband, or be so rude to say that I can't save a seat for my husband, who works for the Church and must greet the parishioners at the door. You go to Mass as a family, you don't split up once you get there.
Because the most important time that a family can be together is at the Mass![/quote]


I'm thinking about it from a merciful point of view. Of course, it is nice to sit together as a family, but if your husband couldn't sit next to you for one mass, it would not be the end of the world for you or your family either. Let's say, someone felt really depressed and dejected, was at their witts end, and finally mustered the courage to walk in the door of the Church, and proceed to sit in an empty pew, and heard "this seats taken..." that could set them back even more. Whereas a smile and welcoming spirit from you could mean the world to them.

Besides, saving seats for your family (and at most parishes there are plenty of seats unless it is Christmas or Easter) is one thing, but saving seats for your friends is entirely different and shallow, imo.

While their is a communal aspect to the mass, we don't need to sit next to one another to be in communion with them. At mass we are in communion with Catholics around the world, living and deceased, Church triumphant, militant, and suffering. Also the great spiritual masters, St. John of the Cross, talked about the need to be detached even from good things, like family and friends.

Edited July 9, 2008 by friendofJPII

[StColette]

[quote name='friendofJPII' post='1595901' date='Jul 9 2008, 10:03 AM']I'm thinking about it from a merciful point of view, if your husband couldn't sit next to you for one mass, it would not be the end of the world for you or your family. But say, if someone felt really depressed and dejected, was at their witts end, and finally mustered the courage to walk in the door of the Church, and proceed to sit in an empty pew, and heard "this seats taken..." that could set them back even more. A smile and welcoming spirit from you could mean the world to them.[/quote]

There are also plenty of other empty seats in the Church, and when someone asks me if a seat is saved or if they can sit there I generally tell them yes, if there is enough room for my husband. If not, I tell them that I'm saving my seat for my husband. If you knew anything of me you would know I would do this with a smile. I'm the wife of the Church's youth minister and I'm pretty involved in the parish. Its part of my role as his wife to welcome people and to make sure others are comfortable.

[quote]Besides, saving seats for your family (and at most parishes there are plenty of seats unless it is Christmas or Easter) is one thing, but saving seats for your friends is entirely different and shallow, imo.[/quote]

You keep going back and forth on this. You said that you shouldn't even allow seats to be saved for husbands or family (unless they are small children). When you are away from your family, at schools such as FUS your friends really become your family away from home. I would not have made it through without them. A few of them are already in line to be Godparents for my children.

[quote]While their is a communal aspect to the mass, we don't need to sit next to one another to be in communion with them. At mass we are in communion with Catholics around the world, living and deceased, Church triumphant, militant, and suffering. Also the great spiritual masters, St. John of the Cross, talked about the need to be detached even from good things, like family and friends.[/quote]

Detachment doesn't mean not sitting together at Mass, it means not putting God below things such as family and friends. As a married person, part of your vocation is to help aid in the spiritual growth of your spouse. Its part of your vocation to help your spouse achieve sanctification. My husband and I have a habit of praying together after Communion, which helps in the spiritual growth of both of us.

Now I love St. John of the Cross, but he was also not part of the vocation of marriage. Sadly a lot of his writings are often misunderstood by those in the vocation of marriage because of the type of detachment he speaks about. St.John's writings are geared a lot more toward those in the religious life than those in the married state.

I must also say that you should be mindful as to why someone is saving a seat. What if the person seated has a medical condition which only the husband or family or friend knows how to handle? At the moment, I'm a little over 5 months pregnant and it has been a battle. 5 ER visits and really strong medications to keep me eating and hydrated. I've almost passed out at Mass on several occassions because of this pregnancy. Not to mention that when you are pregnant you have to go pee constantly. I sit at the end of the pew or my husband does and I sit on the other side of him so that if I have to get up and go pee I can, because you can't easily hold your bladder when you're pregnant. I would hate to keep bothering someone that I don't even know with me having to get up and down at Mass. So please, be mindful as to why the person is saving a seat for someone there could be a very good reason for it.

[quote]But say, if someone felt really depressed and dejected, was at their witts end, and finally mustered the courage to walk in the door of the Church, and proceed to sit in an empty pew, and heard "this seats taken..." that could set them back even more. A smile and welcoming spirit from you could mean the world to them.[/quote]

What if the person you're saving the seat for is in this case? The point is you just don't know the situation.

I apologize if this is getting too off topic, but it was one of the complaints listed by the original poster as to why they didn't agree with some of the behavior of the households at FUS.

[friendofJPII]

[i][i]You keep going back and forth on this. You said that you shouldn't even allow seats to be saved for husbands or family (unless they are small children). When you are away from your family, at schools such as FUS your friends really become your family away from home. I would not have made it through without them. A few of them are already in line to be Godparents for my children[/i]

You shouldn't need your friends to get through life. God alone should suffice. Of course, family and friends are a tremendous gift from God, but we should be ready to give them up if God so desires. (Think of Job in the Bible) If someone is so attached to their family and friends that they cannot make it through one mass w/o sitting next to them then they have some serious co-dependency issues. Maybe it is because I've seen a lot of suffering in my life, but I don't view sitting next to strangers at mass as a great suffering or a traumatic experience. Besides at mass, should we be focused on the people next to us, or on God?

If mass is crowded people (esp. young men) should willing give up seats for pregnant women, the elderly, infirmed, etc. Others shouldn't needto save seats for them.

Edited July 9, 2008 by friendofJPII