How Does One Accomplish Loving One's Self

[missionseeker]

i never have. dont know how. need help.

got asked today how to do it. couldn't give an answer.

i see so much hurt. people come to me before they go to their bestfirends because 0they say- i understand. i do understand the hurt and pain and frustrations a lot. but i don't know how to move beyond it. well, i knowyou have love yourself and i don't know how.

my (ex) best friend once told me that I needed to go and learn how to love my self (and that he needed fade into the background of my life so that i could ).

I know that you can't *really* love others without loving yourself. it upsets me that i wind up hurting/pushing away/not being able ot be friends with the people i love most because i am so screwed up.

so... how is that done?

[TeresaBenedicta]

When you find out, please do let me know.

[nleyetn]

I'm really no expert on this because I have a hard time myself, but what I do is thank God for all the blessings he has given me. I really have to actively try and think about the good things in my life and move beyond the bad. I want to please God, and by not appreciating his wonderful gift of life it seems as though I am insulting him. One thing I'm learning is you have to be thankful for what God gives you even in your hardships. This always seemed a weird concept and hard for me to do because I was afraid if I thanked God for my trials, he would just give me more until it was too overwhelming. What I've found though is if I can really thank him even in my hard times, it becomes easier to bear. This is still an area I struggle with, but I am seeing progress and it gives me hope.

Try to not focus on the bad things in life. I know if I seem to be surrounded by negativity (the news is one big contributor) it just makes it harder to see the positives in my life. I used to listen/watch the news all the time, but now I really try to limit it because it affects my mood. Make time to find the good things in life to help restore your hope in humanity, and your wonder and awe in God's creations.

Edited July 2, 2008 by nLEyETn

[Winchester]

[mod] edited, see reason. and if you gotta problem with it, talk to me in private - Azriel [/mod]

[CatherineM]

That's a hard one for a lot of people. There was a point in my life that I hit such a low point that I wanted to die, but didn't do anything about it. Most people don't consider suicide because of our religious beliefs, I didn't because I was so miserable. You see, I hated myself so much that staying alive as miserable as I was, was in a way perfect way to punish myself. I hated myself too much to put myself out of my misery, if that makes sense. I doubt that anyone with a serious disability hasn't thought about suicide at some point.

I had to learn to like myself, and then love myself. It took a lot of effort and time. In AA, they teach people who don't believe in a higher power, to just go through the motions, and to pretend, because eventually they start feeling it and believing it. I guess in a way that's what I did. I pretended to like myself. I would ask myself what someone who liked themselves would do in this situation, then acted that way. What I found was that once I started liking myself, other people did too. Only when I started loving myself, did I become someone worth someone else's love. Life isn't really any easier, but it sure feels easier when you aren't weighing yourself down with self-loathing.

[StColette]

I just came back from chaparoning at Steubie on the Bayou. We had 14 high school girls go on the trip and they had a "women's session" there at the conference that really touch on this.

The speaker pointed out how God knew us before we were conceived and had us all completely planned out before our parents met, our grandparents met, or our great great great you get the point lol met. God created each of us as we are. To God my not so perfect smile ( something that has always bothered me ) is perfect. I think loving yourself is accepting yourself the way God has made you. To Him not physical stuff doesn't matter, He created you that way for a purpose and He loves you that way. As for the spiritual side of things. We all make mistakes, God knows that, and He knows them before we make them lol. The fact is the Father loves us no matter what we have done wrong. He loves even those who don't repent for things they have done wrong in their life. The Father's love is unending, which is hard to imagine when many of us have had people stop caring for us for one reason or another. Loving yourself is knowing that God loves you despite all of your flaws. He knows you are flawed and He loves you anyway. If God can pour out His own blood for us and die for us because of love for us, then that gives us reason to love ourselves.

[alicemary]

I don't think there is any easy way to go about this, but you must do it to lead a stable, happy life. You must realize how absolutely wonderful your life really is, yes there are always problems, but we have been given the greatest gift of exisitence. You must learn to make peace with you. Counseling is a wondrful way to get in touch with your real feelings. It does not mean you are crazy, it means you care enough about yourself to grow. When you are young there are so many conflicting emotions going on all the time. With time you will learn to calm down and celebrate each and every day. And loving yourself is not selfish...nor against God. You must seek out what is in your heart, see the wonderful strengths and intellect you possess. God never does make trash, He has made each of us individuals with delightful powers.

[Lil Red]

+J.M.J.+
[quote name='missionseeker' post='1588872' date='Jul 1 2008, 11:04 PM']so... how is that done?[/quote]
humility. jen's answer (below) is a perfect example of what i mean.

[quote name='StColette' post='1589114' date='Jul 2 2008, 10:13 AM']The speaker pointed out how God knew us before we were conceived and had us all completely planned out before our parents met, our grandparents met, or our great great great you get the point lol met. God created each of us as we are. To God my not so perfect smile ( something that has always bothered me ) is perfect. I think loving yourself is accepting yourself the way God has made you. To Him not physical stuff doesn't matter, He created you that way for a purpose and He loves you that way. As for the spiritual side of things. We all make mistakes, God knows that, and He knows them before we make them lol. The fact is the Father loves us no matter what we have done wrong. He loves even those who don't repent for things they have done wrong in their life. The Father's love is unending, which is hard to imagine when many of us have had people stop caring for us for one reason or another. Loving yourself is knowing that God loves you despite all of your flaws. He knows you are flawed and He loves you anyway. If God can pour out His own blood for us and die for us because of love for us, then that gives us reason to love ourselves.[/quote]

[XIX]

I think going to Adoration and just letting Jesus hold you for an hour would be a good start.

[Adrestia]

Warning: Some people may find the following analogy sacrilegious or offensive.


Quote from a friend (paraphrased):
"If we can't forgive ourselves for our sins and failures, we might as well walk right up to Jesus on the Cross and smack Him in His face. It's like telling Him that His sacrifice wasn't enough for us."


It's easy for us to think that we're not good enough to deserve love. God tells us otherwise. So what is the origin of the negative thought? If we don't want to feel unlovable and God doesn't want us to feel unlovable... that leaves the devil. The evil one wants us to be trapped in the fallen Adamic state. Jesus came, fought, and won. That doesn't mean that we won't suffer failures on our journey, but we have to forgive ourselves in order to get back on the right path.

[XIX]

Tgoldson, I understand where you are coming from, but if a person is dealing with self-esteem issues to begin with, I don't think it will really help matters by telling her she's been slapping God in the face.

[Socrates]

As usual, secular pop psychology has this backwards. One does not love others by first loving oneself, but true love of oneself comes through loving service to others.

Self-absorption of any kind is a recipe for misery, for oneself and/or others. It will cause one to become either an unbearable whiny self-loathing wuss, or a self-centered egotistical bore.
Focus should first be outward, on seeing what one can do for others.
If one is healthily outward-focused, and loves others with Christian charity, then he will develop a healthy love and respect for oneself.

Edited July 3, 2008 by Socrates

[Adrestia]

[quote name='XIX' post='1589469' date='Jul 2 2008, 05:16 PM']Tgoldson, I understand where you are coming from, but if a person is dealing with self-esteem issues to begin with, I don't think it will really help matters by telling her she's been slapping God in the face.[/quote]It worked for my friend... I didn't think it would hurt. Sorry if it did.

[Jaime]

[quote name='Socrates' post='1589695' date='Jul 2 2008, 10:46 PM']As usual, secular pop psychology has this backwards. One does not love others by first loving oneself, but true love of oneself comes through loving service to others.

Self-absorption of any kind is a recipe for misery, for oneself and/or others. It will cause one to become either an unbearable whiny self-loathing wuss, or a self-centered egotistical bore.
Focus should first be outward, on seeing what one can do for others.
If one is healthily outward-focused, and loves others with Christian charity, then he will develop a healthy love and respect for oneself.[/quote]

As usual Soc posts without actual thinking or expertise.

Love does not start outside it starts within. Anybody telling you anything else is fooling themselves and most likely is masking their self loathing in outward ways.

Where psychology is correct is this. In 98% of people who don't like themselves it is because they don't know themselves at all. (Everyone reading this with no self esteem just had a violent reaction to that.) 2% would be due to a chemical imbalance.

You want to be happy with yourself? Spend time with yourself. Turn off the ipod, turn off the computer. walk away from the tv and spend time by yourself. Start off with 10 minutes every day just you and your thoughts. then when the 10 minutes are up, write down something you did that day that was good. Something you succeeded at.

No one who truly knows themself hates themself. As hard as that is to accept, it is absolutely true.

[picchick]

You know I remember someone telling me to look in the mirror and say to yourself, "I love you."

It was the hardest thing for me to do...but I heard it gets easier