Emailing A Spiritual Director

[Maria Faustina]

Okay I know there have been a lot of topics on spiritual directors, but I have a few other questions. There are two priests at my parish and then a religious sister I am really close to, but I need advice. The priests are both busy (one is a hospital chaplain and runs a small Maronite congregation, as well as being an assisting priest, and the other is a chaplain at a high school, an assisiting priest, and he is married- he has permission from Rome, he is an Anglican convert) The religious sister is from the order I am interested in (she teaches at my parish's school) and there is not another person on earth whom I could trust more than her. She is pretty much the first one I told about my religious vocation. The big problem with her is probably going to be finding a time to talk to her. I can talk to the priests via email, but I do not really know them that much (they probably know my name, but that's it). Also, I am only 14, so I cannot drive yet, and I really do think it would be weird if I was sneeking around the Church Campus talking with priests when I should be there for another reason. I really do not want to tell anyone (especially my parents) about speaking with a spiritual director because I just do not think I should. So I cannot ask them to drive me somewhere without telling them what I am doing.



So, guys I know you don't know me that well, but can you please help me out? I have been praying and I know I should get one, because it has been a recurring theme in my life right now. I felt I should ask some of you because some of you are experienced with this. So based on this information, what should I do?

Also, does anyone have any suggestions about asking someone to be their SD through email, so if my desicion requires it, I will be ready? Thanks!!!!!!


In Christ,
Maria Faustina

[TeresaBenedicta]

I would stay away from an e-mailing relationship with a spiritual director. As much as it would solve a few of your problems, it takes away the very important personal aspect of spiritual direction.

I think, either way, you ought to tell your parents about seeking out spiritual direction, even if it may be an awkward conversation. You do not have to tell them that you are discerning-- many people have spiritual directors who are not. But it is not healthy to hide things from your parents, especially as a minor. Keep an open relationship with them. Honesty is very important.

As for who it is you should ask... Do not be afraid of busy priests. My spiritual director is probably one of the busiest priests of all time (seriously, he was our interim-chaplain, Director of Homiletics and Pre-Theology at the seminary, Vice-President of Catholic Identity, runs an EWTN show, and is asked to give talks all over the nation... he doesn't sleep). But, helping people spiritually is part of their job and something they enjoy doing. You never know, the priest (or sister) you ask may be grateful to have a different set of pace added to their lives.

And, lastly, you will likely meet only once a month. So, getting to the Church for direction may not be as difficult as you think. Possibly you can schedule direction around times that your family will already be heading to the Church? Who knows.

Keep praying and I wish you the best!

[shortnun]

First off... many prayers--for both you and your spiritual director-to-be. Maybe you can share a bit more (as you're comfortable) about why you're hesitant to tell your parents about this. We've had GOBS of threads here about how to talk to your parents about your vocation (with input from parents!!). It's certainly not the easiest thing in the world to do. And personally, I think it's good to have open lines of communication.

[CatherineM]

I communicate exclusively with my SD by email. She's in Brazil right now. However, when we established our relationship, we were in the same town, and met regularly. Because we had this long prior relationship, she can tell, even by email, when I'm down on myself, or making excuses for myself. At 14, most VD's won't want to spend a lot of time with you because a lot can happen in your life over the next several years. It's like an Army recruiter doesn't want to waste his time on 14 year olds, He will want to spend his time and recruiting efforts on 17 and 18 year old Seniors. That doesn't mean a religious sister won't make time for you if you are persistent enough. In my case, when I felt called at 14, I relied on a sister who taught at my school, and my Godmother. Even one of those older devout women at church, can be someone to talk to about spiritual issues, and they have a lot more time. Back home our Deacon's wife filled that role for teenage girls in the parish. If you are still serious about a vocation in a couple more years, someone will make time for you.

[Roseoftherese]

[quote name='CatherineM' post='1586444' date='Jun 29 2008, 02:56 PM']I communicate exclusively with my SD by email. She's in Brazil right now. However, when we established our relationship, we were in the same town, and met regularly. Because we had this long prior relationship, she can tell, even by email, when I'm down on myself, or making excuses for myself. At 14, most VD's won't want to spend a lot of time with you because a lot can happen in your life over the next several years. It's like an Army recruiter doesn't want to waste his time on 14 year olds, He will want to spend his time and recruiting efforts on 17 and 18 year old Seniors. That doesn't mean a religious sister won't make time for you if you are persistent enough. In my case, when I felt called at 14, I relied on a sister who taught at my school, and my Godmother. Even one of those older devout women at church, can be someone to talk to about spiritual issues, and they have a lot more time. Back home our Deacon's wife filled that role for teenage s in the parish. If you are still serious about a vocation in a couple more years, someone will make time for you.[/quote]

I've heard this a lot (I'm 15, and feel called to the religious life)- I find it very discouraging. I'm always hearing in a couple of years I should go back and think about it some more and I should enjoy my life right now. I find nothing wrong with discerning while you're still young (like St. Therese). Why wait until the last minute to decide what God wants you to do with your life?

[Maria Faustina]

[quote name='Roseoftherese' post='1586454' date='Jun 29 2008, 05:11 PM']I've heard this a lot (I'm 15, and feel called to the religious life)- I find it very discouraging. I'm always hearing in a couple of years I should go back and think about it some more and I should enjoy my life right now. I find nothing wrong with discerning while you're still young (like St. Therese). Why wait until the last minute to decide what God wants you to do with your life?[/quote]

Welcome to my life. A few people I have tried to make contact with as spiritual directors have said, "It doesn't matter now, wait until you are old enough to make a desicion." I can hardly stand it. I mean, God is capable of calling anyone at any age. Things like this make me so angry.

As for my parents, I have told them. They were fine and even supportive of it. However, I am trying my very hardest to control my anger with them most of the time. They were responsible for a few desicions regarding high school that went against everything I had told them about my religious vocation. I don't think they quite understand that I feel called to be a sister right after high school, and I really don't think it is in my best interest to tell them this now. I do not feel I can trust my parents at all sometimes. The good thing about last year was I could go hang out in the religious sister's classroom after school to talk to her, or even after daily Mass in the morning without anyone thinking we were up to something.

The religious sister is probably the most influential person in my life. The priests are very good and holy men. I just do not want any of these people to have to make huge rearrangements in their schedule for me.

I am just worried right now. It is hard to explain, but I just think something really bad will happen if I do not find an SD soon.

[the lords sheep]

I would echo Teresa Benedicta: I would stay away from email relationships. Talk to the three people, and see what they say. The Sister may not feel prepared to be your spiritual director, so who knows?
Is there anyone you know that could give you a ride? Any activity that you could take part in that would require you to be at church that you could go an hour earlier once a month for direction?
Talk to your pastor (or whomever you choose to be your director) and see what they suggest. I definitely would not try email though.

[TeresaBenedicta]

[quote name='Maria Faustina' post='1586492' date='Jun 29 2008, 05:47 PM']Welcome to my life. A few people I have tried to make contact with as spiritual directors have said, "It doesn't matter now, wait until you are old enough to make a desicion." I can hardly stand it. I mean, God is capable of calling anyone at any age. Things like this make me so angry.

As for my parents, I have told them. They were fine and even supportive of it. However, I am trying my very hardest to control my anger with them most of the time. They were responsible for a few desicions regarding high school that went against everything I had told them about my religious vocation. I don't think they quite understand that I feel called to be a sister right after high school, and I really don't think it is in my best interest to tell them this now. I do not feel I can trust my parents at all sometimes. The good thing about last year was I could go hang out in the religious sister's classroom after school to talk to her, or even after daily Mass in the morning without anyone thinking we were up to something.

The religious sister is probably the most influential person in my life. The priests are very good and holy men. I just do not want any of these people to have to make huge rearrangements in their schedule for me.

I am just worried right now. It is hard to explain, but I just think something really bad will happen if I do not find an SD soon.[/quote]

I understand your frustration. God does call people at different times. If anyone tells you to bugger off because you're too young, tell them that it's not just for discerning purposes that you feel the need for spiritual direction. Spiritual direction helps with discernment, certainly, but it also about growing, well, spiritually.

I'm kind of in a similar situation to yourself... I have to wait three years before I'm allowed to consider a religious vocation (as per my spiritual director, because I just recently converted). Does that mean I don't need spiritual direction right now? No. It means I have an awesome opportunity to grow spiritually before heavily thinking on entering anywhere.

[Fr. Bruno]

SD via mail works for some people (like in Catherine's case), but I would certainly not recommend it in your case.
However, you can feel free to ask general questions which do not require to know you whole story to be answered.
Third, your parents may find it strange if you want to see an SD, but how about a confessor ?

prayers,

Fr. Bruno

[Thomist-in-Training]

Maria Faustina, I'm going to start another thread (lest I hijack this one) on the matter of young ages

[Maria Faustina]

[quote name='Fr. Bruno' post='1586557' date='Jun 29 2008, 07:00 PM']SD via mail works for some people (like in Catherine's case), but I would certainly not recommend it in your case.
However, you can feel free to ask general questions which do not require to know you whole story to be answered.
Third, your parents may find it strange if you want to see an SD, but how about a confessor ?

prayers,

Fr. Bruno[/quote]


That isn't a bad idea. However, the time that I go to Confession each week usually has one priest who always hears confessions (but he is not either of the priests of whom I spoke) and then there are the other two priests (the two I was talking about) but they rotate, and have not been able to figure out what their pattern is yet. That may be a solution to my problem though.

[quote name='Thomist-in-Training' post='1586695' date='Jun 29 2008, 10:20 PM']Maria Faustina, I'm going to start another thread (lest I hijack this one) on the matter of young ages [/quote]

Thanks. That is a matter very close to my heart and I can definetly indentify with anyone who has been turned away or discouraged from discerning at a young age.

Edited June 30, 2008 by Maria Faustina

[CatherineM]

It is hard to get people to understand how serious you are about your life at 14. When I told my mom I wanted to join a religious order, she laughed at me, then she got mad at me, and then finally, she refused to speak to me for a couple of months.

[tnavarro61]

my spiritual director said that presence is very importance in spirtual direction. it is not good just to have email correspondence because it is hard to explain there.

[Caramelonion]

I find it much more meaningful to meet in person. There is so much grace that can be received from a person sitting across from you that is never said. Just a look or an impression. Sometimes a hug or a pat on the back can also be so supportive. It's hard to get that from an email.

Blessings to you.

[Sister Rose Therese]

I will echo everyone here about avaiding the e-mail thing. E-mail isn't entirely secure. You want what you tell your spiritual director to be confidential.
Also, I think it is important to tell your parents that you want to go to spiritual direction and also to let them know who you are seeing. I know young people don't like to hear this, but you are more vulnerable than you know. Unfortunately it usually takes a bad incident for us to realize it. And it may not be something intentionally bad either for it to lead to a bad situation. I think your parents need to know. You may need to be prepared to tell them exactly what goes on in spiritual direction and what its for. They may not know.
If I were you I wouldn't go to spiritual direction with the vocation directress from the community you are hoping to join. When it does come time for you to decide, your attachment to her could cloud your judgement. I have heard about some girls doing that and then finding that they are not called to that particular community but trying to enter so they don't hurt their spiritual director's feelings.

Edited June 30, 2008 by Sister Rose Therese