Negative Information

[Caramelonion]

I'm discerning a vocation to a cloistered community of Poor Clares. My parents, who are not Catholic, don't understand why I want to do this, but are being supportive of my decision and I have given them enough time so that everything can sink in. I am extremely close to my parents and the though of putting them through pain and sadness is one of the worst things I can imagine; however, I must follow the path that God has shown me and I am very joyful about my future.

Recently, my mother mentioned to a neighbor that I was going to enter and this neighbor has certainly stirred up the pot! She's told my mother all sorts of things that are untrue and even convinced my mother to ask me to speak to one of her friends who had been a nun for a number of years. I did this to make my mother happy and found the woman to be condesending and somewhat rude. I pray each night that my parents will stop talking with this neighbor about me. I mention all this because I feel sure that one day soon, I will have to speak with this woman and ask her not to say anything more to my folks.

Please pray that God gives me the grace to act in a charitable way towards this woman. I know that she thinks that she is only helping...but it's [i]NOT[/i] helping!

Have any of you encountered this?

[alicemary]

You will face this and much more before you even cross the threshold of the monastery. Time is the only healer. There is NOTHING you can say to try and convince some people that nuns are normal, live a hard but happy life and you will find much fullfillment there. Have your parents visited the monastery yet? That will help alot. And when they see how happy you are when you are there and that they can visit you and write to you, believe me their attitude will change.
Its called 'turn the other cheek' and just put up with this neighbor. You will find this no matter what road you chose. If you wanted to teach she would say that you would be near germy kids all day...if you nursed would you get a dreaded disease. There are some people who will meddle regardless of what the subject is. And having an ex nun friend talk is of little value....some of those can be quite bitter.
You didn't think the path would be an easy one did you? Take up your cross and follow Me....guess this is the first of many obstacles you will find. Prayer is the only solution.
Ours will join yours. And laughing off alot of this stuff will help. When she tells you something far fetched, just laugh at her. Man, that should stir some reactions!!!

[EWIE]

[quote name='Caramelonion' date='Jun 24 2008, 09:29 AM' post='1581387']
I'm discerning a vocation to a cloistered community of Poor Clares. My parents, who are not Catholic, don't understand why I want to do this, but are being supportive of my decision and I have given them enough time so that everything can sink in.

I will have to speak with this woman and ask her not to say anything more to my folks.

I wouldn't do that. You are only giving her fuel for the fire and you won't convince her of anything.

I notice that you are 46 years old. I would suggest that you get out of the house and stand on your own two feet before entering any monastery. Have you been accepted somewhere yet?
Prayers.

[Caramelonion]

I do not live at home and haven't for years. I have been working and supporting myself for almost 30 years. I am planning to visit in the next month or so. One of the monasteries is one I visited six years ago and was accepted then. I hope to enter by the end of the year.

[EWIE]

[quote name='Caramelonion' post='1581423' date='Jun 24 2008, 10:52 AM']I do not live at home and haven't for years. I have been working and supporting myself for almost 30 years. I am planning to visit in the next month or so. One of the monasteries is one I visited six years ago and was accepted then. I hope to enter by the end of the year.[/quote]

My sincere and profound apologies. I misunderstood. As a friend so graciously pointed out to me, I have put my foot in my mouth yet again. I am becoming very good at it, I seem to do it often enough.
Forgive my rudeness and lack of charity.

I hope the way is clear for you to enter your forever home as soon as possible. You will be a great asset to whatever community that is.

Begging your prayers,
Offering mine.

[Saint Therese]

Edited June 24, 2008 by Saint Therese

[FSM Sister]

I would say that the only way to win this woman over is by being extremely kind to her. There is a reason she is an ex-nun and not a persevering one.

I pray that you [u]will[/u] perservere. If you are sincere, you will perservere. It will be hard work, but well worth it. When you encounter a trying situation (and they will be much more trying than this negative woman!) just ask yourself, "Is my love for God strong enough to bear this?"

You're in my prayers...

[jkaands]

I think that the closer you get to actually entering, the more negative info you're going to get, from all sources, but particularly from your parents. You have already given them a great deal, including 6 years since your original acceptance. They are going to try to keep you out, no matter what. If you were going to get married, the same thing would happen. I admire you for waiting so long, as your vocational clock (var. biological clock;)) can eventually run out!

Keep the faith.

[Thomist-in-Training]

It sure has happened to me. Don't think you're the only one. Back when I was more interested in one of the more famous U.S. communities, my mother discussed this behind my back with my favorite aunt. She told me that my aunt had met a young woman who had spent postulancy there, felt happy, and been asked to leave. Of course I'm sorry if the girl felt sad, but how could me, my mother, my aunt, or even the girl know every factor that applied to that decision?! Yet this was presented to me as a firm proof of the badness of the community.

Actually, I used to think that in the "good ol' days" when Catholics were still catechized (i.e., before the 60s) every Catholic parent would be happy if their daughter wanted to be a nun. Then I read a little more:
[list]
[*]St. Clare's family tried to bring her home by force such that she had to cling to the altar.
[*]St. Thomas Aquinas' family sent in a woman to seduce him whilst he was imprisoned in a last-ditch attempt to get him to give up his being a friar.
[*]The teenaged St. Catherine of Siena cut off her hair and prayed until she got smallpox, the ugliness resulting from which finally allowed her to become a tertiary, a position at that time available only to widows of a certain age.
[*]St. Jane Frances de Chantal, cofounder with St. Francis de Sales of the Visitandine nuns, was a widow with a fourteen-year-old son, Celse-Bénigne, who didn't want her to leave to found the order. Here is how the Catholic Encyclopedia tells the story: [quote]Celse-Bénigne, impetuous like those of [the French] race, barred his mother's way by [b][i][size=2]lying across the threshold[/size][/i][/b]. Mme de Chantal stopped, overcome: "Can the tears of a child shake her resolution?" said a holy and learned priest, the tutor of Celse-Bénigne. "Oh! no", replied the saint, "but after all I am a mother!" And [b][size=2]she stepped over the child's body[/size][/b][/quote]
[/list]So, if your family gives you a hard time, you are in good company!

Edited June 25, 2008 by Thomist-in-Training

[tnavarro61]

oh this is not good. well it's the part of your cross, the sross you carry towards the place Jesus calls you. So, just follow God and you'll be happier! It I were you, I'll not mind those neighbors. What important is I"ll be serving God.

[Lucy Lionheart]

once your parents realize ur happy then they will come around even if your neighbor is a jerk

[LilyofSaintMaria]

Has your parents or maybe even your neighbor/ex-nun visited the Poor Clares you plan on joining? I know from experience that it can be an eye opener.


Bernadette

[Sister Rose Therese]

You know, I think you might have better luck speaking to your parents than to their neighbor. You might want to sit down with your parents and explain it in detail. Let them know that you do in fact know what your getting into, more than their neighbor.

[cathoholic_anonymous]

I have had a similar experience. One person tried to talk me out of the convent by giving me a copy of Karen Armstrong's [i]Through the Narrow Gate[/i]. (Armstrong is an ex-nun.) Ironically enough, that book actually strengthened my vocation. Karen Armstrong isn't bitter about her bad experiences, writing about the nuns as 'splendid, brave women' and dwelling extensively on the beauty of the liturgy. She is quite frank about her own faults in the book, telling the reader that she entered as an idealistic seventeen-year-old and wasn't prepared for the rigors of the life. She had bouts of serious anger, especially when some mulish superiors put her health at risk by deciding that her epileptic fits were brought on by lack of obedience, but even that helped me. I'm not looking for the 'perfect' community now, but just a community that I can call home. And every real home and real family has its ups and downs. I think that nearly all of the prejudice against nuns stems from the fact that onlookers tend to forget that they are just ordinary human beings like everybody else.

[EWIE]

[quote name='Cathoholic Anonymous' date='Jun 26 2008, 12:58 PM' post='1583884']
Karen Armstrong's [i]Through the Narrow Gate[/i]. (Armstrong is an ex-nun.)

For the information of any others who may read this book.
I knew Karen at the time she was in the Order and I am personally familiar with her former Order. There are a few errors that should be noted.
1. Karens former Order is not an enclosed Order, but rather an active teaching order, still in existence today and flourishing.
2. Many of Karens so called experiences, were embellished and sensationalized in order to sell a book.
3. Karen is a gifted charismatic and engaging speaker and writer, but has lost her belief in God and is now a self admitted Atheist.
Personally, I would not recommended her books for spiritual reading.