How Steubenville Florida Rocked My World

[kujo]

So I’m sitting in Target, going through orientation for my new job at Food Avenue when Chris, my friend/former Youth Minister, calls me. I excuse myself—mostly because I was incredibly bored and “needed to use the bathroom”—and picked up the phone. This was my friendly reminder to request off the weekend of June 13th-16th because he needed me to come and chaperone a trip to the first annual Steubenville Florida in West Palm Beach. It just happened to turn out that I was off that weekend anyway, so this wouldn’t be a problem and would, in fact, be quite the usual activity for me to be doing at this time of year, for I have attended every Steubenville conference since 2002, both as a high school teen and as a CORE Member. I thought it would pretty standard…little did I know what God had in store for me.

I am going into my senior year of college and am beginning to heavily discern where God is leading me after next May. I’ve thought about teaching, about going into the Peace Corps, about going to grad school. But nothing lit me on fire the way I know my vocation—whatever it ends up being—would. Perhaps my indecisiveness was due, in part, to my dull spiritual life. I have become really good at playing both sides of the ball: going to Church on Sundays, singing in the choir and “talking the talk,” while also living the college life and doing/saying things that don’t reflect my faith in Christ. My prayer life has been virtually non-existent and I haven’t been stayed active in my studying of Scripture and Church teaching. Worse yet, due to my lackluster faith life, my sins began to pile up; however, instead of heading to Confession down the road from my house, I just didn’t receive the Eucharist on Sundays. 3 months went by and all of a sudden I began to feel lost and alone (any surprise???). Not exactly an environment to be seeking God’s will in.

So, flash-forward to this past weekend.

Chris asked me to be the chaperone and temporary Youth Minister of teenagers from Mary Help of Christians, a parish down the street from the one that I grew up in. They don’t currently have a Youth Minister and are in the preliminary stages of setting up their youth group. Being the “yes man” that I am, I accepted the challenge, along with one of my friends from high school named Cyndi. We get to the Church on Friday morning and load the buses. I was excited but very anxious because, rather than chillin’ with the teens that I know and love, I was on a bus with 25 people who didn’t know me from a hole in the wall and didn’t seem impressed by my beard or eyebrow piercing. I looked to God and said “Wow, Lord. You’ve certainly set me up here, haven’t You?”
A little disclaimer: At this point in the weekend, I had been informed that I was at the top of the short list of candidates to fill the vacant Youth Minister spot at Mary Help of Christians. So, added to the anxiety of being with a group of strangers, I was also beginning to be scared (to death) of the possibility of God’s will being that I come back home to be a Youth Minister, despite the fact that I have known since 9th grade that that was what I wanted to do with my life. This anxiety became the theme of the weekend, permeating the majority of the prayers I offered to God. But, in His infinite wisdom (and sense of humor), God decided to take me on a little review of my personal faith journey up until now.

For starters, He called the pastor of my college ministry, Fr. Steven, to bring a group of teens to the conference. And, on Saturday morning, during mass, He happened to place Fr. Steven in the same section as my MHOC group to administer communion to them. There seemed to be something oddly appropriate about this happenstance, for the man who has ministered to me over the past 3 years was now ministering to my teens. The quirk of fate of this moment struck me and I smiled. Step one was complete.

Step two was a little more dramatic, for it had to do with a talk that was given that was of the speakers on Saturday night. This man, who passionately recounted the story of his sexual abuse as a child, seemed to be caught up in the moment, for he was yelling his talk to the conference. He then said some terrible things about homosexuals, ambiguously-insinuating that all gay people will go to hell (not true), telling us that we should not “tolerate” them, and then mocking them by breaking out the cliché, “God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.” So now he had mocked, degraded and condemned an entire group of people, either unknowingly or uncaringly. The problem worsened because I happen to know that there were at least 1 homosexual in attendance, who has committed his life to being fulfilling God’s call for him to remain celibate. I was furious, and so were my teens, as myself and Cyndi would later have to spend over an hour with them calming them down and explaining the guy’s talk. The situation worsened when the host of the conference announced that there was “an evil spirit” in the room that “needed to be rebuked by those with gifts of the Holy Spirit.” Now, I don’t doubt that such things exist (because God told me so), but I have a real problem with announcing this to a room full of young people who are supposed to be being lead into a peaceful time of adoration. I feel that the host should’ve contacted the 30 people who were supposed to be the “prayer ministers” of the conference, whose entire job was to pray throughout the weekend. Instead, by making an announcement, he scared the teens, which created yet another layer of resistance to God. I made up my mind that I was going to address this situation as soon as I was able because I felt my teens were going to be robbed of their moment with Christ. The injustice of the moment overtook me and I was displeased. Step two was complete.

The Eucharist was exposed and it was completely silent for about 20 minutes. The sweet sound of silence was so peaceful and beckoned me to prayer. So I lifted up each of my teens by name, asking that God would bless them and that the Holy Spirit would touch them. After I had done that, I just got real with God, telling Him that I was petrified and needed Him to bring me some peace about this decision. I needed a “burning bush” type sign because I am very analytical and anything that wasn’t obvious would probably be confused and would lead me nowhere. I begged Him to show me what He wanted of me and that I would do it, no questions asked. I then stood up and prayed over my teens again. During this time, I happened to look behind me and saw 2 of my teens engaged in prayer. One of them had tears streaming down her face as her hands were lifted up while she was singing. I smiled and thanked God. Then I noticed Lauren. Lauren is this tiny “scene” girl who had reminded me of my little sister all weekend. I looked at her, sitting in her chair, with this serene look on her face, obviously being spoken to by God. Then, as I watched her, this huge tear welled up in her eye and slowly-slid down her face. I don’t know what it was about seeing her in such fervent prayer that moved me, but I knew that it was God’s sign to me. I can’t articulate what I came to know other than to say that I suddenly knew that I was called to Youth Ministry. The peace I felt at this acceptance fulfilled me and I began to get teary-eyed. Step three was complete.

The next day, as my teens prepared for the closing mass, I became frantic, for I had allowed the whole weekend to slip by without going to confession. I had already missed out on Communion twice and I desperately wanted to receive. So I ran around, looking for a priest to help me and I found one as he was going into the bathroom. I darted up to him and breathlessly said, “Father, I know you are about to use the bathroom, but I haven’t received Communion in 3 months because I haven’t gone to confession and I need to receive Communion because I need to be a Youth Minister and what kind of Youth Minister doesn’t receive the Sacrament?” He smiled and said to wait for him to come out of the bathroom. He then gave me Confession, gave me my penance, and I went to do it before mass, completely stoked to be able to receive. When it came time for Communion, I began to feel really anxious again, but in a good way, as I was so eager to receive Christ. But, in God’s infinite sense of humor, it seemed to take forever to get a priest over to my section to administer Communion. Time wore on and I became more and more impatient for Him. Finally, Fr. Stan Fortuna, the Franciscan priest who raps, made his way over to us and called for us to come to him. I stood up and began to giggle, because I was just so excited. Then, as I was smiling a big stupid grin, I began to cry. Usually I’m not cool with people seeing me cry, but God seemed to tell me that allowing my teens to see my so thrilled and moved to receive the Eucharist was probably a good thing. So I approached Fr. Stan who held our Lord above my head and said “This is the Body of Christ, Our Lord.” And, wiping the tears from my eyes, said the biggest, most sincere “Amen” of my life, and received Our Lord into my body. The beauty of this moment overwhelmed me and I began to sob. Step four was complete.

The next night I met up with the MHOC teens for their youth group night. And, for the first time, we exposed the Blessed Sacrament for a brief time of adoration. The teens sang a few songs, lit some candles, and prayed to Our Lord. It was magnificent to see the change in attitude from just 4 days prior. Afterwards, I felt called to share a little bit of encouragement with them. I told them that right now they are at the prelude of something much greater than they can imagine and that the emotional-high they are current experiencing is great and very much like the one that Peter felt as he was walking on the water towards Jesus. But it is only temporarily. At some point, they will come back to reality. At some point, they will look around and notice the storm around them and the waves crashing down on them as the devil uses their friends and family to bring them down. At some point, they will fall. But it was so important that they do what Peter did: call out for God to save them. I closed by telling them to keep their eyes firmly focused on Christ, to always make time to talk to Him and ask Him for guidance. We closed and they left. The irony of this moment made me laugh, for I was given the same talk almost 7 years ago after my first retreat, as I was bouncing off the walls for God. This time, instead of being the teenager ready to convert the whole world, I was the Youth Minister who trying to impart the importance of the Eucharist to his teens. The fifth and final step was complete.

Now, as I sit on a train back to Orlando, I am examining the road ahead of me. For starters, I have to get a car so that I can travel to and from Fort Lauderdale from Orlando for the next year before I can move back down here. Secondly, and more importantly, I have to get my relationship with God back on track. I have to pray more, for the strength to do His will and for Him to mold me into the servant He wants me to be. I have to dive back into Scripture and the Catechism so that I become as versed in both as I used to be. And, finally, I have to make some conscious changes in my daily life in order to live a more clean and pure life. I have been blessed to keep my virginity for almost 22 years now and I have to continue to safeguard that. I also have to try to cut down on the partying because such behavior does not befit a man of God. With God’s help I should be able to return to something resembling a state of grace, for this next year will be my “basic training” as I re-enlist in His army.
I pray that the Blessed Virgin Mary would help and guide me and I journey back to her Son. I know that with her help, and the intercessions of the saints and angels who God has provided me with, that I will be able to fight the good fight. And now, with a renewed sense of purpose, I eagerly step back on the road to holiness. May the All-Powerful and Ever-Living God bless and protect me. Amen.

[kujo]

So, I know it's long...but it's my reflection and I thought maybe ya'll would might appreciate it.

[Alycin]

WOW it is long... I promise to read it though and post a reply.

[kujo]

[Brigid]

kujo,

first of all, you are SO in my prayers.

second, thank you SO MUCH for sharing this. it's awesome to see how God works in others' lives! I'm so happy for you!! it looks to me like you're going to get to do some pretty amazing things for God. youth ministers are incredibly important, and have a huge influence. I have a feeling you're going to be a good one.

God bless!!

[HisChildForever]

I certainly appreciated it - and you wrote it so beautifully. God is so good, and He proves to us time after time that He [i]will[/i] provide. I'm not sure what else to say, but thanks for sharing. Oh, I like that phrase, His army - because it's so true, especially in our society, where we're constantly fighting the presence of the Devil.

[kujo]

[quote name='HisChildForever' post='1574629' date='Jun 18 2008, 12:39 AM']I certainly appreciated it - and you wrote it so beautifully. God is so good, and He proves to us time after time that He [i]will[/i] provide. I'm not sure what else to say, but thanks for sharing. Oh, I like that phrase, His army - because it's so true, especially in our society, where we're constantly fighting the presence of the Devil. [/quote]

Thanks!!!!

[kujo]

[quote name='Brigid' post='1574627' date='Jun 18 2008, 12:38 AM']kujo,

first of all, you are SO in my prayers.

second, thank you SO MUCH for sharing this. it's awesome to see how God works in others' lives! I'm so happy for you!! it looks to me like you're going to get to do some pretty amazing things for God. youth ministers are incredibly important, and have a huge influence. I have a feeling you're going to be a good one.

God bless!![/quote]

You rock!

[CatherineM]

It doesn't matter how hard you try to hide or run away from him, he can always catch you, usually when you least expect it.

[kujo]

[quote name='CatherineM' post='1574673' date='Jun 18 2008, 12:54 AM']It doesn't matter how hard you try to hide or run away from him, he can always catch you, usually when you least expect it.[/quote]

Ain't that the truth.

[MissyP89]

Many prayers for you, bro--follow Him with courage!

[kujo]

[quote name='MissyP89' post='1574722' date='Jun 18 2008, 01:08 AM']Many prayers for you, bro--follow Him with courage![/quote]

Holla!

[BG45]

Wow sounds like an awesome Retreat experience. And I totally agree btw...God. Loves. Irony.

[The Bus Station]

Thank you for posting this. I haven't been inspired in a very long time.

God keep you brother prayers.

[kujo]

[quote name='BG45' post='1574744' date='Jun 18 2008, 01:14 AM']Wow sounds like an awesome Retreat experience. And I totally agree btw...God. Loves. Irony.[/quote]

It really was awesome, both for myself and for the teens I went with.

[quote name='The Bus Station' post='1574785' date='Jun 18 2008, 01:34 AM']Thank you for posting this. I haven't been inspired in a very long time.

God keep you brother prayers.[/quote]